Application: C-3P0 and R2-D2, Star Wars
A (mostly) gold droid waddled into the sorting room and stopped in shock. This was most unfortunate, as a short and squat droid was right behind him and ran into his knees. "Artoo! Pay attention!" the tall droid snapped. R2-D2 whistled something at him that sounded both indignant and rude.
"No, I don't know where we are! This must be some mistake." Artoo whistled again. "No, I don't believe that stone is an appropriate building material for a Mon Calamari cruiser. Do I look like a starship engineer? We'll just have to ask somebody in charge. Come along, Artoo."
Threepio walked over to the table and picked up the application. "Look, Artoo, at least they left instructions."
State your full name.
"My name is C-3P0, human/cyborg relations, and this is my counterpart, R2-D2. We are pleased to be of service."
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Oh." Threepio looked confused, if it was possible for a droid to look confused. "I am well versed in the appropriate cuisine for a wide variety of situations on a vast number of worlds. I would be happy to assist in choosing a fine and enjoyable cheese. If I may, though, could I please find out where we are? I would hate to recommend a cheese that is unavailable."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Artoo "thrrrrpt!'ed" when Threepio read the question to him. "No, Artoo, I don't think they're asking us to kill anyone. At least I hope not." He looked around. "There's nobody else here. In any case, it's against our programming to harm a sentient being."
3. What time is it where you are?
Artoo made the rude noise again. "I agree, Artoo." Threepio said. "The least they could do is tell us where we are. It makes the question rather difficult to answer."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"Well, I never!" Threepio cried. "Artoo, I think it's best we leave this place as soon as possible. I believe they're looking for a different sort of droid here."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Artoo responded with a series of beeps and whistles.
"Well, yes, Artoo, you did bartend, but I don't know if you can say that it was in the dark. The sail barge was rather more dim than dark. Now, if you'll allow me to make a suggestion, I think Black Rose of the Glowing Sun of My Tears would be a better name. It's an ancient Trandoshan poem about the tragic darkness of the soul and space. I can recite it for you if you like-"
Threepio was cut off with an electronic squawk that meant "No!" in any language.
"Well. Fine." The tall droid huffed. "We'll call it The Sarlacc. But don't come to me the next time you want a suggestion!"
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The application's mistake was in asking for a variety of world mythologies, as C-3P0 had a galaxy's worth.
"Oh finally, a question I would be happy to answer! Oh dear oh dear, so many to choose from. If Harry was from Adari, he might be interested in the legend of the snow god Iki, who at one time..."
Eventually even the quill gave up and just let him prattle on. Pages and pages worth of mythology were scattered on the floor, as Threepio didn't have to stop to remember a story or even catch his breath.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
With a whistle and beep, Artoo laid out his plans. "Well, yes, Artoo, but I don't think the Maw is accessible to most bureaucratic administrators."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
The little droid honked. "Artoo would like to say that he is most certainly not useless, and I have to agree. Although, he can be somewhat troublesome at times." This caused Artoo to protest at length.
"Don't blame me!" Threepio insisted. "I'm not the one who can't keep their gripping tool to themselves. As for myself," he continued, "I am a protocol droid fluent in over six million forms of communication." He sounded very impressed with his qualifications.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"As I said, I am fluent in over six million forms of communication, and many other skills as well. Artoo is a very competent astromech droid."
There was a whistle and honk.
"And a mechanic, when need be."
Another honk. "And a bartender." Whistle. "Really, Artoo. That's enough."
"I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _C-3P0 and R2-D2___________
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _C-3P0 and R2-D2__________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _I'm afraid neither Artoo nor I are wearing knickers, but in the event that we would be we promise not to bunch them__________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __Which world would that be?___________"
((C-3P0 and R2-D2 are taking two character slots.))
((Sorry for the delay; I had family come in unannounced from out of state. I've spent the last few days trying to convince my Trekkie cousin that Star Wars is cooler. No luck :())
"No, I don't know where we are! This must be some mistake." Artoo whistled again. "No, I don't believe that stone is an appropriate building material for a Mon Calamari cruiser. Do I look like a starship engineer? We'll just have to ask somebody in charge. Come along, Artoo."
Threepio walked over to the table and picked up the application. "Look, Artoo, at least they left instructions."
State your full name.
"My name is C-3P0, human/cyborg relations, and this is my counterpart, R2-D2. We are pleased to be of service."
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Oh." Threepio looked confused, if it was possible for a droid to look confused. "I am well versed in the appropriate cuisine for a wide variety of situations on a vast number of worlds. I would be happy to assist in choosing a fine and enjoyable cheese. If I may, though, could I please find out where we are? I would hate to recommend a cheese that is unavailable."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Artoo "thrrrrpt!'ed" when Threepio read the question to him. "No, Artoo, I don't think they're asking us to kill anyone. At least I hope not." He looked around. "There's nobody else here. In any case, it's against our programming to harm a sentient being."
3. What time is it where you are?
Artoo made the rude noise again. "I agree, Artoo." Threepio said. "The least they could do is tell us where we are. It makes the question rather difficult to answer."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"Well, I never!" Threepio cried. "Artoo, I think it's best we leave this place as soon as possible. I believe they're looking for a different sort of droid here."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Artoo responded with a series of beeps and whistles.
"Well, yes, Artoo, you did bartend, but I don't know if you can say that it was in the dark. The sail barge was rather more dim than dark. Now, if you'll allow me to make a suggestion, I think Black Rose of the Glowing Sun of My Tears would be a better name. It's an ancient Trandoshan poem about the tragic darkness of the soul and space. I can recite it for you if you like-"
Threepio was cut off with an electronic squawk that meant "No!" in any language.
"Well. Fine." The tall droid huffed. "We'll call it The Sarlacc. But don't come to me the next time you want a suggestion!"
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
The application's mistake was in asking for a variety of world mythologies, as C-3P0 had a galaxy's worth.
"Oh finally, a question I would be happy to answer! Oh dear oh dear, so many to choose from. If Harry was from Adari, he might be interested in the legend of the snow god Iki, who at one time..."
Eventually even the quill gave up and just let him prattle on. Pages and pages worth of mythology were scattered on the floor, as Threepio didn't have to stop to remember a story or even catch his breath.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
With a whistle and beep, Artoo laid out his plans. "Well, yes, Artoo, but I don't think the Maw is accessible to most bureaucratic administrators."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
The little droid honked. "Artoo would like to say that he is most certainly not useless, and I have to agree. Although, he can be somewhat troublesome at times." This caused Artoo to protest at length.
"Don't blame me!" Threepio insisted. "I'm not the one who can't keep their gripping tool to themselves. As for myself," he continued, "I am a protocol droid fluent in over six million forms of communication." He sounded very impressed with his qualifications.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"As I said, I am fluent in over six million forms of communication, and many other skills as well. Artoo is a very competent astromech droid."
There was a whistle and honk.
"And a mechanic, when need be."
Another honk. "And a bartender." Whistle. "Really, Artoo. That's enough."
"I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _C-3P0 and R2-D2___________
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _C-3P0 and R2-D2__________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _I'm afraid neither Artoo nor I are wearing knickers, but in the event that we would be we promise not to bunch them__________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __Which world would that be?___________"
((C-3P0 and R2-D2 are taking two character slots.))
((Sorry for the delay; I had family come in unannounced from out of state. I've spent the last few days trying to convince my Trekkie cousin that Star Wars is cooler. No luck :())