A Derp in Hogwarts (Application for Dipsy Doo from My Litlle Pony: FiM)

[derpy_hooves]

There were no mail boxes in hogwarts. There didn't need to be; that's what house elves and the Owlry were for

Comments

[theregothedrums]

It was vapid, and it flew. Hey, that's halfway to being a Toclafane!

"Actually, 'dumbledore' is an old word for bumblebee."

[derpy_hooves]

At this new evidence of her as-yet unknown genius, Dipsy derped, hovering in glee. "I thought that sounded right!"

[theregothedrums]

"Of course, bees have stings. Do you have a sting?"

[derpy_hooves]

"A sting? Me?" Dipsy wrapped her forelegs around her middle and rolled in the air, laughing hysterically. Mail from her bag spewed everywhere. When she got her breath back she gasped, "Ponies don't have stingers, silly!"

[theregothedrums]

"I could give you one." He snickered. "I could make you one."

[derpy_hooves]

She grinned. "You could dress me up like a bumblebee? I bet that would be great for the Galloping Gala!" She zipped around, looking wistful. "I bet Princess Celestia would really like it. Bumblebees are so nice, making honey, and helping the flowers grow..." She trailed off, content in making buzzing noises while she flew around the room, scattering letters.

[theregothedrums]

...

Dumber than a Toclafane, then. Ranged weapons were out.

"It was the sharp bit I had in mind," he said, "But I suppose I could paint stripes on you."

[derpy_hooves]

Dipsy nodded enthusiastically. "Just as long as it isn't too sharp. And! You can't paint over my cutie mark!" She pointed with a hoof to the mark on her rump. "Derherp, I'd be more like a bubblebee, don't you think?"

[theregothedrums]

"Cutie mark." His facial expression could have gone on the TVTropes 'Flat What' page. "Oh, do tell me what that means."

[derpy_hooves]

This was a very serious topic, even by Dipsy's standards, so she stopped her buzzing and landed in front of her New Friend. She covered her mouth with a hoof and coughed solemnly.

"Ahem. A Cutie Mark is gifted to every pony once she exhibits her virtues under the Elements of Harmony: Friendship, Loyalty, Laughter, Kindness, and Generosity. A pony must have all of these, and show her ability to perform tasks and be harmonious with these elements, and when she does these things, she is gifted by Princess Celestia with her Cutie Mark."

She straightened, puffing out her chest proudly. "In order, My greatest virtues were Laughter, Loyalty, Generosity, Kindness, and Friendship. The mark is indi... indi... indico..." she paused, trying to remember the appropriate word, clopping her hoof against the floor as she tried out syllables.

[theregothedrums]

Well, that was convoluted and more than a little sickening. Sending this creature back to her kind with a slow-acting but reliable engineered virus sounded like the best option, really.

"Your society uses tramp stamps as caste marks."

Well, the anatomical analogy wasn't spot-on, but still.

[derpy_hooves]

Dipsy continued to test out syllables, oblivious. "Indiblaah... indisnooo... indi cats.. Indicats? Oh! Indicative. Indicative of her personality!" she finished, triumphant. "See, mine are bubbles!"

[theregothedrums]

"Yes, like a fizzy drink," he observed. "Are you as full of chemicals?"

[derpy_hooves]

She smiled blankly at him, head going to the side. "There's a unicorn pony named Fizzy."

[theregothedrums]

"Is there." He rolled his eyes. "I suppose you're going to tell me about Fizzy's tramp stamp too."

[derpy_hooves]

"Soda pop floats! It's her favorite drink too, and she works at the bakery with Pinkie Pie and makes 'em alllll the time!"