(no subject)
so.... exams are nearly over. can't say i did well for them because i didn't, but i'm just glad they're over cos they were giving me unhealthy stress haha.
anyway, last night i suddenly had this weird phobia that i was going to slip in the toilet while using the shower and break my neck or hit my head and bleed to death. either way i would die in the toilet, and no one would know i'm dead, and they would only find my cold body in a pool of blood in the morning when the first person uses the toilet. how morbid :( and i was actually feeling quite sad about it. i wondered how my family would react, and who would be the one to break the news to kyle. i wondered how kyle would have dealt with it, and how long he would grieve for me. i thought of how it was like to die, at 21, with so many things in the future waiting for me. i wondered how the results of my exams would turn out, and what my profs like arul and tim clark would have said about me as a student. and if i had excellent results, they would have said something like 'Beatrice was an exceptionally bright and gifted student and her passing was a great loss' and how my family and friends would say how these results would never matter anymore now that i was no long around to celebrate and enjoy the success.
maybe i was subconsciously influenced by the suicide of the girl in Grand Indonesia. saw her dead body on photos uploaded on the internet last night, and i felt that i was trespassing on her privacy.. i shouldn't have done that, and i'm sorry for not showing respect to her :/
on a side note, i'm currently reading sophie's world, which is introducing general philosophy to me. the author's analogy is very well thought out, i feel. God being the magician pulling the rabbit out of the magician's hat, and the rabbit is Earth and all of us are like the lice in the rabbits fur, seeing this incredulous world for the first time when we were born. and all of us were born at the tip of the fur and everything was surprising and new to us but gradually we burrow ourselves deeper into the fur and make ourselves so comfortable that we refuse to go out to the tips of the fur to look at the world and question what the world is again. only children and philosophers remain at the tips of the furs of the rabbit, questioning the world with curiosity. others take everything for granted, as habits of the world, and they no longer question. and that is the difference between philosophers and the rest of the world. while people may think philosophers are doing something useless and something that will never be resolved and should move on to more important stuff, these are actually the big problems that we should try to find out the answer to. questions about our existence and identity. why we even exist at all. and who existed first. and these, as sophie realizes, should be but are not the things they teach us at school.
wow i haven't blogged a long entry in ages. it's fun writing all these words though, it comes naturally to me like my thoughts.
anyway, last night i suddenly had this weird phobia that i was going to slip in the toilet while using the shower and break my neck or hit my head and bleed to death. either way i would die in the toilet, and no one would know i'm dead, and they would only find my cold body in a pool of blood in the morning when the first person uses the toilet. how morbid :( and i was actually feeling quite sad about it. i wondered how my family would react, and who would be the one to break the news to kyle. i wondered how kyle would have dealt with it, and how long he would grieve for me. i thought of how it was like to die, at 21, with so many things in the future waiting for me. i wondered how the results of my exams would turn out, and what my profs like arul and tim clark would have said about me as a student. and if i had excellent results, they would have said something like 'Beatrice was an exceptionally bright and gifted student and her passing was a great loss' and how my family and friends would say how these results would never matter anymore now that i was no long around to celebrate and enjoy the success.
maybe i was subconsciously influenced by the suicide of the girl in Grand Indonesia. saw her dead body on photos uploaded on the internet last night, and i felt that i was trespassing on her privacy.. i shouldn't have done that, and i'm sorry for not showing respect to her :/
on a side note, i'm currently reading sophie's world, which is introducing general philosophy to me. the author's analogy is very well thought out, i feel. God being the magician pulling the rabbit out of the magician's hat, and the rabbit is Earth and all of us are like the lice in the rabbits fur, seeing this incredulous world for the first time when we were born. and all of us were born at the tip of the fur and everything was surprising and new to us but gradually we burrow ourselves deeper into the fur and make ourselves so comfortable that we refuse to go out to the tips of the fur to look at the world and question what the world is again. only children and philosophers remain at the tips of the furs of the rabbit, questioning the world with curiosity. others take everything for granted, as habits of the world, and they no longer question. and that is the difference between philosophers and the rest of the world. while people may think philosophers are doing something useless and something that will never be resolved and should move on to more important stuff, these are actually the big problems that we should try to find out the answer to. questions about our existence and identity. why we even exist at all. and who existed first. and these, as sophie realizes, should be but are not the things they teach us at school.
wow i haven't blogged a long entry in ages. it's fun writing all these words though, it comes naturally to me like my thoughts.