Owl to Lezard Valeth
Dear Lezard,
Given all your activity on the sex education sign-up sheet, I would like to suggest, with all possible respect, that you need a bloody intervention.
Because here's the thing. We haven't met, but I know you could do so much better than a shampoo-phobic git with a bad temper. In fact, I'd be more than happy to introduce you to people who would make much better relationship material than Snape. Merlin, *I* would make better relationship material than Snape, and I'm not generally into other blokes.
Just please consider it. If you're a sensible person, you'll thank me later.
George