Application for the Captain, from ROMANTICALLY APOCALYPTIC
A swirl of dirty snow and drifting ash accompanied the latest arrival to the Sorting Room, a tall figure in a rather smart military ensemble, complete with gasmask and gloves; not the tiniest bit of skin could be seen. In one hand he held a mug of steaming... something.
State your full name.
Name? Who needs names when... "I am the Captain." He raised his mug, as if saluting himself.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"There are these packets. They have very bright orange squares with brown paste holding them together. They say they are delicious cheese flavored. So they are my favorite." And hopefully not too heavily radioactive.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"It would be easier to make sure they were in the same building and drop a lovely bomb in it. I know Pilot would be very happy to co-operate." Not that he was sure where Pilot had gotten to. It was a startlingly practical solution for the Captain, nonetheless.
3. What time is it where you are?
It had been a long time since he'd even tried to keep track of the year, much less niceties like time of day. "...winter?"
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"Pretend I am someone else? No. I'm already the Captain. I'm best."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Ah ha! I would call it the Pit of Sugary Death. Only it would be a good Pit of Sugary Death, not an inferior one like some pits." If the Captain had a Pit of Sugary Death, there would be none of that drinking your way out! It would be dark indeed, a proper cavern, not some little damp hole.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Aagh! An attempt to breed mutant babies! Why? They are not tasty."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"No, no, no, you do not leave the paper on the desk! The paper is for writing orders, which you give to your squad so they know what their mission is. A good squad will want to please their captain." Although really, obedience was more than good enough.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"Ah, I see you think I am some ignorant boob? But no! I can make trains run, and fight the saucer aliens who kidnapped Santa. I know many things, and only a fool would doubt me!" He gestured broadly with both arms, causing tea to slosh from his mug and splatter onto the floor, ignored.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
With what might have been a chuckle, the Captain reached into his voluminous coat and pulled out a battered blue cardboard box. "I found a boxful of presents in the wasteland!" The joke was on them. The present was always a telescope with a mouse inside.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____ZEE CAPTEIN________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ______ZEE CAPTEIN_____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ___ZEE CAPTEIN________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _____ZEE CAPTEIN________"
State your full name.
Name? Who needs names when... "I am the Captain." He raised his mug, as if saluting himself.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"There are these packets. They have very bright orange squares with brown paste holding them together. They say they are delicious cheese flavored. So they are my favorite." And hopefully not too heavily radioactive.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"It would be easier to make sure they were in the same building and drop a lovely bomb in it. I know Pilot would be very happy to co-operate." Not that he was sure where Pilot had gotten to. It was a startlingly practical solution for the Captain, nonetheless.
3. What time is it where you are?
It had been a long time since he'd even tried to keep track of the year, much less niceties like time of day. "...winter?"
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"Pretend I am someone else? No. I'm already the Captain. I'm best."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Ah ha! I would call it the Pit of Sugary Death. Only it would be a good Pit of Sugary Death, not an inferior one like some pits." If the Captain had a Pit of Sugary Death, there would be none of that drinking your way out! It would be dark indeed, a proper cavern, not some little damp hole.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Aagh! An attempt to breed mutant babies! Why? They are not tasty."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"No, no, no, you do not leave the paper on the desk! The paper is for writing orders, which you give to your squad so they know what their mission is. A good squad will want to please their captain." Although really, obedience was more than good enough.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"Ah, I see you think I am some ignorant boob? But no! I can make trains run, and fight the saucer aliens who kidnapped Santa. I know many things, and only a fool would doubt me!" He gestured broadly with both arms, causing tea to slosh from his mug and splatter onto the floor, ignored.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
With what might have been a chuckle, the Captain reached into his voluminous coat and pulled out a battered blue cardboard box. "I found a boxful of presents in the wasteland!" The joke was on them. The present was always a telescope with a mouse inside.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____ZEE CAPTEIN________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ______ZEE CAPTEIN_____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ___ZEE CAPTEIN________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _____ZEE CAPTEIN________"