Questions answered/newspaper sign-ups!
The envelope that had been on the board has now been removed and replaced with a large sheet of paper, questions and answers neatly typed out. Also, for some reason, there's a Tootsie Roll taped to the paper just underneath the last question.
((OOC warning: Not all answers are worksafe or for that matter, serious.))
What's your advice for the caring, feeding, and raising of swamp dragons?
What is the spell for growing back singed hair?
Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
…Swamp dragons. Right. Personally, I’d want to have a closer look at them before giving any advice for sure but I’d advise keeping them away from sharp objects, not letting them compete against each other, feeding them plenty of combustibles and wearing flame-proof clothing. If they’re sentient, try asking them directly or getting someone who can talk to dragons to figure out what they want.
Singed hair, the spell should be on page 254 of the Charms textbook. There are also Potions that would work, if you’d prefer that to wandwork.
What's up?
Oz
Having fun answering these questions, halfway through the summer convention seasons, glad that most of my friends are doing relatively well, pleased to be making new friends, worrying about those of my friends that are absent, injured or popcorn, still planning out International Evening for the 16th July, proud of how my Herbology-Potions is progressing, fine-tuning my graphics skills, thinking that it’s been too long since I’ve properly pranked someone, waiting for a response from Sara about holding another Prefects meeting to welcome the new Prefects, working on debugging some code that a friend of mine asked for help with, and suddenly shocked that this became a run-on paragraph!
Dear Ryuuji,
I love hookers.
There's not really a question there. I just really want to see that get posted.
Well, you got your wish! And er, congratulations, I guess? Everyone should love something/someone and yours seems harmless, assuming it’s not Jack-the-Ripper-style love. In this school, one never knows.
Dear Ryuuji,
Do you like pickles? If yes, do you prefer big pickles or small pickles? If no, is it because you'd rather have tuna?
…Ignoring the blatant use of euphemism, I hate pickles and tuna both. Sorry to disappoint.
Ryuuji-san,
How can someone who is magically little stay that way without chocolates?
♥ Yuki Yubari
By little, do you mean ‘young’ or sizewise? For size, Shrinking Charms ought to work. Talk to Professor Malfoy about that. For youth, I know Professor Maturin is working on a potion that deals with aging up/down. Otherwise, there are also games where you can wager years of your life and if you lose, you age up and give your youth to the other person but if you win, you age down and gain their youth. That’s more for extending your lifespan by repeatedly growing younger, though, than actually staying at a fixed age.
Dearest Ryuuji,
What the Hell is the purpose of this school? It sounds more like a freak show than an education facility.
With Tender Love,
Velma Kelly
Velma darling,
Sometimes, I think that it’s actually an asylum. We’re all actually strapped down on beds and hallucinating collectively. Or maybe only one of us is real and the rest are all just hallucinations and the fact that I’m saying this is proof that the person hallucinating is starting to recover. Do you think that we’ll all disappear when s/he gets better?
All musings aside, I think this school is meant to bring together people from different worlds so that we can learn from each other and get our minds broadened.
Either that, or it’s part of a really clever reality TV show. Please, if anyone spots any hidden cameras (believe me, I’ve already looked), tell me? I'm not sure if that's worse or better than thinking we're in an asylum, really.
Dear Ryuuji,
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
- Kira
80 kilos. Don’t question the number. I have spoken, and so shall it be.
Dear Ryuuji,
Why are the police such arsewipes about everything? It's not the end of the world if I drive on one sidewalk while I'm a little tipsy, so what bloody gives, huh?
Maybe they’re just worried that you’ll run over some kid playing on the sidewalk. Or a sweethaired old granny returning home from her shopping. Or some idiot that’s too drunk to get off the sidewalk when they see a car coming. Man. How dare those cops actually care about the well-being and safety of normal citizens?
…Next time, try keying a black-and-white. Just to really give them something to be mad about when they catch up to you, huh?
Dear Ryuuji,
Hi.
Maybe I need to post a definition of ‘question’ next time I do this.
But hi back!
RI00GEY A/S/L WILL U CYBER W/ ME??
0m9 n0 j0u 4r3 $0 #4m3
4|| y0ur b4$3 4r3 b3|0n9 70 u$
Ryuuji -
Which is worse: A loud, non-stinky fart in an elevator or a silent, putrid fart in an elevator?
Second. Because ow, you’re stuck suffering with it.
Ryuuji -
Which is worse: Having anal sex with someone who's got the shits or recieving oral sex from someone who bites?
Thankfully, I’ve never been in either of those situations. And hopefully never will. But the first one, because that sounds disgusting.
Dear Ryuuji,
Are you now, or have you ever been, any form of giant mecha in civilian disguise?
No. I’m actually a giant tube of lipstick in civilian disguise.
Ryuuji,
You once said that you "want to kill all the Jews." I am a Jew and find this offensive. Will you ever give me money to make up for it? Money would make it not offensive anymore, I promise.
Love,
Some Jewish Guy
…I think you’ve got me confused with someone else. But dude, if you want to panhandle, you’re going to have to come with a better gimmick.
I'm looking to take someone out to London to see some sort of Muggle sporting event. I have vague thinkings of a football match, but I've never been to one, so I'm unsure where they take place or how one would get tickets. Can you help?
~ Lily
Try checking out The All In London Guide. Just tap the name twice with your wand, and a brochure should fall out, complete with phone numbers to call if you can manage to handle arranging that the Muggle way. If not, owl me and I'll get it set up for you if you can just tell me what date and how many tickets you need.
~Ryuuji
Dear Ryuuji,
Is it true you are the Sailor Scout, Sailor Gay?
No. I’m Sailor Bi.
Dear Ryuuji,
Is it true that you're a reincarnated demon, and your brother is a reincarnated angel?
You mean the green eyes, black kitten familiar and being left-handed actually gave me away?! Shock. Horror. Gasp.
Dear Ryuuji,
Do you sometimes run around in fishnet stockings?
Actually, I prefer mesh tops but yeah, I don’t exactly have anything against wearing fishnets. I’ve got the legs for it, after all.
Dear Ryuuji,
Do you wear other types of make-up other than eyeliner? And if so, what do you wear? What brand, name and what types?
For every day use, no. Eyeliner only. For clubbing or something like that, then lipstick (the really shiny, glittery kind) or eyeshadow can get added for a more striking look. I tend to stick to Rock Star because I like the really brightly-colored, noticeable stuff especially if I’m going to a place like Borderline where they’re themed around androgyny. Their ‘glam’ line is the best, and my favorite shade of eyeshadow is a cream slick called ‘Disaster’, black with golden flecks of glitter. For lips, I like ‘Passion’, which is red and shines like crazy. Sticky, though, so careful of your hair if you use it.
Dear Ryuuji,
Is it true you were really a girl when you were born, but you pretend you're a guy?
…Okay. Who the hell is spreading that rumor?
And no. The answer to that is that I’m definitely of the male persuasion.
Dear Ryuuji,
Have you ever snorted Coke up your nose? No! Not coke, Coke, like the drink?
No, I hate fizzy drinks of all types. Even beer.
Dear Ryuuji,
Is it true you have no issue with incest?
I’m starting to worry about what exactly people are saying about me.
And if this has to do with Seto and myself, all of that happened before we found out that we were related.
Otherwise, it’s not my cup of tea but I personally believe that as long as it’s consensual, it’s none of my business what anyone else chooses to do in their bedroom.
Why is it the more 'respectable' someone supposedly is, the more of a fucking self-righteous hypocrite they are?
Because everyone has buried secrets. The more respectable you are, the more you’ve buried and therefore, the more hypocritical you are.
Fine. What in the hell is up with the evil clowns?
And have you caught any yet?
I’m not exactly sure why so many clowns are evil, but they are. Evil, cruel, vicious, fear-inspiring things. That can only be cleansed by fire.
And no, we haven’t actually caught any yet. Tricky creatures, those evil clowns. They need to be hunted down with patience and caution.
I wanted to have a slumber party but my room is very small. Is there a place in the school where I could have a slumber party?
-Osaka, Hufflepuff
Hm. The common room would probably be too busy to appropriate for a slumber party so try the Room of Requirement? I’ve sketched out a map on the back of this card, so you can just use that.
When's the next time we're going to get glittery in gold and screw like weasels in the lair?
-T
I wasn’t aware that we’d ever screwed like weasels anywhere. :P
May I wrap you in a big red bow and give you to my roommate for his birthday? Don't worry about being molested or anything kinky happening, he's not into those sorts of things. The most he might do is nibble at your neck a little.
-Joachim
On one condition: You tell me when his birthday is so that I can get Luca something as well. I mean, if I’m your present to him, I’m going to have to think of something extra special.
What would you say to making a date out of origami practice? *wink*
-Yohji.
‘origami practice’? *laughs* Is that what they’re calling it these days?
And as much as I’d love to, I think my boyfriend would object. Sorry!
Okay, I'll bite. What is your favorite color?
And seriously, how do you get electronics to work around here? I wouldn't say I'm fond of them exactly, but I wouldn't mind being able to watch a movie every once in a while. Logan was gonna do a movie night, but (I have figured out how to charm my turntable to work, will a spell like that work on a CD player too or does it just mess the laser up?)
Thanks!
(Since it's nothing personal or embarrassing, I don't mind signing. Laura Palmer, Hufflepuff.)
My favorite color is green. Bright, clear, intense green.
As for electronics, offworld electronics are the ones that seem to work whereas anything from this world fails and splutters out. If you can’t get them to work anyway, that probably means your world is too close to this one, and you’ll just need to import them from elsewhere - I could probably get you them, or at least rewire yours with bits from my world to make them work, if you like.
What the bloody hell is Homsar, anyway?
One of life’s unsolved mysteries. In other words, I haven’t a clue but if anyone else knows, share! I’d like to know, as would this anon.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop?
Depends on if you’ve been sucking it first or not. Apart from that, I don’t like Tootsie pops so I’m reluctant to try, but here’s a Tootsie pop for you. Feel free to figure it out yourself.
And to everyone that asked me questions -- I hope the answers satisfied you. It was fun, and maybe I'll do it again some time. Or just open up an advice column in the newspaper, which you should all help with.
Under that, there's another sheet of paper, words scrawled again in Ryuuji's typically bold handwriting:
Out of touch?
Hogwarts needs a school newspaper. Sports section, news section, interviews with teachers, write-ups of interesting events held recently, recipies, tips for classes and anything else you can think of!
Want to be an editor? Sign up here with your name, House and desired position job.
Want to submit an article? Get writing!
Submissions will open in a week, and all articles will be proofread before printing, if accepted.
((OOC warning: Not all answers are worksafe or for that matter, serious.))
What's your advice for the caring, feeding, and raising of swamp dragons?
What is the spell for growing back singed hair?
Wolfram von Bielefeld
Betrothed to the Maou
Hufflepuff
…Swamp dragons. Right. Personally, I’d want to have a closer look at them before giving any advice for sure but I’d advise keeping them away from sharp objects, not letting them compete against each other, feeding them plenty of combustibles and wearing flame-proof clothing. If they’re sentient, try asking them directly or getting someone who can talk to dragons to figure out what they want.
Singed hair, the spell should be on page 254 of the Charms textbook. There are also Potions that would work, if you’d prefer that to wandwork.
What's up?
Oz
Having fun answering these questions, halfway through the summer convention seasons, glad that most of my friends are doing relatively well, pleased to be making new friends, worrying about those of my friends that are absent, injured or popcorn, still planning out International Evening for the 16th July, proud of how my Herbology-Potions is progressing, fine-tuning my graphics skills, thinking that it’s been too long since I’ve properly pranked someone, waiting for a response from Sara about holding another Prefects meeting to welcome the new Prefects, working on debugging some code that a friend of mine asked for help with, and suddenly shocked that this became a run-on paragraph!
Dear Ryuuji,
I love hookers.
There's not really a question there. I just really want to see that get posted.
Well, you got your wish! And er, congratulations, I guess? Everyone should love something/someone and yours seems harmless, assuming it’s not Jack-the-Ripper-style love. In this school, one never knows.
Dear Ryuuji,
Do you like pickles? If yes, do you prefer big pickles or small pickles? If no, is it because you'd rather have tuna?
…Ignoring the blatant use of euphemism, I hate pickles and tuna both. Sorry to disappoint.
Ryuuji-san,
How can someone who is magically little stay that way without chocolates?
♥ Yuki Yubari
By little, do you mean ‘young’ or sizewise? For size, Shrinking Charms ought to work. Talk to Professor Malfoy about that. For youth, I know Professor Maturin is working on a potion that deals with aging up/down. Otherwise, there are also games where you can wager years of your life and if you lose, you age up and give your youth to the other person but if you win, you age down and gain their youth. That’s more for extending your lifespan by repeatedly growing younger, though, than actually staying at a fixed age.
Dearest Ryuuji,
What the Hell is the purpose of this school? It sounds more like a freak show than an education facility.
With Tender Love,
Velma Kelly
Velma darling,
Sometimes, I think that it’s actually an asylum. We’re all actually strapped down on beds and hallucinating collectively. Or maybe only one of us is real and the rest are all just hallucinations and the fact that I’m saying this is proof that the person hallucinating is starting to recover. Do you think that we’ll all disappear when s/he gets better?
All musings aside, I think this school is meant to bring together people from different worlds so that we can learn from each other and get our minds broadened.
Either that, or it’s part of a really clever reality TV show. Please, if anyone spots any hidden cameras (believe me, I’ve already looked), tell me? I'm not sure if that's worse or better than thinking we're in an asylum, really.
Dear Ryuuji,
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
- Kira
80 kilos. Don’t question the number. I have spoken, and so shall it be.
Dear Ryuuji,
Why are the police such arsewipes about everything? It's not the end of the world if I drive on one sidewalk while I'm a little tipsy, so what bloody gives, huh?
Maybe they’re just worried that you’ll run over some kid playing on the sidewalk. Or a sweethaired old granny returning home from her shopping. Or some idiot that’s too drunk to get off the sidewalk when they see a car coming. Man. How dare those cops actually care about the well-being and safety of normal citizens?
…Next time, try keying a black-and-white. Just to really give them something to be mad about when they catch up to you, huh?
Dear Ryuuji,
Hi.
Maybe I need to post a definition of ‘question’ next time I do this.
But hi back!
RI00GEY A/S/L WILL U CYBER W/ ME??
0m9 n0 j0u 4r3 $0 #4m3
4|| y0ur b4$3 4r3 b3|0n9 70 u$
Ryuuji -
Which is worse: A loud, non-stinky fart in an elevator or a silent, putrid fart in an elevator?
Second. Because ow, you’re stuck suffering with it.
Ryuuji -
Which is worse: Having anal sex with someone who's got the shits or recieving oral sex from someone who bites?
Thankfully, I’ve never been in either of those situations. And hopefully never will. But the first one, because that sounds disgusting.
Dear Ryuuji,
Are you now, or have you ever been, any form of giant mecha in civilian disguise?
No. I’m actually a giant tube of lipstick in civilian disguise.
Ryuuji,
You once said that you "want to kill all the Jews." I am a Jew and find this offensive. Will you ever give me money to make up for it? Money would make it not offensive anymore, I promise.
Love,
Some Jewish Guy
…I think you’ve got me confused with someone else. But dude, if you want to panhandle, you’re going to have to come with a better gimmick.
I'm looking to take someone out to London to see some sort of Muggle sporting event. I have vague thinkings of a football match, but I've never been to one, so I'm unsure where they take place or how one would get tickets. Can you help?
~ Lily
Try checking out The All In London Guide. Just tap the name twice with your wand, and a brochure should fall out, complete with phone numbers to call if you can manage to handle arranging that the Muggle way. If not, owl me and I'll get it set up for you if you can just tell me what date and how many tickets you need.
~Ryuuji
Dear Ryuuji,
Is it true you are the Sailor Scout, Sailor Gay?
No. I’m Sailor Bi.
Dear Ryuuji,
Is it true that you're a reincarnated demon, and your brother is a reincarnated angel?
You mean the green eyes, black kitten familiar and being left-handed actually gave me away?! Shock. Horror. Gasp.
Dear Ryuuji,
Do you sometimes run around in fishnet stockings?
Actually, I prefer mesh tops but yeah, I don’t exactly have anything against wearing fishnets. I’ve got the legs for it, after all.
Dear Ryuuji,
Do you wear other types of make-up other than eyeliner? And if so, what do you wear? What brand, name and what types?
For every day use, no. Eyeliner only. For clubbing or something like that, then lipstick (the really shiny, glittery kind) or eyeshadow can get added for a more striking look. I tend to stick to Rock Star because I like the really brightly-colored, noticeable stuff especially if I’m going to a place like Borderline where they’re themed around androgyny. Their ‘glam’ line is the best, and my favorite shade of eyeshadow is a cream slick called ‘Disaster’, black with golden flecks of glitter. For lips, I like ‘Passion’, which is red and shines like crazy. Sticky, though, so careful of your hair if you use it.
Dear Ryuuji,
Is it true you were really a girl when you were born, but you pretend you're a guy?
…Okay. Who the hell is spreading that rumor?
And no. The answer to that is that I’m definitely of the male persuasion.
Dear Ryuuji,
Have you ever snorted Coke up your nose? No! Not coke, Coke, like the drink?
No, I hate fizzy drinks of all types. Even beer.
Dear Ryuuji,
Is it true you have no issue with incest?
I’m starting to worry about what exactly people are saying about me.
And if this has to do with Seto and myself, all of that happened before we found out that we were related.
Otherwise, it’s not my cup of tea but I personally believe that as long as it’s consensual, it’s none of my business what anyone else chooses to do in their bedroom.
Why is it the more 'respectable' someone supposedly is, the more of a fucking self-righteous hypocrite they are?
Because everyone has buried secrets. The more respectable you are, the more you’ve buried and therefore, the more hypocritical you are.
Fine. What in the hell is up with the evil clowns?
And have you caught any yet?
I’m not exactly sure why so many clowns are evil, but they are. Evil, cruel, vicious, fear-inspiring things. That can only be cleansed by fire.
And no, we haven’t actually caught any yet. Tricky creatures, those evil clowns. They need to be hunted down with patience and caution.
I wanted to have a slumber party but my room is very small. Is there a place in the school where I could have a slumber party?
-Osaka, Hufflepuff
Hm. The common room would probably be too busy to appropriate for a slumber party so try the Room of Requirement? I’ve sketched out a map on the back of this card, so you can just use that.
When's the next time we're going to get glittery in gold and screw like weasels in the lair?
-T
I wasn’t aware that we’d ever screwed like weasels anywhere. :P
May I wrap you in a big red bow and give you to my roommate for his birthday? Don't worry about being molested or anything kinky happening, he's not into those sorts of things. The most he might do is nibble at your neck a little.
-Joachim
On one condition: You tell me when his birthday is so that I can get Luca something as well. I mean, if I’m your present to him, I’m going to have to think of something extra special.
What would you say to making a date out of origami practice? *wink*
-Yohji.
‘origami practice’? *laughs* Is that what they’re calling it these days?
And as much as I’d love to, I think my boyfriend would object. Sorry!
Okay, I'll bite. What is your favorite color?
And seriously, how do you get electronics to work around here? I wouldn't say I'm fond of them exactly, but I wouldn't mind being able to watch a movie every once in a while. Logan was gonna do a movie night, but (I have figured out how to charm my turntable to work, will a spell like that work on a CD player too or does it just mess the laser up?)
Thanks!
(Since it's nothing personal or embarrassing, I don't mind signing. Laura Palmer, Hufflepuff.)
My favorite color is green. Bright, clear, intense green.
As for electronics, offworld electronics are the ones that seem to work whereas anything from this world fails and splutters out. If you can’t get them to work anyway, that probably means your world is too close to this one, and you’ll just need to import them from elsewhere - I could probably get you them, or at least rewire yours with bits from my world to make them work, if you like.
What the bloody hell is Homsar, anyway?
One of life’s unsolved mysteries. In other words, I haven’t a clue but if anyone else knows, share! I’d like to know, as would this anon.
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop?
Depends on if you’ve been sucking it first or not. Apart from that, I don’t like Tootsie pops so I’m reluctant to try, but here’s a Tootsie pop for you. Feel free to figure it out yourself.
And to everyone that asked me questions -- I hope the answers satisfied you. It was fun, and maybe I'll do it again some time. Or just open up an advice column in the newspaper, which you should all help with.
Under that, there's another sheet of paper, words scrawled again in Ryuuji's typically bold handwriting:
Out of touch?
Hogwarts needs a school newspaper. Sports section, news section, interviews with teachers, write-ups of interesting events held recently, recipies, tips for classes and anything else you can think of!
Want to be an editor? Sign up here with your name, House and desired position job.
Want to submit an article? Get writing!
Submissions will open in a week, and all articles will be proofread before printing, if accepted.