Application for Meriadoc Brandybuck, Lord of the Rings
The door of the Sorting Room opens, and what looks like a small, curly-headed child walks in, holding a pipe. Only, rather than a small child, the figure is instead rather a tall hobbit; and in taking in the proportions of the room he finds himself in, he looks perhaps understandably confused.
Still, he is well-versed in travel, and more used to Mannish structures than most hobbits would be. It only takes a few moments for him to find the application parchment, which he fills out with growing curiosity - occasionally looking up, still alert for his errant cousin or some other inhabitant of his sprawling, underground mansion.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Merry approved of this question; perhaps thing were becoming a little more normal once more.
"Why, Buck Pride, from down by Standelf; and if any of my cousins from across the Brandywine (or dear old Sam, for that matter) try to persuade you otherwise, well, they have been brought up in queer parts without real, decent food. Although I allow that the cheese in Ithilien was uncommonly good," he added, "and moreso after so long on travel rations."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Neither, if they're of Hobbit-kind. No hobbit has ever killed another on purpose in the Shire. But we are tired of ruffians, and my cousin and I are still chasing the last of them from the Shire; and unlike Frodo, I will shed blood if I must."
3. What time is it where you are?
"Early afternoon - perhaps around eleven. I'm afraid I couldn't tell you more than that, not even where I am; a few moments ago, I had believed myself in the Great Smials, but even for that warren this is a little... large."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"That..." Merry's face took on a slight flush. "I'm not a scoundrel, to go around pestering hobbit-maids and make a nuisance of myself. I certainly wouldn't harass anyone."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Ah! A much better question. Now that we're rid of Sharkey, and setting the Shire to rights, there are almost as many new inns being established as old. I don't think being a barkeep is quite my lot in life - I'd much rather be on the other side of the counter - but perhaps The Horse and Rider.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Hobbits don't go in much for mythology, and even with all the travelling I've done I find it hard to recall any of Bilbo's tales that might help the problem. Common sense, though, or old wives tales, would say that Harry ought to go for a nice girl well-suited: someone jolly, and sensible when they need to be. But I can't choose for him, especially as I don't know any of the three of them."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
"Again, I can't say; my father would claim you aren't as responsible as you ought to be, but perhaps you are simply busy. Life can be rather unexpected at times, and other people's priorities take a rather lesser importance."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"I was one of the Nine Walkers who accompanied the Ring Bearer on his way to Mount Doom; and before that," a grin, "a conspirator, ensuring the silly old thing didn't take off like Bilbo before him, only get into bother without any friends to help. I was rather useful in getting us to Bree, at least, although Strider rather took over after that. And I am a Knight of Rohan, esquire to the late King and friend of Eomer King; and a friend of the King of Gondor and the Western Lands; and chief among those who led the Battle of Bywater, driving out the ruffians who took over the Shire in our absence."
He thinks for a moment.
"I am also rather a reliable babysitter."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
"I have some pipe-weed, of course, that I'm willing to share; but not much else."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _Meriadoc Brandybuck_.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _Meriadoc Brandybuck_.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _Meriadoc Brandybuck_"
((OOC: I'm taking Merry from book-canon, just after the Scouring of the Shire. So he does have a silly, irresponsible side, it's just... not as blatant as movieverse!Merry's.))
Still, he is well-versed in travel, and more used to Mannish structures than most hobbits would be. It only takes a few moments for him to find the application parchment, which he fills out with growing curiosity - occasionally looking up, still alert for his errant cousin or some other inhabitant of his sprawling, underground mansion.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Merry approved of this question; perhaps thing were becoming a little more normal once more.
"Why, Buck Pride, from down by Standelf; and if any of my cousins from across the Brandywine (or dear old Sam, for that matter) try to persuade you otherwise, well, they have been brought up in queer parts without real, decent food. Although I allow that the cheese in Ithilien was uncommonly good," he added, "and moreso after so long on travel rations."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Neither, if they're of Hobbit-kind. No hobbit has ever killed another on purpose in the Shire. But we are tired of ruffians, and my cousin and I are still chasing the last of them from the Shire; and unlike Frodo, I will shed blood if I must."
3. What time is it where you are?
"Early afternoon - perhaps around eleven. I'm afraid I couldn't tell you more than that, not even where I am; a few moments ago, I had believed myself in the Great Smials, but even for that warren this is a little... large."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"That..." Merry's face took on a slight flush. "I'm not a scoundrel, to go around pestering hobbit-maids and make a nuisance of myself. I certainly wouldn't harass anyone."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Ah! A much better question. Now that we're rid of Sharkey, and setting the Shire to rights, there are almost as many new inns being established as old. I don't think being a barkeep is quite my lot in life - I'd much rather be on the other side of the counter - but perhaps The Horse and Rider.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Hobbits don't go in much for mythology, and even with all the travelling I've done I find it hard to recall any of Bilbo's tales that might help the problem. Common sense, though, or old wives tales, would say that Harry ought to go for a nice girl well-suited: someone jolly, and sensible when they need to be. But I can't choose for him, especially as I don't know any of the three of them."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
"Again, I can't say; my father would claim you aren't as responsible as you ought to be, but perhaps you are simply busy. Life can be rather unexpected at times, and other people's priorities take a rather lesser importance."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"I was one of the Nine Walkers who accompanied the Ring Bearer on his way to Mount Doom; and before that," a grin, "a conspirator, ensuring the silly old thing didn't take off like Bilbo before him, only get into bother without any friends to help. I was rather useful in getting us to Bree, at least, although Strider rather took over after that. And I am a Knight of Rohan, esquire to the late King and friend of Eomer King; and a friend of the King of Gondor and the Western Lands; and chief among those who led the Battle of Bywater, driving out the ruffians who took over the Shire in our absence."
He thinks for a moment.
"I am also rather a reliable babysitter."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
"I have some pipe-weed, of course, that I'm willing to share; but not much else."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. _Meriadoc Brandybuck_.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _Meriadoc Brandybuck_.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _Meriadoc Brandybuck_"
((OOC: I'm taking Merry from book-canon, just after the Scouring of the Shire. So he does have a silly, irresponsible side, it's just... not as blatant as movieverse!Merry's.))