Application for Sebastian Valmont, Cruel Intentions
Sebastian Valmont heard his step-sister's final line "Happy Hunting, Sebastian", as he closed the double doors behind him, with a loud crash.
That was unusual. As was the sudden deviation from his Manhattan home, into this strange stone room. With a desk. Sitting on top of it was a piece of paper, with a quill. And his journal. There was also the ashtray with his cigarette.
"How peculiar. I don't recall taking some of Kathryn's coke." He paused, and then chuckled "Nice try Kathryn. Could you be more desperate?"
He sat at the desk and read the piece of paper. It was bizarre.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Cheese?" A Vacherin Mont d'Or. It's fabulous as a fondue.
Perhaps, he thought, it was some kind of psychological test. The next question cemented that within his mind.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"How... intriguing." I would certainly kill neither entertainer, as that would be both deranged, and illegal. Nor can I condone or endorse anyone else committing such an act.
What he neglected to include was the line: Even if they are exceedingly dull. Murder wasn't quite his style, you see.
3. What time is it where you are?
He glanced at his watch, and wrote Apparently it is 4:43 in the Afternoon.
"What's the point of this insanity, Kathryn? Are you that bored?"
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
He stared at the page. The names mean absolutely nothing to him, but this was obviously some sort of trap. Slowly, and calmly he began to write.
As my therapist will attest, I am cured of those desires. And anyway, they are brought on by bad parenting, as I'm sure her book will attest. It's by Doctor Regina Greenbaum. You really should read it.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Journal seems somewhat appropriate. Filled with all manner of dark secrets. Or perhaps Les Liaisons dangereuses. I'm told I used to have a striking similarity with the Vicomte of the story. He even had my name, would you believe?
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I could introduce you to my therapist, if you'd like. You seem troubled. She helped me, I know that. Perhaps you would also benefit from it. Or I could offer you a weekend on my Aunt Helen's estate. That might be more your tastes. It's beautiful out there.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. SV
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. SV
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Just yours. SV.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. SV
That was unusual. As was the sudden deviation from his Manhattan home, into this strange stone room. With a desk. Sitting on top of it was a piece of paper, with a quill. And his journal. There was also the ashtray with his cigarette.
"How peculiar. I don't recall taking some of Kathryn's coke." He paused, and then chuckled "Nice try Kathryn. Could you be more desperate?"
He sat at the desk and read the piece of paper. It was bizarre.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Cheese?" A Vacherin Mont d'Or. It's fabulous as a fondue.
Perhaps, he thought, it was some kind of psychological test. The next question cemented that within his mind.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"How... intriguing." I would certainly kill neither entertainer, as that would be both deranged, and illegal. Nor can I condone or endorse anyone else committing such an act.
What he neglected to include was the line: Even if they are exceedingly dull. Murder wasn't quite his style, you see.
3. What time is it where you are?
He glanced at his watch, and wrote Apparently it is 4:43 in the Afternoon.
"What's the point of this insanity, Kathryn? Are you that bored?"
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
He stared at the page. The names mean absolutely nothing to him, but this was obviously some sort of trap. Slowly, and calmly he began to write.
As my therapist will attest, I am cured of those desires. And anyway, they are brought on by bad parenting, as I'm sure her book will attest. It's by Doctor Regina Greenbaum. You really should read it.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
The Journal seems somewhat appropriate. Filled with all manner of dark secrets. Or perhaps Les Liaisons dangereuses. I'm told I used to have a striking similarity with the Vicomte of the story. He even had my name, would you believe?
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
I could introduce you to my therapist, if you'd like. You seem troubled. She helped me, I know that. Perhaps you would also benefit from it. Or I could offer you a weekend on my Aunt Helen's estate. That might be more your tastes. It's beautiful out there.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. SV
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. SV
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. Just yours. SV.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. SV