James slapped a hand up to the back of his head and pulled Sirius' hand off. He pulled off and sat up enough to stare down at his friend. "Padfoot, heel!" James kept watching, daring Sirius to have a reaction, to say somthing, to move.
For a moment, Sirius lay there, a bit stunned. He wanted to sit up, but James was hovering over him, still half on top, and he would have to push him off. Instead, looking cautiously at James, he said, "It's all right. We don't have to do this, Prongs."
James' top lip curled, he couldn't help it. "It's alright? What do I look like to you, Pads? Some scared little girl? Shut up." He looked angry, he sounded angry or at least gruff. But he wasn't doing anything more than hovering over Sirius, intent. His eyee only seeming determined and the grip of his hands, on Sirius' sides was gentle.
"Didn't say that. But you're roughing me up. And I'm trying to give you an out if it's because you didn't want this after all." He stared back at James, eyes focused, but slightly soft. He may have been seventeen in body, but that didn't mean he didn't realise that he had over that many years of experience beyond James. To Sirius, that gave him a bit of extra responsibility when it came to intimate situations.
"Roughing you up, Pads? Roughing you up? I've barely even touched you 'fore all the whining and complaining started. What now? I'm not treating you as nice as the others? M'not tender enough or something? Not nice? James Potter can't do it right?"
Sirius was being all wrong about things. They weren't supposed to be talking right now. They weren't supposed to be thinking right now.
Sirius pushed himself up on his elbows and regarded James, head slightly tilted. If he really were seventeen, he would have thrown a punch, or probably several, at James by now. It was the way they had solved things back then. But right now he felt his age weighing on him, and the only thing he could do was explain himself.
"You shoved me off the couch, Prongs. And honestly, rough can be good, but not when it's for the wrong reasons. You're all psyched up about something. Just...take a break for a moment."
He reached a hand down and put it on one of James's. It was a small gesture, but hopefully a reassuring one. His 'first times' had all been long ago, but he still remembered feeling scared and tentative through some of them, and he reckoned James was going through the same thing right now.
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. James pulled back from the touch. Pulled back from Sirius. He was resting on the balls of his feet, knees on the floor and then moving forward again, fist swinging without any thought at all.
Sirius wouldn't shut up. Padfoot needed to just. shut. up. It was all wrong. Wrong and smug and know-it-all. "Sod your reasons."
The punch to the jaw wasn't that much of a surprise - they had had more than a few fistfights when they were younger, or rather, when Sirius was younger - but it hurt all the same. Something in Sirius's chest surged, and he had to struggle against the instinct to leap up and deal a punch right back to James. Every nerve in his arms and legs were pushing up, trying to get him to do just that, so much that he rose up the slightest bit, bracing himself against the floor. But something in the back of his mind prevented him from moving further up, and he settled back down, swallowing hard and raising one hand to touch where James had hit him.
He stared at James, eyes narrowed slightly, jaw clenched. "Are you done? Or would you like to do that again?"
"If I wanted to be naked and fucking Remus, I'd be here with Remus, wanker."
James' hand lifted again, if Sirius was going to just sit there. But then something about the pose and tone together; the reddened skin on Sirius' jaw, the cold, waiting defiance. The name 'Pads' curious, confused, and more choked behind his lips.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius scooted back and raised himself into a sitting position, rubbing his jaw. His eyes were still focused on James's, but they had softened again. Clearly this had all been too much for James - after all these years, Sirius knew his patterns - but telling him that again was almost certainly going to result in another punch.
James' eyes were still on the bruise, even if he made his voice sound casual. Or casual to him. "Moony's the only other bloke I know, who'd back off getting his cock done in order to chat. And that's before he got so tepid about everything."
James dragged his eyes away from whatever bruise was forming. "S'matter, Pads? You'd rather a cuppa?"
Sirius ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "I wasn't backing off, James. But look - you start carrying on about hating me, you shove me off the couch and call me a twat or whatever it was, and then you - " Sirius shook his head. "You expect me to take all that in stride?" He wanted to add that the statement about Remus was entirely untrue, but it was a point not worth making.
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Sirius was being all wrong about things. They weren't supposed to be talking right now. They weren't supposed to be thinking right now.
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"You shoved me off the couch, Prongs. And honestly, rough can be good, but not when it's for the wrong reasons. You're all psyched up about something. Just...take a break for a moment."
He reached a hand down and put it on one of James's. It was a small gesture, but hopefully a reassuring one. His 'first times' had all been long ago, but he still remembered feeling scared and tentative through some of them, and he reckoned James was going through the same thing right now.
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Sirius wouldn't shut up. Padfoot needed to just. shut. up. It was all wrong. Wrong and smug and know-it-all. "Sod your reasons."
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He stared at James, eyes narrowed slightly, jaw clenched. "Are you done? Or would you like to do that again?"
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James' hand lifted again, if Sirius was going to just sit there. But then something about the pose and tone together; the reddened skin on Sirius' jaw, the cold, waiting defiance. The name 'Pads' curious, confused, and more choked behind his lips.
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James dragged his eyes away from whatever bruise was forming. "S'matter, Pads? You'd rather a cuppa?"
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