Application: Liandra ("Lee"), Fallen Angel comics
"Oh, goddammit." The words sounded more pissed than surprised. The woman who had just appeared in the Sorting Room smelled strongly of blood and beer, and when she pushed back the hood of her cloak enough to take in her surroundings her face looked severely annoyed.
"Hm." She pulled up a lock of hair to examine it. Currently--though it would have been hard to tell, cloaked and hooded as she was in her burgandy cloak and dress--she looked almost exactly as she had after her... incident... twenty years ago: long, curly red hair without a hint of gray, blue eyes with no crow's feet accentuating them, and looking for all the world like a woman in her mid-twenties. She frowned. Isn't that interesting. So this probably wasn't anywhere that could technically be called "the real world," then. Out there, she looked older.
She saw the parchment on the room's table, shrugged, and walked over to take a look. As she walked, her feet (bare but for burgundy wrappings, which also adorned her hands and arms) never once touched the room's floor, instead seeming fixed about an inch above the ground.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Huh." She picked up the quill pen that sat by the parchment and wrote, Pizza cheese. Because it goes on pizza.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Normally I'd be happy to kill either one, but let's go with Barney for the moment. Shitty prop comedy doesn't get stuck in my head. She looked around, hoping that the fat purple bastard would shamble in, just inviting her to punch a hole through his ribcage. She hated that song.
3. What time is it where you are?
Since I'm here, it's the time that it is here right now. And here is... Superhuman sense of direction to the rescue! Scotland. And since it's morning in Scotland, it's morning where I am.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
I don't know. Whichever one was best looking. She thought about it, crossed it out, and rewrote her answer as The best looking one who doesn't mind necrophilia, if we're going by the situation in the question.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I don't bartend. I just drink. Preferably at Furor's.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Do you think I give a shit? I don't care if they fuck each other all at once or one after the other, and neither do any of those arrogant fucks in the myths. They don't care about you. They only care about what you give to them. Half of them wouldn't care who this Harry fucked as long as he fucked them first, and the other half would just want to watch whatever was going on. You give these assholes way too much credit, you know that? Fuck 'em all. Sore subject for her? No, not at all!
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Because you're a stupid asshole who doesn't do the paperwork. Or you're a stupid asshole who gets more paperwork than you get rid of. Either way, you're probably a stupid asshole.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I teach high school gym, so I've developed the ability to be around teenagers for extended periods of time without killing them. I'm also really good at killing people who piss me off. And she could jump really far, hit things really really hard, shoot mystical energy from her eyes and body, and be near invulnerable when she put her mind to it, but it was always worth it to have some things hidden.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Lee's eyes narrowed. For future reference, I don't do so well with warnings. How about this: If I like you okay, I'll see that you get a free drink or two if you ever end up in Bete Noir. Or if you need justice and you don't piss me off, I might help. Maybe. If you deserve it, if you're not a complete idiot and if--this is the most important one--I don't have anything better to do.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Lee
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Lee
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Lee
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Lee
((Yes, she's a fallen guardian angel. Her canon says: "There is something of the divine about [Lee]. But rather than suffusing [her], it hangs over [her] like a shroud." Therefore, anyone with the ability to sense that sort of thing has the go-ahead to do so without asking me.))
"Hm." She pulled up a lock of hair to examine it. Currently--though it would have been hard to tell, cloaked and hooded as she was in her burgandy cloak and dress--she looked almost exactly as she had after her... incident... twenty years ago: long, curly red hair without a hint of gray, blue eyes with no crow's feet accentuating them, and looking for all the world like a woman in her mid-twenties. She frowned. Isn't that interesting. So this probably wasn't anywhere that could technically be called "the real world," then. Out there, she looked older.
She saw the parchment on the room's table, shrugged, and walked over to take a look. As she walked, her feet (bare but for burgundy wrappings, which also adorned her hands and arms) never once touched the room's floor, instead seeming fixed about an inch above the ground.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Huh." She picked up the quill pen that sat by the parchment and wrote, Pizza cheese. Because it goes on pizza.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Normally I'd be happy to kill either one, but let's go with Barney for the moment. Shitty prop comedy doesn't get stuck in my head. She looked around, hoping that the fat purple bastard would shamble in, just inviting her to punch a hole through his ribcage. She hated that song.
3. What time is it where you are?
Since I'm here, it's the time that it is here right now. And here is... Superhuman sense of direction to the rescue! Scotland. And since it's morning in Scotland, it's morning where I am.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
I don't know. Whichever one was best looking. She thought about it, crossed it out, and rewrote her answer as The best looking one who doesn't mind necrophilia, if we're going by the situation in the question.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I don't bartend. I just drink. Preferably at Furor's.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Do you think I give a shit? I don't care if they fuck each other all at once or one after the other, and neither do any of those arrogant fucks in the myths. They don't care about you. They only care about what you give to them. Half of them wouldn't care who this Harry fucked as long as he fucked them first, and the other half would just want to watch whatever was going on. You give these assholes way too much credit, you know that? Fuck 'em all. Sore subject for her? No, not at all!
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
Because you're a stupid asshole who doesn't do the paperwork. Or you're a stupid asshole who gets more paperwork than you get rid of. Either way, you're probably a stupid asshole.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
I teach high school gym, so I've developed the ability to be around teenagers for extended periods of time without killing them. I'm also really good at killing people who piss me off. And she could jump really far, hit things really really hard, shoot mystical energy from her eyes and body, and be near invulnerable when she put her mind to it, but it was always worth it to have some things hidden.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Lee's eyes narrowed. For future reference, I don't do so well with warnings. How about this: If I like you okay, I'll see that you get a free drink or two if you ever end up in Bete Noir. Or if you need justice and you don't piss me off, I might help. Maybe. If you deserve it, if you're not a complete idiot and if--this is the most important one--I don't have anything better to do.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Lee
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Lee
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Lee
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Lee
((Yes, she's a fallen guardian angel. Her canon says: "There is something of the divine about [Lee]. But rather than suffusing [her], it hangs over [her] like a shroud." Therefore, anyone with the ability to sense that sort of thing has the go-ahead to do so without asking me.))