All over the school, business card size rectangles have appeared. Some of them are in really strange or inaccessible places. Any time someone says the word "wish", the nearest one will slide over to them along the wall or floor.
Down on your luck? Karma kicking your ass? Yearning for a special someone?
Owl the
GODDESS TECHNICAL HELP LINE
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At the word wish, a small card whisks right up to Morfin. He picks it up, puzzled. "Goddess Technical Help Line?" Maybe this will help him!
He composes an owl right away, writing in large block letters.
DEAR GODDESS TECHNICAL HELP LINE
I AM SUPPOSED TO TALK TO SOME PSYCHIATRISTS AND START A SUPPORT GROUP BECAUSE THE HAT THINKS I SHOULD DO IT AND IT WOULD HELP PEOPLE. I WANT TO HELP PEOPLE! I DON'T KNOW WHO TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS. CAN YOU HELP ME?
SINCERELY
MORFIN JONES
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Tiny, cursive script appears on the back of the card Morfin is holding. It reads, 'Please hold while we process your access request ...'
'Processing ... '
'GRANTED.'
'A technician will arrive at your location shortly. Please remain where you are.'
About thirty seconds later, the shiny, reflective metal surface of a set of armour nearby begins to glow dimly. The glow brightens, and Belldandy, in full Goddess regalia (from the Hogwarts uniform she was wearing immediately previous (if anyone wants to see her vanish)) appears. She touches down lightly, clasping her hands in front of her, and bows to Morfin. She then presents her personal business card. "Hello! I am the Goddess Belldandy. What is your wish?"
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"Well, you see, like I said in my owl ... the Sorting Hat made me promise that if it let me into Hogwarts, I would start a schoolwide support group. I have a lot of experience being in therapy, and there are so many people at Hogwarts that need help! The Hat told me all about it! There are addicts in Ravenclaw and emo kids in Gryffindor and and and ... I don't even know where to start! And the Hat wants me to arrange it under a psychiatrist's supervision, but the only doctor I know here so far is Dr. Wilson, who is very nice but isn't a psychiatrist. I heard some bad things about Dr. Lecter and I won't even go near him." Morfin is afraid that Dr. Lecter will manipulate him into a relapse from his hard-won state of medicated tranquility.
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"So ... your wish is to find a psychiatrist who will help you with your support group?"
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"Your wish has been granted. Here is a list of the doctors in residence at Hogwarts at this time. You should pay special attention to the ones marked with stars." She hands him a parchment with a list inscribed on it.
'Doctor Who, 4th incarnation
Doctor Who, 10th incarnation*
Doctor John Watson*
Doctor Stephen Maturin*
Doctor Gregory House
Doctor Hannibal Lector
Doctor Frasier Crane*
Alternatives:
Mister Spock
Shepherd Book*
Esmerelda Weatherwax
Aziraphale*
Albus Dumbledore*
Anne Shirley
Minerva McGonagall
Remus Lupin'
"Thank you for choosing the Goddes Helpline." Belldandy bows and turns to go back through the armor's chestplate.
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