Owl from Agent Cooper to the Sorting Hat
Agent Cooper knows from his investigation into Sortings that you can't go wrong by flattering the Sorting Hat. He's also gleaned an inkling of what the Hat likes. Therefore he eschews his normal brisk memo format, and pulls out all the stops.
Most esteemed Sorting Hat:
A colleague and I are conducting an investigation into the nature of your puissant institution, Hogwarts School. We think the results will greatly enhance the school's international reputation. Incidentally, that would increase the number of applicants who are wealthy and prone to cause drama. There is no one better placed in the Hogwarts community to assist with this investigation than you, since every applicant to the school must converse with you during the Sorting process. Would you consider lending your formidable skill and charm to this endeavor?
Respectfully,
Special Agent Dale Cooper
Ravenclaw
Most esteemed Sorting Hat:
A colleague and I are conducting an investigation into the nature of your puissant institution, Hogwarts School. We think the results will greatly enhance the school's international reputation. Incidentally, that would increase the number of applicants who are wealthy and prone to cause drama. There is no one better placed in the Hogwarts community to assist with this investigation than you, since every applicant to the school must converse with you during the Sorting process. Would you consider lending your formidable skill and charm to this endeavor?
Respectfully,
Special Agent Dale Cooper
Ravenclaw