hearts and bones (3/10)
kaisoo l r l fluff
Jongin swims to escape from the world- and then he meets the boy behind the camera.
Two days pass before he runs into Kyungsoo in the cafeteria. It’s a surprise, but a pleasant one, when Jongin returns from the bathroom to find Kyungsoo and Baekhyun at their table. He looks at Kyungsoo, then at Baekhyun, who is so caught up in a conversation with Chanyeol that he barely notices Jongin’s appearance. When he does, he greets him with a smile.
“What’s up.”
“I asked them to sit with us,” Chanyeol informs him.
Jongin takes the empty seat opposite Kyungsoo and when their eyes meet, the background noise fades for a bit then returns in dribs and drabs.
“Hi,” Jongin says. He wants to thank him for allowing him to crash at his house the other night, and tell him that he’ll return his clothes to him when they return from the laundry, but it’s not really a good time with his friends around so he leaves it for when they’re alone and settles for a small smile. Kyungsoo, too, doesn’t try to bring it up as the corners of his lips lift in response.
“I was just thinking,” Chanyeol is difficult to ignore, his voice loud and grin obnoxious. “What do you think Kyungsoo and Jongin even talk about? They’re both so quiet.”
Sehun at least has the decency to swallow his mouthful of food first before adding, “Right, I’ve been sitting beside Kyungsoo and he hasn’t said a word to me.”
Baekhyun touches his chin, a mock-serious expression on his face as he makes the bad decision to join the pair in their stupidity. Jongin rolls his eyes.
“He’s not quiet,” he tells them, “you just need to know how to approach him.”
Chanyeol’s eyes widen dramatically when Jongin steps on his foot beneath the table, cutting him off before his mouth can do more damage.
“Also, just because he’s not shooting his mouth off about bullshit all the time doesn’t mean he’s quiet. Not everyone’s an idiot like you, Chanyeol.”
Sehun is snorting with laughter when he pushes his coke over to Chanyeol. “Apply cold water to area of burn,” he recalls, still laughing.
“Fuck you.”
Jongin is a little nervous when he moves his gaze back to Kyungsoo, wondering how he took what he said. He needn’t have worried, for his eyes lands on a smiling Kyungsoo and Jongin can’t help his own smile from growing wider. The tension, if any, completely dissipates when Chanyeol’s stupid jokes and guffaws put all of them at ease.
“How did you and Baekhyun even get to know each other?” he finally asks.
Chanyeol and Baekhyun share a look. “You wanna tell them, darling, or should I?” Chanyeol asks in a honeyed voice.
“Don’t listen to his bullshit,” Baekhyun says, patting Sehun’s back until he stops choking. “We’re in the same class for History.”
“My condolences.” Jongin offers solemnly to Baekhyun, who thanks him with a grieved expression. It makes Chanyeol guffaw again, though he kicks the both of them under the table.
Jongin hears Sehun ask Kyungsoo if he wants some of his leftover peas, or something like that, probably in an attempt to build friendly ties with Kyungsoo, and steals the chance to answer for him.
“He doesn’t want them.”
“How do you know he doesn’t want them?”
Jongin looks at Kyungsoo, who plays along and replicates his mysterious smile.
“Telepathy,” Jongin says, tapping his finger against his temple.
-
To: Kyungsoo
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Jongin keeps his fingers closed around his phone, not even trying to conceal his anticipation as his feet drum against the ground impatiently. Five minutes pass, then ten, and his excitement is just starting to dull when it vibrates. He doesn’t think he has ever responded so quickly.
From: Kyungsoo
What?
To: Kyungsoo
A Brazilian.
From: Kyungsoo
No.
A shadow of doubt crosses him when his fingers fly across the screen, unsure if Kyungsoo would get annoyed, but his instinct tells him it’s okay, so he goes ahead.
To: Kyungsoo
where do animals go when their tails fall off?
From: Kyungsoo
Are you drunk?
And so it seems that his instinct sometimes sends him horribly wrong signals. Jongin’s bottom lip juts out as he stares blankly at the screen, wondering how to turn things around. It’s obvious Kyungsoo isn’t amused and all he’s done is make himself look like an idiot.
From: Kyungsoo
A retail store.
The last time Jongin smiled this brightly in class was when he was 8 years old, when his homeroom teacher reminded the entire class about his birthday and got them to sing him a birthday song. He had pretended to hate it, but secretly, he loved the attention. How the tides have turned.
To: Kyungsoo
how did you know?
From: Kyungsoo
I have sources.
To: Kyungsoo
here’s one more
From: Kyungsoo
…
To: Kyungsoo
how does a train eat? (and no googling! have some integrity!)
He waits a little longer for the next reply but when it comes, it turns out to be one worth the wait.
From: Kyungsoo
I don’t know, but I hope one swallows you on your way home. ASAP.
To: Kyungsoo
it goes….
To: Kyungsoo
wait for it
To: Kyungsoo
drumroll pls?
From: Kyungsoo
I’m going to google.
To: Kyungsoo
NO
His fear, apparently, extended beyond that because his gasp attracts a few curious gazes and Jongin smiles awkwardly when he notices, remaining still until they lose interest.
To: Kyungsoo
GOD NO DONT
From: Kyungsoo
I didn’t. Just tell me the answer.
To: Kyungsoo
it goes CHEW CHEW
To: Kyungsoo
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
From: Kyungsoo
We need a new plague.
That makes Jongin guffaw, and it attracts the attention of more than just a few classmates this time. His teacher is an unwelcome addition and Jongin knows he’s in some kind of trouble just by the look on her face.
“Outside, Mr Kim.” She commands.
Jongin nods. “Absolutely,” he agrees with a straight face, and scurries out of class.
-
His fingers carve an opening for his body to slide into and Jongin takes it, thrusting his body forward. One hand, then the other, his toes pointed and legs kicking relentlessly to propel him forth.
But it’s not working today.
He knows it the moment he does his flip-turn and even though his dolphin kicks manage to salvage some of his momentum, his heart is heavy and disappointment thick on his tongue when he touches the ceramic tile to signal the end of his lap.
His coach isn’t smiling down at him. Jongin remains in the water, pushing his goggles upwards to look him in the eyes. He’s ready for it.
“What’s with your performance today, Jongin?”
Jongin doesn’t know what to say.
“Almost 54 seconds,” his coach tells him. “You’re not getting anywhere with this timing!”
He remains afloat, but his heart sinks to the bottom of the pool.
“I’ll come back to you in 5 minutes and you’ll do this again before we end today. Pull yourself together. You have two weeks to the tournament. Your performance can’t be fluctuating like this.”
Jongin bows his head. “I got it,” he says, though he doesn’t really.
He looks to his left where Chanyeol is in the midst of his lap a few lanes away, and doesn’t have to be the one holding the stopwatch to know that his friend is definitely doing much better than he is. He can feel the power behind his movements all the way from here, so unlike his own. It’s not the same goofy Chanyeol in the pool, but a determined swimmer who has his eyes set on the gold medal for the 100m backstroke event. What about Jongin? What is he thinking of when he swims?
The water doesn’t seem to be embracing him today when he closes his eyes and sinks to the bottom of the pool. His mind has been distracted as of late, his heart too, and it really isn’t a good place to be in when the tournament is just around the corner.
He waits until his breath runs out before resurfacing, inhaling a generous amount of air as he tilts his goggles to free the water caught in them and then pulls them back down to his eyes so the world is more distant behind transparent lenses. He practices his kicks and stretches his muscles until his coach comes back and Jongin knows this is the lap that will decide how his day ends.
He gets out of the pool, steps onto the diving block, and bends down. His ears are open, waiting eagerly for the sound of the whistle, and the moment it reaches his ears, he’s off like a bullet.
A loud splash when he dives into the water, and the world goes quiet when he remains beneath. He kicks a few times, then it’s his body that gives up and the momentum falters before he can build it up.
He just doesn’t really want to surface anymore.
Eventually he does, and his heart is nowhere to be found as he finishes his lap on auto-pilot. The sense of security the water offers remains the same, and his body still feels at home in it, but today it’s just difficult to have to push forward mindlessly and think about nothing besides timings and medals.
Jongin doesn’t look up at his coach when he comes back. He hears his coach sigh and his own shoulders slump, his fingers tightening around the edge of the pool.
“I’ll leave you to sort yourself out, Jongin, but I hope you won’t be like this the next time I see you.”
“I’m sorry.”
He hauls himself out of the pool only after the coach has left, too ashamed to look him in the face. Most of his teammates are already showering. Jongin doesn’t intend to leave yet, so he sits down on the dive block, facing the pool.
A warm hand lands on his shoulder and he recognizes it as Chanyeol’s touch right away. His friend squeezes his shoulder.
“You okay, buddy?”
“I’m fine.” Jongin doesn’t look up at him either. He doesn’t know how to talk to Chanyeol about it anyway, neither does he want to when Chanyeol is making so much improvement in his own performance. He doesn’t want to burden anyone with his problems.
“You weren’t up to standard today,” Chanyeol starts a little hesitantly. “Is something wrong?”
Jongin rubs his face. It’s dry by now. “I don’t know, I need to figure it out.”
“I’ll get everyone out of here when they’re done,” Chanyeol promises, and it’s the best kind of support he can offer to Jongin right now who finds himself smiling a little when he looks up at his best friend.
“Thanks.”
True to his word, the pool is empty by the time the clock strikes 8pm and Jongin pulls off his swim cap and goggles and places them neatly on the side before diving into the water again. He tries to free his mind of the tournament and the pressure to swim quickly, just focuses on feeling the water wrapped around his body instead as he swings one arm forward, then the other, trying to capture some kind of rhythm.
His hair is in his face and he can’t open his eyes for long in the water but none of that deters him because he’s so familiar with the pool, he doesn’t have to look to know when he has to do a flip-turn and does one right on the mark. When he comes back to where he started, he feels much better.
There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with him, so why did his body react this way earlier? His love for swimming is still as strong as ever.
He sweeps his hair back and takes a huge breath before starting again, wishing the water could swallow him entirely. He isn’t swimming just for a medal like his friends are, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about winning. He wants to swim, and he wants to win, yet his body seems to forget how to function whenever he puts these two goals together.
Jongin swims lap after lap in a completely relaxed manner, switching from the front crawl to the backstroke, then the breaststroke, and finally the butterfly stroke, everything he has ever learnt as a child. He’s all out of breath from god knows how many laps when he realizes he’s not alone in the pool anymore.
Deja vu sweeps over him when he grabs on to the edge of the pool, too tired to remain afloat on his own. Kyungsoo comes nearer, looking a little out of place in his uniform here. His camera is nowhere in sight and Jongin’s heart beats erratically. He’s here for him. Not to take photographs of the pool. It’s the first time he’s here for Jongin.
It’s his turn to ask “what are you doing here?” when Kyungsoo kicks off his shoes.
“You asked me to come swimming with you,” he says quietly, rolling up his pants as best as he can, but Jongin doesn’t understand.
“Are you going to swim in that?” He’s happy that Kyungsoo heard him and that he’s here, but in disbelief as Kyungsoo turns the diving block before him into a makeshift chair and dips his legs into the pool. Jongin moves a little to the side, avoiding the splash-zone when Kyungsoo starts kicking lightly.
“I’m not going to,” Kyungsoo informs him. “I can’t swim.”
“I can teach you,” he offers, mood lifting considerably.
Kyungsoo continues to kick. “Maybe next time,” he says. “I’m fine with this now.” And he really does seem so, faint amusement on his face from just splashing around in the water with his legs.
“I didn’t expect you to really come, you know.”
Kyungsoo looks at him. “Should I leave?”
“No!” Jongin grabs his ankles as he says that, just in case he tries to. “No, I like it that you’re here.” He lets go only after Kyungsoo laughs, when he knows for sure he’ll be staying here with him.
“When’s the tournament?”
“In two weeks,” Jongin tells him, and Kyungsoo’s question is reminding him of all the things he doesn’t want to think of even though he knows he needs to confront them soon if he wants to end his high-school swimming career on a high note.
“Are you nervous?”
He grabs his swim cap and slips it back on, tucking his hair beneath the tight garment. The goggles come on next. He's not really thinking about what he's doing anymore, Kyungsoo has his way of making him do the strangest things.
Jongin is nervous for an entirely different reason, but he doesn’t tell Kyungsoo that. Instead, he heaves himself out of the pool and leaves Kyungsoo there, returning with a stopwatch in hand. He passes it to the smaller male who takes it without question. Then he takes the next lane and waits for Kyungsoo’s signal as he gets into position, ready.
When Kyungsoo tells him to start, he does. He dives in and doesn’t try to control what he thinks about. His thoughts unravel freely, a complete mess like they have been all day; of swimming, of winning, of Kyungsoo, but his dolphin kicks are smooth and Jongin thinks he’s back on track when he swings his arms forward.
He reaches the end of the pool using the front crawl and heads back to where Kyungsoo is waiting after the flip-turn. His momentum remains perfectly paced, and he knows 100m isn’t going to satisfy him right now so he does another flip-turn instead of stopping and keeps swinging his arms forward. His heart is soaring when he finishes a 200m lap to the best of his ability and finally returns to Kyungsoo, panting from the effort. The fact that he loves swimming regardless is what he establishes.
Kyungsoo is sitting right where he left him, the stopwatch clutched in his hand, staring wide-eyed at Jongin.
“You really are different in the water, aren’t you?”
When those words leave his mouth, something warm unfurls in Jongin’s chest. His shoulders are still heaving, and his breathing still irregular, but he’s not really interested in the timing on the stopwatch anymore.
Kyungsoo’s gaze is so raw, so honest, so open when Jongin looks into his eyes from where he is in the water. All of his frustration and anxiety detach from him then, floating upwards until the night engulfs them whole and takes them all away from him. There is nothing but contentment in his heart now.
He has felt this for a while, but tonight he lets himself admit it for the first time. His feelings for Kyungsoo are a little different, even though he’s not very sure what they are exactly yet.
In the end, there’s only one word he can whisper, “yes.”
-
Jongin is nothing but a bundle of nerves as he paces around the waiting room, his index knuckle pressed against his lips. It’s his last tournament in high school, and he really wants to do this well, but his results have been so inconsistent lately that it’s difficult to still have much confidence in himself. His teammates are notably more relaxed than he is, lounging around with carbonated sports drinks in their hands and goofing around.
It’s Sehun who breaks him out of his trance by jabbing at Jongin’s forehead.
“Just take a breath, you’re gonna do fine.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
Sehun jabs his forehead again. “It’s just the heats. You’ve gotten through every single one of them in the first position.”
These words do make him feel better. He crosses his arms, his jacket snug around his body.
“How much longer before we go?”
Sehun glances at the clock. “5 minutes,” he replies, and the anxiety comes right back to Jongin. “Jieun’s here, you know.”
Honestly, that’s the last thing on Jongin’s mind, but he nods.
“I know.”
Because there’s someone else in the audience, someone whom Jongin made promise with to come and he knows he’s one to keep his promises.
“So, just give it your best shot and impress her.”
Jongin doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just nods and looks away. His event starts first, and he’s not prepared to be ousted just yet, not when he knows he’s definitely capable of making it through heats and qualifying for the finals. He has been swimming all his life.
He stuffs his swim cap and goggles into his pocket as the announcement for freestyle swimmers to proceed to the pool comes on, and Sehun gives him a quick hug for encouragement before Jongin is on his way.
The walk there is covered in silence as Jongin keeps his head down, not wanting to make eye-contact with anyone when he’s not in the mood to be all friendly and nice. He can feel the weight of his swim gear in his left pocket, and the heavier weight of his hopes and expectations in the other. Breathing becomes something he has to remind himself to do.
When he gets through the door, flashes and fragmented cheering greet his senses. He gets to his designated lane and tries to calm himself down. There are many pairs of eyes on him now and he has never managed to get used to this immensely uncomfortable feeling, and today is not the day either as he keeps his eyes on his feet until his hair is trapped beneath his swim cap and his goggles shield him against the prying gazes and attention.
The world, now a more subdued sight through his swimming goggles, is one he feels he is ready to take on. Jongin rakes his gaze through the audience, squinting because they’re all the way at the end of the pool and he can’t really make out their faces all that clearly. He knows exactly who he’s looking for, and his endeavour isn’t futile because he spots Kyungsoo right before the first whistle sounds, a signal for the swimmers to get ready.
Kyungsoo is in the right section, only noticeable because he had opted to stand against the railings instead of sitting down. His figure is more of a blur than anything from so far away, but Jongin knows it’s him, his heart knows it’s Kyungsoo, and it’s at ease when he steps onto the diving block.
Just one glance is all he needs. He bends over into his starting position, his ears open and anticipating the sound of the starting pistol. He doesn’t think his body has ever been so perfectly synchronized with the bang and he shoots into the water the moment it sounds. Then it’s back to dolphin kicks and the same old routine of carving an opening for himself within the water, sliding himself through, becoming one with the water.
His entire body is filled with energy and he doesn’t waste any of it, his swings powerful and his kicks steady. Thoughts of winning don’t fill his head this time, or at least they’re not in the forefront of his mind. He doesn’t think of anything in particular, he just swims. The swimmers in the other lanes don’t matter.
When he reaches the flip-turn, Kyungsoo’s words reach him as a form of reward.
You really are different in the water, aren’t you.
He picks up speed, a dolphin finally finding his way home.
The thunderous applause shatters his temporal world when he surfaces. It takes him a bit of time, but when he looks up at the scoreboard and realizes his timing of 48.19 seconds has landed him in first place, his fists plummet into the water and a victorious exclamation tears its way out of his throat.
He’s into the finals.
The swimmer in the lane beside his extends his arm for a handshake and Jongin obliges, ecstatic. It’s not his first time getting through the heats, but he had been so unsure about himself with his shitty performance prior to the tournament and this timing is definitely impressive, so the joy is triple folded.
By the time he heaves himself out of the pool, the cheering has more or less died down, and Jongin looks towards the audience while making his way back. He knows exactly where to look for Kyungsoo, and when his gaze lands on that familiar figure, he breaks into a grin. Kyungsoo grins back, or imagination supplied what the eye could not reach.
It’s a different man who returns to the waiting room, and the Jongin who has regained his confidence and reassurance can’t stop laughing as his teammates surround him and drown him in a group hug.
He’ll conquer the finals tomorrow, he knows he will.
-
The headlights illuminate the softly falling rain, the soundtrack of tyres hissing against wet gravel playing even more softly in the background as Jongin maneuvers the car towards the suburban house with the neat bricked walls.
He didn’t get a chance to go look for Kyungsoo after his event earlier, and had been whisked away to practice before tomorrow’s finals, but at least he’s here now and he hopes Kyungsoo is home. He’s in a really good mood. Most of his teammates, including Chanyeol and Sehun, are through to the finals as well, and they’re all confident of concluding their last match in high school on a good note.
The light shining through the window on the second floor is the only beacon he thinks he’ll ever need on this rainy day and the car pulls to a smooth stop in Kyungsoo’s driveway. Jongin grabs the backpack on the passenger seat and steps out into the rain. The raindrops manage to sketch a quick dotted artwork on his gray T-shirt in the few short seconds he takes to get to the front door.
He rings the doorbell and waits with barely concealed eagerness.
The door opens halfway to reveal a bespectacled Kyungsoo who must have already looked through the peephole because his stance is too relaxed.
“It’s pretty late, isn’t it?”
Jongin’s euphoria hasn’t quite left him. His confidence is threatening to overflow when he pushes past Kyungsoo into the house, wiping away the wetness on his face only when he’s safely inside.
“Not quite the greeting I was expecting but hello to you too, Kyungsoo.”
He turns to face Kyungsoo, watching his face carefully. Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to have any intention of making it easier for him. His face is blank.
“Congratulations.”
Jongin has heard that exact word about ten thousand times today, but he particularly likes the way those five syllables roll off Kyungsoo’s tongue, smoothly and warmly. They latch onto his heart.
“Thank you for coming,” he says sincerely.
They go upstairs without further conversation and Jongin closes the door after them this time, no longer a stranger here. He lets Kyungsoo take his seat at the desk before collapsing onto the bed, burying his face into the soft sheets he had slept so well on the other day. Seconds pass, then minutes, and when some of Jongin’s fatigue has faded, he sits up.
“Can I stay the night here?”
Kyungsoo stares at him. “Why?”
“The finals are tomorrow,” Jongin explains, though he knows Kyungsoo is already aware. “I’m nervous. And I sleep really well on your bed.”
Then he notices that there isn’t anything spread across Kyungsoo’s desk and the corners of his lips turn up.
“Were you preparing for bed?”
Kyungsoo’s nod confirms it.
“Come on,” Jongin calls out, “I’m ready for bed too. I even brushed my teeth and showered before I came here.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t react immediately. When he does, he surprises Jongin with his response.“It makes me so proud to hear that.” He crawls into bed while Jongin internalizes his words slowly, coming to the conclusion that Kyungsoo is teasing him only when the man himself is right beside him.
It’s strange how you can meet someone who can completely change your life in a matter of seconds, Jongin thinks as he watches Kyungsoo tuck himself into bed. He pulls the blanket over himself, then thinks for a moment and looks at Jongin.
“You need to keep your muscles warm, don’t you?”
Jongin doesn’t waste a second in slipping under the same blanket. “I do,” he confirms. Skinship with Kyungsoo is definitely not something that’s familiar to him (yet), so there is a kind of current that runs through his body when their elbows bump beneath the blanket and the night ahead stretches.
“I’ll get another blanket.” Kyungsoo doesn’t give him a chance to say no as he hops off the bed swiftly, and returns just as quickly with another blanket. Maybe his brother’s, Jongin notes halfheartedly, his eyelids heavy with exhaustion. Fatigue really has a way of dragging someone into oblivion, something Jongin experiences as Kyungsoo switches off the bedside lamp and the room sinks into darkness and his mind sort of shuts down.
It’s still raining outside, very cold, and he’s only half-conscious when his body instinctively moves closer to the other warm body. His arm reaches forward and wraps around the blanketed lump and the last thing Jongin remembers before falling asleep is how the universe finally seems to be falling into place for him. Being together on this night before Jongin’s important match is really nothing to be surprised about, no wonder when they’re completely at ease around each other. There is nowhere else Jongin would rather be.
-
Something feels different when his eyelids flutter open to the ethereal morning rays streaming through the window. He knows he’s not in his own bed, and still having Kyungsoo in his arms comes as a small surprise even though they’re wrapped beneath different blankets. Maybe Kyungsoo didn’t try to wriggle out of his grasp because he didn’t want to wake him, but whatever his reason is, Jongin is grateful because this is such a lovely way to wake up. He’s feeling very refreshed and warm, and Kyungsoo’s back is turned to him, but his breathing is slow and regular, still in slumber. Jongin can only attribute his recklessness to the morning uncertainty when he tightens his hold around Kyungsoo’s slender body. His body is not like Jieun’s, and despite its pliancy, there is a kind of hardiness. A man’s body through and through. Yet, it doesn’t pose any discomfort to him.
He can’t even begin to comprehend how fond he is of Kyungsoo, much less decipher why exactly he likes this boy so much. Though he thinks he has an inkling of why; probably something to do with Kyungsoo’s quiet charm and soft smiles and the way he reminds Jongin of water. With Kyungsoo, Jongin is himself. He is completely free to be the person he wants to be. And unknowingly, he has become so reliant on Kyungsoo, who is asleep and safe in his arms. Jongin shuts his eyes, wishing they could stay like this forever.
But that’s not what’s different. It hits him when he’s still in the midst of trying to figure out. The shrill ringing of the alarm cuts through the tranquil air and wakes Kyungsoo who stirs in his arms. Jongin keeps one arm around the sleepy boy as he reaches for his phone with the other, deactivating the alarm.
Kyungsoo’s body stiffens visibly, taking his time to recall why there’s someone else in his bed and why he’s being spooned, and through it all, Jongin doesn’t retract his arm. He keeps Kyungsoo right there for a little longer until the tension has left Kyungsoo’s body, although he still doesn’t attempt to turn around to face Jongin. That would be a little too weird since they’re, you know, just friends. Really good friends maybe, but still just friends.
In the end it’s Jongin who reluctantly releases Kyungsoo and crawls out of bed. Kyungsoo doesn’t have to be awake at this ungodly timing on a Sunday morning, it’s only him who needs to report early for his event. Despite that, Jongin wishes Kyungsoo would wake up soon and attend his event. He wants him to be there.
He reaches into his backpack for a change of clothes and takes a hot shower, smelling like Kyungsoo again when he reemerges from the bathroom. Kyungsoo hasn’t moved a single inch. He’s right where Jongin left him in bed, still turned away from him, and Jongin tries to think of what to say as he places the long overdue clothes Kyungsoo had lent him the other night on the edge of his bed.
He decides not to take the risk ultimately because he doesn’t know if Kyungsoo has fallen back asleep, and with a grateful heart, takes one last look at the rumpled sheets on the bed and the lump beneath the blanket. The spot beside Kyungsoo still harbours traces of him with the unmade blanket and Jongin smiles, hoping it’ll remain that way. He wants Kyungsoo to attend his finals, and he thinks he has already shown him how much he wants that through his actions, so he doesn’t leave a note behind when he leaves the room that’s already starting to feel like his own. Some things are better left unsaid. Jongin doesn’t want to overdo it.
Everything he needs, his swim gear and trunks and jacket, are stuffed into his gym bag in the backseat of his car. He reverses out of the driveway with the windows down and embarks on his journey to the aquatics centre, relishing in the sensation of having Kyungsoo in his arms the entire way there.
-
His coins jiggle in his pocket as he jogs towards the vending machine right in the lounge, tired of sitting around and waiting for his turn. The freestyle event is the second last event today, preceding the medley relay Chanyeol still wishes they could have participated in. Other than the waiting rooms, everywhere else is open to public and Jongin certainly wasn’t expecting to see Kyungsoo in the lounge when he gets there.
“Kyungsoo?” he calls out uncertainly.
Kyungsoo is seated on the bench beside the vending machine and he gets up to greet Jongin. The T-shirt and denim jeans makes him look absolutely adorable (which Jongin has come to realize is completely unrelated to what he wears).
“Why are you here?” Jongin has to ask, though he’s happy about seeing him here.
“Baekhyun.”
“Baekhyun? He’s here?” Jongin looks around but the lounge is empty apart from the two of them. “Where is he?”
“With Chanyeol.”
Jongin hadn’t realized how close his friend had grown to Baekhyun. He makes a mental note to pursue this topic with Chanyeol, which he really should have done so a long time ago, and fixates his attention on Kyungsoo again.
“Did you sleep well last night?”
His throat goes dry all of a sudden and that’s when he remembers what he’s here for. Kyungsoo’s silence would be deafening if not for the humming from the vending machine as he slots his coins in and chooses his drink. He only speaks up when Jongin squats down to get his can drink.
“I slept okay,” he says, and he’s smiling when Jongin looks up at him. He has to force himself to look away after that. Kyungsoo’s smiling face has always made him feel sensations. “Did you sleep well?”
He straightens to his height. “Really well. Haven’t slept so well in ages.”
Kyungsoo asks the same question he did the night he saved Jongin from himself. “You nervous?”
Jongin settles down on the bench and gestures for Kyungsoo to sit down beside him. He does. There is still a small gap between them but he can feel the warmth radiating off Kyungsoo very intensely and he answers honestly. “Not anymore.” There’s just something about Kyungsoo.
They look at each other then, the air thickening with tension as Jongin wonders why his heart is beating erratically again and he can’t stop thinking of how good it felt having Kyungsoo in his arms. Neither attempt to break the eye-contact, and Jongin is just about to ask where he’s headed after this when the announcement for all freestyle swimmers to proceed to the venue shatters the magic of the moment.
Jongin gets to his feet, leaving his untouched can drink on the bench. Kyungsoo mirrors his action and doesn’t quite look into Jongin’s eyes when they are face-to-face again.
Kyungsoo beats him before he has a chance to ask if he’s going to go out to the spectator stand by murmuring “all the best”, and that simple statement spun little threads of tenderness from out Jongin’s heart towards his. Then it’s his body that takes control, seeking the warmth it had grown used to in just one night, when he reaches out and draws Kyungsoo into a hug.
He hopes Baekhyun doesn’t choose to return at this moment, he’s not ready to explain anything yet when he doesn’t know what’s happening in his own heart. There’s a kind of battle that’s going on, and Jongin is helpless as he tilts his head slightly, inhaling the familiar scent of Kyungsoo’s shampoo. Everything has grown familiar.
“Thank you,” is whispered right against Kyungsoo’s ear, his lips grazing the soft skin.
Jongin already feels like he’s swimming. He has never felt so free. Just having Kyungsoo beside him is enough.
His heartbeat only accelerates when he releases Kyungsoo for the second time that day, and it’s not a good thing for someone who is about to swim in the finals, so Jongin restrains himself from any further verbal exchanges with Kyungsoo and pivots on his heels.
It fortunately returns to normal by the time he steps through the door again. The wild cheering that reaches his ears is distracting enough to separate him from all thoughts of Kyungsoo and the guilt that sets in when he thinks about Jieun somewhere in the audience.
-
His body is arched, one foot against the slanted area of the dive block, and his ears awaiting the telltale signal. Today, again, like yesterday, his body is perfectly synchronized when the signal sounds and his form flawless when the water rushes forward to take him into its cradle.
The dolphin kicks, then his arms start swinging forward. Waves of vitality drive him forward. He has always liked swimming so much because it transports him to another world where nobody can interfere. Just him and the water. He forces himself to keep his gaze forward instead of trying to catch the progress of the swimmers in the adjacent lanes.
Forward, forward, forward. Flip-turn. He’s not tired at all. He keeps pushing forward, harder, faster, stronger. He’s part of the water now as it entwines him, accepting him as its own. Just a little more to go.
Distant memories come and go, of the first time he dived into the water and felt the connection instantly, of the first swimming lesson he had, of his first ever tournament which he came in first place and convinced his parents that their son was indeed a natural. They flash by too quickly for him to really indulge in anything, and the only time he lets the thoughts about winning flood in is when he reaches forward to touch the tile. It doesn’t drag him down. It gives him the final shove forward, and Jongin surfaces only to drown under roaring applause.
He lifts his gaze to the scoreboard, nearly trembling, his heart frenetic more from the nerves than the strenuous swimming he just did. The digits beside his name flash. 47.83 seconds. He has just smashed the tournament record for the freestyle event.
When he finally comes to terms with the fact that this is reality, he has won, he has conquered all of his own expectations, he breaks into a grin. This euphoric feeling is one that flies him straight to heaven, his wings strong and steady, the best indication of how much hard work he has put into swimming ever since he discovered his affinity with the water.
The swimmer in the lane to his right gives him a congratulatory high-five and Jongin’s cheeks are aching from grinning so widely when he gets out of the pool, wrapping a towel around himself. He looks to the audience, and though he doesn’t manage to spot Kyungsoo this time, doesn’t even know if he’s among them, hopes that he has at least seen his performance from the live broadcast in the lounge if he’s still there.
(Kyungsoo did see his performance from the live broadcast on the television in the lounge where he sat waiting for Baekhyun, and his grin was as wide as Jongin’s when the alphabets TR flashed beside his timing. Had Jongin been there, the sight of Kyungsoo looking so happy because of him would have melted his heart completely.)
← PREV / NEXT →
Jongin swims to escape from the world- and then he meets the boy behind the camera.
Two days pass before he runs into Kyungsoo in the cafeteria. It’s a surprise, but a pleasant one, when Jongin returns from the bathroom to find Kyungsoo and Baekhyun at their table. He looks at Kyungsoo, then at Baekhyun, who is so caught up in a conversation with Chanyeol that he barely notices Jongin’s appearance. When he does, he greets him with a smile.
“What’s up.”
“I asked them to sit with us,” Chanyeol informs him.
Jongin takes the empty seat opposite Kyungsoo and when their eyes meet, the background noise fades for a bit then returns in dribs and drabs.
“Hi,” Jongin says. He wants to thank him for allowing him to crash at his house the other night, and tell him that he’ll return his clothes to him when they return from the laundry, but it’s not really a good time with his friends around so he leaves it for when they’re alone and settles for a small smile. Kyungsoo, too, doesn’t try to bring it up as the corners of his lips lift in response.
“I was just thinking,” Chanyeol is difficult to ignore, his voice loud and grin obnoxious. “What do you think Kyungsoo and Jongin even talk about? They’re both so quiet.”
Sehun at least has the decency to swallow his mouthful of food first before adding, “Right, I’ve been sitting beside Kyungsoo and he hasn’t said a word to me.”
Baekhyun touches his chin, a mock-serious expression on his face as he makes the bad decision to join the pair in their stupidity. Jongin rolls his eyes.
“He’s not quiet,” he tells them, “you just need to know how to approach him.”
Chanyeol’s eyes widen dramatically when Jongin steps on his foot beneath the table, cutting him off before his mouth can do more damage.
“Also, just because he’s not shooting his mouth off about bullshit all the time doesn’t mean he’s quiet. Not everyone’s an idiot like you, Chanyeol.”
Sehun is snorting with laughter when he pushes his coke over to Chanyeol. “Apply cold water to area of burn,” he recalls, still laughing.
“Fuck you.”
Jongin is a little nervous when he moves his gaze back to Kyungsoo, wondering how he took what he said. He needn’t have worried, for his eyes lands on a smiling Kyungsoo and Jongin can’t help his own smile from growing wider. The tension, if any, completely dissipates when Chanyeol’s stupid jokes and guffaws put all of them at ease.
“How did you and Baekhyun even get to know each other?” he finally asks.
Chanyeol and Baekhyun share a look. “You wanna tell them, darling, or should I?” Chanyeol asks in a honeyed voice.
“Don’t listen to his bullshit,” Baekhyun says, patting Sehun’s back until he stops choking. “We’re in the same class for History.”
“My condolences.” Jongin offers solemnly to Baekhyun, who thanks him with a grieved expression. It makes Chanyeol guffaw again, though he kicks the both of them under the table.
Jongin hears Sehun ask Kyungsoo if he wants some of his leftover peas, or something like that, probably in an attempt to build friendly ties with Kyungsoo, and steals the chance to answer for him.
“He doesn’t want them.”
“How do you know he doesn’t want them?”
Jongin looks at Kyungsoo, who plays along and replicates his mysterious smile.
“Telepathy,” Jongin says, tapping his finger against his temple.
-
To: Kyungsoo
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Jongin keeps his fingers closed around his phone, not even trying to conceal his anticipation as his feet drum against the ground impatiently. Five minutes pass, then ten, and his excitement is just starting to dull when it vibrates. He doesn’t think he has ever responded so quickly.
From: Kyungsoo
What?
To: Kyungsoo
A Brazilian.
From: Kyungsoo
No.
A shadow of doubt crosses him when his fingers fly across the screen, unsure if Kyungsoo would get annoyed, but his instinct tells him it’s okay, so he goes ahead.
To: Kyungsoo
where do animals go when their tails fall off?
From: Kyungsoo
Are you drunk?
And so it seems that his instinct sometimes sends him horribly wrong signals. Jongin’s bottom lip juts out as he stares blankly at the screen, wondering how to turn things around. It’s obvious Kyungsoo isn’t amused and all he’s done is make himself look like an idiot.
From: Kyungsoo
A retail store.
The last time Jongin smiled this brightly in class was when he was 8 years old, when his homeroom teacher reminded the entire class about his birthday and got them to sing him a birthday song. He had pretended to hate it, but secretly, he loved the attention. How the tides have turned.
To: Kyungsoo
how did you know?
From: Kyungsoo
I have sources.
To: Kyungsoo
here’s one more
From: Kyungsoo
…
To: Kyungsoo
how does a train eat? (and no googling! have some integrity!)
He waits a little longer for the next reply but when it comes, it turns out to be one worth the wait.
From: Kyungsoo
I don’t know, but I hope one swallows you on your way home. ASAP.
To: Kyungsoo
it goes….
To: Kyungsoo
wait for it
To: Kyungsoo
drumroll pls?
From: Kyungsoo
I’m going to google.
To: Kyungsoo
NO
His fear, apparently, extended beyond that because his gasp attracts a few curious gazes and Jongin smiles awkwardly when he notices, remaining still until they lose interest.
To: Kyungsoo
GOD NO DONT
From: Kyungsoo
I didn’t. Just tell me the answer.
To: Kyungsoo
it goes CHEW CHEW
To: Kyungsoo
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
From: Kyungsoo
We need a new plague.
That makes Jongin guffaw, and it attracts the attention of more than just a few classmates this time. His teacher is an unwelcome addition and Jongin knows he’s in some kind of trouble just by the look on her face.
“Outside, Mr Kim.” She commands.
Jongin nods. “Absolutely,” he agrees with a straight face, and scurries out of class.
-
His fingers carve an opening for his body to slide into and Jongin takes it, thrusting his body forward. One hand, then the other, his toes pointed and legs kicking relentlessly to propel him forth.
But it’s not working today.
He knows it the moment he does his flip-turn and even though his dolphin kicks manage to salvage some of his momentum, his heart is heavy and disappointment thick on his tongue when he touches the ceramic tile to signal the end of his lap.
His coach isn’t smiling down at him. Jongin remains in the water, pushing his goggles upwards to look him in the eyes. He’s ready for it.
“What’s with your performance today, Jongin?”
Jongin doesn’t know what to say.
“Almost 54 seconds,” his coach tells him. “You’re not getting anywhere with this timing!”
He remains afloat, but his heart sinks to the bottom of the pool.
“I’ll come back to you in 5 minutes and you’ll do this again before we end today. Pull yourself together. You have two weeks to the tournament. Your performance can’t be fluctuating like this.”
Jongin bows his head. “I got it,” he says, though he doesn’t really.
He looks to his left where Chanyeol is in the midst of his lap a few lanes away, and doesn’t have to be the one holding the stopwatch to know that his friend is definitely doing much better than he is. He can feel the power behind his movements all the way from here, so unlike his own. It’s not the same goofy Chanyeol in the pool, but a determined swimmer who has his eyes set on the gold medal for the 100m backstroke event. What about Jongin? What is he thinking of when he swims?
The water doesn’t seem to be embracing him today when he closes his eyes and sinks to the bottom of the pool. His mind has been distracted as of late, his heart too, and it really isn’t a good place to be in when the tournament is just around the corner.
He waits until his breath runs out before resurfacing, inhaling a generous amount of air as he tilts his goggles to free the water caught in them and then pulls them back down to his eyes so the world is more distant behind transparent lenses. He practices his kicks and stretches his muscles until his coach comes back and Jongin knows this is the lap that will decide how his day ends.
He gets out of the pool, steps onto the diving block, and bends down. His ears are open, waiting eagerly for the sound of the whistle, and the moment it reaches his ears, he’s off like a bullet.
A loud splash when he dives into the water, and the world goes quiet when he remains beneath. He kicks a few times, then it’s his body that gives up and the momentum falters before he can build it up.
He just doesn’t really want to surface anymore.
Eventually he does, and his heart is nowhere to be found as he finishes his lap on auto-pilot. The sense of security the water offers remains the same, and his body still feels at home in it, but today it’s just difficult to have to push forward mindlessly and think about nothing besides timings and medals.
Jongin doesn’t look up at his coach when he comes back. He hears his coach sigh and his own shoulders slump, his fingers tightening around the edge of the pool.
“I’ll leave you to sort yourself out, Jongin, but I hope you won’t be like this the next time I see you.”
“I’m sorry.”
He hauls himself out of the pool only after the coach has left, too ashamed to look him in the face. Most of his teammates are already showering. Jongin doesn’t intend to leave yet, so he sits down on the dive block, facing the pool.
A warm hand lands on his shoulder and he recognizes it as Chanyeol’s touch right away. His friend squeezes his shoulder.
“You okay, buddy?”
“I’m fine.” Jongin doesn’t look up at him either. He doesn’t know how to talk to Chanyeol about it anyway, neither does he want to when Chanyeol is making so much improvement in his own performance. He doesn’t want to burden anyone with his problems.
“You weren’t up to standard today,” Chanyeol starts a little hesitantly. “Is something wrong?”
Jongin rubs his face. It’s dry by now. “I don’t know, I need to figure it out.”
“I’ll get everyone out of here when they’re done,” Chanyeol promises, and it’s the best kind of support he can offer to Jongin right now who finds himself smiling a little when he looks up at his best friend.
“Thanks.”
True to his word, the pool is empty by the time the clock strikes 8pm and Jongin pulls off his swim cap and goggles and places them neatly on the side before diving into the water again. He tries to free his mind of the tournament and the pressure to swim quickly, just focuses on feeling the water wrapped around his body instead as he swings one arm forward, then the other, trying to capture some kind of rhythm.
His hair is in his face and he can’t open his eyes for long in the water but none of that deters him because he’s so familiar with the pool, he doesn’t have to look to know when he has to do a flip-turn and does one right on the mark. When he comes back to where he started, he feels much better.
There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with him, so why did his body react this way earlier? His love for swimming is still as strong as ever.
He sweeps his hair back and takes a huge breath before starting again, wishing the water could swallow him entirely. He isn’t swimming just for a medal like his friends are, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about winning. He wants to swim, and he wants to win, yet his body seems to forget how to function whenever he puts these two goals together.
Jongin swims lap after lap in a completely relaxed manner, switching from the front crawl to the backstroke, then the breaststroke, and finally the butterfly stroke, everything he has ever learnt as a child. He’s all out of breath from god knows how many laps when he realizes he’s not alone in the pool anymore.
Deja vu sweeps over him when he grabs on to the edge of the pool, too tired to remain afloat on his own. Kyungsoo comes nearer, looking a little out of place in his uniform here. His camera is nowhere in sight and Jongin’s heart beats erratically. He’s here for him. Not to take photographs of the pool. It’s the first time he’s here for Jongin.
It’s his turn to ask “what are you doing here?” when Kyungsoo kicks off his shoes.
“You asked me to come swimming with you,” he says quietly, rolling up his pants as best as he can, but Jongin doesn’t understand.
“Are you going to swim in that?” He’s happy that Kyungsoo heard him and that he’s here, but in disbelief as Kyungsoo turns the diving block before him into a makeshift chair and dips his legs into the pool. Jongin moves a little to the side, avoiding the splash-zone when Kyungsoo starts kicking lightly.
“I’m not going to,” Kyungsoo informs him. “I can’t swim.”
“I can teach you,” he offers, mood lifting considerably.
Kyungsoo continues to kick. “Maybe next time,” he says. “I’m fine with this now.” And he really does seem so, faint amusement on his face from just splashing around in the water with his legs.
“I didn’t expect you to really come, you know.”
Kyungsoo looks at him. “Should I leave?”
“No!” Jongin grabs his ankles as he says that, just in case he tries to. “No, I like it that you’re here.” He lets go only after Kyungsoo laughs, when he knows for sure he’ll be staying here with him.
“When’s the tournament?”
“In two weeks,” Jongin tells him, and Kyungsoo’s question is reminding him of all the things he doesn’t want to think of even though he knows he needs to confront them soon if he wants to end his high-school swimming career on a high note.
“Are you nervous?”
He grabs his swim cap and slips it back on, tucking his hair beneath the tight garment. The goggles come on next. He's not really thinking about what he's doing anymore, Kyungsoo has his way of making him do the strangest things.
Jongin is nervous for an entirely different reason, but he doesn’t tell Kyungsoo that. Instead, he heaves himself out of the pool and leaves Kyungsoo there, returning with a stopwatch in hand. He passes it to the smaller male who takes it without question. Then he takes the next lane and waits for Kyungsoo’s signal as he gets into position, ready.
When Kyungsoo tells him to start, he does. He dives in and doesn’t try to control what he thinks about. His thoughts unravel freely, a complete mess like they have been all day; of swimming, of winning, of Kyungsoo, but his dolphin kicks are smooth and Jongin thinks he’s back on track when he swings his arms forward.
He reaches the end of the pool using the front crawl and heads back to where Kyungsoo is waiting after the flip-turn. His momentum remains perfectly paced, and he knows 100m isn’t going to satisfy him right now so he does another flip-turn instead of stopping and keeps swinging his arms forward. His heart is soaring when he finishes a 200m lap to the best of his ability and finally returns to Kyungsoo, panting from the effort. The fact that he loves swimming regardless is what he establishes.
Kyungsoo is sitting right where he left him, the stopwatch clutched in his hand, staring wide-eyed at Jongin.
“You really are different in the water, aren’t you?”
When those words leave his mouth, something warm unfurls in Jongin’s chest. His shoulders are still heaving, and his breathing still irregular, but he’s not really interested in the timing on the stopwatch anymore.
Kyungsoo’s gaze is so raw, so honest, so open when Jongin looks into his eyes from where he is in the water. All of his frustration and anxiety detach from him then, floating upwards until the night engulfs them whole and takes them all away from him. There is nothing but contentment in his heart now.
He has felt this for a while, but tonight he lets himself admit it for the first time. His feelings for Kyungsoo are a little different, even though he’s not very sure what they are exactly yet.
In the end, there’s only one word he can whisper, “yes.”
-
Jongin is nothing but a bundle of nerves as he paces around the waiting room, his index knuckle pressed against his lips. It’s his last tournament in high school, and he really wants to do this well, but his results have been so inconsistent lately that it’s difficult to still have much confidence in himself. His teammates are notably more relaxed than he is, lounging around with carbonated sports drinks in their hands and goofing around.
It’s Sehun who breaks him out of his trance by jabbing at Jongin’s forehead.
“Just take a breath, you’re gonna do fine.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
Sehun jabs his forehead again. “It’s just the heats. You’ve gotten through every single one of them in the first position.”
These words do make him feel better. He crosses his arms, his jacket snug around his body.
“How much longer before we go?”
Sehun glances at the clock. “5 minutes,” he replies, and the anxiety comes right back to Jongin. “Jieun’s here, you know.”
Honestly, that’s the last thing on Jongin’s mind, but he nods.
“I know.”
Because there’s someone else in the audience, someone whom Jongin made promise with to come and he knows he’s one to keep his promises.
“So, just give it your best shot and impress her.”
Jongin doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just nods and looks away. His event starts first, and he’s not prepared to be ousted just yet, not when he knows he’s definitely capable of making it through heats and qualifying for the finals. He has been swimming all his life.
He stuffs his swim cap and goggles into his pocket as the announcement for freestyle swimmers to proceed to the pool comes on, and Sehun gives him a quick hug for encouragement before Jongin is on his way.
The walk there is covered in silence as Jongin keeps his head down, not wanting to make eye-contact with anyone when he’s not in the mood to be all friendly and nice. He can feel the weight of his swim gear in his left pocket, and the heavier weight of his hopes and expectations in the other. Breathing becomes something he has to remind himself to do.
When he gets through the door, flashes and fragmented cheering greet his senses. He gets to his designated lane and tries to calm himself down. There are many pairs of eyes on him now and he has never managed to get used to this immensely uncomfortable feeling, and today is not the day either as he keeps his eyes on his feet until his hair is trapped beneath his swim cap and his goggles shield him against the prying gazes and attention.
The world, now a more subdued sight through his swimming goggles, is one he feels he is ready to take on. Jongin rakes his gaze through the audience, squinting because they’re all the way at the end of the pool and he can’t really make out their faces all that clearly. He knows exactly who he’s looking for, and his endeavour isn’t futile because he spots Kyungsoo right before the first whistle sounds, a signal for the swimmers to get ready.
Kyungsoo is in the right section, only noticeable because he had opted to stand against the railings instead of sitting down. His figure is more of a blur than anything from so far away, but Jongin knows it’s him, his heart knows it’s Kyungsoo, and it’s at ease when he steps onto the diving block.
Just one glance is all he needs. He bends over into his starting position, his ears open and anticipating the sound of the starting pistol. He doesn’t think his body has ever been so perfectly synchronized with the bang and he shoots into the water the moment it sounds. Then it’s back to dolphin kicks and the same old routine of carving an opening for himself within the water, sliding himself through, becoming one with the water.
His entire body is filled with energy and he doesn’t waste any of it, his swings powerful and his kicks steady. Thoughts of winning don’t fill his head this time, or at least they’re not in the forefront of his mind. He doesn’t think of anything in particular, he just swims. The swimmers in the other lanes don’t matter.
When he reaches the flip-turn, Kyungsoo’s words reach him as a form of reward.
You really are different in the water, aren’t you.
He picks up speed, a dolphin finally finding his way home.
The thunderous applause shatters his temporal world when he surfaces. It takes him a bit of time, but when he looks up at the scoreboard and realizes his timing of 48.19 seconds has landed him in first place, his fists plummet into the water and a victorious exclamation tears its way out of his throat.
He’s into the finals.
The swimmer in the lane beside his extends his arm for a handshake and Jongin obliges, ecstatic. It’s not his first time getting through the heats, but he had been so unsure about himself with his shitty performance prior to the tournament and this timing is definitely impressive, so the joy is triple folded.
By the time he heaves himself out of the pool, the cheering has more or less died down, and Jongin looks towards the audience while making his way back. He knows exactly where to look for Kyungsoo, and when his gaze lands on that familiar figure, he breaks into a grin. Kyungsoo grins back, or imagination supplied what the eye could not reach.
It’s a different man who returns to the waiting room, and the Jongin who has regained his confidence and reassurance can’t stop laughing as his teammates surround him and drown him in a group hug.
He’ll conquer the finals tomorrow, he knows he will.
-
The headlights illuminate the softly falling rain, the soundtrack of tyres hissing against wet gravel playing even more softly in the background as Jongin maneuvers the car towards the suburban house with the neat bricked walls.
He didn’t get a chance to go look for Kyungsoo after his event earlier, and had been whisked away to practice before tomorrow’s finals, but at least he’s here now and he hopes Kyungsoo is home. He’s in a really good mood. Most of his teammates, including Chanyeol and Sehun, are through to the finals as well, and they’re all confident of concluding their last match in high school on a good note.
The light shining through the window on the second floor is the only beacon he thinks he’ll ever need on this rainy day and the car pulls to a smooth stop in Kyungsoo’s driveway. Jongin grabs the backpack on the passenger seat and steps out into the rain. The raindrops manage to sketch a quick dotted artwork on his gray T-shirt in the few short seconds he takes to get to the front door.
He rings the doorbell and waits with barely concealed eagerness.
The door opens halfway to reveal a bespectacled Kyungsoo who must have already looked through the peephole because his stance is too relaxed.
“It’s pretty late, isn’t it?”
Jongin’s euphoria hasn’t quite left him. His confidence is threatening to overflow when he pushes past Kyungsoo into the house, wiping away the wetness on his face only when he’s safely inside.
“Not quite the greeting I was expecting but hello to you too, Kyungsoo.”
He turns to face Kyungsoo, watching his face carefully. Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to have any intention of making it easier for him. His face is blank.
“Congratulations.”
Jongin has heard that exact word about ten thousand times today, but he particularly likes the way those five syllables roll off Kyungsoo’s tongue, smoothly and warmly. They latch onto his heart.
“Thank you for coming,” he says sincerely.
They go upstairs without further conversation and Jongin closes the door after them this time, no longer a stranger here. He lets Kyungsoo take his seat at the desk before collapsing onto the bed, burying his face into the soft sheets he had slept so well on the other day. Seconds pass, then minutes, and when some of Jongin’s fatigue has faded, he sits up.
“Can I stay the night here?”
Kyungsoo stares at him. “Why?”
“The finals are tomorrow,” Jongin explains, though he knows Kyungsoo is already aware. “I’m nervous. And I sleep really well on your bed.”
Then he notices that there isn’t anything spread across Kyungsoo’s desk and the corners of his lips turn up.
“Were you preparing for bed?”
Kyungsoo’s nod confirms it.
“Come on,” Jongin calls out, “I’m ready for bed too. I even brushed my teeth and showered before I came here.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t react immediately. When he does, he surprises Jongin with his response.“It makes me so proud to hear that.” He crawls into bed while Jongin internalizes his words slowly, coming to the conclusion that Kyungsoo is teasing him only when the man himself is right beside him.
It’s strange how you can meet someone who can completely change your life in a matter of seconds, Jongin thinks as he watches Kyungsoo tuck himself into bed. He pulls the blanket over himself, then thinks for a moment and looks at Jongin.
“You need to keep your muscles warm, don’t you?”
Jongin doesn’t waste a second in slipping under the same blanket. “I do,” he confirms. Skinship with Kyungsoo is definitely not something that’s familiar to him (yet), so there is a kind of current that runs through his body when their elbows bump beneath the blanket and the night ahead stretches.
“I’ll get another blanket.” Kyungsoo doesn’t give him a chance to say no as he hops off the bed swiftly, and returns just as quickly with another blanket. Maybe his brother’s, Jongin notes halfheartedly, his eyelids heavy with exhaustion. Fatigue really has a way of dragging someone into oblivion, something Jongin experiences as Kyungsoo switches off the bedside lamp and the room sinks into darkness and his mind sort of shuts down.
It’s still raining outside, very cold, and he’s only half-conscious when his body instinctively moves closer to the other warm body. His arm reaches forward and wraps around the blanketed lump and the last thing Jongin remembers before falling asleep is how the universe finally seems to be falling into place for him. Being together on this night before Jongin’s important match is really nothing to be surprised about, no wonder when they’re completely at ease around each other. There is nowhere else Jongin would rather be.
-
Something feels different when his eyelids flutter open to the ethereal morning rays streaming through the window. He knows he’s not in his own bed, and still having Kyungsoo in his arms comes as a small surprise even though they’re wrapped beneath different blankets. Maybe Kyungsoo didn’t try to wriggle out of his grasp because he didn’t want to wake him, but whatever his reason is, Jongin is grateful because this is such a lovely way to wake up. He’s feeling very refreshed and warm, and Kyungsoo’s back is turned to him, but his breathing is slow and regular, still in slumber. Jongin can only attribute his recklessness to the morning uncertainty when he tightens his hold around Kyungsoo’s slender body. His body is not like Jieun’s, and despite its pliancy, there is a kind of hardiness. A man’s body through and through. Yet, it doesn’t pose any discomfort to him.
He can’t even begin to comprehend how fond he is of Kyungsoo, much less decipher why exactly he likes this boy so much. Though he thinks he has an inkling of why; probably something to do with Kyungsoo’s quiet charm and soft smiles and the way he reminds Jongin of water. With Kyungsoo, Jongin is himself. He is completely free to be the person he wants to be. And unknowingly, he has become so reliant on Kyungsoo, who is asleep and safe in his arms. Jongin shuts his eyes, wishing they could stay like this forever.
But that’s not what’s different. It hits him when he’s still in the midst of trying to figure out. The shrill ringing of the alarm cuts through the tranquil air and wakes Kyungsoo who stirs in his arms. Jongin keeps one arm around the sleepy boy as he reaches for his phone with the other, deactivating the alarm.
Kyungsoo’s body stiffens visibly, taking his time to recall why there’s someone else in his bed and why he’s being spooned, and through it all, Jongin doesn’t retract his arm. He keeps Kyungsoo right there for a little longer until the tension has left Kyungsoo’s body, although he still doesn’t attempt to turn around to face Jongin. That would be a little too weird since they’re, you know, just friends. Really good friends maybe, but still just friends.
In the end it’s Jongin who reluctantly releases Kyungsoo and crawls out of bed. Kyungsoo doesn’t have to be awake at this ungodly timing on a Sunday morning, it’s only him who needs to report early for his event. Despite that, Jongin wishes Kyungsoo would wake up soon and attend his event. He wants him to be there.
He reaches into his backpack for a change of clothes and takes a hot shower, smelling like Kyungsoo again when he reemerges from the bathroom. Kyungsoo hasn’t moved a single inch. He’s right where Jongin left him in bed, still turned away from him, and Jongin tries to think of what to say as he places the long overdue clothes Kyungsoo had lent him the other night on the edge of his bed.
He decides not to take the risk ultimately because he doesn’t know if Kyungsoo has fallen back asleep, and with a grateful heart, takes one last look at the rumpled sheets on the bed and the lump beneath the blanket. The spot beside Kyungsoo still harbours traces of him with the unmade blanket and Jongin smiles, hoping it’ll remain that way. He wants Kyungsoo to attend his finals, and he thinks he has already shown him how much he wants that through his actions, so he doesn’t leave a note behind when he leaves the room that’s already starting to feel like his own. Some things are better left unsaid. Jongin doesn’t want to overdo it.
Everything he needs, his swim gear and trunks and jacket, are stuffed into his gym bag in the backseat of his car. He reverses out of the driveway with the windows down and embarks on his journey to the aquatics centre, relishing in the sensation of having Kyungsoo in his arms the entire way there.
-
His coins jiggle in his pocket as he jogs towards the vending machine right in the lounge, tired of sitting around and waiting for his turn. The freestyle event is the second last event today, preceding the medley relay Chanyeol still wishes they could have participated in. Other than the waiting rooms, everywhere else is open to public and Jongin certainly wasn’t expecting to see Kyungsoo in the lounge when he gets there.
“Kyungsoo?” he calls out uncertainly.
Kyungsoo is seated on the bench beside the vending machine and he gets up to greet Jongin. The T-shirt and denim jeans makes him look absolutely adorable (which Jongin has come to realize is completely unrelated to what he wears).
“Why are you here?” Jongin has to ask, though he’s happy about seeing him here.
“Baekhyun.”
“Baekhyun? He’s here?” Jongin looks around but the lounge is empty apart from the two of them. “Where is he?”
“With Chanyeol.”
Jongin hadn’t realized how close his friend had grown to Baekhyun. He makes a mental note to pursue this topic with Chanyeol, which he really should have done so a long time ago, and fixates his attention on Kyungsoo again.
“Did you sleep well last night?”
His throat goes dry all of a sudden and that’s when he remembers what he’s here for. Kyungsoo’s silence would be deafening if not for the humming from the vending machine as he slots his coins in and chooses his drink. He only speaks up when Jongin squats down to get his can drink.
“I slept okay,” he says, and he’s smiling when Jongin looks up at him. He has to force himself to look away after that. Kyungsoo’s smiling face has always made him feel sensations. “Did you sleep well?”
He straightens to his height. “Really well. Haven’t slept so well in ages.”
Kyungsoo asks the same question he did the night he saved Jongin from himself. “You nervous?”
Jongin settles down on the bench and gestures for Kyungsoo to sit down beside him. He does. There is still a small gap between them but he can feel the warmth radiating off Kyungsoo very intensely and he answers honestly. “Not anymore.” There’s just something about Kyungsoo.
They look at each other then, the air thickening with tension as Jongin wonders why his heart is beating erratically again and he can’t stop thinking of how good it felt having Kyungsoo in his arms. Neither attempt to break the eye-contact, and Jongin is just about to ask where he’s headed after this when the announcement for all freestyle swimmers to proceed to the venue shatters the magic of the moment.
Jongin gets to his feet, leaving his untouched can drink on the bench. Kyungsoo mirrors his action and doesn’t quite look into Jongin’s eyes when they are face-to-face again.
Kyungsoo beats him before he has a chance to ask if he’s going to go out to the spectator stand by murmuring “all the best”, and that simple statement spun little threads of tenderness from out Jongin’s heart towards his. Then it’s his body that takes control, seeking the warmth it had grown used to in just one night, when he reaches out and draws Kyungsoo into a hug.
He hopes Baekhyun doesn’t choose to return at this moment, he’s not ready to explain anything yet when he doesn’t know what’s happening in his own heart. There’s a kind of battle that’s going on, and Jongin is helpless as he tilts his head slightly, inhaling the familiar scent of Kyungsoo’s shampoo. Everything has grown familiar.
“Thank you,” is whispered right against Kyungsoo’s ear, his lips grazing the soft skin.
Jongin already feels like he’s swimming. He has never felt so free. Just having Kyungsoo beside him is enough.
His heartbeat only accelerates when he releases Kyungsoo for the second time that day, and it’s not a good thing for someone who is about to swim in the finals, so Jongin restrains himself from any further verbal exchanges with Kyungsoo and pivots on his heels.
It fortunately returns to normal by the time he steps through the door again. The wild cheering that reaches his ears is distracting enough to separate him from all thoughts of Kyungsoo and the guilt that sets in when he thinks about Jieun somewhere in the audience.
-
His body is arched, one foot against the slanted area of the dive block, and his ears awaiting the telltale signal. Today, again, like yesterday, his body is perfectly synchronized when the signal sounds and his form flawless when the water rushes forward to take him into its cradle.
The dolphin kicks, then his arms start swinging forward. Waves of vitality drive him forward. He has always liked swimming so much because it transports him to another world where nobody can interfere. Just him and the water. He forces himself to keep his gaze forward instead of trying to catch the progress of the swimmers in the adjacent lanes.
Forward, forward, forward. Flip-turn. He’s not tired at all. He keeps pushing forward, harder, faster, stronger. He’s part of the water now as it entwines him, accepting him as its own. Just a little more to go.
Distant memories come and go, of the first time he dived into the water and felt the connection instantly, of the first swimming lesson he had, of his first ever tournament which he came in first place and convinced his parents that their son was indeed a natural. They flash by too quickly for him to really indulge in anything, and the only time he lets the thoughts about winning flood in is when he reaches forward to touch the tile. It doesn’t drag him down. It gives him the final shove forward, and Jongin surfaces only to drown under roaring applause.
He lifts his gaze to the scoreboard, nearly trembling, his heart frenetic more from the nerves than the strenuous swimming he just did. The digits beside his name flash. 47.83 seconds. He has just smashed the tournament record for the freestyle event.
When he finally comes to terms with the fact that this is reality, he has won, he has conquered all of his own expectations, he breaks into a grin. This euphoric feeling is one that flies him straight to heaven, his wings strong and steady, the best indication of how much hard work he has put into swimming ever since he discovered his affinity with the water.
The swimmer in the lane to his right gives him a congratulatory high-five and Jongin’s cheeks are aching from grinning so widely when he gets out of the pool, wrapping a towel around himself. He looks to the audience, and though he doesn’t manage to spot Kyungsoo this time, doesn’t even know if he’s among them, hopes that he has at least seen his performance from the live broadcast in the lounge if he’s still there.
(Kyungsoo did see his performance from the live broadcast on the television in the lounge where he sat waiting for Baekhyun, and his grin was as wide as Jongin’s when the alphabets TR flashed beside his timing. Had Jongin been there, the sight of Kyungsoo looking so happy because of him would have melted his heart completely.)
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