It Gets Better - It Got Better for me
I'm Asian and Female And Queer, which make me a triple suicide risk, Asian and Female have a high suicide rate, so does Queer Teens, and at one point, I was all Four. There is a birthday entry in my paper diary in which I congratulated myself on making it through another year.
Well, that's pass, I've crawled and bitten my way through merely Not Killing Myself, and I get angry, and I get depressed, bitter and resentful over all that I've missed, the might have beens (Fact: At one point, I ALMOST made it into a gifted class, the test was given to me by English speaking teachers when I wasn't fluent yet. At one point I got 95% in Math but I stumble over basic additions now, because Fear Is The Mind Killer).
I find it helps if I write out a list of What I Can't Control, and What I Can Control. It isn't fucking fair, but fucking fuck it, I will play with the devil's rules until I bend it! When people say that the world is unfair, live with it, it's bullshit, you should never just live with it, you blend in, learn to navigate it, survive for now and move to thrive until you can CHANGE it from being unfair.
It can and must still get better for me, I'm not in the best of spots right now, but it still got better, and I know it can still get better.
In short, I'm so happy that I've never killed myself, that would have been stupid.
If you want to read stories that are more clear, there is Dan Savage's project, It Gets Better
Well, that's pass, I've crawled and bitten my way through merely Not Killing Myself, and I get angry, and I get depressed, bitter and resentful over all that I've missed, the might have beens (Fact: At one point, I ALMOST made it into a gifted class, the test was given to me by English speaking teachers when I wasn't fluent yet. At one point I got 95% in Math but I stumble over basic additions now, because Fear Is The Mind Killer).
I find it helps if I write out a list of What I Can't Control, and What I Can Control. It isn't fucking fair, but fucking fuck it, I will play with the devil's rules until I bend it! When people say that the world is unfair, live with it, it's bullshit, you should never just live with it, you blend in, learn to navigate it, survive for now and move to thrive until you can CHANGE it from being unfair.
It can and must still get better for me, I'm not in the best of spots right now, but it still got better, and I know it can still get better.
In short, I'm so happy that I've never killed myself, that would have been stupid.
If you want to read stories that are more clear, there is Dan Savage's project, It Gets Better