Application for Hiei from Yuu Yuu Hakusho
The last thing Hiei remembered was perching himself on a tree branch to take a short nap. As soon as he’d closed his eyes he felt the support beneath him vanish. He barely managed to get his feet under himself in time and landed in an awkward crouching position. Since he didn’t land well his weight wasn’t distributed correctly and his wrist took too much of the blow. It stung sharply as he stood. He mentally cursed himself for bad form and shook his hand, though that didn’t help much. It would probably ache for a few hours now.
He resisted the urge to rub his wrist and lowered it to his side. His red eyes narrowed as he took a look around, tense now and ready for any sort of attack. Beneath his white bandana his third eye glowed softly, searching for signs of hostility. But there were no demons, wild animals or anything else remotely threatening nearby. Instead all that he could see or sense was a desk. Cautiously he moved forward to investigate it. On top of the desk were a quill and a piece of paper with a series of questions on it. His Jagan eye now closed, Hiei furrowed his brow as he read the first question.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
“Cheese?” He voiced incredulously. His eyes widened in shock as he saw the pen lift itself and write what he said on the paper. He snapped his head around quickly, but he already knew there was no one there who could be doing that; he had checked before and there were no psychics nearby. Visibly tense, he turned his eyes back to the paper and spoke again.
“I don’t eat cheese,” he said slowly. Sure enough the pen wrote down everything he said. He paused, waiting to see if anything changed in his surroundings. Nothing happened. The pen just waited patiently for Hiei to continue. He didn’t seem to be in any immediate danger, so he decided to give a more satisfactory answer.
“If I had to pick a favorite, it would be…goat cheese,” he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He felt a bit uncomfortable with talking to a piece of paper. “I’ve only tried three kinds of cheese and goat cheese was much better than whatever the other two were supposed to be.”
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
“I don’t have a pleasant history with redheads, so Carrottop would be the first to go,” he responded with a smirk. To be honest he wasn’t familiar with either of those people but correctly assumed what someone named ‘carrot top’ would look like.
3. What time is it where you are?
Hiei glanced at the walls and did not see a clock anywhere. Folding his arms, though paying careful attention to his hurt wrist, he made a sarcastic grunt. “You tell me, you were here first.”
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Hiei frowned, his nose wrinkling in disgust. “I wouldn’t sexually harass anyone, you perverted sheet of tree guts,” he growled. He decided to ignore that he had no idea who those people were, though the names stuck him as suspiciously male.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Hiei didn’t know he’d been pushing for anything and didn’t like the idea. “I wouldn’t want to be stuck babysitting drunken idiots in a bar, they can go get their own damn drinks,” he answered harshly. The pen seemed to be waiting. “It would be named ‘Sit down, Shut up, and Pass out’, that way they’d know exactly what I expect from them,” he added.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Hiei raised an eyebrow. Those were definitely male names and he definitely had no idea who they were. “He can marry whoever he wants, it doesn’t bother me,” he stated candidly. What did bother him was that this questionnaire was turning out to be gayer than Kurama’s wardrobe.
Since that train of thought needed redirection, he focused on the second part of the question. Mythology? He didn’t know a wide variety but…“From what I’ve seen, Jesus would disapprove. So go for it; Christianity is sexist anyway,” he almost chuckled. Hiei had the pleasure of meeting a very devout Catholic girl once who tried earnestly to ‘save’ him. Making her cry might have been a little cruel, but it was fun to mess with her.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
The thought of how strange it was that the paper owned the desk crossed his mind before he replaced it with inquiries about who wrote these questions. “Either you’re not disposing of it correctly or you get more every day. This isn’t a question for ‘smart people’,” he drawled, uncrossing his arms finally. At least the paper wasn’t accusing him of hypothetical rape any more. Insulting his intelligence wasn’t much better, though.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Hiei glared at the paper, then felt slightly ridiculous for doing so. “I’m sure I’ve saved and destroyed more lives than you have or ever will.” Rather than folding his arms again, he let his hand rest on the hilt of his katana. “I don’t have to prove my usefulness to anyone.”
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Hiei thought for a moment. With a mischievous glint in his eye he smirked. “It doesn’t have to belong to me?” he echoed. His smirk grew as he spoke, “Fine. I offer you…Kurama’s underpants. I’m sure someone has a fetish for undergarments or needs some blackmail material.” He raised an eyebrow as he elaborated, “At least one pair should have embarrassing patterns on them.”
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Hiei
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Hiei
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Hiei
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Hiei”
“I have no idea why I signed my name to that last one."
He resisted the urge to rub his wrist and lowered it to his side. His red eyes narrowed as he took a look around, tense now and ready for any sort of attack. Beneath his white bandana his third eye glowed softly, searching for signs of hostility. But there were no demons, wild animals or anything else remotely threatening nearby. Instead all that he could see or sense was a desk. Cautiously he moved forward to investigate it. On top of the desk were a quill and a piece of paper with a series of questions on it. His Jagan eye now closed, Hiei furrowed his brow as he read the first question.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
“Cheese?” He voiced incredulously. His eyes widened in shock as he saw the pen lift itself and write what he said on the paper. He snapped his head around quickly, but he already knew there was no one there who could be doing that; he had checked before and there were no psychics nearby. Visibly tense, he turned his eyes back to the paper and spoke again.
“I don’t eat cheese,” he said slowly. Sure enough the pen wrote down everything he said. He paused, waiting to see if anything changed in his surroundings. Nothing happened. The pen just waited patiently for Hiei to continue. He didn’t seem to be in any immediate danger, so he decided to give a more satisfactory answer.
“If I had to pick a favorite, it would be…goat cheese,” he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He felt a bit uncomfortable with talking to a piece of paper. “I’ve only tried three kinds of cheese and goat cheese was much better than whatever the other two were supposed to be.”
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
“I don’t have a pleasant history with redheads, so Carrottop would be the first to go,” he responded with a smirk. To be honest he wasn’t familiar with either of those people but correctly assumed what someone named ‘carrot top’ would look like.
3. What time is it where you are?
Hiei glanced at the walls and did not see a clock anywhere. Folding his arms, though paying careful attention to his hurt wrist, he made a sarcastic grunt. “You tell me, you were here first.”
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Hiei frowned, his nose wrinkling in disgust. “I wouldn’t sexually harass anyone, you perverted sheet of tree guts,” he growled. He decided to ignore that he had no idea who those people were, though the names stuck him as suspiciously male.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Hiei didn’t know he’d been pushing for anything and didn’t like the idea. “I wouldn’t want to be stuck babysitting drunken idiots in a bar, they can go get their own damn drinks,” he answered harshly. The pen seemed to be waiting. “It would be named ‘Sit down, Shut up, and Pass out’, that way they’d know exactly what I expect from them,” he added.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Hiei raised an eyebrow. Those were definitely male names and he definitely had no idea who they were. “He can marry whoever he wants, it doesn’t bother me,” he stated candidly. What did bother him was that this questionnaire was turning out to be gayer than Kurama’s wardrobe.
Since that train of thought needed redirection, he focused on the second part of the question. Mythology? He didn’t know a wide variety but…“From what I’ve seen, Jesus would disapprove. So go for it; Christianity is sexist anyway,” he almost chuckled. Hiei had the pleasure of meeting a very devout Catholic girl once who tried earnestly to ‘save’ him. Making her cry might have been a little cruel, but it was fun to mess with her.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
The thought of how strange it was that the paper owned the desk crossed his mind before he replaced it with inquiries about who wrote these questions. “Either you’re not disposing of it correctly or you get more every day. This isn’t a question for ‘smart people’,” he drawled, uncrossing his arms finally. At least the paper wasn’t accusing him of hypothetical rape any more. Insulting his intelligence wasn’t much better, though.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Hiei glared at the paper, then felt slightly ridiculous for doing so. “I’m sure I’ve saved and destroyed more lives than you have or ever will.” Rather than folding his arms again, he let his hand rest on the hilt of his katana. “I don’t have to prove my usefulness to anyone.”
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Hiei thought for a moment. With a mischievous glint in his eye he smirked. “It doesn’t have to belong to me?” he echoed. His smirk grew as he spoke, “Fine. I offer you…Kurama’s underpants. I’m sure someone has a fetish for undergarments or needs some blackmail material.” He raised an eyebrow as he elaborated, “At least one pair should have embarrassing patterns on them.”
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Hiei
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Hiei
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Hiei
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Hiei”
“I have no idea why I signed my name to that last one."