Application: M (James Bond series)
((Note: I'm playing M from the Casino Royale/Quantum of Solace continuity. I may borrow a few personal details from her stint in the Brosnan-Bonds - she mentions children in an aside in Goldeneye, for instance - but the events of those movies are NOT part of this M's canon.))
Lightning flashed, and a woman of late middle age appeared in the Sorting Room. She was tastefully dressed in a sensible black skirt suit with loose-cut jacket and white blouse, and unflashy but high-quality jewelry. Her white-grey hair was cropped to short spiky locks.
"Bloody hell," she murmured, looking around. "Can't be..." She roamed the Sorting Room, posture relaxed and casual, but her blue eyes were sharp as a hawk's, taking in every detail for possible use.
The frown lines on either side of her mouth deepened when she noticed the application forms, Dictaquill standing at the ready.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Edam. Who gives a shit about why?"
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Her lips puckered, as if she'd bitten a lemon.
"Carrottop. With any luck I'll have got one of my own bodyguards in the big purple suit beforehand. You'd be surprised how much light artillery you can hide in there, you know."
3. What time is it where you are?
"Time for some answers, thank you."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"I don't tolerate that kind of nonsense in my section," she said with a contemptuous grunt. "If this Albus Dumbledore were chasing subordinates around the desks, I'd watch to see which one had the gumption to cut off his balls, and that's the one I'd promote." After a moment's thought she added, "Preferably to Dumbledore's job."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"The Office. It's where I end up doing most of my drinking, anyway. Also why I end up drinking. Bourbon, if you must know."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
That drew a glimmer of amusement from her.
"I'm sure I don't know. But I'd suggest an extremely thorough background check on both Fred and George might help Harry decide, and recommend an ironclad prenup in either case."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"You're in government service, obviously."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"What are you, a minister's aide?" she muttered.
"I take the heat from higher up so my people don't have to. I get them the budget for all their best toys, arrange their entrees wherever they need to go, and keep our records neatly organized and at our fingertips at all times to our mutual benefit."
She tilted her head contemplatively. "I'd like to say I contribute to the keeping of world peace, but if I were really useful at that, I'd do myself out of a job, wouldn't I?"
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
M sighed and pulled a leather billfold from her understated clutch purse. She rifled through its contents.
"Do you take Euros?"
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __M__.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___M__.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __M__.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __Not_ if_MI6_has_anything_to_say_about_it!__"
((This application has been approved by James Bond-mun and Vesper Lynd-mun (c'est moi). So we're good to go.))
Lightning flashed, and a woman of late middle age appeared in the Sorting Room. She was tastefully dressed in a sensible black skirt suit with loose-cut jacket and white blouse, and unflashy but high-quality jewelry. Her white-grey hair was cropped to short spiky locks.
"Bloody hell," she murmured, looking around. "Can't be..." She roamed the Sorting Room, posture relaxed and casual, but her blue eyes were sharp as a hawk's, taking in every detail for possible use.
The frown lines on either side of her mouth deepened when she noticed the application forms, Dictaquill standing at the ready.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Edam. Who gives a shit about why?"
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Her lips puckered, as if she'd bitten a lemon.
"Carrottop. With any luck I'll have got one of my own bodyguards in the big purple suit beforehand. You'd be surprised how much light artillery you can hide in there, you know."
3. What time is it where you are?
"Time for some answers, thank you."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"I don't tolerate that kind of nonsense in my section," she said with a contemptuous grunt. "If this Albus Dumbledore were chasing subordinates around the desks, I'd watch to see which one had the gumption to cut off his balls, and that's the one I'd promote." After a moment's thought she added, "Preferably to Dumbledore's job."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"The Office. It's where I end up doing most of my drinking, anyway. Also why I end up drinking. Bourbon, if you must know."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
That drew a glimmer of amusement from her.
"I'm sure I don't know. But I'd suggest an extremely thorough background check on both Fred and George might help Harry decide, and recommend an ironclad prenup in either case."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"You're in government service, obviously."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"What are you, a minister's aide?" she muttered.
"I take the heat from higher up so my people don't have to. I get them the budget for all their best toys, arrange their entrees wherever they need to go, and keep our records neatly organized and at our fingertips at all times to our mutual benefit."
She tilted her head contemplatively. "I'd like to say I contribute to the keeping of world peace, but if I were really useful at that, I'd do myself out of a job, wouldn't I?"
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
M sighed and pulled a leather billfold from her understated clutch purse. She rifled through its contents.
"Do you take Euros?"
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. __M__.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___M__.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __M__.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. __Not_ if_MI6_has_anything_to_say_about_it!__"
((This application has been approved by James Bond-mun and Vesper Lynd-mun (c'est moi). So we're good to go.))