Applicant: Hannah Cheshire (Lili Wilkinson's 'Scatterheart', novel)
Once upon a time, there was a poor man who had a daughter. She was very beautiful, but she was selfish and vain, and her heart was as fickle as the changing winds. For this reason, she was known as Scatterheart...
❦
Hannah looked up to the greying sky, feeling the snowflakes as they melted against her cheek. Thomas caught her attention; he was pounding snow into a form, refining it until it resembled an animal they had once had a discussion of. ‘A kangaroo,’ she observed. Thomas’ eyes sparkled in response, he always got so passionate. The wind picked up and a snow crystal landed on her cheek, she closed her eyes. When she opened them again she was lying on a stone floor. She had been under an open glass window; snow was fluttering in, dancing on the winds, and landing on her form. Her fingers and cheeks burned from the cold, and her hair was flecked with snow crystals. She was still wearing her burgundy bustle gown, and pink shawl. Where was she? Disorientated, she rose.
State your full name.
Hannah observed the application. State your full name, it said. She looked at the quill and frowned. Was there something odd at work here? She moved to take the quill but the distance seemed to be just out of reach. She tried again. Hannah wasn’t able to pick up the quill. ‘What on earth,’ she said. Then in answer to her, it stood to attention. She gasped. It was like something out of a fairy-story, some sort of magical implement. It brought memories of sitting on her chaise, the dimming sun outside splintering in the frosted glass panes, and of Thomas’s storytelling of Cendrillon, and Red-cap. ‘My name’s Hannah Cheshire,’ she said, her voice wavering. The quill took action, moving to the application and scratching her answer into the appropriate slot. When it had finished, Hannah gasped. She soon smiled. The smile seemed foreign; she hadn’t done so since having Thomas as her tutor. Hannah was intrigued; she leant forward, and read on.
1. What is your favourite cheese? Why is it your favourite?
She understood that the quill acted on her voice, so she answered, ‘I couldn’t say I have one favourite out of the many. But when I feasted with Papa he had the cook put together a cheese platter, I had so many cheeses to choose from. Out of them, I think my preferred was a French cheese, my father had imported it from there.’
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Hannah opened her eyes and saw the face of Death. The face was long and pale and elegant, but seemed to be crumbling away at the edges. The nose was sunken and grey. White pustules sprouted from the corners of the eyes, and along the cheekbones. Death opened his mouth, and Hannah saw glistening black saliva. Hannah blinked, staring at the second question. Dr. Ullathorne, who on their first meeting had seemed like Death, was the only person she had killed. He had experimented on Molly, cutting groves into her arm and had been about to sow a maggot into the wound when Long Meg had sprung into action. She blinked back tears, she had found Long Meg dead and raped on the metal slab. She had some thought in being justified to shoving him overboard, but a life was a life. She wouldn’t kill anyone again. ‘Neither,’ she said, a sob catching in her throat.
3. What time is it where you are?
Hannah looked around blindly, searching for a grandfather clock. With no avail she stared back at the question, and then to the windows she had previously been laying under. The outside was grey, white flecks glinted in the sun light that tried to penetrate the greyness, and succeeded. But there was also a fog, not like the fog in London; with its deep grey, filthy abyss that suffocated everything, but a clear, pure fog that moved in wisps, gathering the snowflakes and taking them to better homes. The time of day was insubstantial, but she knew it was nightfall. ‘I’m not sure,’ she said. ‘Perhaps close to supper.’
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
‘I’m not answering this, it’s highly improper!’ she cried, blushing and shrinking into the chair.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Hannah left this question blank. She had wrinkled her nose at the question because she still saw herself as a lady, regardless of being a slatternly convict at the same time. She wouldn’t strike up a bar, and needless to say, would ever govern it at night. She had seen brutality and violence and drunken escapades to last her fifty life-times; she wouldn’t go into a profession that would increase such escapades.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Hannah blushed. Her mind moved on to different avenues of thought, finding herself lingering on the idea of Thomas Behr and the way she had treated him just after her father had left. He had his heart in the right place; he had come to her doorstep to ask her hand in marriage. It was a way for her to not be alone anymore, to be able to live and not die in a spiralling squalor. But she had been selfish and vain and thought of him as a commoner; for she was a girl of Quality, her mind echoed numbly. She blinked and found herself staring at the question, wringing her hands with the fabric of her gown. ‘It depends if Harry is selfish and fickle and vain,’ she mumbled, elaborating no further.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
‘I’m sorry, but I couldn’t even begin to imagine,’ she said. ‘Father thought that a woman who knew of business was vulgar, and that it would not benefit me, a daughter of Quality.’ She sighed, her father had run-off and left her alone in their home after he murdered some man. His opinionated views started to feel more and more like simple excuses to get her out of things.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
‘Thomas has taught me much,’ she blushed. ‘He’s told me of the Crusades, of Copernicus’ discovery that the earth revolves around the sun. He’s explained to me the deities of the Egyptians and of the voyages made by Marco Polo. But my father expressed that a lady of Quality shouldn’t know such things, that they were undesirable, unnecessary. So, he put me into dance, pianoforte and painting lessons.’ Hannah sighed. ‘Thomas never spoke of Greek myths, or told stories of ice-castles and tricksy winds, again.’
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Hannah remembered Long Meg, and their first meeting. The gaol cell had smelt of stale urine and vomit, Hannah had been so hungry and cold and new to the prospect of being a criminal; that she had given up her pelisse to Long Meg in exchange for a sliver of stale bread. She smiled at the circumstances that then lead to their friendship.
She toyed with the mattered cloth that once was Thomas’ handkerchief, as she thought. From the ruffles of her bustle she took out a small purse, from it she put on the desktop a few shillings and pence. ‘I’m afraid that’s all I have in view of money,’ her voice dropped. She remembered back to when the man from Parts Beyond The Sea had inclined to something else. If worse came to worse, would she be able to surrender her innocence? If it meant finding Thomas Behr, could she sacrifice so much? Maybe there was something less emotionally damaging... Hannah dropped her head, taking in a breath to calm herself. When she looked up, she smiled softly. 'Perhaps a kiss on the cheek? Would that seem acceptable?'
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Hannah Cheshire.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Hannah Cheshire.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Hannah Cheshire.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Hannah Cheshire.”
❧
❦
Hannah looked up to the greying sky, feeling the snowflakes as they melted against her cheek. Thomas caught her attention; he was pounding snow into a form, refining it until it resembled an animal they had once had a discussion of. ‘A kangaroo,’ she observed. Thomas’ eyes sparkled in response, he always got so passionate. The wind picked up and a snow crystal landed on her cheek, she closed her eyes. When she opened them again she was lying on a stone floor. She had been under an open glass window; snow was fluttering in, dancing on the winds, and landing on her form. Her fingers and cheeks burned from the cold, and her hair was flecked with snow crystals. She was still wearing her burgundy bustle gown, and pink shawl. Where was she? Disorientated, she rose.
State your full name.
Hannah observed the application. State your full name, it said. She looked at the quill and frowned. Was there something odd at work here? She moved to take the quill but the distance seemed to be just out of reach. She tried again. Hannah wasn’t able to pick up the quill. ‘What on earth,’ she said. Then in answer to her, it stood to attention. She gasped. It was like something out of a fairy-story, some sort of magical implement. It brought memories of sitting on her chaise, the dimming sun outside splintering in the frosted glass panes, and of Thomas’s storytelling of Cendrillon, and Red-cap. ‘My name’s Hannah Cheshire,’ she said, her voice wavering. The quill took action, moving to the application and scratching her answer into the appropriate slot. When it had finished, Hannah gasped. She soon smiled. The smile seemed foreign; she hadn’t done so since having Thomas as her tutor. Hannah was intrigued; she leant forward, and read on.
1. What is your favourite cheese? Why is it your favourite?
She understood that the quill acted on her voice, so she answered, ‘I couldn’t say I have one favourite out of the many. But when I feasted with Papa he had the cook put together a cheese platter, I had so many cheeses to choose from. Out of them, I think my preferred was a French cheese, my father had imported it from there.’
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Hannah opened her eyes and saw the face of Death. The face was long and pale and elegant, but seemed to be crumbling away at the edges. The nose was sunken and grey. White pustules sprouted from the corners of the eyes, and along the cheekbones. Death opened his mouth, and Hannah saw glistening black saliva. Hannah blinked, staring at the second question. Dr. Ullathorne, who on their first meeting had seemed like Death, was the only person she had killed. He had experimented on Molly, cutting groves into her arm and had been about to sow a maggot into the wound when Long Meg had sprung into action. She blinked back tears, she had found Long Meg dead and raped on the metal slab. She had some thought in being justified to shoving him overboard, but a life was a life. She wouldn’t kill anyone again. ‘Neither,’ she said, a sob catching in her throat.
3. What time is it where you are?
Hannah looked around blindly, searching for a grandfather clock. With no avail she stared back at the question, and then to the windows she had previously been laying under. The outside was grey, white flecks glinted in the sun light that tried to penetrate the greyness, and succeeded. But there was also a fog, not like the fog in London; with its deep grey, filthy abyss that suffocated everything, but a clear, pure fog that moved in wisps, gathering the snowflakes and taking them to better homes. The time of day was insubstantial, but she knew it was nightfall. ‘I’m not sure,’ she said. ‘Perhaps close to supper.’
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
‘I’m not answering this, it’s highly improper!’ she cried, blushing and shrinking into the chair.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Hannah left this question blank. She had wrinkled her nose at the question because she still saw herself as a lady, regardless of being a slatternly convict at the same time. She wouldn’t strike up a bar, and needless to say, would ever govern it at night. She had seen brutality and violence and drunken escapades to last her fifty life-times; she wouldn’t go into a profession that would increase such escapades.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Hannah blushed. Her mind moved on to different avenues of thought, finding herself lingering on the idea of Thomas Behr and the way she had treated him just after her father had left. He had his heart in the right place; he had come to her doorstep to ask her hand in marriage. It was a way for her to not be alone anymore, to be able to live and not die in a spiralling squalor. But she had been selfish and vain and thought of him as a commoner; for she was a girl of Quality, her mind echoed numbly. She blinked and found herself staring at the question, wringing her hands with the fabric of her gown. ‘It depends if Harry is selfish and fickle and vain,’ she mumbled, elaborating no further.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
‘I’m sorry, but I couldn’t even begin to imagine,’ she said. ‘Father thought that a woman who knew of business was vulgar, and that it would not benefit me, a daughter of Quality.’ She sighed, her father had run-off and left her alone in their home after he murdered some man. His opinionated views started to feel more and more like simple excuses to get her out of things.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
‘Thomas has taught me much,’ she blushed. ‘He’s told me of the Crusades, of Copernicus’ discovery that the earth revolves around the sun. He’s explained to me the deities of the Egyptians and of the voyages made by Marco Polo. But my father expressed that a lady of Quality shouldn’t know such things, that they were undesirable, unnecessary. So, he put me into dance, pianoforte and painting lessons.’ Hannah sighed. ‘Thomas never spoke of Greek myths, or told stories of ice-castles and tricksy winds, again.’
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Hannah remembered Long Meg, and their first meeting. The gaol cell had smelt of stale urine and vomit, Hannah had been so hungry and cold and new to the prospect of being a criminal; that she had given up her pelisse to Long Meg in exchange for a sliver of stale bread. She smiled at the circumstances that then lead to their friendship.
She toyed with the mattered cloth that once was Thomas’ handkerchief, as she thought. From the ruffles of her bustle she took out a small purse, from it she put on the desktop a few shillings and pence. ‘I’m afraid that’s all I have in view of money,’ her voice dropped. She remembered back to when the man from Parts Beyond The Sea had inclined to something else. If worse came to worse, would she be able to surrender her innocence? If it meant finding Thomas Behr, could she sacrifice so much? Maybe there was something less emotionally damaging... Hannah dropped her head, taking in a breath to calm herself. When she looked up, she smiled softly. 'Perhaps a kiss on the cheek? Would that seem acceptable?'
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Hannah Cheshire.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Hannah Cheshire.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Hannah Cheshire.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Hannah Cheshire.”
❧