application for Derkhan Blueday (Perdido Street Station)
She came to consciousness in a profoundly unfamiliar room. Stone walls, bare stone floor, rich tapestries on the walls.
In her capacity as art critic for the Beacon, a reputable and legitimate paper of record, Derkhan Blueday would have estimated this setting -- tapestries and all -- to bespeak a desperate hunger for respectability on the proprietors' part. It was a look of deliberate antiquation, the kind of thing favored by money so new it practically bled ink.
However, in her capacity as acting editor of Runagate Rampant, a publication less respectable (indeed, illegal), Derkhan was alive to other possibilities. Evaluating her new surroundings in that light, she speculated that the decor might have been calculated to intimidate detainees, to put them in mind of dungeons and torture chambers.
Surely this was not the Spike? The room seemed far too large. A crawling in the pit of Derkhan's stomach insisted that if this wasn't the Spike, then it was someplace similar in purpose, and she was in deep trouble. She was in deep trouble regardless. So much for her painstaking disguise. Poor compared to what she'd routinely have put on just for the ride from Kelltree to Dog Fenn, but she and her friend spent so much effort on this one, it hurt worse somehow to know it'd failed -- the hair dye, the false scar, the other carefully improvised attempts, best they could manage under the circumstances ...
Derkhan took a series of deep breaths. Composed herself as best she could. Waited for something to happen. It would be a questioning, no doubt, and who knew how much she would actually say? She knew what tactics would be brought to bear, to make her talk.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Are you offering?" She put a brave face on; she had gotten good at that. "I wouldn't say no to a fennel-and-olive salad with crumbled chevre." No need to admit what they must surely already know, that she'd be hungry enough to welcome even the blandest, plainest fare. "Something flavorful, that's the main thing. I prefer the bolder cheeses. They have more character."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"A trick question, isn't it? Like asking someone 'are you still beating your wife'?" Derkhan cracked her knuckles. "I'm not equipped for a murderous rampage."
Meekness would not spare her the end she was sure would eventuate, so why feign meekness?
3. What time is it where you are?
"I don't know where I am." A simple enough reply, Derkhan thought.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
First murder, now sexual harassment? "Just how many offenses did you plan to pin on me?" The notion of return from the dead gave her a guilty start, however. She hoped she hadn't gone too grey at the words -- or too green; remembering that thing, the avatar the Construct Council had made, didn't do her stomach any good.
Or was this about -- no, it couldn't be; if anything, they'd think she'd been Ben's lover. No smack of deviance there. "I don't harass anyone," said Derkhan, folding her hands primly, hoping that would be that.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"I don't tend bar there. I'm a patron like anyone else. You know the name already, surely. The Clock and Cockerel." Respectably disreputable, a bar in Salacus Fields, and it was true what Derkhan said. That was where her artist friends, her musician friends, her public associates spent their colorful evenings.
Nothing wrong with that. A known fact of her public life.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
A variety of world mythologies? Who in Jabber's name were Harry, Fred, and George? Was this more along the lines of that sexual-harassment question? Harry, Fred, and George, all male names. Derkhan decided not to give them anything remotely like what it seemed they wanted.
"You're familiar with the gods of the vodyanoi? Harry could consult one of the priests of Palgolak. You know the one -- Palgolak, god of knowledge. Represented by a figure in a bathtub, reading. You may have seen the human iconography, in which Palgolak is represented as a short and round human in a bathtub. There are nearly as many human Palgolaki as there are vodyanoi, these days. They say that anything a worshipper of Palgolak reads, the god himself gains that knowledge through the worshipper. That's why they've amassed such an immense library. If Harry asked a Palgolaki priest, he'd soon have all the legal codes regarding marriage right at his fingertips, and all the mythological exempla he could ever want, for that matter."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Bureaucratic bloat." If they had her name from Ben -- and it was a surety he'd given it up, poor dear man -- then this opinion would not come as a surprise.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Without conscious thought or volition, Derkhan's fingers fluttered to the side of her head. To the place where an ear was missing. "I improve the Weave," she muttered, rather bitterly.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
At this, Derkhan could only blink. "What in Jabber's name are you going on about? Do you mean to imply I can bribe my way out of this?" Clearly incredulous, she shook her head. "I don't even know what to make of that offer. If it is one. What could I have to offer you?"
Information?
They could have that from her for free. She was sure they wouldn't be letting her go, whether or not they had to force the information out of her. This had to be some effort to induce false hope.
"I can discuss with you the history of the Shintacost Prize."
There. See how they liked that.
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. DB
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. DB
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. DB
One day, marmalade will rule the world. DB
In her capacity as art critic for the Beacon, a reputable and legitimate paper of record, Derkhan Blueday would have estimated this setting -- tapestries and all -- to bespeak a desperate hunger for respectability on the proprietors' part. It was a look of deliberate antiquation, the kind of thing favored by money so new it practically bled ink.
However, in her capacity as acting editor of Runagate Rampant, a publication less respectable (indeed, illegal), Derkhan was alive to other possibilities. Evaluating her new surroundings in that light, she speculated that the decor might have been calculated to intimidate detainees, to put them in mind of dungeons and torture chambers.
Surely this was not the Spike? The room seemed far too large. A crawling in the pit of Derkhan's stomach insisted that if this wasn't the Spike, then it was someplace similar in purpose, and she was in deep trouble. She was in deep trouble regardless. So much for her painstaking disguise. Poor compared to what she'd routinely have put on just for the ride from Kelltree to Dog Fenn, but she and her friend spent so much effort on this one, it hurt worse somehow to know it'd failed -- the hair dye, the false scar, the other carefully improvised attempts, best they could manage under the circumstances ...
Derkhan took a series of deep breaths. Composed herself as best she could. Waited for something to happen. It would be a questioning, no doubt, and who knew how much she would actually say? She knew what tactics would be brought to bear, to make her talk.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Are you offering?" She put a brave face on; she had gotten good at that. "I wouldn't say no to a fennel-and-olive salad with crumbled chevre." No need to admit what they must surely already know, that she'd be hungry enough to welcome even the blandest, plainest fare. "Something flavorful, that's the main thing. I prefer the bolder cheeses. They have more character."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"A trick question, isn't it? Like asking someone 'are you still beating your wife'?" Derkhan cracked her knuckles. "I'm not equipped for a murderous rampage."
Meekness would not spare her the end she was sure would eventuate, so why feign meekness?
3. What time is it where you are?
"I don't know where I am." A simple enough reply, Derkhan thought.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
First murder, now sexual harassment? "Just how many offenses did you plan to pin on me?" The notion of return from the dead gave her a guilty start, however. She hoped she hadn't gone too grey at the words -- or too green; remembering that thing, the avatar the Construct Council had made, didn't do her stomach any good.
Or was this about -- no, it couldn't be; if anything, they'd think she'd been Ben's lover. No smack of deviance there. "I don't harass anyone," said Derkhan, folding her hands primly, hoping that would be that.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"I don't tend bar there. I'm a patron like anyone else. You know the name already, surely. The Clock and Cockerel." Respectably disreputable, a bar in Salacus Fields, and it was true what Derkhan said. That was where her artist friends, her musician friends, her public associates spent their colorful evenings.
Nothing wrong with that. A known fact of her public life.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
A variety of world mythologies? Who in Jabber's name were Harry, Fred, and George? Was this more along the lines of that sexual-harassment question? Harry, Fred, and George, all male names. Derkhan decided not to give them anything remotely like what it seemed they wanted.
"You're familiar with the gods of the vodyanoi? Harry could consult one of the priests of Palgolak. You know the one -- Palgolak, god of knowledge. Represented by a figure in a bathtub, reading. You may have seen the human iconography, in which Palgolak is represented as a short and round human in a bathtub. There are nearly as many human Palgolaki as there are vodyanoi, these days. They say that anything a worshipper of Palgolak reads, the god himself gains that knowledge through the worshipper. That's why they've amassed such an immense library. If Harry asked a Palgolaki priest, he'd soon have all the legal codes regarding marriage right at his fingertips, and all the mythological exempla he could ever want, for that matter."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Bureaucratic bloat." If they had her name from Ben -- and it was a surety he'd given it up, poor dear man -- then this opinion would not come as a surprise.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Without conscious thought or volition, Derkhan's fingers fluttered to the side of her head. To the place where an ear was missing. "I improve the Weave," she muttered, rather bitterly.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
At this, Derkhan could only blink. "What in Jabber's name are you going on about? Do you mean to imply I can bribe my way out of this?" Clearly incredulous, she shook her head. "I don't even know what to make of that offer. If it is one. What could I have to offer you?"
Information?
They could have that from her for free. She was sure they wouldn't be letting her go, whether or not they had to force the information out of her. This had to be some effort to induce false hope.
"I can discuss with you the history of the Shintacost Prize."
There. See how they liked that.
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. DB
I have read the [info]hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. DB
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. DB
One day, marmalade will rule the world. DB