Licking one's wounds (Closed RP, L, A)

[pre_l]

L was still resenting the fact that he had to admit that Kurama was right. He didn't like it. Didn't like the further implications that he could have been wrong before as well. That sat less well than that he might have been wrong about A. Interpersonal relationships were new to him. Understanding people and their motivations and actions weren

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[i_am_an_hero]

A dropped to the floor at L's feet, the faint sniffles he'd been containing bursting into deep, hitching sobs.

"I didn't know!" he wailed. "I, I, I didn't, I liked him, I didn't know!"

[pre_l]

L's first thought was that A was talking about Kurama. He pushed the door closed as well as he could and knelt to gather A up. "What happened?" he asked softly, rocking A gently. "What didn't you know, darling?" Better to ask, to be sure before he makes accusations.

[i_am_an_hero]

"He... he, he, he's Yagami's, Mikami, he, that, that Yagami, he said you were wrong."

[pre_l]

For once, he was almost glad to be wrong. After everything Kurama had said and everything he'd gone through trying to wrap his mind around the possibility that he was most likely wrong, L didn't want to deal with that again. He rocked A a little while. He remembered what Mello had told him about the case. "In a way, dearest, I was. I had the right person, but I couldn't prove it," he said softly.

[i_am_an_hero]

"He said. Mikami said. Said, said that that Yagami was going to change the world. To make it better. He said that Yagami was good and right."

He sniffled again. "I had a knife. I wanted to hurt him. But I didn't."

[pre_l]

"It started that way, dearest," L said softly, rocking A as he spoke and thought. "But, the power took over. He killed innocents to protect himself." He was struggling to remember everything he'd been told and sort out Mello's stabs at him from the facts. "Some people believed he was right because they were afraid." He caressed A's head. "Mello or Near would know more, or maybe Matt. They lived through it, dearest. It's still in my future. Mello told me what would happen." A didn't need to know with what relish Mello told him.

"Dearest, it is okay to be angry, to be mad, to feel how you feel." He would prefer A didn't get mad, didn't wish to hurt. It lent credence to his argument that A was unstable and he didn't like thinking that. "But, it is very important to not act on those impulses. I wouldn't wish for you to regret anything."

[i_am_an_hero]

"But I liked him!" A wailed. "Mikami. We talked. He saw my garden. He petted Schrodinger! And he's Yagami's."

[pre_l]

"And I will like Light, dearest, so Mello tells me, so Light tells me." He was sure this was scant comfort for A, but it was the truth.

[i_am_an_hero]

"But he knew. About all the killing. He was Light's on purpose and he thinks he was right. He said your name like you were something dirty."

[pre_l]

L could hear Mello's words in his head, You died in his arms while he gloated over you. He didn't think that would help A now, though. "He also believes Light is something of a god. From what Near has said, he has not yet been debased of these beliefs. When he is, he will turn completely and will commit suicide for his part." Small comfort, but all that he could offer.

[i_am_an_hero]

"He insulted you," A pointed out, sniffling. To him, this was unforgivable. "And, and I wanted to hurt him, to make him stop, but I didn't think you'd like it."

[pre_l]

"No, I wouldn't like it if you hurt him," L agreed, maybe a little more firmly than he meant to. He sighed to soften his tone and continued, "You can't hurt everyone who insults me, dearest. There are a great many who would rather I never lived. Many of them because I caught them."

[i_am_an_hero]

"What you do is important. It's why I was being trained. It's the reason for everything. You're needed."

[pre_l]

"I know, darling," he said. He knew too well. "But, that doesn't stop people, both the ones who are doing wrong and some of those who aren't, from resenting what I do. They do not wish to be caught or, in the case of those who are not wrongdoers, shown up." He stroked A's hair. "Did you never wonder why I worked away from people?" he asked. Aside from the fact that he didn't like most people, finding it difficult to have conversations with those not at his level, and few were, he often had trouble dealing with their noise.

[i_am_an_hero]

"It's harder to think, with people around," A said. "They get too close, and they're loud, and they ask questions." He made a face. "Being around a lot of people makes me uncomfortable. So it makes sense that you wouldn't like it."

[pre_l]

L nodded. "That, yes, and when interacting with people instead of just observing them and compiling data, it's easier to be mistaken about them." It cost him a lot to say that, but A needed to hear it. "And, having to deal with a whole person instead of just their information is more complicated because there are things that you will like and things you won't like about them. They're no longer just a report anymore." He would, eventually, have to admit to Kurama that he'd been wrong. And probably Kusuriyuri, too.