Application: Mrs. Snape (on the astral plane) - OC Squibbait
((Yes, I did get Snape-mun's permission. I apologize to him in advance for what I am about to do.))
She had been on the computer, sitting in the Snape Fans chatroom, trying to explain about the last astral experience she'd had, when Master Sevvy had caned her until she'd screamed for release. The chat rooms were becoming difficult to moderate these days, and she suspected that most of those participating were trolls or mean girls who mocked the purity of her love for her astral husband.
Anyway, the kids would have to make their own dinner again tonight, because she could feel Master Sevvy calling to her. Her loins flooded with her desire, opening up like a flower after the rain, in anticipation of his harsh tenderness.
"Mom, we're gonna have to sell Sis's body for food," called Junior. "I hope that's OK."
She could hear Sis wailing in the background, clearly displeased by this notion.
"OK, but be nice to her," she called distractedly.
"Hey, I'm letting the bitch keep at least ten percent. That's better than she'd get with most pimps," Junior shouted back sullenly.
"Well, you kids have fun!" she called, and then got up and closed the bedroom door with a snap. Why her kids had to be so needy, she didn't understand.
Now then... She closed her eyes and tried to get into a meditative state.
As she journeyed onto the astral plane, she suddenly found herself not on her comfortable bed back home--the one she'd kicked her real physical husband out of months ago because unlike her sweet, darling Sevvykins, her real husband snored, farted and had bad breath. No, now she was lying on a bower of roses, breathing in the sweet perfume of their fragrance. The gentle sound of a Celtic harp played in the background, and if she sat up, she could stare out of the gazebo in which she found herself at a field full of row upon row of flowers. A unicorn gamboled nearby, and in the sky, the most perfect rainbow could be seen. A sonorous voice boomed out questions that she knew, instinctively, she must answer so that she could be with her darling, her best beloved, her Severus.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Well, mostly, these days, I eat Cheez Whiz, because that's all I can afford after I got fired for using the Internet too often at work. But I imagine my Sevvywuffles has much more refined tastes, so I'll say Brie."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"I wouldn't actually kill anyone unless my Sevvywevvy thought it necessary, but, God, Barney is annoying. That chipper giggle! It makes me break my trance every fucking time!"
3. What time is it where you are?
"It's time for my trip to Master Severus's dungeon. I've been a bad girl. I need the discipline only he can provide."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"There is only one person I would sexually harass, and that is my one, my only, my darling Severus, the wind beneath my wings, the light of my life, and my astral husband. As for Albus Dumbledore, well, my Sevvy-poo did for him exactly what he deserved. And Sirius Black? Maybe if he hadn't hurt my sweet, fragile pookie bear's feelings as a child, he'd still be alive today. Did anyone ever think of that? I don't think so!"
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Snape's Dungeon. And I don't know why I'm even answering the rest of these questions, since Slytherin is the only house I deserve to be in."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"I hope all of them die in a fire for all the shit they put my darling snugglebunny through. Stupid fucking kids."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"You're not nearly as organized as my Sevvykins is, are you? He would never let his desk fall into such clutter."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"I have a gift for journeying onto the Astral Plane. And I am my darling Sevylicious's fucktoy, to do with as he will."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I have two children I can sell you. Not my astral children, Serena Jade Snape and Bella Anita Snape, but my meatspace children. Ungrateful wretches. I brought them into this world, I can damn well take them out of it."
I have read the hogwarts_hocus FAQ and realize it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Mrs. Snape
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one. Mrs. Snape
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Mrs. Snape
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Mrs. Snape
She had been on the computer, sitting in the Snape Fans chatroom, trying to explain about the last astral experience she'd had, when Master Sevvy had caned her until she'd screamed for release. The chat rooms were becoming difficult to moderate these days, and she suspected that most of those participating were trolls or mean girls who mocked the purity of her love for her astral husband.
Anyway, the kids would have to make their own dinner again tonight, because she could feel Master Sevvy calling to her. Her loins flooded with her desire, opening up like a flower after the rain, in anticipation of his harsh tenderness.
"Mom, we're gonna have to sell Sis's body for food," called Junior. "I hope that's OK."
She could hear Sis wailing in the background, clearly displeased by this notion.
"OK, but be nice to her," she called distractedly.
"Hey, I'm letting the bitch keep at least ten percent. That's better than she'd get with most pimps," Junior shouted back sullenly.
"Well, you kids have fun!" she called, and then got up and closed the bedroom door with a snap. Why her kids had to be so needy, she didn't understand.
Now then... She closed her eyes and tried to get into a meditative state.
As she journeyed onto the astral plane, she suddenly found herself not on her comfortable bed back home--the one she'd kicked her real physical husband out of months ago because unlike her sweet, darling Sevvykins, her real husband snored, farted and had bad breath. No, now she was lying on a bower of roses, breathing in the sweet perfume of their fragrance. The gentle sound of a Celtic harp played in the background, and if she sat up, she could stare out of the gazebo in which she found herself at a field full of row upon row of flowers. A unicorn gamboled nearby, and in the sky, the most perfect rainbow could be seen. A sonorous voice boomed out questions that she knew, instinctively, she must answer so that she could be with her darling, her best beloved, her Severus.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Well, mostly, these days, I eat Cheez Whiz, because that's all I can afford after I got fired for using the Internet too often at work. But I imagine my Sevvywuffles has much more refined tastes, so I'll say Brie."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"I wouldn't actually kill anyone unless my Sevvywevvy thought it necessary, but, God, Barney is annoying. That chipper giggle! It makes me break my trance every fucking time!"
3. What time is it where you are?
"It's time for my trip to Master Severus's dungeon. I've been a bad girl. I need the discipline only he can provide."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"There is only one person I would sexually harass, and that is my one, my only, my darling Severus, the wind beneath my wings, the light of my life, and my astral husband. As for Albus Dumbledore, well, my Sevvy-poo did for him exactly what he deserved. And Sirius Black? Maybe if he hadn't hurt my sweet, fragile pookie bear's feelings as a child, he'd still be alive today. Did anyone ever think of that? I don't think so!"
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Snape's Dungeon. And I don't know why I'm even answering the rest of these questions, since Slytherin is the only house I deserve to be in."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"I hope all of them die in a fire for all the shit they put my darling snugglebunny through. Stupid fucking kids."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"You're not nearly as organized as my Sevvykins is, are you? He would never let his desk fall into such clutter."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"I have a gift for journeying onto the Astral Plane. And I am my darling Sevylicious's fucktoy, to do with as he will."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I have two children I can sell you. Not my astral children, Serena Jade Snape and Bella Anita Snape, but my meatspace children. Ungrateful wretches. I brought them into this world, I can damn well take them out of it."
I have read the hogwarts_hocus FAQ and realize it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Mrs. Snape
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one. Mrs. Snape
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Mrs. Snape
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Mrs. Snape