Chapter 10 - Strider
Frodo- himself
Sam- Fiona
Pippin- Riga
Merry- Meara
Butterbur- Stefan
Nob- Klara
Balrog- Meredith
Radagast the Brown- Stickman
Random Orcs- Chris, Jeremy, Mauricio
Chapter 10 - Strider
Riga sat in a corner munching furtively at a block of
cheese, while madly dabbing a block of brie into a
gooey, chocolaty concoction of fondue that Stefan had
just brought out to calm her. . .and it was working.
Fiona was running around trying to conduct a search
party for the lost Meara, but it wasn’t really
working. Frodo had *mysteriously* disappeared and
reappeared but he had disappeared again with that
Peruvian looking dirty woman. She hoped he wasn’t
getting any ideas!
“HELP ME!” Fiona screamed as she approached a group of
people in one of the darkened corners of the tavern.
A dark-haired evil looking young man with a Dharma Bum
t-shirt stared back at her menacingly…
“Help with what? Parametric equations?!” he asked
hopefully.
An oriental girl with a black tee-shirt with a rower
on it and a broken green pencil bag appeared next to
him and proceeded to take meticulous notes on Fiona’s
description of Meara while the young man took out his
calculator. When she was finished she tore off a
sheet of paper and handed it to Fiona…. It was utterly
incomprehensible!
“You’re so mean!” whimpered Fiona. “What is this!?”
she asked confusedly while looking at the paper.
The evil dude took the paper and looked at it before
replying coolly,
“A Dartboard.”
Meara: You are sooo mean!!! I so dislike you!
“Not helping!!!” yelled Fiona as her eyes watered.
“Aww, ickle hobbitses how cuteesess!” murmured a scary
orcish voice from deep within the shadows. The
oriental rower dude orc from the barrowdowns with the
bounciest hair in the world appeared from behind the
shadows just in time to have Fiona pat his hair
wildly. He proceeded to grab her arm and mess up her
hair until it resembled a dirty tumble weed.
“Chris! What are you doing here! Didn’t we vanquish
you?” asked the perturbed Fiona as she straightened
her hair with one hand and tried to pat his head with
the other while simultaneously jumping. .
.unsuccessfully.
Riga: Conquer. . .chuckle
Meara: SNORT!!!!
“I guess not, since we are here now!” explained Chris.
*silence. . .
“That didn’t make much sense did it. . .Ahh!” a tall
freckled orc appeared ALSO from deep within the
shadows of the tavern corner and grabbed Chris’s chain
bracelet.
Stefan: I need better lighting in my inn.
“I’ve got your bracelet. . .POW!” as a THIRD orc
appeared and pushed the freckled one to the floor all
while continuing to grab a pack of cards from the
orc’s pocket.
“NO . . .NOT. . .” screamed Fiona.
“MAGIC CARDS!” they all screamed crazily.
“WHERE!?” yelped Riga as she ran over, cheese oozing
from one hand.
“Aw. . .idiots. . .just your. . .” Riga stopped as she
eyed the bartender coming towards them to bring the
group their ale.
She hurriedly turned toward Fiona and whispered
something incomprehensible into her ear.
“Absolutely not! That’s so insane! NO!” screamed
Fiona as she ran out to get Stefan.
~ hour later~
“TWENTY TWO BOTTLES OF. . .hiccup. . .HOTDGOS!” yelped
a singing Riga as she swished her mug around while
standing on the table and eating a block of cheese.
All the orcs were sitting down around the table giving
each other dodging and furtive looks as they played
cards. . .well they were drunk so. . .when Riga
volunteered the idea of playing strip magic cards they
agreed. . .plus they were pervs!
Riga: I resent this! I am not that much of a slut!
Honestly. . .strip magic?!
Did we mention they were bad at magic!? After about an
hour of playing, their drunken yells and bellows, not
to mention their inderwear, had frightened everyone
out of the common room! Fiona and Stefan had been
mysteriously absent for the past hour. . .PRESUME!. .
.and the orcs were now sitting around the table in
hamtaro boxers while Radagast the Brown and Meredith
the Balrog placed bets on how long the orcs would
permit Riga to dance and sing on their table. .
.when.!!!!!!
“Let me down you blonde butterbutt! I will not be
violated AGAIN!!!” screamed a high pitched female
voice as the inn door slammed open. In walked Stefan
with Meara thrown over his shoulders yelling,
screaming and kicking.
Suddenly Frodo and Cristy appeared from one of the
entrances to the inn and Cristy grabbed Frodo by the
shirt as he tried unsuccessfully to throw a pencil up
Stefan’s. . .NOSE people honestly!
Fiona appeared behind Stefan and quickly shut the
door…
* Try to picture this scene. . .you can’t? It’s cause
it’s BRILLIANT!
“Put the chica down, man!” growled Cristy as she threw
Frodo to Klara who had a broom in hand to stop him if
he tried anything.
Meara was quickly dropped on the floor.
“You could have been a little nicer on the landing!”
yelled Meara as she turned on him to strike.
“Such Violence!” muttered Radagast.
Meara turned on him with a look of fury but Riga
quickly pulled her back.
“Where were you?!” yelled Frodo angrily from across
the room.
“OUT!” yelled Meara equally as angry.
“WITH HIM!?!” Frodo yelled.
Once again Riga pulled Meara back from attacking but
it took a great deal of will… this was Frodo, after
all.
“Do you think we should be here?” whispered the Balrog
as she nudged the freckled orc.
“No stay! Meredith, you can’t desert me, you’re my
BITCH!” yelled Riga.
Kiri: There is a lot of yelling in this chapter.
“I went out walking to avoid this hormonal bag over
here and I made it to the end of the main road when I
heard voices up ahead. . .giggling. I walked closer
and suddenly felt overcome with FEAR!!!!! Then I was
VIOLATED!!!!!” she ended on a high pitch!
Frodo once again tried to attack Stefan.
“Uhmmm…Meara what does violated mean?” whispered a
quiet Fiona as she shrank away from the scene in case
it got too racy.
“They hit me on the head. . .” Whimpered Meara as she
clutched her skull. Sure enough, she had a bruise the
size of Arkansas on her forehead.
The orcs let out a sigh of relief.
Riga chuckled.
“And him. . .?” asked a puzzled Frodo as he put down
the pencil and pointed to Stefan.
“Fiona sent me out to find her; she was unconscious
just beyond the entrance gate. I told all of you to
stay indoors but NO!!! Go hang out with the
mysterious. . .dirty human over there! When you could
be with the preened. . .blonde,” said Stefan.
“SILENCE!” yelled Cristy. “I will not take that kind
of abuse, mister! If you had shown them that letter
from Scott, this could all have been resolved a lot
easier,” she finished.
“THE WHAT?!” asked the puzzled innkeeper as he put his
hand in his apron. A look of recognition came to his
face as he pulled an envelope from his pocket.
“This?” he asked sheepishly. “Let me explain. . .” he
stuttered as Cristy approached. “I. . .well. . .that
is to say me. . .” She continued to advance and
prepared to pinch him (did we mention her pinches are
known to kill grown men!?). . .”My ferret was sick!”
he yelled last minute.
“Ohh… can we go play..” Cristy the Ferret Lover
started when she was interrupted by a loud bout of
coughing from the Balrog.
“RIGHT! The letter! Well ya it says, Scott is a
friend of mine and sent me to take care of you and
take you all to Rivendell, if he was not able to make
it here before you. See for yourself!” She turned to
Frodo. “I have only been trying to tell you for the
past HOUR! What is with you hobbits?”
“It’s not all hobbits! Just him!” retorted an
indignant Riga as she glared at him.
Stefan approached Frodo timidly and held out the
letter, Frodo grabbed it and glared. After he had
read it through he gave it to Fiona.
“It’s definitely from Scott. I think we should trust
her,” he replied.
“Good, now that that’s settled I think we should all
go to bed. By now the news of the foolishness that
has happened here tonight as well as your escapade,
missy,”. . .she pointed to Meara “will likely give the
wenches your whereabouts. You should not stay in your
rooms tonight. Come with me.”
“That is the oldest line in the book! ‘ Your rooms are
not safe. . .oh please!” muttered Chris.
“Oh you’re here?!” questioned a surprised Meara as she
saw the orcs in the corner. . .they were not wearing
pants.
“Huh?”
“Don’t ask. I’m going to have such a hangover,” chris
said meekly as the orcs left the inn.
Frodo, Cristy, Meara, Riga and Fiona went to their
new room to spend the night in peace.
Sam- Fiona
Pippin- Riga
Merry- Meara
Butterbur- Stefan
Nob- Klara
Balrog- Meredith
Radagast the Brown- Stickman
Random Orcs- Chris, Jeremy, Mauricio
Chapter 10 - Strider
Riga sat in a corner munching furtively at a block of
cheese, while madly dabbing a block of brie into a
gooey, chocolaty concoction of fondue that Stefan had
just brought out to calm her. . .and it was working.
Fiona was running around trying to conduct a search
party for the lost Meara, but it wasn’t really
working. Frodo had *mysteriously* disappeared and
reappeared but he had disappeared again with that
Peruvian looking dirty woman. She hoped he wasn’t
getting any ideas!
“HELP ME!” Fiona screamed as she approached a group of
people in one of the darkened corners of the tavern.
A dark-haired evil looking young man with a Dharma Bum
t-shirt stared back at her menacingly…
“Help with what? Parametric equations?!” he asked
hopefully.
An oriental girl with a black tee-shirt with a rower
on it and a broken green pencil bag appeared next to
him and proceeded to take meticulous notes on Fiona’s
description of Meara while the young man took out his
calculator. When she was finished she tore off a
sheet of paper and handed it to Fiona…. It was utterly
incomprehensible!
“You’re so mean!” whimpered Fiona. “What is this!?”
she asked confusedly while looking at the paper.
The evil dude took the paper and looked at it before
replying coolly,
“A Dartboard.”
Meara: You are sooo mean!!! I so dislike you!
“Not helping!!!” yelled Fiona as her eyes watered.
“Aww, ickle hobbitses how cuteesess!” murmured a scary
orcish voice from deep within the shadows. The
oriental rower dude orc from the barrowdowns with the
bounciest hair in the world appeared from behind the
shadows just in time to have Fiona pat his hair
wildly. He proceeded to grab her arm and mess up her
hair until it resembled a dirty tumble weed.
“Chris! What are you doing here! Didn’t we vanquish
you?” asked the perturbed Fiona as she straightened
her hair with one hand and tried to pat his head with
the other while simultaneously jumping. .
.unsuccessfully.
Riga: Conquer. . .chuckle
Meara: SNORT!!!!
“I guess not, since we are here now!” explained Chris.
*silence. . .
“That didn’t make much sense did it. . .Ahh!” a tall
freckled orc appeared ALSO from deep within the
shadows of the tavern corner and grabbed Chris’s chain
bracelet.
Stefan: I need better lighting in my inn.
“I’ve got your bracelet. . .POW!” as a THIRD orc
appeared and pushed the freckled one to the floor all
while continuing to grab a pack of cards from the
orc’s pocket.
“NO . . .NOT. . .” screamed Fiona.
“MAGIC CARDS!” they all screamed crazily.
“WHERE!?” yelped Riga as she ran over, cheese oozing
from one hand.
“Aw. . .idiots. . .just your. . .” Riga stopped as she
eyed the bartender coming towards them to bring the
group their ale.
She hurriedly turned toward Fiona and whispered
something incomprehensible into her ear.
“Absolutely not! That’s so insane! NO!” screamed
Fiona as she ran out to get Stefan.
~ hour later~
“TWENTY TWO BOTTLES OF. . .hiccup. . .HOTDGOS!” yelped
a singing Riga as she swished her mug around while
standing on the table and eating a block of cheese.
All the orcs were sitting down around the table giving
each other dodging and furtive looks as they played
cards. . .well they were drunk so. . .when Riga
volunteered the idea of playing strip magic cards they
agreed. . .plus they were pervs!
Riga: I resent this! I am not that much of a slut!
Honestly. . .strip magic?!
Did we mention they were bad at magic!? After about an
hour of playing, their drunken yells and bellows, not
to mention their inderwear, had frightened everyone
out of the common room! Fiona and Stefan had been
mysteriously absent for the past hour. . .PRESUME!. .
.and the orcs were now sitting around the table in
hamtaro boxers while Radagast the Brown and Meredith
the Balrog placed bets on how long the orcs would
permit Riga to dance and sing on their table. .
.when.!!!!!!
“Let me down you blonde butterbutt! I will not be
violated AGAIN!!!” screamed a high pitched female
voice as the inn door slammed open. In walked Stefan
with Meara thrown over his shoulders yelling,
screaming and kicking.
Suddenly Frodo and Cristy appeared from one of the
entrances to the inn and Cristy grabbed Frodo by the
shirt as he tried unsuccessfully to throw a pencil up
Stefan’s. . .NOSE people honestly!
Fiona appeared behind Stefan and quickly shut the
door…
* Try to picture this scene. . .you can’t? It’s cause
it’s BRILLIANT!
“Put the chica down, man!” growled Cristy as she threw
Frodo to Klara who had a broom in hand to stop him if
he tried anything.
Meara was quickly dropped on the floor.
“You could have been a little nicer on the landing!”
yelled Meara as she turned on him to strike.
“Such Violence!” muttered Radagast.
Meara turned on him with a look of fury but Riga
quickly pulled her back.
“Where were you?!” yelled Frodo angrily from across
the room.
“OUT!” yelled Meara equally as angry.
“WITH HIM!?!” Frodo yelled.
Once again Riga pulled Meara back from attacking but
it took a great deal of will… this was Frodo, after
all.
“Do you think we should be here?” whispered the Balrog
as she nudged the freckled orc.
“No stay! Meredith, you can’t desert me, you’re my
BITCH!” yelled Riga.
Kiri: There is a lot of yelling in this chapter.
“I went out walking to avoid this hormonal bag over
here and I made it to the end of the main road when I
heard voices up ahead. . .giggling. I walked closer
and suddenly felt overcome with FEAR!!!!! Then I was
VIOLATED!!!!!” she ended on a high pitch!
Frodo once again tried to attack Stefan.
“Uhmmm…Meara what does violated mean?” whispered a
quiet Fiona as she shrank away from the scene in case
it got too racy.
“They hit me on the head. . .” Whimpered Meara as she
clutched her skull. Sure enough, she had a bruise the
size of Arkansas on her forehead.
The orcs let out a sigh of relief.
Riga chuckled.
“And him. . .?” asked a puzzled Frodo as he put down
the pencil and pointed to Stefan.
“Fiona sent me out to find her; she was unconscious
just beyond the entrance gate. I told all of you to
stay indoors but NO!!! Go hang out with the
mysterious. . .dirty human over there! When you could
be with the preened. . .blonde,” said Stefan.
“SILENCE!” yelled Cristy. “I will not take that kind
of abuse, mister! If you had shown them that letter
from Scott, this could all have been resolved a lot
easier,” she finished.
“THE WHAT?!” asked the puzzled innkeeper as he put his
hand in his apron. A look of recognition came to his
face as he pulled an envelope from his pocket.
“This?” he asked sheepishly. “Let me explain. . .” he
stuttered as Cristy approached. “I. . .well. . .that
is to say me. . .” She continued to advance and
prepared to pinch him (did we mention her pinches are
known to kill grown men!?). . .”My ferret was sick!”
he yelled last minute.
“Ohh… can we go play..” Cristy the Ferret Lover
started when she was interrupted by a loud bout of
coughing from the Balrog.
“RIGHT! The letter! Well ya it says, Scott is a
friend of mine and sent me to take care of you and
take you all to Rivendell, if he was not able to make
it here before you. See for yourself!” She turned to
Frodo. “I have only been trying to tell you for the
past HOUR! What is with you hobbits?”
“It’s not all hobbits! Just him!” retorted an
indignant Riga as she glared at him.
Stefan approached Frodo timidly and held out the
letter, Frodo grabbed it and glared. After he had
read it through he gave it to Fiona.
“It’s definitely from Scott. I think we should trust
her,” he replied.
“Good, now that that’s settled I think we should all
go to bed. By now the news of the foolishness that
has happened here tonight as well as your escapade,
missy,”. . .she pointed to Meara “will likely give the
wenches your whereabouts. You should not stay in your
rooms tonight. Come with me.”
“That is the oldest line in the book! ‘ Your rooms are
not safe. . .oh please!” muttered Chris.
“Oh you’re here?!” questioned a surprised Meara as she
saw the orcs in the corner. . .they were not wearing
pants.
“Huh?”
“Don’t ask. I’m going to have such a hangover,” chris
said meekly as the orcs left the inn.
Frodo, Cristy, Meara, Riga and Fiona went to their
new room to spend the night in peace.