Application for Jarlaxle, "Forgotten Realms"
Jarlaxle Baenre never settled into a place for too long unless he had learned a few details first. Cross dimensional information gathering was a bit trickier, but Kimmuriel's dimension door could be coaxed with the right coin and some new psi stones. The name of this place had gone over the planes, so it was hardly unknown to him when he slipped into Hogsmeade, Agatha's mask making him look like just another wizard as he listened in on conversations and gleaned information. Finding a few house elves too was even better, turns out they can be easily bribed with clothes. Some of the freed house elves in Hogsmeade were now very well dressed. It was how he got his information on Hogwarts and a cheat sheet on the parts of the application informing him of things not commonly found in Faerun.
At last his moment was right to finally set foot into the place. Artemis had already abandoned him in Memnon, Athrogate was catching up on old times, Kimmuriel was grumbling less about his position; it was time to do a bit more exploring.
A pair of high boots clicked loudly over the stones into the sorting room. A black-skinned elf of five and a half feet tall walked in wearing a cape of swirling rainbow colors and a large, purple hat with a large plume. He wore an eyepatch over his left eye, though switched it to his other eye a moment later while checking over the room, showing both his eyes were healthy. He was tempted to wear his favorite vest, though a little more tact was needed here so he wore a white, flouncy swordsman's shirt with an embroidered black vest.
He walked with an air of nobility as he approached the table and picked up the quill.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"I have very varied tastes, though that does not make me a food snob. In the Underdark I enjoy a richly aged rothe cheese, the kind with a deep yellow hue best served with sweet mushrooms. On the Surface, there is a cheese commonly called blue cheese that is delectable with pepper sauces."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
This was one of those questions the house elves had helped him out on, telling him Barney was a purple dinosaur from bad children's theater and Carrottop was just bad theater.
"I would have to say Carrottop. I appreciate Barney's costuming, making something as horrible to behold as a giant dinosaur and making it cuddly. I have to applaud that. Carrottop is just a bad bard and there is one thing that picky patrons due with really bad bards."
He made a slashing motion across his throat with his slender hand
3. What time is it where you are?
"I believe it is early morning, for when I awoke from Reverie the lady who entertained me last night is still there. Or it's early evening and I wore her out."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
This one he got hints from during his time in Hogsmeade.
"Lily Potter strikes me as the perfect lady; strong, just, gentle and strikingly beautiful, the perfect fair skin and soft hair. I would likely woo Tonks as well, I admire her strength. I love a woman with a bit of a fierce streak."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
This was a difficult one. Ever since he took regular residence on the Surface he had heard so many witty bar names.
"The Pink Pearl," he paused and laughed. He was not referring to jewelry.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Marry? Whyever would he want to do that. I say he should court both Fred and George, treat them to dinner, satin sheets, and jasmine oil, and remain a happy man. If he tires of both he is free to move along. As for mythologies, I think marriage is a myth in itself, so there you go."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Because you are dedicated to your business, it is your life. Paperwork is the only downside to such business, besides being turned into something nasty, (a friend of mine named Dinin learned that too well...*shudder*). Though think of the spoils, the wealth, the power; it all works out in the end."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Jarlaxle gave a loud cackle.
"Useless, who me? I merely lead a band of male mercenaries in a city where women ruled absolutely and did so for over two centuries. The fact I have been able to take a break when so many men in my band have died horribly and after thwarting several attempts on my life, does tell you something. I have commanded liches, caused kings to give pause to my demands, and have amassed wealth and power beyond anyone's wildest dreams shows I am capable of a few things."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Jarlaxle's grin widened. He spoke many languages, but he was especially versed in the language of bribes.
"I can offer you something that will truly make you happy. I have mounds of jewels, thousands of magical items, hundreds of warriors at my service even now, but what do you really want? A higher position? Women? Men? Business opportunities? Say the word, my friend, everything is negotiable."
I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____JB_____
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____JB____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____JB____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _____JB_____
At last his moment was right to finally set foot into the place. Artemis had already abandoned him in Memnon, Athrogate was catching up on old times, Kimmuriel was grumbling less about his position; it was time to do a bit more exploring.
A pair of high boots clicked loudly over the stones into the sorting room. A black-skinned elf of five and a half feet tall walked in wearing a cape of swirling rainbow colors and a large, purple hat with a large plume. He wore an eyepatch over his left eye, though switched it to his other eye a moment later while checking over the room, showing both his eyes were healthy. He was tempted to wear his favorite vest, though a little more tact was needed here so he wore a white, flouncy swordsman's shirt with an embroidered black vest.
He walked with an air of nobility as he approached the table and picked up the quill.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"I have very varied tastes, though that does not make me a food snob. In the Underdark I enjoy a richly aged rothe cheese, the kind with a deep yellow hue best served with sweet mushrooms. On the Surface, there is a cheese commonly called blue cheese that is delectable with pepper sauces."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
This was one of those questions the house elves had helped him out on, telling him Barney was a purple dinosaur from bad children's theater and Carrottop was just bad theater.
"I would have to say Carrottop. I appreciate Barney's costuming, making something as horrible to behold as a giant dinosaur and making it cuddly. I have to applaud that. Carrottop is just a bad bard and there is one thing that picky patrons due with really bad bards."
He made a slashing motion across his throat with his slender hand
3. What time is it where you are?
"I believe it is early morning, for when I awoke from Reverie the lady who entertained me last night is still there. Or it's early evening and I wore her out."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
This one he got hints from during his time in Hogsmeade.
"Lily Potter strikes me as the perfect lady; strong, just, gentle and strikingly beautiful, the perfect fair skin and soft hair. I would likely woo Tonks as well, I admire her strength. I love a woman with a bit of a fierce streak."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
This was a difficult one. Ever since he took regular residence on the Surface he had heard so many witty bar names.
"The Pink Pearl," he paused and laughed. He was not referring to jewelry.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Marry? Whyever would he want to do that. I say he should court both Fred and George, treat them to dinner, satin sheets, and jasmine oil, and remain a happy man. If he tires of both he is free to move along. As for mythologies, I think marriage is a myth in itself, so there you go."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Because you are dedicated to your business, it is your life. Paperwork is the only downside to such business, besides being turned into something nasty, (a friend of mine named Dinin learned that too well...*shudder*). Though think of the spoils, the wealth, the power; it all works out in the end."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Jarlaxle gave a loud cackle.
"Useless, who me? I merely lead a band of male mercenaries in a city where women ruled absolutely and did so for over two centuries. The fact I have been able to take a break when so many men in my band have died horribly and after thwarting several attempts on my life, does tell you something. I have commanded liches, caused kings to give pause to my demands, and have amassed wealth and power beyond anyone's wildest dreams shows I am capable of a few things."
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Jarlaxle's grin widened. He spoke many languages, but he was especially versed in the language of bribes.
"I can offer you something that will truly make you happy. I have mounds of jewels, thousands of magical items, hundreds of warriors at my service even now, but what do you really want? A higher position? Women? Men? Business opportunities? Say the word, my friend, everything is negotiable."
I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ____JB_____
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ____JB____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ____JB____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _____JB_____