God Jul from Toki and Skwisgaar and the Shoggies!
((Slightly NSFW comments that surprisingly don't involve any sex toy gift baskets in any way.))
Toki's gift from Skwisgaar:
On Christmas morning, Toki would find a new addition to their room: an entire new room connected to the bedroom, separated by two dungeon-style doors. Within the new gaming room was a few dozen arcade machines, comfortable (despite the spikes decorating it) lounging furniture, several huge televisions with different gaming consoles hooked up to them and magicked to work courtesy of the house elves and a certain Southern sparklepire, a library of games lining one of the walls, and handheld gaming consoles and the candy from Honeydukes arranged on the saw-blade table reminiscent of the one in the Mordhaus main room. Not being a gamer himself, Skwisgaar figured his safest bet was getting Toki one of pretty much everything. Including retro systems. Because Toki playing Duck Hunt would be hilarious.
The stack of amplifiers and guitar equipment neatly stored in a corner indicated that Skwisgaar might also use the room, though it was clearly intended mainly for Toki. The card propped on the table was signed:
With love,
Skwisgaar
All the other gifts are collectively from Toki, Skwisgaar, and their Shoggies. The cards included with each feature a photo on the front of the two Scandinavians and their adopted "children": Toki happily grinning in a padded Santa suit, Skwisgaar looking sullen in a reindeer suit (sans antlers, as only girl reindeer have them in winter, of course) with a bell collar, and they're both holding two Shoggies each, who are all wearing black Santa hats and waving with their pseudopods. It's set against a snowy backdrop, and their breath misting in the cold air indicates it was taken on location rather than being a(n even more) cheesy studio family portrait.
To Nathan, Pickles, Murderface, and their butler:
They all get wizard porn, cases of good beer, and big macaroni pictures of dragon massacres, with red glitter glued on for the blood. Each picture contains a macaroni corpse beneath the macaroni dragon that was carefully designed to resemble its recipient, but with x's of broken spaghetti glued on for eyes. Toki thought this a good personal touch, and one that they'd all deem brutal enough as to not hold his thoughtfulness against him.
Additional gifts specifically to Ofdensen and Nathan together:
Two full sets of fencing gear in the correct sizes, including nonelectric foils and electrically scored ones; a few real rapiers; and a card telling Ofdensen he can be a teacher after all and that Nathan can use the exercise, signed by both Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
Additional gifts specifically to Pickles:
A few dozen bottles of his favourite whiskey, rum, and tequila; a few boxes of Cinnabons; and a card wishing him a brutal day and wondering where the hell he's hiding out, signed by both Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
Additional gifts specifically to Murderface:
A gift basket of assorted bathing and personal grooming products for men with a card telling him to please make use of them and also wondering where the hell he's gone, signed by both Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies. It isn't a completely passive aggressive gift, however, as several of the soaps and balms include notes explaining that they're made from recipes unchanged since the US Civil War.
To their Shoggies, from Toki and Skwisgaar:
A unique pipe-cleaner Shoggy sculpture for each of them, with the same number of eyes as its recipient, and construction-paper wizard hats, a different color for each Shoggy, with foil moons and stars and wizardy-stuff cut out and glued to them, and a liberal scattering of glitter.
In addition, all of the Shoggies including those they haven't adopted will receive sleds that are charmed to pull themselves and not crash into anything (or anyone), and cards with instructions to go to the private feast being held in the Great Hall just for them.
To Sweden:
A couple sets of mugs with a note saying he should share a few drinks with Dethklok sometime; a nyckelharpa and a case for it (never mind that it's acoustic and therefore very unmetal, it's really just the thought that counts here); a small Julbock constructed of creatively glued macaroni pieces, but made metal by the addition of a red pipe-cleaner pentagram attached to its neck, its horns colored black with a sharpie marker, and red and orange cellophane flames spewing from its mouth; every Dethklok album on CD; and a card wishing him a brutal day both in Swedish and Norwegian, signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
To Smaug:
A poster-board sized macaroni Smaug picture, with red glitter glued on it to make it more impressive, and a little macaroni Elric riding on him, with the macaronis of his armor coloured black with a sharpie pen; an old wooden chest full of gold and uncut gems and pearl necklaces and the like, and a few human skulls thrown in for good measure; and his card is addressed "to ours dragons son & brother" and is signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
To Elric:
An album-art style picture made of construction paper, macaroni, and glitter, of Elric and his 'Patron' atop a mound of corpses with Elric's giant sword upraised and a black aura of glitter, looking pretty triumphant for macaroni; a pendant of a dragon in flight shaped by a wizarding world jeweler from one of Smaug's scales (with a note specifying it was partly Smaug's idea); and a card wishing him a brutal day, signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
To Jasper:
A Gibson electric guitar in a design the mun may choose; a guitar strap that Toki decorated with some cut-out felt vampire bats he hot-glued to it, complete with glittery red fabric paint dripping off their fangs; every Dethklok album on CD; and a card saying now he should learn to play a real instrument, signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies. (And Skwisgaar already gave him his other gifts for the (not so) Secret Santa.)
To the Baron:
A macaroni picture similar to Elric's, along with a note asking for 'a tanks class and more guns class, with biggers guns and more dragons ats the end, and maybes a guns and tanks class what ams a drugs class too, because I's seen that yous friends withs the drugs teacher ats the last guns class'; a gift basket of wizarding sex toys; every Dethklok album on CD; some magazines featuring Dethklok from their own world that would certainly be entertaining for anyone who doesn't know about their... interesting... past; and a card wishing him a brutal day, signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
To the raptor:
An entire cow, still very much alive; a construction-paper wizard hat similar to the Shoggy-hats, but raptor-sized; and a card wishing him a brutal day, signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
To A:
Several types of flower seeds -- notable for being some of the province flowers of Sweden; a macaroni and glitter flower garden glued to construction paper, but a totally metal one, with a black background and several skull-shaped flowers and a rather grotesque pipe-cleaner and macaroni Krampus frolicking through it; and a card wishing him a brutal day, signed by Toki ("former Hufflepuff prefect") and Skwisgaar ("your co-prefect") and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
To Sunflora:
A pipe-cleaner sculpture of Sunflora standing in a construction-paper flowerpot, with golden glitter glued to her petals to make them extra-sparkly; a bag of flower-themed wizarding candy; a pretty floral calendar that a certain Swede thinks is the equivalent of flower porn; and a card wishing her a brutal day, signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
Toki's gift from Skwisgaar:
On Christmas morning, Toki would find a new addition to their room: an entire new room connected to the bedroom, separated by two dungeon-style doors. Within the new gaming room was a few dozen arcade machines, comfortable (despite the spikes decorating it) lounging furniture, several huge televisions with different gaming consoles hooked up to them and magicked to work courtesy of the house elves and a certain Southern sparklepire, a library of games lining one of the walls, and handheld gaming consoles and the candy from Honeydukes arranged on the saw-blade table reminiscent of the one in the Mordhaus main room. Not being a gamer himself, Skwisgaar figured his safest bet was getting Toki one of pretty much everything. Including retro systems. Because Toki playing Duck Hunt would be hilarious.
The stack of amplifiers and guitar equipment neatly stored in a corner indicated that Skwisgaar might also use the room, though it was clearly intended mainly for Toki. The card propped on the table was signed:
With love,
Skwisgaar
All the other gifts are collectively from Toki, Skwisgaar, and their Shoggies. The cards included with each feature a photo on the front of the two Scandinavians and their adopted "children": Toki happily grinning in a padded Santa suit, Skwisgaar looking sullen in a reindeer suit (sans antlers, as only girl reindeer have them in winter, of course) with a bell collar, and they're both holding two Shoggies each, who are all wearing black Santa hats and waving with their pseudopods. It's set against a snowy backdrop, and their breath misting in the cold air indicates it was taken on location rather than being a(n even more) cheesy studio family portrait.
To Nathan, Pickles, Murderface, and their butler:
They all get wizard porn, cases of good beer, and big macaroni pictures of dragon massacres, with red glitter glued on for the blood. Each picture contains a macaroni corpse beneath the macaroni dragon that was carefully designed to resemble its recipient, but with x's of broken spaghetti glued on for eyes. Toki thought this a good personal touch, and one that they'd all deem brutal enough as to not hold his thoughtfulness against him.
Additional gifts specifically to Ofdensen and Nathan together:
Two full sets of fencing gear in the correct sizes, including nonelectric foils and electrically scored ones; a few real rapiers; and a card telling Ofdensen he can be a teacher after all and that Nathan can use the exercise, signed by both Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
Additional gifts specifically to Pickles:
A few dozen bottles of his favourite whiskey, rum, and tequila; a few boxes of Cinnabons; and a card wishing him a brutal day and wondering where the hell he's hiding out, signed by both Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
Additional gifts specifically to Murderface:
A gift basket of assorted bathing and personal grooming products for men with a card telling him to please make use of them and also wondering where the hell he's gone, signed by both Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies. It isn't a completely passive aggressive gift, however, as several of the soaps and balms include notes explaining that they're made from recipes unchanged since the US Civil War.
To their Shoggies, from Toki and Skwisgaar:
A unique pipe-cleaner Shoggy sculpture for each of them, with the same number of eyes as its recipient, and construction-paper wizard hats, a different color for each Shoggy, with foil moons and stars and wizardy-stuff cut out and glued to them, and a liberal scattering of glitter.
In addition, all of the Shoggies including those they haven't adopted will receive sleds that are charmed to pull themselves and not crash into anything (or anyone), and cards with instructions to go to the private feast being held in the Great Hall just for them.
To Sweden:
A couple sets of mugs with a note saying he should share a few drinks with Dethklok sometime; a nyckelharpa and a case for it (never mind that it's acoustic and therefore very unmetal, it's really just the thought that counts here); a small Julbock constructed of creatively glued macaroni pieces, but made metal by the addition of a red pipe-cleaner pentagram attached to its neck, its horns colored black with a sharpie marker, and red and orange cellophane flames spewing from its mouth; every Dethklok album on CD; and a card wishing him a brutal day both in Swedish and Norwegian, signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
To Smaug:
A poster-board sized macaroni Smaug picture, with red glitter glued on it to make it more impressive, and a little macaroni Elric riding on him, with the macaronis of his armor coloured black with a sharpie pen; an old wooden chest full of gold and uncut gems and pearl necklaces and the like, and a few human skulls thrown in for good measure; and his card is addressed "to ours dragons son & brother" and is signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
To Elric:
An album-art style picture made of construction paper, macaroni, and glitter, of Elric and his 'Patron' atop a mound of corpses with Elric's giant sword upraised and a black aura of glitter, looking pretty triumphant for macaroni; a pendant of a dragon in flight shaped by a wizarding world jeweler from one of Smaug's scales (with a note specifying it was partly Smaug's idea); and a card wishing him a brutal day, signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
To Jasper:
A Gibson electric guitar in a design the mun may choose; a guitar strap that Toki decorated with some cut-out felt vampire bats he hot-glued to it, complete with glittery red fabric paint dripping off their fangs; every Dethklok album on CD; and a card saying now he should learn to play a real instrument, signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies. (And Skwisgaar already gave him his other gifts for the (not so) Secret Santa.)
To the Baron:
A macaroni picture similar to Elric's, along with a note asking for 'a tanks class and more guns class, with biggers guns and more dragons ats the end, and maybes a guns and tanks class what ams a drugs class too, because I's seen that yous friends withs the drugs teacher ats the last guns class'; a gift basket of wizarding sex toys; every Dethklok album on CD; some magazines featuring Dethklok from their own world that would certainly be entertaining for anyone who doesn't know about their... interesting... past; and a card wishing him a brutal day, signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
To the raptor:
An entire cow, still very much alive; a construction-paper wizard hat similar to the Shoggy-hats, but raptor-sized; and a card wishing him a brutal day, signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
To A:
Several types of flower seeds -- notable for being some of the province flowers of Sweden; a macaroni and glitter flower garden glued to construction paper, but a totally metal one, with a black background and several skull-shaped flowers and a rather grotesque pipe-cleaner and macaroni Krampus frolicking through it; and a card wishing him a brutal day, signed by Toki ("former Hufflepuff prefect") and Skwisgaar ("your co-prefect") and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.
To Sunflora:
A pipe-cleaner sculpture of Sunflora standing in a construction-paper flowerpot, with golden glitter glued to her petals to make them extra-sparkly; a bag of flower-themed wizarding candy; a pretty floral calendar that a certain Swede thinks is the equivalent of flower porn; and a card wishing her a brutal day, signed by Toki and Skwisgaar and with four separate squiggles courtesy of their Shoggies.