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Критика др. Ибрахимом Гамардом перевода Колмана Баркс

[hojja_nusreddin]

Академический перевод с фарси на английский Артура Арберри

You who let a garden go for the sake of a small fig,
let slip the houri for the sake of an unworthy crone.

I am rending my shirt, and repulsion comes over me
from the glance that a crone cast at a youth.

A stinking-mouthed crone with a hundred clutching talons and tricks,
putting her head down from the roof to snare a clever one.

Who is such a crone? A savorless deception,
fold on fold like an onion, fetid as garlic.

A prince has become her captive, pledged his belt -
she laughs in secret, "Fool of a princeling!"

No full blossom is the garden of her beauty,
no milk in the breasts of fidelity of that whore.

When death opens your eyes, then you will behold her,
her face like the back of a lizard, her body black as pitch.

Now be silent, give no more counsel.
The master's bond is very strong; the chain of his love draws
without the help of a miserable chain.
_______________________________________________

Вольный Перевод Колмана Баркса
You miss the garden,
because you want a small fig from a random tree.

You don't meet the beautiful woman.
You're joking with an old crone.

It makes me want to cry how she detains you,
stinking mouthed, with a hundred talons,
putting her head over the roof edge to call down,
tasteless fig, fold over fold,
empty as dry-rotten garlic.

She has you tight by the belt,
even though there's no flower and no milk inside her body.

Death will open you eyes to what her face is:
leather spine of a black lizard. No more advice.

Let yourself be silently drawn
by the stronger pull of what you really love.
__________________________________________

Комментарий д-ра Ибрахима Гамарда
http://members4.boardhost.com/ibrahim_gam/msg/748.html

Barks misses the symbolism of choosing heavenly-divine beauty (the houri) rather than worldly temptations (the old crone), by interpreting the "maiden of Paradise" [houri]
as a "beautiful woman."
He ignores the true meaning of the last line, which has to do with the power of a spiritual master's love.
Instead, he gives into the temptation to create a memorable "Rumi line" which is "more Barks than Rumi"
The last line begins with one of Rumi's famous calls to silence: "Now be silent" [nay, khamosh kon]--
which Barks twists into an adverb: "silently."

"Don't give any (more) advice" [pand kam deh]. The (spiritual) master's bond is very strong" [band-e khwaaja bas qawii-st]; the chain of his love is attracting [mee-kash-ad zanjiir-e mehr-ash]
without (needing) the help of a little chain [bee-madad-e zanjiirakee].