The Wonderful Application of Oz
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The kind that’s in a jar. ‘Cause it’s like cheese, only… it’s not.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Well, Carrottop probably wakes up every morning hoping someone would; so him, I guess. And I think we’re radically undervaluing a children’s caretaker that doesn’t have genitals.
3. What time is it where you are?
2:12 AM. Sorry, it’s sorta hard to be cute on that one.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them?
Probably have the best chance with that Snape guy, since I’d be a zombie and he’s really pale. Pale enough to be up for some zombie loving? Only time will tell.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Ouch. Then you can say, “A rabbi, a priest, and a shaman walked into the bar, Ouch.”
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
…what if Fred and George were the same person, only born twice? It doesn’t matter, because Harry would be marrying the same person. And then the universe would collapse… which would mean that the elephants get off the tortoise. Huh.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
I would, but the answer involves secret societies, papyrophobic aliens, physics… scary.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I helped save the world a few times. And I play the electric bass. Mostly the guitar thing, actually.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
*Rummages through his pockets and pulls out lint, change, a reddish rock, his keys, canapé and a half melted chocolate bar. He pockets the key-chain, but otherwise leaves the rest. He shrugs* I promise to play you a song. Or not to. More likely you’ll want the ‘not to’. And I'd share the things I've learned to help me control my werewolf form. I’m more like The Incredible Hulk now.
The kind that’s in a jar. ‘Cause it’s like cheese, only… it’s not.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Well, Carrottop probably wakes up every morning hoping someone would; so him, I guess. And I think we’re radically undervaluing a children’s caretaker that doesn’t have genitals.
3. What time is it where you are?
2:12 AM. Sorry, it’s sorta hard to be cute on that one.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them?
Probably have the best chance with that Snape guy, since I’d be a zombie and he’s really pale. Pale enough to be up for some zombie loving? Only time will tell.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Ouch. Then you can say, “A rabbi, a priest, and a shaman walked into the bar, Ouch.”
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
…what if Fred and George were the same person, only born twice? It doesn’t matter, because Harry would be marrying the same person. And then the universe would collapse… which would mean that the elephants get off the tortoise. Huh.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
I would, but the answer involves secret societies, papyrophobic aliens, physics… scary.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I helped save the world a few times. And I play the electric bass. Mostly the guitar thing, actually.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
*Rummages through his pockets and pulls out lint, change, a reddish rock, his keys, canapé and a half melted chocolate bar. He pockets the key-chain, but otherwise leaves the rest. He shrugs* I promise to play you a song. Or not to. More likely you’ll want the ‘not to’. And I'd share the things I've learned to help me control my werewolf form. I’m more like The Incredible Hulk now.