(no subject)
I've never really said goodbye to a close friendship. Loyalty means a lot to me. I feel that my patience with friendship is wide, it takes a lot for me to give up on someone. That being said, I also know when my trust is violated and when my love for someone is broken beyond repair. Sadly, I think I'm going to get rid of a close female friendship that meant a lot to me over the past few years, but has turned and soured very quickly.
I feel like I'm recovering from surgery. I feel raw. I constantly need to check myself and have others check on me to make sure I'm okay, still whole. I don't feel whole. I feel scared and less than the way I did before. Not lost, certainly I know and have chosen to travel down the path of letting this friendship go. It's so sad, we had both put in so much time and energy into each other. But this hurt and sadness probably won't go away.
I believe the one (only) good thing to come out of this experience is realizing how lucky I am to have so many close friends I can communicate and count on. By no means am I perfect, yet I have never had any encounter like the falling out with this person. My friends teach me, they are patient, they are intense, and good, and kind, and loyal, and they help me be all of those things and more. They lead by example, and I hope to put in the work to grow with them.
I want to wash these feelings off me. I want to sleep everything away. I want to be free of this sadness and anxiety and grief.
I feel like I'm recovering from surgery. I feel raw. I constantly need to check myself and have others check on me to make sure I'm okay, still whole. I don't feel whole. I feel scared and less than the way I did before. Not lost, certainly I know and have chosen to travel down the path of letting this friendship go. It's so sad, we had both put in so much time and energy into each other. But this hurt and sadness probably won't go away.
I believe the one (only) good thing to come out of this experience is realizing how lucky I am to have so many close friends I can communicate and count on. By no means am I perfect, yet I have never had any encounter like the falling out with this person. My friends teach me, they are patient, they are intense, and good, and kind, and loyal, and they help me be all of those things and more. They lead by example, and I hope to put in the work to grow with them.
I want to wash these feelings off me. I want to sleep everything away. I want to be free of this sadness and anxiety and grief.