Kratos from God Of War
The last thing Kratos remembered was casting himself off the highest cliff he could find. Or at least attempting to. Where had he ended up now? He saw a strange feather standing at the ready on top of a sheet of parchment.
"What manner of sorcery is this?" The feather wrote down his words.
"Athena!" The feather did so again.
Kratos was annoyed by this feather. "Athenaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." the feather kept writing 'a' after 'a' after 'a'
...
"...aaaaaaaa..." Kratos couldn't continue, he had to stop to breathe. He almost imagined the feather looked smug. But before he could attempt to slash it in into pieces, the questions came.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Kratos raised an eyebrow "What does cheese have to do with any of this? Where in Hades am I? I've completed my tasks! I want to have my nightmares taken away, not talk about cheese! ...Incidentally cheese made from goat's milk isn't too bad."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"If they were brought before me now I would kill both of them as I am extremely frustrated at this situation. If I could only choose one it would be Carrottop as his name sounds more threatening and therefore would more likely be a worthwhile opponent."
3. What time is it where you are?
"Would you not know better than I? Where I am is here. And I do not know where 'here' is. Argh, I feel like turning Medusa's gaze upon myself and just ending this all right now! Flash freezing myself into stone is probably less painful than these questions."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"I don't know if I would sexually harass anyone from something called the Order of the Phoenix. Phoenix inherently makes it sound as if far too much chafing would be involved to make it worthwhile."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"I would have to name it after one of the many monsters I have slain. Perhaps 'The Hydra's Heads' or maybe 'The Skewered Minotaur.' The problem is I've killed a lot of monsters so its hard to pick."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"I do not know who any of these people are. From the names though I can gather that at the very least one of them is incredibly confused about the way marraige is supposed to work. Granted I may not be the best person to talk to about marraige because I, well, accidentally killed my wife."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Why don't you just kill the people who are bringing you the paperwork? It sounds to me like that would solve the problem. And if anybody protests, kill them as well!"
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Kratos screams and the souls of Hades burst forth from his breast, howling in wild abandon. With no discernable target they soon give Kratos and annoyed look and then vanish back into the ether. "Th-thats usually much more impressive!"
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Kratos does his absolute best to hold back his threats and considers what he could give these people. He wasn't exactly sure why he cared, but at the very least one of them might be able to tell him the way back to Olympus. He reaches into his backpack and pulls forth two golden statues of Muses both about two feet long. "You can have these if you can tell me where I am and what Im doing here!"
I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. K
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. K
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. K
One day, marmalade will rule the world. K