"I have to say, it's nice to find someone who doesn't mind talking about sex. My former fiancé used to get very upset if I talked about our sex life outside of our bedroom."
Anya picked up the Peeps box after he set it down, and read the back. "According to the box, these are some kind of marshmallow and sugar confection. Humans think demons eat strange things, but I think some human food is very odd. I wonder if these are some kind of symbolic replacement for an animal sacrifice?" She glanced up at him and asked, "What's a 'Homsar'?"
Anya took the box he selected and pulled it open. "I think Philly is a city in the United States. There was a sporting team from there called the Phillies. I thought they were female horses for a long time." She carefully read the directions, then pulled the Hot Pockets out of their plastic wrap and put them in the little sleeves. She opened random cabinets looking for a plate. "When we met at my Sorting you told me you were doing some kind of penance for insulting a demon. Did you get that worked out?"
"It's nice to find someone who seems to enjoy talking about sex as much as I do, or at least so it seems. Although talking about it is always a lesser experience than doing it." Sirius smiled, and then his eyebrow went up again. "Fiancé? Does this have anything to do with the bloody-vengeance-to-unfaithful-men thing you mentioned to me at your Sorting?"
Sirius stared at the Peeps box, slightly horrified. Could the ridiculously fluorescent animal-shaped confections somehow be related to Homsar? He had always thought Homsar was rather marshmallowy. At least, that's how his masculine(???) emissions had always seemed to Sirius.
He blinked a couple of times and then focused back on Anya. "I think the Peeps seem rather odd myself. I mean, I can't imagine why anyone would want to put something so unnaturally bright into their mouths. Maybe they're a Zonko's product - start smelling like Dungbombs in Muggle cooking appliances, that sort of thing? Anyway, well, I don't know if those things can rightfully be called 'human food'. And I hadn't realised that demons have their own special food. What sorts of things do you eat?" Sirius hoped the answer wouldn't be 'humans', although if there was one thing the whole situation with Wolfram had impressed upon him, it was that this thought was wrongwrongwrong, and anyway Sirius couldn't imagine Anya eating a person.
"I have no idea what Homsar is," Sirius replied in response to Anya's question. "I mean, he's sort of this...bloke...but only in the most expanded sense of the term. Anyway, he's a professor here, but astoundingly inarticulate. And he and I have been having sex for a while. Which seems to involve a lot of board games. It's all very...bizarre. Much like the Peeps, actually."
Sirius never felt apologetic about his arrangement with Homsar, and he felt particularly comfortable letting Anya know about it, as she seemed very open minded.
Then, examining the discarded Hot Pockets box absently, Sirius said, "Hmmm. Never heard of Philly. But then again, I don't know a whole lot about places in America aside from Reno. Oh, and to answer your question, I'm two-thirds of the way done with the quest. Got my cursed item and made friends with a demon - that's you, by the way, although I may also have completed this part of the task by helping the demon I insulted and his fiance, who's part-demon or something like that...so don't think I'm here with you because of the quest." He smiled down at her. "Anyway, all I've got to do left is help a dragon."
Anya smiled at him as she located the plates and picked up one to cook the Hot Pockets. "I like having sex too. I haven't had sex since I came back from being dead." A small frown creased her forehead. "And yes, my ex-fiancé was responsible for me becoming a vengeance demon the second time. I was human when he left me at the altar on our wedding day and I became a demon again after that. Unfortunately I can't make a vengeance wish on my own behalf, so he remained un-punished." She tried to act like it didn't matter anymore, but thinking of Xander still confused her. "Actually, the last time I had sex before I died was with my ex-fiancé. It was all very romantic and apocalyptic, you know, 'it's the end of the world, we're all going to die', but apparently he survived. My friend Dawn said that he applied here before she arrived, but no one has seen him since then."
Anya put the plate with the Hot Pockets into the microwave, closed the door, and set the timer as indicated. "Here we go!" She pushed the 'Start' button, and the microwave lit up again. She watched it carefully, but moved to the side and back a step or two, just in case it suddenly exploded. "Vengeance demons don't usually eat any differently, probably because we used to be human, but there are some demons who eat kittens, or blood larva, or babies. Or is it trolls that eat babies? I always get that mixed up. Some demons do try to eat humans, or other demons."
Anya looked at Sirius curiously as he described Homsar."Sex involving board games? I've never heard of that before. Is it like strip poker?" The fact that he was having sex with someone who might not be human didn't even register with her.
The microwave dinged, and she pulled out the plate. She slid one Hot Pocket out of its sleeve and onto a plate for Sirius, and then one for herself. "Be careful, they're very hot. Since you said 'demon' and 'fiancé' in the same sentence, I'm going to take a guess that the demon you insulted was Sir Wolfram. He does seem to be very sensitive about the subject of demon pride. So where are you going to find a dragon?"
"Huh. I wonder if post-death sex is better than the pre-death sort," Sirius pondered. "Might make for a good discussion topic at your next Dead Girls Club meeting. Maybe you'll have some firsthand experience to share by then."
Sirius grinned at Anya. He would be more than willing to help her with that problem, of course, should she wish to solve it.
"Your fiancé sounds like a bit of a jerk, if you don't mind my saying so. Leaving a woman at the altar - that's just the coward's way out. If he didn't want to get married, he could've been a proper man and told you beforehand, you know? If you could punish him, what would you do?" Sirius, of course, could identify with the desire to punish someone who had wronged him. "It must be very frustrating to be able to punish those who've done other people wrong, but not the one person who wronged you." A terrible thought hit Sirius. "He didn't kill you, did he?"
He watched the Hot Pocket intently, trying to work out just how the light could possibly be cooking it. Charms and spells made so much more sense than some kind of strange force coming from a wall into a cord to turn on a light.
"Kitten-eating demons? There're a lot of cats here at Hogwarts who might not be thrilled to hear about that. As for trolls, it depends what type you're talking about. The mountain trolls are the worst. Wouldn't put it past one of those buggers to eat a human baby. Well, I'm glad you don't eat humans. Wouldn't want to be an appetiser for that Hot Pocket." He laughed and then added, "Anywa, so far, all the demons I've met here at Hogwarts seem to be pretty decent sorts."
Sirius returned Anya's curious look with a wide grin of his own. "I hadn't heard of board-game sex before Homsar either. Let's just say he opened my mind to a lot of strange and wonderful things. It's not like strip poker, though. It's far more transcendent than that. It's like a higher plane of sex. Different, but no less pleasurable." Homsar's brand of sex was something that couldn't really be put into words. One had to experience it to truly understand it.
Sirius took the Hot Pocket from Anya and blew on it, waiting for it to cool down slightly before he took a bite. Smiling, he nodded and said, "Yeah, it was Wolfram. Seems touchy all around, if you ask me. But overall, he's all right Anyway, a couple of days ago, a bloke with a dragon showed up - another demon, actually - and he said I could feed it...and thus complete the quest. Dunno what'll happen with Wolfram once that's done. To be honest, I really haven't got a clue what being his friend entails...but at least I'll have made amends for insulting him, you know?"
Sirius finally bit into the Hot Pocket. "Mmmmmmmmm.... Flaky and cheesy and processed. It's fantastic! How's yours?"
"Hmm. Do you really think there might be a difference in sex post-death? That would be interesting." She looked thoughtful, pondering the possibilities.
After dishing out the Hot Pockets, she sat down and thought back to Sirius' questions about Xander. "Oh, no, Xander didn't kill me. I was killed during a battle, and he was fighting somewhere else. He wasn't really a bad person. I think he just got overwhelmed by the whole marriage ritual. But you're right, he should have told me beforehand."
Anya picked at her Hot Pocket, lost in thought for the moment. "When I first got my vengeance powers back, I tried to wish that he had tentacles instead of eyes, and that his intestines would be tied in knots. Oh, and I think there was something about searing hot pokers and his heart boiling in his chest." She shrugged. "I'd had a lot of time to think about it. When that didn't work, I tried to get other people to make a wish against him, but no one would do it. We sort of worked things out between us eventually, so it's probably just as well that no one made a wish."
She looked over at Sirius and smiled, deliberately bringing her thoughts back to the present. "You're probably lucky all Wolfram asked for was a quest. Insulting demons can be fatal, although I guess that couldn't happen in Hogwarts." She pushed her plate aside. "I don't think I like these Philly things. Do you want to try the pizza ones? To be honest, I thought pizza was supposed to be flat, but maybe that changed while I was dead. Did they have rolled up pizzas in Reno?" She looked at him curiously. "And how did you manage to end up in Reno with Jim Morrison?"
Anya picked up the Peeps box after he set it down, and read the back. "According to the box, these are some kind of marshmallow and sugar confection. Humans think demons eat strange things, but I think some human food is very odd. I wonder if these are some kind of symbolic replacement for an animal sacrifice?" She glanced up at him and asked, "What's a 'Homsar'?"
Anya took the box he selected and pulled it open. "I think Philly is a city in the United States. There was a sporting team from there called the Phillies. I thought they were female horses for a long time." She carefully read the directions, then pulled the Hot Pockets out of their plastic wrap and put them in the little sleeves. She opened random cabinets looking for a plate. "When we met at my Sorting you told me you were doing some kind of penance for insulting a demon. Did you get that worked out?"
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Sirius stared at the Peeps box, slightly horrified. Could the ridiculously fluorescent animal-shaped confections somehow be related to Homsar? He had always thought Homsar was rather marshmallowy. At least, that's how his masculine(???) emissions had always seemed to Sirius.
He blinked a couple of times and then focused back on Anya. "I think the Peeps seem rather odd myself. I mean, I can't imagine why anyone would want to put something so unnaturally bright into their mouths. Maybe they're a Zonko's product - start smelling like Dungbombs in Muggle cooking appliances, that sort of thing? Anyway, well, I don't know if those things can rightfully be called 'human food'. And I hadn't realised that demons have their own special food. What sorts of things do you eat?" Sirius hoped the answer wouldn't be 'humans', although if there was one thing the whole situation with Wolfram had impressed upon him, it was that this thought was wrongwrongwrong, and anyway Sirius couldn't imagine Anya eating a person.
"I have no idea what Homsar is," Sirius replied in response to Anya's question. "I mean, he's sort of this...bloke...but only in the most expanded sense of the term. Anyway, he's a professor here, but astoundingly inarticulate. And he and I have been having sex for a while. Which seems to involve a lot of board games. It's all very...bizarre. Much like the Peeps, actually."
Sirius never felt apologetic about his arrangement with Homsar, and he felt particularly comfortable letting Anya know about it, as she seemed very open minded.
Then, examining the discarded Hot Pockets box absently, Sirius said, "Hmmm. Never heard of Philly. But then again, I don't know a whole lot about places in America aside from Reno. Oh, and to answer your question, I'm two-thirds of the way done with the quest. Got my cursed item and made friends with a demon - that's you, by the way, although I may also have completed this part of the task by helping the demon I insulted and his fiance, who's part-demon or something like that...so don't think I'm here with you because of the quest." He smiled down at her. "Anyway, all I've got to do left is help a dragon."
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Anya put the plate with the Hot Pockets into the microwave, closed the door, and set the timer as indicated. "Here we go!" She pushed the 'Start' button, and the microwave lit up again. She watched it carefully, but moved to the side and back a step or two, just in case it suddenly exploded. "Vengeance demons don't usually eat any differently, probably because we used to be human, but there are some demons who eat kittens, or blood larva, or babies. Or is it trolls that eat babies? I always get that mixed up. Some demons do try to eat humans, or other demons."
Anya looked at Sirius curiously as he described Homsar."Sex involving board games? I've never heard of that before. Is it like strip poker?" The fact that he was having sex with someone who might not be human didn't even register with her.
The microwave dinged, and she pulled out the plate. She slid one Hot Pocket out of its sleeve and onto a plate for Sirius, and then one for herself. "Be careful, they're very hot. Since you said 'demon' and 'fiancé' in the same sentence, I'm going to take a guess that the demon you insulted was Sir Wolfram. He does seem to be very sensitive about the subject of demon pride. So where are you going to find a dragon?"
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Sirius grinned at Anya. He would be more than willing to help her with that problem, of course, should she wish to solve it.
"Your fiancé sounds like a bit of a jerk, if you don't mind my saying so. Leaving a woman at the altar - that's just the coward's way out. If he didn't want to get married, he could've been a proper man and told you beforehand, you know? If you could punish him, what would you do?" Sirius, of course, could identify with the desire to punish someone who had wronged him. "It must be very frustrating to be able to punish those who've done other people wrong, but not the one person who wronged you." A terrible thought hit Sirius. "He didn't kill you, did he?"
He watched the Hot Pocket intently, trying to work out just how the light could possibly be cooking it. Charms and spells made so much more sense than some kind of strange force coming from a wall into a cord to turn on a light.
"Kitten-eating demons? There're a lot of cats here at Hogwarts who might not be thrilled to hear about that. As for trolls, it depends what type you're talking about. The mountain trolls are the worst. Wouldn't put it past one of those buggers to eat a human baby. Well, I'm glad you don't eat humans. Wouldn't want to be an appetiser for that Hot Pocket." He laughed and then added, "Anywa, so far, all the demons I've met here at Hogwarts seem to be pretty decent sorts."
Sirius returned Anya's curious look with a wide grin of his own. "I hadn't heard of board-game sex before Homsar either. Let's just say he opened my mind to a lot of strange and wonderful things. It's not like strip poker, though. It's far more transcendent than that. It's like a higher plane of sex. Different, but no less pleasurable." Homsar's brand of sex was something that couldn't really be put into words. One had to experience it to truly understand it.
Sirius took the Hot Pocket from Anya and blew on it, waiting for it to cool down slightly before he took a bite. Smiling, he nodded and said, "Yeah, it was Wolfram. Seems touchy all around, if you ask me. But overall, he's all right Anyway, a couple of days ago, a bloke with a dragon showed up - another demon, actually - and he said I could feed it...and thus complete the quest. Dunno what'll happen with Wolfram once that's done. To be honest, I really haven't got a clue what being his friend entails...but at least I'll have made amends for insulting him, you know?"
Sirius finally bit into the Hot Pocket. "Mmmmmmmmm.... Flaky and cheesy and processed. It's fantastic! How's yours?"
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After dishing out the Hot Pockets, she sat down and thought back to Sirius' questions about Xander. "Oh, no, Xander didn't kill me. I was killed during a battle, and he was fighting somewhere else. He wasn't really a bad person. I think he just got overwhelmed by the whole marriage ritual. But you're right, he should have told me beforehand."
Anya picked at her Hot Pocket, lost in thought for the moment. "When I first got my vengeance powers back, I tried to wish that he had tentacles instead of eyes, and that his intestines would be tied in knots. Oh, and I think there was something about searing hot pokers and his heart boiling in his chest." She shrugged. "I'd had a lot of time to think about it. When that didn't work, I tried to get other people to make a wish against him, but no one would do it. We sort of worked things out between us eventually, so it's probably just as well that no one made a wish."
She looked over at Sirius and smiled, deliberately bringing her thoughts back to the present. "You're probably lucky all Wolfram asked for was a quest. Insulting demons can be fatal, although I guess that couldn't happen in Hogwarts." She pushed her plate aside. "I don't think I like these Philly things. Do you want to try the pizza ones? To be honest, I thought pizza was supposed to be flat, but maybe that changed while I was dead. Did they have rolled up pizzas in Reno?" She looked at him curiously. "And how did you manage to end up in Reno with Jim Morrison?"
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