Lester Burnham, American Beauty
You'll never be properly prepared to take a bullet, but Lester Burnham was especially surprised. It came at the right moment, however. Lester lay in the kitchen, the blood flowing from his head like a cracked vat of water, spilling onto the tiles. But he was happy. He was smiling and he was happy.
Then his eyes closed. In the stretch of time before this, he saw so many beautiful things; his grandmother's gentle, paper hands moving along his cheeks as a child and the way the sky looked as he looked up from the camp fire at scout camp. The world was so beautiful now, as it never was before. Especially to Lester. But still, he closed his eyes and felt his time end.
Or so he thought. Lester opened his eyes and immediately knew there was a change in him. Moving his hand up to the back of his head, he felt no blood. No gaping hole playing nest to a bullet. Nothing. Lester laughed and looked out into the sorting room and noted the paper before him. With his smile infectiously filling up his face, he answered the questionnaire before him.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Doesn't this depend on the meal I'm having the aforementioned cheese with? My answer changes based on that. But I think American is always a safe bet.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Carrottop. Barney, at some point in people's lives can be entertaining and a source of good in the world. Carrottop? I'd kill Carrottop.
3. What time is it where you are?
Um, not really sure. There aren't any clocks around, but last thing I remember it was nighttime. Late, I'd say. 11pm.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexual harassment isn;t something I normally condone, but for all purposes of this questionnaire and in keeping with being helpful to the cause, I'll answer as best I can. Sexual harassment is something that everyone would do if they knew there wasn't repercussions or consequences that go along with it. So assuming I wouldn't get fired- ha ironic, and that there was someone worth it, yes, I'd sexually harass the pretty blond at the bar. If it means I'm getting laid.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark. Slytherin? What? This is one fucked up survey. I'd never be a bartender. I hear they can't drink while they work. Somehow, this sits poorly with me. My neighbor's, Jim and Jim, they frequent a place called Big Dick's Bar and Grill. I can't help but laugh every time I hear that one.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument. Not something I can decide. Harry ultimately needs to choose for himself. I say sleep with both of them and whoever you can picture yourself screwing for the rest of your life, bingo. That's a winner.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it. Seems we have the same problem. If you're in any situation like mine, it's must be there because you really don't give a shit about. Disposing doesn't mean doing something productive with it, trust me I know from experience.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless. I traded in the family Camry for a 1970 Pontiac Firebird just because I could. And yes, it has racing stripes.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
A bribe? I have a bag of pot in my back pocket, a kick-ass car from the 70's that I've wanted my entire life that I would prefer not to get rid of and a suburban wife who is fucking her colleague. I'll give you two of the three.
And for the record? writing with a quill is FAR more difficult than it looks. My suggestions? Get Ballpoint pen, you know, for next time.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____LB________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____LB_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ______LB_____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______LB_______"
Then his eyes closed. In the stretch of time before this, he saw so many beautiful things; his grandmother's gentle, paper hands moving along his cheeks as a child and the way the sky looked as he looked up from the camp fire at scout camp. The world was so beautiful now, as it never was before. Especially to Lester. But still, he closed his eyes and felt his time end.
Or so he thought. Lester opened his eyes and immediately knew there was a change in him. Moving his hand up to the back of his head, he felt no blood. No gaping hole playing nest to a bullet. Nothing. Lester laughed and looked out into the sorting room and noted the paper before him. With his smile infectiously filling up his face, he answered the questionnaire before him.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Doesn't this depend on the meal I'm having the aforementioned cheese with? My answer changes based on that. But I think American is always a safe bet.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Carrottop. Barney, at some point in people's lives can be entertaining and a source of good in the world. Carrottop? I'd kill Carrottop.
3. What time is it where you are?
Um, not really sure. There aren't any clocks around, but last thing I remember it was nighttime. Late, I'd say. 11pm.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexual harassment isn;t something I normally condone, but for all purposes of this questionnaire and in keeping with being helpful to the cause, I'll answer as best I can. Sexual harassment is something that everyone would do if they knew there wasn't repercussions or consequences that go along with it. So assuming I wouldn't get fired- ha ironic, and that there was someone worth it, yes, I'd sexually harass the pretty blond at the bar. If it means I'm getting laid.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark. Slytherin? What? This is one fucked up survey. I'd never be a bartender. I hear they can't drink while they work. Somehow, this sits poorly with me. My neighbor's, Jim and Jim, they frequent a place called Big Dick's Bar and Grill. I can't help but laugh every time I hear that one.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument. Not something I can decide. Harry ultimately needs to choose for himself. I say sleep with both of them and whoever you can picture yourself screwing for the rest of your life, bingo. That's a winner.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it. Seems we have the same problem. If you're in any situation like mine, it's must be there because you really don't give a shit about. Disposing doesn't mean doing something productive with it, trust me I know from experience.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless. I traded in the family Camry for a 1970 Pontiac Firebird just because I could. And yes, it has racing stripes.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
A bribe? I have a bag of pot in my back pocket, a kick-ass car from the 70's that I've wanted my entire life that I would prefer not to get rid of and a suburban wife who is fucking her colleague. I'll give you two of the three.
And for the record? writing with a quill is FAR more difficult than it looks. My suggestions? Get Ballpoint pen, you know, for next time.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____LB________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____LB_______.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ______LB_____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ______LB_______"