Smaug, from The Hobbit
((Permission granted by the other Tolkien players on the active roster. Smaug has several noteworthy abilities including "Dragon-spell", which he can use if someone looks into his eyes. Characters are free to react or not at your discretion. Unless he's trying to exert his will upon someone it probably isn't a great concern.))
Outside one of the wide windows of the Sorting Room, a red-golden snout appeared and curiously attempted to push inside. The dragon it belonged to had only a little success, managing to fit his massive head and part of his neck within before realising his error-he was now quite stuck.
In his surprise and annoyance, Smaug, for that was the dragon's name, reflexively let loose a spout of flame that erupted everything in its path. It all continued to burn, even the stone-for this was no natural fire. A rabble of floppy-eared creatures appeared before the damage was too severe and immediately set things to rights, then turned their attention to the dragon.
Smaug made a fair ruckus while the tiny goblin-like creatures did something or other-magic, he thought, the likes of which he'd have expected from a Wizard or Elf Lord of his own land-that in short order had him inside the room and also shrunk to a slightly more suitable size. Though still too large to pass through the window, even with his wings tightly folded, as he soon discovered.
A few of the gems and gold pieces that crusted his belly had come loose during the spells and had clattered to the floor. He swept his barbed tail about to gather them safely in his coils, but before he could think to do anything more about them, the quill and parchment caught his eye-and ears. The quill was impatiently tapping, spotting the parchment with ink, as though held by an invisible hand. Smaug bent to peer closer, puzzling over the riddles he found there.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Cheese? An unappetising invention, and there is not even sport in the hunting of it.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Whichever would offer the more satisfying crunch within my jaws, but I would as happily take them both.
3. What time is it where you are?
The moon is full and bright tonight.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
This riddle rather confounded Smaug and he could make no sense of it, forward or backwards, but felt compelled to offer an answer all the same.
Dumbledore, Phoenix, Black, these titles mean nothing to me. Any harassment would entail death and ruin.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
'Erebor' would be most apt.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
We dragons care little for the tedious rituals of mortals in these days, and I even less so than most.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
His previous answer applied doubly so to this question, but he gave it some thought regardless; he couldn't resist most riddles, not even ones he couldn't understand.
Your methods of destruction are lacking.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
He found the request too absurd to spare much thought toward it.
Prove my worth to a sheet of parchment?
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Bartering was hardly his forté, nor had he ever been inclined toward generosity, and indeed his first impulse would have been to threaten if it wasn't, as he'd noted previously, a sheet of parchment he was addressing.
He did know something of greed, however. If parting with a few baubles from his hoard meant exploring this castle and surrounding land unharassed, where it was likely he might find more treasure to claim, then perhaps the price was bearable.
Jewels and gold I have. Perhaps one of my own shed scales, quite invulnerable to damage, more hardy even than mithril. Ask what you will of me. But do so where I can properly see you.
And any foolish enough to look into his eyes might well find it difficult to request anything from him. He was understandably resistant to the notion of giving, even if he thought he might ultimately benefit from it.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Smaug
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Smaug.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Smaug.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Smaug"
Outside one of the wide windows of the Sorting Room, a red-golden snout appeared and curiously attempted to push inside. The dragon it belonged to had only a little success, managing to fit his massive head and part of his neck within before realising his error-he was now quite stuck.
In his surprise and annoyance, Smaug, for that was the dragon's name, reflexively let loose a spout of flame that erupted everything in its path. It all continued to burn, even the stone-for this was no natural fire. A rabble of floppy-eared creatures appeared before the damage was too severe and immediately set things to rights, then turned their attention to the dragon.
Smaug made a fair ruckus while the tiny goblin-like creatures did something or other-magic, he thought, the likes of which he'd have expected from a Wizard or Elf Lord of his own land-that in short order had him inside the room and also shrunk to a slightly more suitable size. Though still too large to pass through the window, even with his wings tightly folded, as he soon discovered.
A few of the gems and gold pieces that crusted his belly had come loose during the spells and had clattered to the floor. He swept his barbed tail about to gather them safely in his coils, but before he could think to do anything more about them, the quill and parchment caught his eye-and ears. The quill was impatiently tapping, spotting the parchment with ink, as though held by an invisible hand. Smaug bent to peer closer, puzzling over the riddles he found there.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Cheese? An unappetising invention, and there is not even sport in the hunting of it.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Whichever would offer the more satisfying crunch within my jaws, but I would as happily take them both.
3. What time is it where you are?
The moon is full and bright tonight.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
This riddle rather confounded Smaug and he could make no sense of it, forward or backwards, but felt compelled to offer an answer all the same.
Dumbledore, Phoenix, Black, these titles mean nothing to me. Any harassment would entail death and ruin.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
'Erebor' would be most apt.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
We dragons care little for the tedious rituals of mortals in these days, and I even less so than most.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
His previous answer applied doubly so to this question, but he gave it some thought regardless; he couldn't resist most riddles, not even ones he couldn't understand.
Your methods of destruction are lacking.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
He found the request too absurd to spare much thought toward it.
Prove my worth to a sheet of parchment?
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Bartering was hardly his forté, nor had he ever been inclined toward generosity, and indeed his first impulse would have been to threaten if it wasn't, as he'd noted previously, a sheet of parchment he was addressing.
He did know something of greed, however. If parting with a few baubles from his hoard meant exploring this castle and surrounding land unharassed, where it was likely he might find more treasure to claim, then perhaps the price was bearable.
Jewels and gold I have. Perhaps one of my own shed scales, quite invulnerable to damage, more hardy even than mithril. Ask what you will of me. But do so where I can properly see you.
And any foolish enough to look into his eyes might well find it difficult to request anything from him. He was understandably resistant to the notion of giving, even if he thought he might ultimately benefit from it.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Smaug
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Smaug.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Smaug.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Smaug"