application for T-Rex (Dinosaur Comics)

[im_wacky_times]

So there's this T-Rex in the middle of the Sorting Room. He is looking around for something to stomp. "Where's the tiny house?" he demands. (He can totally talk.) "Where's the tiny woman? NOT THAT THERE IS ANY MISOGYNY IN THIS QUESTION. I am just used to stomping on a tiny woman and her gender is incidental! ANYWAY I WOULD LIKE TO STOMP ON

Comments

[republikatt]

"Monkeys are whores! But they're also delicious." Bucky paused, wondering whether or not he should admit that he had never actually eaten a monkey. He decided to go with it. Monkeys = delicious was common knowledge.

"Do you have any merch to go with your game? And if not, are you willing to pay someone--say, some genius purebred Siamese--to market some?"

[im_wacky_times]

T-Rex had never eaten a monkey either, but he was sure they tasted like chicken. "Dude, you're telling me! Monkeys are definitely delicious. In this game their deliciousness is not so much of a factor though. They collect coins through many levels of coin-collecting, to become Champion of the Monkey Whores. Marketing is a possibility!"

Less astute in the ways of marketing than the average feline, T-Rex ventured: "I would split the profits?"

[republikatt]

"I guess deliciousness would be kind of hard to express using games as a median. Enslaving them to give you coins is a good goal, though." Bucky was big on making people work for him without paying them. Speaking of which... "Of course! You could split them, say, thirty-eighty. That's a hundred and ten total, because quality products are better than a hundred percent. You following me, Lizard Boy?"

[im_wacky_times]

T-Rex liked math jokes as much as the next dinosaur, but this phoney math was too much. "Are you trying to prevent me from knowing absolute truth?" he demanded. "Twenty-eighty is what it has to be!"

Wait ...

[republikatt]

Oh, this was too good.

"Yeah," he said. "That's exactly it. So we put out a line of T-shirts and cell phone covers and shot glasses and stuff like that, and maybe some posters because everyone loves posters, and we split the profits twenty-eighty. And Monkey Whores goes gold."

[im_wacky_times]

"If not platinum! So if I licensed you to produce Monkey Whores merch, how would you market it? Focusing on the monkey angle, or the coin angle, or maybe even both!"

[republikatt]

"You'd have to market it to all three demographics. The people who are attracted to monkeys, the people who are attracted to gold, and the people who are attracted to whores. And let me tell you, people love monkeys, gold, and whores. So by reaching out to all three groups, you're getting yourself an automatic fanbase. Maybe we do something classy, like a filthy monkey in a thong bikini with gold coins falling all over it. Like... a monkey whore golden shower."

[im_wacky_times]

"They don't have to be filthy. The rest of it sounds great!" T-Rex was all for this plan. "The monkey needs to be reaching for the coins."

Vote: Slytherin

[republikatt]

"Then it's settled! We make the merch, we split the profit twenty-eighty, and we advertise with monkey whore golden showers. You, my friend, are going in my House. Slytherin. The best House."