Application for Prince Kheldar (aka Silk), the Belgariad / Mallorean
((This Silk is post-Mallorean))
One big drafty castle is much the same as another big drafty castle, but Silk had visited Riva often enough that he was fairly sure that this room wasn't in the Citadel. For one thing, Garion didn't have any pens that stood upright with no hand to hold them and tapped themselves on the parchment, as if they were impatient and wanted him to hurry up and get on with it. Silk smirked. No, not even when Lady Polgara was around did pens do that by themselves.
Despite the curiosity nibbling away at him, the little spy left the table alone for now while he inspected the room. Stone, stone, boring stone. Not even any decorations, or any indication of something interesting, like a secret hiding place. Quite disappointing, but also disconcerting as there was also no indication of how he had got from Riva to this mystery castle simply by walking through what he had thought was the door to the Ce’Nedra’s garden. A mystery that would certainly have to be solved. It might even turn out to be profitable.
And speaking of profit...an examination of the parchment on the table showed it to be light, and very even and white. Similar to the new stuff coming out of Tolnedra and Melcene at the moment, but even better quality. His long nose began to quiver at the prospect of the profit he could make if he could buy this up in bulk and export it to those countries. And imaging the screams of despair from various Tolnedran merchants just made the idea even sweeter.
Getting on to the questions on the parchment, Silk reached for the pen, which danced out of reach. He frowned at it.
"Well, how am I supposed to write?" he asked of it, then grinned as the pen began to write what he was saying with no need for him to write anything himself. "You could make a fortune with these pens," he murmured. Another fortune, at any rate.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"I suppose I should be patriotic and say Drasnian cheese. But dear, smelly old Drasnia has dear, smelly old cheese. I must say that the best cheese I’ve had was the stuff they make near Kell. Must be all that wholesome living and other boring things."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Not knowing either of them, I couldn’t say. I mean, what race are they? I haven’t heard names like those before." His nose began twitching like crazy, but he managed to refrain from whatever other questions were on his mind.
3. What time is it where you are?
"Well, it had been evening." And his unexpected appearance here had put a hold on an evening rendezvous in the garden with Velvet, which he was a little put out about.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"Returned from the dead? Which god took that much of a liking to him?" Silk wanted to know. He was sure other people would be very, very interested in hearing that, as well, not in the least Drasnian Intelligence. "Sexually harass? Hmmm. Not knowing any of these people, again, I couldn’t say."
He didn’t want to make a guess based on his normal M.O., either - not until he was sure Velvet was nowhere around to hear.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"The temptation to call it ‘Belgarath’ in honour of an old friend of mine is almost overwhelming." He grinned. "But, on a more practical note, there are other things to consider - like where this bar is. Calling a Nyissan bar by a witty Angarak name would really waste the wit, for example - not that they have bars in Nyissa, alcohol’s a little too tame for the snake-people." Even saying the word ‘snake’ sent a small shiver down his spine.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"There’s plenty of reasons to marry, and just as many to not." The little spy...thief...merchant...prince...whatever you’d like to call him considered this for a moment. "It depends on who Harry is, of course. If he or she is royality or nobility, they’re going to have to consider which of the two options is going to be the best political match. If they’ll provide equally as good matches, then they can all start considering things like love and common interests. Much easier for commoners, of course, they can look at love, etc, without having to worry about the politics."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"You need a good clerk. Find one who’ll stay brought and who won’t steal too much. Oh, and make sure they have a good memory so they can just memorise everything and then burn the paperwork. Less paperwork, and less risk of trouble. If it’s too sensitive to trust to someone else, you’ll just have to learn to memorise it all yourself, and then you can burn it."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Silk’s eyes glinted. "Useless? Oh, I’m sure there are several people who’d love to tell you that I am. Hmmm. Well, I’m a good enough merchant to have built up a couple of fortunes over the years, I’m very well-travelled, I have a wide range of quite valuable contacts,” being related to two Kings and the personal friend of several others will do that for you “and I’m a field marshal in Mallorea. Buying a generalship was just a little too expensive to justify."
He didn’t mention that he was also the best spy in the world. One, that really was giving too much away, and two, much as he didn’t want to admit it, his wife was probably actually better than him.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
The twitch in Silk’s nose grew slightly frantic, and he grinned, rubbing his hands together. "Oh, I’m sure we can come up with something appropriate." He pulled a small pouch out of his shirt and laid it on the table with a ‘clink.’ "Shall we negotiate on amount?"
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _Prince Kheldar_
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _Prince Kheldar_.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _Prince Kheldar_.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _Prince Kheldar_"
One big drafty castle is much the same as another big drafty castle, but Silk had visited Riva often enough that he was fairly sure that this room wasn't in the Citadel. For one thing, Garion didn't have any pens that stood upright with no hand to hold them and tapped themselves on the parchment, as if they were impatient and wanted him to hurry up and get on with it. Silk smirked. No, not even when Lady Polgara was around did pens do that by themselves.
Despite the curiosity nibbling away at him, the little spy left the table alone for now while he inspected the room. Stone, stone, boring stone. Not even any decorations, or any indication of something interesting, like a secret hiding place. Quite disappointing, but also disconcerting as there was also no indication of how he had got from Riva to this mystery castle simply by walking through what he had thought was the door to the Ce’Nedra’s garden. A mystery that would certainly have to be solved. It might even turn out to be profitable.
And speaking of profit...an examination of the parchment on the table showed it to be light, and very even and white. Similar to the new stuff coming out of Tolnedra and Melcene at the moment, but even better quality. His long nose began to quiver at the prospect of the profit he could make if he could buy this up in bulk and export it to those countries. And imaging the screams of despair from various Tolnedran merchants just made the idea even sweeter.
Getting on to the questions on the parchment, Silk reached for the pen, which danced out of reach. He frowned at it.
"Well, how am I supposed to write?" he asked of it, then grinned as the pen began to write what he was saying with no need for him to write anything himself. "You could make a fortune with these pens," he murmured. Another fortune, at any rate.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"I suppose I should be patriotic and say Drasnian cheese. But dear, smelly old Drasnia has dear, smelly old cheese. I must say that the best cheese I’ve had was the stuff they make near Kell. Must be all that wholesome living and other boring things."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Not knowing either of them, I couldn’t say. I mean, what race are they? I haven’t heard names like those before." His nose began twitching like crazy, but he managed to refrain from whatever other questions were on his mind.
3. What time is it where you are?
"Well, it had been evening." And his unexpected appearance here had put a hold on an evening rendezvous in the garden with Velvet, which he was a little put out about.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"Returned from the dead? Which god took that much of a liking to him?" Silk wanted to know. He was sure other people would be very, very interested in hearing that, as well, not in the least Drasnian Intelligence. "Sexually harass? Hmmm. Not knowing any of these people, again, I couldn’t say."
He didn’t want to make a guess based on his normal M.O., either - not until he was sure Velvet was nowhere around to hear.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"The temptation to call it ‘Belgarath’ in honour of an old friend of mine is almost overwhelming." He grinned. "But, on a more practical note, there are other things to consider - like where this bar is. Calling a Nyissan bar by a witty Angarak name would really waste the wit, for example - not that they have bars in Nyissa, alcohol’s a little too tame for the snake-people." Even saying the word ‘snake’ sent a small shiver down his spine.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"There’s plenty of reasons to marry, and just as many to not." The little spy...thief...merchant...prince...whatever you’d like to call him considered this for a moment. "It depends on who Harry is, of course. If he or she is royality or nobility, they’re going to have to consider which of the two options is going to be the best political match. If they’ll provide equally as good matches, then they can all start considering things like love and common interests. Much easier for commoners, of course, they can look at love, etc, without having to worry about the politics."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"You need a good clerk. Find one who’ll stay brought and who won’t steal too much. Oh, and make sure they have a good memory so they can just memorise everything and then burn the paperwork. Less paperwork, and less risk of trouble. If it’s too sensitive to trust to someone else, you’ll just have to learn to memorise it all yourself, and then you can burn it."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Silk’s eyes glinted. "Useless? Oh, I’m sure there are several people who’d love to tell you that I am. Hmmm. Well, I’m a good enough merchant to have built up a couple of fortunes over the years, I’m very well-travelled, I have a wide range of quite valuable contacts,” being related to two Kings and the personal friend of several others will do that for you “and I’m a field marshal in Mallorea. Buying a generalship was just a little too expensive to justify."
He didn’t mention that he was also the best spy in the world. One, that really was giving too much away, and two, much as he didn’t want to admit it, his wife was probably actually better than him.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
The twitch in Silk’s nose grew slightly frantic, and he grinned, rubbing his hands together. "Oh, I’m sure we can come up with something appropriate." He pulled a small pouch out of his shirt and laid it on the table with a ‘clink.’ "Shall we negotiate on amount?"
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _Prince Kheldar_
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _Prince Kheldar_.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _Prince Kheldar_.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _Prince Kheldar_"