application for Dr. Jørgen 'Hook' Krogshøj (Lars von Trier's "The Kingdom"/"Riget")
(( OOC: While Riget/The Kingdom was filmed in 1994, and its sequel in 1997, I should warn anyway that there will be spoilers here. Riget II was only issued on DVD in North America this year. ))
Another day, another morning conference. Morning conference had gotten a lot less irritating since Hook had come to his little understanding with Helmer. (Stig Helmer, head of neurosurgery, was not quite the bane of Hook's existence. Hook might be the bane of Helmer's existence, however. He was probably running neck and neck with Dr. Moesgaard for that honor.)
Only then Helmer had taken that little trip to Haiti. It had been a very, very brief trip, and the man had returned ... weirdly smug. Hook didn't like the look of it.
Provoke him. Then you'll see if he's bluffing. Thus counseled Mogge, dumbass intern extraordinaire - Mogge, whose chief virtue lay in the great good fortune of having been born the son of Dr. Einar Moesgaard.
Mogge, this is either very very clever or very very stupid, Hook had replied. Then he had gone off to morning conference and proceeded to provoke Helmer. It was something Hook did well.
He had yet to draw the connection between the funny taste of Helmer's coffee and the later events of the day. All he knew was that he'd begun to feel rather unwell. Morning conference ended and everyone went about their work. One moment Hook was trying to resuscitate old Mrs. Drusse, the next he was in need of resuscitation himself.
And now, it seemed, he was no longer in The Kingdom.
He was lying prone on a cold stone floor. His colleagues were nowhere to be seen or heard. He remembered the sensation of someone closing his eyelids for him, as one does for the dead. He had been unable to move. Now, though, he opened his eyes.
He sat up, stretched his long legs, laced his fingers together and stretched his arms too, cracked his knuckles. He looked around.
As he rose from the floor and dusted off his scrubs and coat - white, all of it; every doctor at the Kingdom wore white, eyestrain be damned - Jørgen Krogshøj began to laugh. It was not a hysterical sound. It was a low rasping chuckle, something like the bottom of a boat scraping against stones, and it was rich with genuine amusement.
Confronted with the "application", he did stop laughing. He still couldn't wipe that grin off his face as he answered the questions, but he didn't see any need to do so, either. He answered the questions with mock solemnity. The afterlife was as much of a joke as the life that had preceded his apparent death.
He also didn't see any need to hold back in his answers. The dead had nothing to hide, wasn't that true? Dr. Bondo would have said so. The law of the dead is to give.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Hook shrugged. "What I do is move things from where they aren't needed to where they are needed. Say, for example, the lodge is having a meeting. You know, the lodge, the Sons of the Kingdom. Now, they're dressed up in their best black-tie wear, and they are having a companionable drink down in their secret meeting room by the laundry. They're so sodden they completely ignore food. All this nice smoked Gouda with no one to eat it. So: one of the porters, good old Bulder or someone like that, will come to take it away. Now, say the medical students are hungry. We run them ragged, they haven't time for more than a quick bite to eat. Voila, the lodge's unwanted cheese shows up in the lounge where they study."
Seeming to anticipate a question, he raised a hand to forestall it. "What do I get out of it? I guess you could say I get nothing out of it, in the strictest sense. I just don't like to see things go to waste, that's all. So, if you want to know the answer, my favorite cheese is the cheese that's going unappreciated and won't cost a dime."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Why, what kind of doctor do you take me for? I wouldn't kill anyone. Now, every doctor makes simple mistakes now and then. Everyone is entitled to his mistakes. I, for my part, keep track of the mistakes that have been made." Those little trays of sand with their popsicle-stick crosses, a tray for each of the prominent doctors at Rigshospitalet who'd committed serious malpractice, a cross for each patient upon whom it was committed. A name on each cross. "It's useful to keep track of such things. How will we learn but from our mistakes? But your Barney and your Carrottop, those aren't names I recognize." Mona, now, there was a name.
Hook liked to know where the bodies were buried.
3. What time is it where you are?
"Time has run out for me, hasn't it? It's a shame. Still, it's an ill wind that blows nobody good, eh? Now we have all the time in the world to talk about cheese."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Hook's face, never what one might call open, sometimes verging on sullen or sly, now took on a decidedly recalcitrant cast. "That's a fine question to ask a man. You ought to know better than that." Since this was the afterlife and his interrogators must have ways of knowing things that were unseen, he really meant it when he said they ought to know better. "I've never sexually harassed a woman in my life. Sure, I'll keep asking a woman out, until or unless I think my interest isn't appreciated. There's a fine line between persistence and harassment, my friends, and I don't intend to cross it. If I were a woman I wouldn't care to be propositioned by every rascal who happens to own a lab coat. I don't know who your Albus Dumbledore or your Sirius Black may be -" which meant neither of them worked at The Kingdom - "but they'd be well advised to take care whom they harass."
Sexual harassment was not a huge problem in Hook's domain, anyway. It was plagiarism that currently had him hot under the collar. Stealing his lady love's research? Not wise. (Hence much misfortune for Dr. Helmer.)
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Hook raised an imaginary glass in grinning salute. "The Basement, let's call it. We'd serve the cleanest drink known to man: ethyl alcohol and distilled water, a twist of lemon for garnish."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Now, look, I don't care who marries whom, if it comes to that," Hook began. His affinity for gossip, though, beat out his genuine indifference. "Hey, d'you mean Harald down in Otology? I didn't know he swung that way."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Inundated? That's a strong word. Inundated." Hook turned the word over in his mouth. "Drowning in paperwork, are you? Maybe I'd better send someone over to take care of it for you."
There might be some interesting tidbits on such a person's desk. Reports they'd forgotten they even had.
"But - how silly of me. We're not in The Kingdom any more, are we?" The Kingdom. He'd said Riget, the nickname for Rigshospitalet, but it came out in English. Hook certainly knew enough English to realize that. It dawned on him that this whole time, he'd been speaking in English without consciously willing it. "We're in a different kind of kingdom, I have to guess. Well, then, I don't know anyone here to send over, so I'll just have to do it myself."
He flashed a winning smile, long straight teeth somewhat yellowed by nicotine. "I don't mind one bit."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"As Helmer is so fond of reminding me, I am only the assistant physician in neurosurgery. However, I've now secured the right to approve CT scans, and that was no mean feat, let me tell you." His ghostly interrogators doubtless already knew all about it. The remark was purely rhetorical, for his own amusement. Blackmailing Helmer had been a profound pleasure. "Let's see, what else? I think I may already have mentioned I'm dedicated to recycling. I can get you anything from dressing gowns to cocaine. The cocaine's boiled out of discarded eyedrops, but completely sterile, I assure you, just the eyedrops no one has used, the half-filled bottles left over. Equipment relocated from empty or underutilized wards. I got Judith that phase contrast microscope she needed ... Yes, you could call me resourceful. Quite the opposite of useless."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Hook spread his empty hands wide. "Got nothing on hand, I'm afraid. There's a ballpoint pen in my pocket, and a handkerchief, but Judith blew her nose on the handkerchief earlier. I don't think you'd want it. What do you want, something to the tune of services rendered? I can perform operations if you need it. Resuscitate people, in an emergency. Muck around in their brains and have those brains actually function afterward, unlike some neurosurgeons I could name." (I.e.: Stig Helmer.) "I'm also an amateur hand at exorcism. Got any ghosts you need shooed into a hole in the wall? I even brick up the hole afterward."
Literally.
(( "I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Krogshøj.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Krogshøj.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Krogshøj.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Krogshøj" ))
((A few notes:
The official subtitles to Riget refer to Krogshøj as 'Hook', even though all the other characters retain their original Danish or Swedish names. This is because most characters, when addressing him, shorten Krogshøj to Krog, which is a Danish word for 'hook'. They're all going around calling him Hook all the time as a nickname. So feel free to have the mysterious enchantment of Hogwarts autotranslate the name into 'Hook'. Makes life easier for everyone, and less typing of the letter ø. Plus, thanks to the subtitles, I think of him as 'Hook' myself. I rather think he probably thinks of himself by the nickname as well, much of the time ...
Helmer often refers to Hook's job as 'junior registrar', in the subtitles. In fact what he's saying is reservelæge, which means 'assistant physician'. The gist is that Helmer is far higher on the pecking order, and Hook should know his place.
The hospital at which Krogshøj works is a fictionalized version of the real Rigshospitalet in Copenhagen. It really is nicknamed Riget, and the series was apparently filmed there.
A good summary of what "The Kingdom" is about can be read at Everything2.
Bonus links:
Trailer to The Kingdom I and II.
Lars von Trier dances in a music video for the theme song to the series.
Stig Helmer, Hook's archenemy, stands on the roof to look across the water to Sweden, and yells about the 'Danish scum'. Translation: "Call it land of angels or heavenly soil... Thank you, O Swedish watch towers! With your plutonium we'll force the Danes to their knees. Here, Denmark, shat out of chalk and water; there, Sweden, hewn out of granite. Danish scum. DANISH SCUM!!!" Or so the subtitles have it. The wonderfully helpful Quaxo informs me that a more literal translation would be 'Danish devils'.))
Another day, another morning conference. Morning conference had gotten a lot less irritating since Hook had come to his little understanding with Helmer. (Stig Helmer, head of neurosurgery, was not quite the bane of Hook's existence. Hook might be the bane of Helmer's existence, however. He was probably running neck and neck with Dr. Moesgaard for that honor.)
Only then Helmer had taken that little trip to Haiti. It had been a very, very brief trip, and the man had returned ... weirdly smug. Hook didn't like the look of it.
Provoke him. Then you'll see if he's bluffing. Thus counseled Mogge, dumbass intern extraordinaire - Mogge, whose chief virtue lay in the great good fortune of having been born the son of Dr. Einar Moesgaard.
Mogge, this is either very very clever or very very stupid, Hook had replied. Then he had gone off to morning conference and proceeded to provoke Helmer. It was something Hook did well.
He had yet to draw the connection between the funny taste of Helmer's coffee and the later events of the day. All he knew was that he'd begun to feel rather unwell. Morning conference ended and everyone went about their work. One moment Hook was trying to resuscitate old Mrs. Drusse, the next he was in need of resuscitation himself.
And now, it seemed, he was no longer in The Kingdom.
He was lying prone on a cold stone floor. His colleagues were nowhere to be seen or heard. He remembered the sensation of someone closing his eyelids for him, as one does for the dead. He had been unable to move. Now, though, he opened his eyes.
He sat up, stretched his long legs, laced his fingers together and stretched his arms too, cracked his knuckles. He looked around.
As he rose from the floor and dusted off his scrubs and coat - white, all of it; every doctor at the Kingdom wore white, eyestrain be damned - Jørgen Krogshøj began to laugh. It was not a hysterical sound. It was a low rasping chuckle, something like the bottom of a boat scraping against stones, and it was rich with genuine amusement.
Confronted with the "application", he did stop laughing. He still couldn't wipe that grin off his face as he answered the questions, but he didn't see any need to do so, either. He answered the questions with mock solemnity. The afterlife was as much of a joke as the life that had preceded his apparent death.
He also didn't see any need to hold back in his answers. The dead had nothing to hide, wasn't that true? Dr. Bondo would have said so. The law of the dead is to give.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Hook shrugged. "What I do is move things from where they aren't needed to where they are needed. Say, for example, the lodge is having a meeting. You know, the lodge, the Sons of the Kingdom. Now, they're dressed up in their best black-tie wear, and they are having a companionable drink down in their secret meeting room by the laundry. They're so sodden they completely ignore food. All this nice smoked Gouda with no one to eat it. So: one of the porters, good old Bulder or someone like that, will come to take it away. Now, say the medical students are hungry. We run them ragged, they haven't time for more than a quick bite to eat. Voila, the lodge's unwanted cheese shows up in the lounge where they study."
Seeming to anticipate a question, he raised a hand to forestall it. "What do I get out of it? I guess you could say I get nothing out of it, in the strictest sense. I just don't like to see things go to waste, that's all. So, if you want to know the answer, my favorite cheese is the cheese that's going unappreciated and won't cost a dime."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Why, what kind of doctor do you take me for? I wouldn't kill anyone. Now, every doctor makes simple mistakes now and then. Everyone is entitled to his mistakes. I, for my part, keep track of the mistakes that have been made." Those little trays of sand with their popsicle-stick crosses, a tray for each of the prominent doctors at Rigshospitalet who'd committed serious malpractice, a cross for each patient upon whom it was committed. A name on each cross. "It's useful to keep track of such things. How will we learn but from our mistakes? But your Barney and your Carrottop, those aren't names I recognize." Mona, now, there was a name.
Hook liked to know where the bodies were buried.
3. What time is it where you are?
"Time has run out for me, hasn't it? It's a shame. Still, it's an ill wind that blows nobody good, eh? Now we have all the time in the world to talk about cheese."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Hook's face, never what one might call open, sometimes verging on sullen or sly, now took on a decidedly recalcitrant cast. "That's a fine question to ask a man. You ought to know better than that." Since this was the afterlife and his interrogators must have ways of knowing things that were unseen, he really meant it when he said they ought to know better. "I've never sexually harassed a woman in my life. Sure, I'll keep asking a woman out, until or unless I think my interest isn't appreciated. There's a fine line between persistence and harassment, my friends, and I don't intend to cross it. If I were a woman I wouldn't care to be propositioned by every rascal who happens to own a lab coat. I don't know who your Albus Dumbledore or your Sirius Black may be -" which meant neither of them worked at The Kingdom - "but they'd be well advised to take care whom they harass."
Sexual harassment was not a huge problem in Hook's domain, anyway. It was plagiarism that currently had him hot under the collar. Stealing his lady love's research? Not wise. (Hence much misfortune for Dr. Helmer.)
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Hook raised an imaginary glass in grinning salute. "The Basement, let's call it. We'd serve the cleanest drink known to man: ethyl alcohol and distilled water, a twist of lemon for garnish."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Now, look, I don't care who marries whom, if it comes to that," Hook began. His affinity for gossip, though, beat out his genuine indifference. "Hey, d'you mean Harald down in Otology? I didn't know he swung that way."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Inundated? That's a strong word. Inundated." Hook turned the word over in his mouth. "Drowning in paperwork, are you? Maybe I'd better send someone over to take care of it for you."
There might be some interesting tidbits on such a person's desk. Reports they'd forgotten they even had.
"But - how silly of me. We're not in The Kingdom any more, are we?" The Kingdom. He'd said Riget, the nickname for Rigshospitalet, but it came out in English. Hook certainly knew enough English to realize that. It dawned on him that this whole time, he'd been speaking in English without consciously willing it. "We're in a different kind of kingdom, I have to guess. Well, then, I don't know anyone here to send over, so I'll just have to do it myself."
He flashed a winning smile, long straight teeth somewhat yellowed by nicotine. "I don't mind one bit."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"As Helmer is so fond of reminding me, I am only the assistant physician in neurosurgery. However, I've now secured the right to approve CT scans, and that was no mean feat, let me tell you." His ghostly interrogators doubtless already knew all about it. The remark was purely rhetorical, for his own amusement. Blackmailing Helmer had been a profound pleasure. "Let's see, what else? I think I may already have mentioned I'm dedicated to recycling. I can get you anything from dressing gowns to cocaine. The cocaine's boiled out of discarded eyedrops, but completely sterile, I assure you, just the eyedrops no one has used, the half-filled bottles left over. Equipment relocated from empty or underutilized wards. I got Judith that phase contrast microscope she needed ... Yes, you could call me resourceful. Quite the opposite of useless."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Hook spread his empty hands wide. "Got nothing on hand, I'm afraid. There's a ballpoint pen in my pocket, and a handkerchief, but Judith blew her nose on the handkerchief earlier. I don't think you'd want it. What do you want, something to the tune of services rendered? I can perform operations if you need it. Resuscitate people, in an emergency. Muck around in their brains and have those brains actually function afterward, unlike some neurosurgeons I could name." (I.e.: Stig Helmer.) "I'm also an amateur hand at exorcism. Got any ghosts you need shooed into a hole in the wall? I even brick up the hole afterward."
Literally.
(( "I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Krogshøj.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Krogshøj.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Krogshøj.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. Krogshøj" ))
((A few notes:
The official subtitles to Riget refer to Krogshøj as 'Hook', even though all the other characters retain their original Danish or Swedish names. This is because most characters, when addressing him, shorten Krogshøj to Krog, which is a Danish word for 'hook'. They're all going around calling him Hook all the time as a nickname. So feel free to have the mysterious enchantment of Hogwarts autotranslate the name into 'Hook'. Makes life easier for everyone, and less typing of the letter ø. Plus, thanks to the subtitles, I think of him as 'Hook' myself. I rather think he probably thinks of himself by the nickname as well, much of the time ...
Helmer often refers to Hook's job as 'junior registrar', in the subtitles. In fact what he's saying is reservelæge, which means 'assistant physician'. The gist is that Helmer is far higher on the pecking order, and Hook should know his place.
The hospital at which Krogshøj works is a fictionalized version of the real Rigshospitalet in Copenhagen. It really is nicknamed Riget, and the series was apparently filmed there.
A good summary of what "The Kingdom" is about can be read at Everything2.
Bonus links:
Trailer to The Kingdom I and II.
Lars von Trier dances in a music video for the theme song to the series.
Stig Helmer, Hook's archenemy, stands on the roof to look across the water to Sweden, and yells about the 'Danish scum'. Translation: "Call it land of angels or heavenly soil... Thank you, O Swedish watch towers! With your plutonium we'll force the Danes to their knees. Here, Denmark, shat out of chalk and water; there, Sweden, hewn out of granite. Danish scum. DANISH SCUM!!!" Or so the subtitles have it. The wonderfully helpful Quaxo informs me that a more literal translation would be 'Danish devils'.))