The Tragic Tale of a Decimal Point
Title: The Tragic Tale of a Decimal Point
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character Death
Spoilers: pre Exit Wounds
Summary: Gwen is not happy about being stuck on hub duty on Halloween.
A/N: A slightly cracked piece of Gwen bashing to celebrate Halloween. Dedicated to avon_09 who is having a crap day.
"But why do I have to stay? You always tell me to not let it drift and then make me work Halloween?" Gwen had worked herself up a right head of steam and was letting loose at Jack, who simply sat behind his desk ignoring her latest rant. "Why can't you stay, or Ianto or any of the others?" Gwen was getting more indignant by the second, she didn't think it was fair she had to miss out on Halloween parties.
"Because Ianto and I were invited to a Halloween party and since we basically cover the hub all the rest of the time, like when you skive off four hours before anyone else, I decided we deserve one night off." Jack finally glared at Gwen, daring her to defend how she regularly shows up later than everyone else and always leaves far earlier.
Gwen snapped back, "You expect me to believe Ianto was invited to a party. You're only saying that because you want to."
"Finish that sentence PC Cooper, and tomorrow morning you will wake living your life long dream of working in traffic control." Jack barked before she could finish her latest insult towards Ianto.
Her next words died in her throat, so Gwen changed her tactics. "Fine; but why do Owen and Tosh get the night off and not me?" Like an ill behaved terrier, Gwen wasn't going to give in without a fight.
Jack looked at her and mentally berated himself yet again for his impulsive nature then pulled the two forms out of his desk drawer. "Because both of them put in for the night off several months ago."
Gwen grabbed the forms and squinted to read them- her lips forming the words as she sounded them out, "I've never seen one of these forms before- why don't I get to put in for time off- and I thought Torchwood didn't do time off or anything like that." She threw the papers back on Jack's desk and crossed her arms.
"Because Miss Cooper, you haven't been at Torchwood long enough to qualify for time off requests; and even if you did, you've more than used up any allocation you may have had for the next several years! And if you actually read the forms rather than just glared at them, you would have seen that they both confirmed that they would be available in an emergency." Jack's words were icy, "How many times have we tried to reach you after you've left too early and been unable to get you- just this week!" Jack stood up from his desk, walked to his door and opened it, "This discussion is over Gwen. You are on hub duty tonight." Jack just stared at her until she finally huffed and pounded out of his office.
Owen and Tosh watched as Gwen stormed past them as she headed for the exit, and shared a smirk at her latest tantrum before returning to their projects. Jack remained leaning against the door frame for a moment before grumbling under his breath and heading towards the firing range. No one noticed as the shadow in the rear of Jack's office suddenly moved, then vanished.
Tosh had to sit down at the sight before her. "I can't believe he talked you into that. Oh my god Ianto!" She'd originally come up with the idea of them all going to the costume party as superheroes; it just seemed appropriate considering their day job. Then she started looking and noticed comic book super-heroines wore very little so she came in a decent kimono with her hair done up with silk cherry blossoms. Owen showed up as the grim reaper as some sort of sick joke and was currently trying to convince Tosh that jello shots didn't really count as alcohol. None of which mattered as she stared at Ianto dressed in very body tight black leather, a metallic sleeve with a star on the shoulder and a domino mask. She also couldn't believe he had not one, but two Torchwood-issue firearms on him. "Not to be rude, but who are you?"
Ianto grinned looking over her shoulder, "Later. Right now you might want to get your cameras out. Here comes."
A voice boomed behind them, "Dum, dum, dum, Captain America!" As a large red, white and blue disk was dropped on the small cafe table, Tosh allowed her eyes to travel from the blue spandex covered legs up to a dimpled chin and cheesy grin. While blushing, she tried to avert her eyes from the rather obvious bulge at eye level. "Hey. What'cha think? Amazing what a master tailor's son can whip up." Jack leered at Ianto from behind his blue mask, "'Course my trusty sidekick Bucky here might get a bit jealous." Jack leaned over and pulled Ianto closer while running a hand down his back, "Mmm. As good as the suits look, this tight leather? Really doing it for me Ianto."
Ianto laughed as he pushed Jack away and picked up the shield, "You might want to hold this for a few minutes Captain, else everyone will know exactly how well it's doing it for you." Ianto looked down at Jack's groin which made everyone look as Jack grabbed for the shield, a split second after the flash went off on Toshiko's camera.
"Bloody hell, no wonder you're a cocky git!" Owen quickly clasped his hand over his mouth, shocked that he'd said it out loud.
Ianto took the seat next to Tosh and pulled Jack down next to him, "And now you see why I chose the more modern Winter Soldier clothing Jack. Nothing says hello like spandex."
Tosh took it upon herself to distract Jack and Ianto from their obvious planning by asking, "So Gwen didn't seem too pleased about the night shift. I guess we could have invited her along as well." Ianto glared at her quickly as Owen groaned. "What? We all know that the rift tends to go dormant this time of year."
Owen finally shot off, "Look; we're stuck listening to her prattle on about Rhys and her needs all day long, do we have to hear them on our one night off too?" He looked to Ianto for support, "And did we really want a fairy princess or a stripper dressed up like a copper here? No. It's our holiday from Gwen, let her be bored reading the Star or something." Ianto let a tiny smirk show on his face before he slapped Jack's hand from where it was creeping.
Gwen was bored. Bored and more than a little perturbed about being stuck in the hub- alone- on Halloween. Not that she had anything really planned for the night, she was going to make Rhys take her down to the pub for drinks and then come home and get him to make her dinner while she watched telly. Later in the evening, she was going to convince him to let her use the strap-on again. But no, she was stuck in the hub, listening to a flying lizard crunch on a cow femur as water trickled down the tower. She couldn't even surf the net or send emails because the computers came up saying they were offline for maintenance. "Lousy computers," she muttered. She decided to snoop around Jack's office since he wasn't around; maybe she'd find something entertaining, or incriminating. She jumped when the lights went off in the hub leaving only the dim red and blue emergency lighting. Gwen quickly ran for the blast door, but it wouldn't open and she heard the distinct sound of each security lock activating throughout the many levels of the hub. "Shit!"
Ianto peered at his mobile as Jack continued his story about rhyming with a Carrionite. "Something wrong?" Tosh asked across Jack's description of how onomatopoeia took on new meanings.
He flipped his phone shut and smiled at Tosh, "Just the mainframe reporting that it started a maintenance cycle." Ianto took a sip of his pint as Jack continued with a graphic detail the benefits of ideophones.
Gwen finally found a working flashlight, of course it was on Ianto's desk. The comms were down as were the internal phones and now she had no carrier signal on her mobile. "Okay, calm down Gwen. Just a glitch in the systems; all the doors secure automatically- there aren't any weevils wandering around and its just the same hub you spend all day in every day."
"Oh, I don't know about that Gwen Cooper. Maybe this isn't the hub at all?" The voice carried, "Maybe this is the darkness, come to take you away." Gwen gasped as Suzie stepped into a patch of red lighting, the bullet wounds that riddled her still oozing blood. "Maybe it's your turn Gwen Cooper."
Gwen turned to run from Suzie and slammed into the heavyset old man, his gut bleeding from the knife in her hands, "Your turn to bleed out on a city street like I did. You stabbed me, and I didn't even know who you were." Ed Morgan grabbed for her with his sticky hands as she fell backwards onto a pair of high heeled boots.
"Maybe we should send her to the sun? After all, its probably not too bad at night, right?" Mary flicked ash from her cigarette and Gwen could feel the heat of it. Sobbing, Gwen pushed herself up and tried to run away and then fell back screaming as the hydraulic pistons grasped her in cold metal hands.
The voice was mechanical, "Run. We all ran." Gwen felt the manacles clamp on her wrists, the posts lock on the sides of her head and then she started screaming. "Do not struggle."
Ianto climbed out of the taxi and held his hand out to help Tosh, "See you in the morning; and thanks for inviting me to the party." Ianto leaned down to give her a small kiss as Jack cleared his throat in the taxi. "Right. Night then."
Tosh waved as the taxi drove away; the party had been a great idea.
Ianto was resting his head on Jack's chest as Jack made circles on his lower back. "Well Captain, I didn't exactly see the stars and stripes; but nobody's perfect." Jack huffed and slapped Ianto's arse with an open hand.
Ianto and Jack arrived in the morning together, just as Tosh reached the door to the tourist office. "Morning. I hope you both had a pleasant night." Tosh smiled at the bruise she could see on Jack's throat and the bright pink blush spreading on Ianto's ears. "I wonder what sort of a mess Gwen's made. I'll probably have to spend the next week tracking down all of the viruses from her downloads."
Jack opened the door and allowed Tosh and Ianto to walk in front of him, mostly so he could get another clear view of Ianto's arse in the cute suit and they all stopped at the site of Owen frowning at the counter.
"Took you bloody long enough. What the hell's going on? Why won't the door open?" Owen had gotten even more surly since his death and resurrection; probably because he no longer could drink large volumes of alcohol and coffee. Ianto stepped into his little office behind the beaded curtain and accessed the computer systems.
"Just a power surge during the night; resetting the breakers should take care of it." Ianto pulled down the clock hanging over the desk and flipped several jumped circuit breakers. The door slid open and the team made their way into the hub.
"Gwen! You can go home now; see you on Monday." Jack bellowed as he came through the blast door. Looking around, he saw no sign of the former police constable, "Gwen?"
"Looks like she already left. Lazy cow probably darted as soon as we were out the door last night." Owen dropped in his chair with a grunt and began starting his computer system. Toshiko was looking at the results of the evening's system maintenance hoping to see the cause of the power spike.
"I'll just call her mobile, make sure she had a nice night at home." Ianto was dialing as he walked towards the coffee station and Jack made way for his office.
They all stopped when they heard the familiar, irritating ring tone of Gwen's phone coming from Jack's office.
Owen had concluded his autopsy report, several major brain aneurysms in rapid succession, he'd used the Bekaran scanner so as not to cut into the body. Tosh was currently showing the CCTV from the night, and the team watched an obviously bored Gwen wander into Jack's office and start rifling through the items on his desk. They saw her open a secured archives box sitting there and lift an item out, then there was a flash and Gwen was on the floor. The footage showed she'd been alone for less than ten minutes.
Rhys was crying on Ianto's shoulder as Tosh continued to pat his back in sympathy on the couch as Jack sat at an office chair, still rubbing his jaw where Rhys had landed a right hook worthy of Ianto. Soon enough, Rhys was unconscious from the retcon laced glass of scotch and Ianto quietly rewrote his memories while Tosh and Owen went back and cleared the flat of anything that might trigger a Torchwood memory. Rhys would go back to his life, thinking his wife had died at home in her sleep; a tragic thing considering her recent promotion. They'd watch him for a year to make sure the retcon holds.
It was late, Tosh had already gone home and Owen was up watering the plants in the greenhouse, when Ianto came into Jack's office with the last cup of coffee for the night. Jack was re-reading a report with a frown when Ianto set the cup down. Jack looked up at him with a small smile, that quickly slipped from his face. "Ianto, why was the Kremin nightmare device on my desk in the first place?" Jack still didn't understand why it was there. The nightmare device had killed every person that ever touched it in the exact same way Gwen died; they suffered terrible visions and then their brains basically exploded.
Ianto looked down at Jack, "You requested it, secure archives item OC 10.31; you filled out a request form and I retrieved it." Ianto flipped through the archive requests book and placed it in front of Jack, "Right there."
Jack looked down at the form with a frown, "But I wanted the portable cell. I never would have asked for that thing."
Ianto quickly accessed the archives database and pointed to the entry for Jack, "You wrote down the wrong item number on the request."
Jack stared at the screen and then at the request in abject horror, "Ianto? Does this mean?"
Ianto slowly nodded, "I'm afraid so Jack."
"I killed Gwen with a decimal."
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character Death
Spoilers: pre Exit Wounds
Summary: Gwen is not happy about being stuck on hub duty on Halloween.
A/N: A slightly cracked piece of Gwen bashing to celebrate Halloween. Dedicated to avon_09 who is having a crap day.
"But why do I have to stay? You always tell me to not let it drift and then make me work Halloween?" Gwen had worked herself up a right head of steam and was letting loose at Jack, who simply sat behind his desk ignoring her latest rant. "Why can't you stay, or Ianto or any of the others?" Gwen was getting more indignant by the second, she didn't think it was fair she had to miss out on Halloween parties.
"Because Ianto and I were invited to a Halloween party and since we basically cover the hub all the rest of the time, like when you skive off four hours before anyone else, I decided we deserve one night off." Jack finally glared at Gwen, daring her to defend how she regularly shows up later than everyone else and always leaves far earlier.
Gwen snapped back, "You expect me to believe Ianto was invited to a party. You're only saying that because you want to."
"Finish that sentence PC Cooper, and tomorrow morning you will wake living your life long dream of working in traffic control." Jack barked before she could finish her latest insult towards Ianto.
Her next words died in her throat, so Gwen changed her tactics. "Fine; but why do Owen and Tosh get the night off and not me?" Like an ill behaved terrier, Gwen wasn't going to give in without a fight.
Jack looked at her and mentally berated himself yet again for his impulsive nature then pulled the two forms out of his desk drawer. "Because both of them put in for the night off several months ago."
Gwen grabbed the forms and squinted to read them- her lips forming the words as she sounded them out, "I've never seen one of these forms before- why don't I get to put in for time off- and I thought Torchwood didn't do time off or anything like that." She threw the papers back on Jack's desk and crossed her arms.
"Because Miss Cooper, you haven't been at Torchwood long enough to qualify for time off requests; and even if you did, you've more than used up any allocation you may have had for the next several years! And if you actually read the forms rather than just glared at them, you would have seen that they both confirmed that they would be available in an emergency." Jack's words were icy, "How many times have we tried to reach you after you've left too early and been unable to get you- just this week!" Jack stood up from his desk, walked to his door and opened it, "This discussion is over Gwen. You are on hub duty tonight." Jack just stared at her until she finally huffed and pounded out of his office.
Owen and Tosh watched as Gwen stormed past them as she headed for the exit, and shared a smirk at her latest tantrum before returning to their projects. Jack remained leaning against the door frame for a moment before grumbling under his breath and heading towards the firing range. No one noticed as the shadow in the rear of Jack's office suddenly moved, then vanished.
Tosh had to sit down at the sight before her. "I can't believe he talked you into that. Oh my god Ianto!" She'd originally come up with the idea of them all going to the costume party as superheroes; it just seemed appropriate considering their day job. Then she started looking and noticed comic book super-heroines wore very little so she came in a decent kimono with her hair done up with silk cherry blossoms. Owen showed up as the grim reaper as some sort of sick joke and was currently trying to convince Tosh that jello shots didn't really count as alcohol. None of which mattered as she stared at Ianto dressed in very body tight black leather, a metallic sleeve with a star on the shoulder and a domino mask. She also couldn't believe he had not one, but two Torchwood-issue firearms on him. "Not to be rude, but who are you?"
Ianto grinned looking over her shoulder, "Later. Right now you might want to get your cameras out. Here comes."
A voice boomed behind them, "Dum, dum, dum, Captain America!" As a large red, white and blue disk was dropped on the small cafe table, Tosh allowed her eyes to travel from the blue spandex covered legs up to a dimpled chin and cheesy grin. While blushing, she tried to avert her eyes from the rather obvious bulge at eye level. "Hey. What'cha think? Amazing what a master tailor's son can whip up." Jack leered at Ianto from behind his blue mask, "'Course my trusty sidekick Bucky here might get a bit jealous." Jack leaned over and pulled Ianto closer while running a hand down his back, "Mmm. As good as the suits look, this tight leather? Really doing it for me Ianto."
Ianto laughed as he pushed Jack away and picked up the shield, "You might want to hold this for a few minutes Captain, else everyone will know exactly how well it's doing it for you." Ianto looked down at Jack's groin which made everyone look as Jack grabbed for the shield, a split second after the flash went off on Toshiko's camera.
"Bloody hell, no wonder you're a cocky git!" Owen quickly clasped his hand over his mouth, shocked that he'd said it out loud.
Ianto took the seat next to Tosh and pulled Jack down next to him, "And now you see why I chose the more modern Winter Soldier clothing Jack. Nothing says hello like spandex."
Tosh took it upon herself to distract Jack and Ianto from their obvious planning by asking, "So Gwen didn't seem too pleased about the night shift. I guess we could have invited her along as well." Ianto glared at her quickly as Owen groaned. "What? We all know that the rift tends to go dormant this time of year."
Owen finally shot off, "Look; we're stuck listening to her prattle on about Rhys and her needs all day long, do we have to hear them on our one night off too?" He looked to Ianto for support, "And did we really want a fairy princess or a stripper dressed up like a copper here? No. It's our holiday from Gwen, let her be bored reading the Star or something." Ianto let a tiny smirk show on his face before he slapped Jack's hand from where it was creeping.
Gwen was bored. Bored and more than a little perturbed about being stuck in the hub- alone- on Halloween. Not that she had anything really planned for the night, she was going to make Rhys take her down to the pub for drinks and then come home and get him to make her dinner while she watched telly. Later in the evening, she was going to convince him to let her use the strap-on again. But no, she was stuck in the hub, listening to a flying lizard crunch on a cow femur as water trickled down the tower. She couldn't even surf the net or send emails because the computers came up saying they were offline for maintenance. "Lousy computers," she muttered. She decided to snoop around Jack's office since he wasn't around; maybe she'd find something entertaining, or incriminating. She jumped when the lights went off in the hub leaving only the dim red and blue emergency lighting. Gwen quickly ran for the blast door, but it wouldn't open and she heard the distinct sound of each security lock activating throughout the many levels of the hub. "Shit!"
Ianto peered at his mobile as Jack continued his story about rhyming with a Carrionite. "Something wrong?" Tosh asked across Jack's description of how onomatopoeia took on new meanings.
He flipped his phone shut and smiled at Tosh, "Just the mainframe reporting that it started a maintenance cycle." Ianto took a sip of his pint as Jack continued with a graphic detail the benefits of ideophones.
Gwen finally found a working flashlight, of course it was on Ianto's desk. The comms were down as were the internal phones and now she had no carrier signal on her mobile. "Okay, calm down Gwen. Just a glitch in the systems; all the doors secure automatically- there aren't any weevils wandering around and its just the same hub you spend all day in every day."
"Oh, I don't know about that Gwen Cooper. Maybe this isn't the hub at all?" The voice carried, "Maybe this is the darkness, come to take you away." Gwen gasped as Suzie stepped into a patch of red lighting, the bullet wounds that riddled her still oozing blood. "Maybe it's your turn Gwen Cooper."
Gwen turned to run from Suzie and slammed into the heavyset old man, his gut bleeding from the knife in her hands, "Your turn to bleed out on a city street like I did. You stabbed me, and I didn't even know who you were." Ed Morgan grabbed for her with his sticky hands as she fell backwards onto a pair of high heeled boots.
"Maybe we should send her to the sun? After all, its probably not too bad at night, right?" Mary flicked ash from her cigarette and Gwen could feel the heat of it. Sobbing, Gwen pushed herself up and tried to run away and then fell back screaming as the hydraulic pistons grasped her in cold metal hands.
The voice was mechanical, "Run. We all ran." Gwen felt the manacles clamp on her wrists, the posts lock on the sides of her head and then she started screaming. "Do not struggle."
Ianto climbed out of the taxi and held his hand out to help Tosh, "See you in the morning; and thanks for inviting me to the party." Ianto leaned down to give her a small kiss as Jack cleared his throat in the taxi. "Right. Night then."
Tosh waved as the taxi drove away; the party had been a great idea.
Ianto was resting his head on Jack's chest as Jack made circles on his lower back. "Well Captain, I didn't exactly see the stars and stripes; but nobody's perfect." Jack huffed and slapped Ianto's arse with an open hand.
Ianto and Jack arrived in the morning together, just as Tosh reached the door to the tourist office. "Morning. I hope you both had a pleasant night." Tosh smiled at the bruise she could see on Jack's throat and the bright pink blush spreading on Ianto's ears. "I wonder what sort of a mess Gwen's made. I'll probably have to spend the next week tracking down all of the viruses from her downloads."
Jack opened the door and allowed Tosh and Ianto to walk in front of him, mostly so he could get another clear view of Ianto's arse in the cute suit and they all stopped at the site of Owen frowning at the counter.
"Took you bloody long enough. What the hell's going on? Why won't the door open?" Owen had gotten even more surly since his death and resurrection; probably because he no longer could drink large volumes of alcohol and coffee. Ianto stepped into his little office behind the beaded curtain and accessed the computer systems.
"Just a power surge during the night; resetting the breakers should take care of it." Ianto pulled down the clock hanging over the desk and flipped several jumped circuit breakers. The door slid open and the team made their way into the hub.
"Gwen! You can go home now; see you on Monday." Jack bellowed as he came through the blast door. Looking around, he saw no sign of the former police constable, "Gwen?"
"Looks like she already left. Lazy cow probably darted as soon as we were out the door last night." Owen dropped in his chair with a grunt and began starting his computer system. Toshiko was looking at the results of the evening's system maintenance hoping to see the cause of the power spike.
"I'll just call her mobile, make sure she had a nice night at home." Ianto was dialing as he walked towards the coffee station and Jack made way for his office.
They all stopped when they heard the familiar, irritating ring tone of Gwen's phone coming from Jack's office.
Owen had concluded his autopsy report, several major brain aneurysms in rapid succession, he'd used the Bekaran scanner so as not to cut into the body. Tosh was currently showing the CCTV from the night, and the team watched an obviously bored Gwen wander into Jack's office and start rifling through the items on his desk. They saw her open a secured archives box sitting there and lift an item out, then there was a flash and Gwen was on the floor. The footage showed she'd been alone for less than ten minutes.
Rhys was crying on Ianto's shoulder as Tosh continued to pat his back in sympathy on the couch as Jack sat at an office chair, still rubbing his jaw where Rhys had landed a right hook worthy of Ianto. Soon enough, Rhys was unconscious from the retcon laced glass of scotch and Ianto quietly rewrote his memories while Tosh and Owen went back and cleared the flat of anything that might trigger a Torchwood memory. Rhys would go back to his life, thinking his wife had died at home in her sleep; a tragic thing considering her recent promotion. They'd watch him for a year to make sure the retcon holds.
It was late, Tosh had already gone home and Owen was up watering the plants in the greenhouse, when Ianto came into Jack's office with the last cup of coffee for the night. Jack was re-reading a report with a frown when Ianto set the cup down. Jack looked up at him with a small smile, that quickly slipped from his face. "Ianto, why was the Kremin nightmare device on my desk in the first place?" Jack still didn't understand why it was there. The nightmare device had killed every person that ever touched it in the exact same way Gwen died; they suffered terrible visions and then their brains basically exploded.
Ianto looked down at Jack, "You requested it, secure archives item OC 10.31; you filled out a request form and I retrieved it." Ianto flipped through the archive requests book and placed it in front of Jack, "Right there."
Jack looked down at the form with a frown, "But I wanted the portable cell. I never would have asked for that thing."
Ianto quickly accessed the archives database and pointed to the entry for Jack, "You wrote down the wrong item number on the request."
Jack stared at the screen and then at the request in abject horror, "Ianto? Does this mean?"
Ianto slowly nodded, "I'm afraid so Jack."
"I killed Gwen with a decimal."