Application for Unity (Discworld - Thief of Time)

[oneof_me]

((This application contains spoilers for Thief of Time (including the character's name, unfortunately...) ))

A woman appeared in the Sorting Room.

This was not, of course, unusual, but the way she appeared was. Most new arrivals to Hogwarts turned up in one piece. They didn't start out as a strange disturbance in the air, and a stream of

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[mello_n_choco]

"Why the Chocolate Bar?" I ask. There are other things on her application that I want to ask about, but this is the most amusing to me.

[oneof_me]

"Because..." she begins, and stops. Her eyes widen as she stares at the chocolate bar in his hand.

"Please put that away..." she says, faintly.

[mello_n_choco]

I glance at the chocolate bar in my hand and then back at her. "Why?"

[oneof_me]

"The temptation..." She's swaying, a little. "I - I have to resist it. I can't - die here but I... don't want to discorporate, lose control, not now. I plan to drink with Vesper. We have an arrangement."

[mello_n_choco]

"And chocolate will cause you to 'discorporate'?" I ask. Not like I'm going to share or anything.

[oneof_me]

She nods. "I have to concentrate to maintain this shape. So did my - former colleagues who took such forms. I used it to defeat them. The taste of chocolate overrides all other senses."

[mello_n_choco]

I shrug and slide the bar back in my vest after wrapping it up again. "Why is paperwork self-perpetuating and why would we not want it to be completed?" I ask blandly.

[oneof_me]

She relaxes, a little. "Intelligent life creates disorder. So much that is - essential to humanity cannot be measured or quantified. Things like... 'justice', or 'romance', or 'boredom'. They don't exist, but they influence your behaviour in ways that cannot be accounted for by natural laws. It - makes things untidy."

[mello_n_choco]

I wonder what Mikami would think of someone telling him justice didn't exist. "Sometimes, things that the mind creates are more real than reality," I say. "Or, it could be that everything is a construct of someone's mind." I shrug. Philosophy's not really my thing. "But, then, you mentioned Auditors of reality. Do they know its origin? What is real?"

[oneof_me]

She blinks at him. "Those are very human questions. To the Auditors, real is - atoms, and forces that move them. Reality is what can be catalogued. What the mind creates is fiction, a dangerous and irrelevant distraction." A sigh. "An example may help you understand. I'm talking about beings that would break down a painting into wood and canvas and tiny piles of pigment, to find out what made it 'art'."

[mello_n_choco]

"So, gestalt has no meaning to them?" I summarize. "In other words, they cannot hope to understand what they are examining."

[oneof_me]

"Yes..." She nods, slowly. "That's right."

[mello_n_choco]

"So, reality is categorized by being which have no possible way of understanding how it functions together? That is about as sensical as saying everything is just imagined by someone." I raise my eyebrow at her. "And, your opinion on this?"

[oneof_me]

Quietly, "That we - they - are probably the most stupid beings in the universe."

[mello_n_choco]

I slide my hands in my pockets. "And, what will you do now?" I ask.

[oneof_me]

"I don't know. I - intended to die, but that hasn't worked."