Peace and Quiet ((open rp))

[sgt_hunter]

John sat comfortably in a corner of Ravenclaw’s bar, nursing a scotch. The prank war was finally over and everyone was back to their appropriate age. Calm had descended on his family, at least for now. He spun the glass between his fingers, watching the amber liquid swirl in the half light. While he had been gone, his family had grown. Bobby

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Re: Season 4 in five minutes...

[sgt_hunter]

John poured for both of them, then sat back his gaze never wavering from Cas as he spoke. His expression may have been a carefully crafted mask, but it was not difficult to miss the growing agony in his eyes.

When Castiel concluded his narrative, the only sound at the table was the sharp crack of the glass giving way beneath John’s hands. He looked down and absently began picking bloodied shards of glass out of his palms. The pain was welcome, it kept him focused while he mind tried to process what he had been told. Dean going to hell for Sam? Sam setting Lucifer free? His boys dying? It was too much to for anyone to take in at once; as a father, it was almost impossible.

Had it been anyone else who had admitted to being a part of a scheme to manipulate his sons into being the weapons of both Heaven and Hell and bring about the Apocalypse, John wouldn’t have hesitated to reach across the table land at least one good punch. The only thing that kept that from happening was the battered old watch that Cas wore on his wrist.

A badly shaken father looked into Castiel’s face. "But even then, you had your doubts, before you decided to fall in with Dean and Sam?"

[nerdofthelord]

Cas took a large swallow of whiskey. "It was clear that something had gone very wrong in Heaven. Angels were being murdered, the validity of our orders was becoming more and more uncertain. I doubted. I was afraid. And I had come to like Dean and Sam, better than most of my own kind.

"But I was a soldier, taught from the moment of my creation that my life and my will were the property of Heaven. Disobedience was the worst crime an angel could commit, subject to the severest forms of punishment."

He sat back, gestured for a house elf to clean up the shards and bring John a fresh glass, and fidgeted with his own. "I didn't find the...the balls to do what I knew I should, until Dean shamed me into it. Until I realized he was just as afraid as I was, but he was willing to take on Heaven and Hell together if that was what it took to protect his brother and the world. Even if it meant risking everything. Becoming the hunted." He tossed back the remainder of his drink. "So I joined them. And that's what we did. ...would you like me to fix those for you?" He nodded at the damage John had done himself.

[sgt_hunter]

John reached for the fresh glass, grimacing as his fingers failed to completely close around it. The life of a soldier was something that he understood and he nodded at Castiel. "I can't say that being in the Marines compares to a soldier in Heaven, but I imagine the culture was somewhat similar. In the Marines, you followed orders without question, you were loyal to the Corps first above all."

He gave a fractional smile. Naturally Dean would be the one who tried to take on everything to protect Sammy.

John looked quizically at Castiel. "Fix them?" Obviously in his twenty years of hunting and studying demons and all manner of supernatural creature, studying the lore of Heaven had not been much of a priority.

[nerdofthelord]

"Exactly," the angel said, nodding. "It's not an easy mindset to break out of, even when you know that you must. Understand that I am not making excuses. It was a failure on my part, one that I can only hope I've atoned for since."

"Yes." As he spoke, he leaned across the table to touch the backs of John's fingers, willing away the lacerations. "You're not familiar with angelic lore? Healing is...one of the perks."

[sgt_hunter]

"No, it's not and easy thing to change," he agreed. John was beginning to develop his own respect for the angel.

He looked down at his hands, surprised. "I.. no. I wasn't exactly what you would call a man of deep faith before Mary had been killed. After that, I lost what little faith I had. I knew there was a Hell, and I knew there were demons. But Heaven?" he shook his head. "It was too far away, too removed while I was trying desperately to keep my family together and keep my sons safe."

[nerdofthelord]

Cas nodded as he refilled his glass; he could relate. "I think all of us have suffered our crises of faith." He smiled ruefully. "In fact, it's been something of an epidemic in recent months. But Heaven is real, and that disconnection is something I intend to try to change, if I get the opportunity." He knew he might be pointlessly spinning his wheels, making plans in that direction, but it was difficult to put it out of his mind. If Dean suffered for lack of anything to hunt here, he was just as stuck for any goals to pursue, orders to follow, battles to fight.

He considered the man's final statement thoughtfully. "You raised your sons to be fine men," he said. "Considering the forces that were arrayed against you, I don't know how you could possibly have been any more successful."

Dean had once described John Winchester as a 'deadbeat dad,' but it was clear, talking to the man, that his job had not been an easy one. Whatever his failings as a father, they obviously couldn't be chalked up to not caring. Castiel filed that observation away for later consideration; maybe it was normal for sons to have a blind spot when it came to the choices their fathers made.

[sgt_hunter]

"Given what's happened, I'm not surprised," he noted, taking a long swallow from his glass. There had been moments over the years when he would look up at the night sky and talk to the stars, wishing that somehow Mary could hear him. It was the closest John ever got to prayer.

"I couldn't be prouder of Sam and Dean. They're damn good kids, even if I was too lost to see it most days when they were younger," there was a bitter note of regret in his voice. "I know the boys didn't go through it alone, and for that I'm grateful to both you and Bobby."

[nerdofthelord]

"It's been my privilege. And probably my salvation," the angel said seriously. "If I hadn't met them, I'd likely be dead, like many from my garrison, or turned to Hell's service as several others were." As difficult and painful as his path had been, it was infinitely better than either of those alternatives. "Dean has a gift for forging ahead no matter the odds, drawing others along in his wake when they would have foundered alone."

He paused a beat. "Unfortunately, there are times when that can translate into plowing headlong into a stone wall and creating a pile-up. Nevertheless, none of us would be here if not for him."

[sgt_hunter]

Despite the horrifying news the angel had recently given him, John sat back and genuinely laughed at his very apt description of Dean's determination and the occasional disaster that resulted when his sheer stubbornness would lead him wildly off track. "Once the boy gets an idea in his head, there's no dislodging it."

John set down his drink and considered the angel across the table. "I can see why Dean and Sammy consider you part of the family," he said, his eyes drifting down to the old watch. Castiel was honest, honorable, and someone John knew he'd want at his back in the middle of a fight.

[nerdofthelord]

Cas had been hoping he might elicit at least a smile with that statement, after everything he'd dropped onto John's shoulders, though he'd also meant it quite seriously. But the man's observation startled him a bit, and he followed John's gaze to the watch. He'd grown so used to wearing it he hadn't stopped to consider what John might think.

"I'm not unaware of the implications. Or ungrateful," he assured the man.

"Sam honored me by giving this to me as a Christmas gift." He took the watch off and studied it thoughtfully. He hoped John wasn't offended to see him with it. "Because of the inscription, he said. Semper Fidelis. I told him that I didn't know I had earned it, but he insisted." He looked up a bit apprehensively. "I don't believe that he intended to show disrespect to you--to your memory."

None of them had much here that was of any value, sentimental or otherwise. Castiel thought Sam might have given him the most valuable thing he owned, and he was certain the young man would not have made such a decision lightly. "But if you'd rather that I didn't wear it, I can put it away."

[sgt_hunter]

"Me and Sam.. it's always been hard for us. We fought from the time he was a teenager right up until the day I died." John had bitterly regretted not saying goodbye to his youngest, but he had been afraid. He had failed Sam so many times in the past, Dean had to be the one to survive and look out for his brother.

"I wanted to do right by him; to make him ready for what was coming. I had an inkling of what the demon's plans were for Sammy. I pushed him too hard, I pushed them both too hard. When he left us to go to college, I let him go. I didn't go after him, even though I wanted to. I thought if he had a chance at a normal life, he deserved it. It was all he ever wanted and I couldn’t give it to him.”

John drained his glass in one swallow, savoring the burn. He loved his sons fiercely, but he had been a damned coward. “I should have told them everything.”

The elder Winchester shook himself and raised his eyes back to Castiel and his offer. “No. Sam gave it to you for a reason. If he wanted you to wear it, then please, keep wearing it.”

Sooner or later, he was going to have to talk to both Sam and Dean. He couldn’t make up for past mistakes, but he could at least attempt to apologize to them.

[nerdofthelord]

The angel nodded and put the watch back on, relieved; what it represented was important to him, and he was glad he wouldn't have to hide it.

"Some of the things that have happened are...too personal for you to hear from me," he said. Maybe some of the things he'd already said had been; it wasn't something he was very good at judging, but the matter of Sam as Lucifer's vessel, that he knew the man should hear from his sons. "But you should know that in the end it was Sam who put Lucifer down. Dean made it possible, and Bobby and I were there, but it was his strength that won the day."

He leaned in slightly, compelled to address the misplaced pain he saw the man carrying. "You may not have been a perfect father. But you gave them everything that they needed to save Creation from ruin. Strength. Conviction. Faith in one another. No one else could have done it, John. You did not fail your sons."

[sgt_hunter]

John swallowed hard around a rising tightness in his throat. There was more to tell and he was holding it back? Jesus. That was never good. How bad had it gotten for them? How bad had it gotten for Sammy?

"Sammy did it, huh?" He had heard as much from Dean, even if Sam tried to brush off that credit. John couldn't help the surge of pride, even as his eyes began to well up. The angel had seen right through to the heart of his fears; that he had been so obsessed with his hunt for the demon that he had failed Sam and Dean on a fundamental level. The emotions were too new and too raw for him to even attempt to tamp them down.

"I'm glad he didn't have to do it alone," he managed. "Thank you."

[nerdofthelord]

It was another one of those awkward, all-too-common moments when Castiel was convinced he would never overcome his clumsiness with the social graces.

"I've upset you," he said, his own distress evident in the way his gaze darted restlessly around the room, seeking a way to fix things and not finding it. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." He forced his focus back to John, adding, "All of that is behind us now. The boys are still recovering, we all are, but they're going to be fine."

Neither of them needed to hear the addendum, for now, though he couldn't stop himself thinking it.

[sgt_hunter]

"Don't apologize," John said, struggling to get himself back under control. "It was time I heard more about what happened after I died, and I'm glad you told me, even if it's not easy for a father to hear."

"Is there something that I can do? For any of you?" If there was one thing John needed, it was to feel useful. He had to do something to help his new and extended family as they mended.

[nerdofthelord]

Cas thought about it. "Possibly. I think the reason the pranks keep getting out of control is that no one knows what to do with themselves here. There's nothing to hunt, no crisis to solve, no battles to fight and no civilians who need saving. Downtime is something that we all needed, badly, but here we've got too much of a good thing. It leaves far too much time for introspection." He shrugged slightly. "We could all use something to keep us occupied. But what, eludes me."