More gifts to go around

[themountie]

((Backdated to Christmas!))Fraser had been on leave since November, and he was going completely stir-crazy. With absolutely nothing better to do, he'd gotten a little gift-crazy. As usual, he'd preferred to make his presents by hand; this had proved to be his salvation for the last month

Comments

[beingironical]

Fraser,

thanks, buddy! this is actually great 'cause my glasses have pretty much been sitting in my desk ever since my gun got confiscated, getting all scratched up and stuff. this will keep 'em from getting dusty to.

not like there's a reason to carry them around anymore.

-Ray

ps - i got something for u. i suck at magic and stuff but steph charmed 'em and says theyll work.

((Attached are a boxed set of walkie talkies. Or rather, a walkie talkie. The other walkie talkie has been cut out of the packaging, as Fraser was naturally going to give it to Ray anyway. Ray just figured he would save Fraser the trouble.

[themountie]

Fraser held up the walkie talkie and smiled. After giving it a quick, cursory examination, he put it to his mouth and pressed the button. "Thank you, Ray," he said into it. "I'm sure this will save a lot of paper, not to mention owls." He drew the walkie talkie back and waited to hear the response.

[beingironical]

Ray was, of course, waiting with his walkie talkie turned on. It never occurred to him that Fraser might wait and open the gift later, because who the heck could resist a present?

"Rodger rodger, this is Action Hero, that's a 10-4 on the reception of gratitude. Do you copy, Canadian Sidekick?" Ray paused, and then clicked the call button again. "That's your handle, Fraser. We're talking in codes and handles and stuff. You have to for walkie talkies. It's required."

[themountie]

Fraser's amusement was slightly tempered by the nickname he'd apparently been given. "Why?" he inquired. "And why am I the sidekick? That's an absurd nickname, Ray." Weren't code names supposed to be more along the lines of... well, code? And used in times when code was necessary? "Do you think anyone is listening in on this channel?"

[beingironical]

"Because you're the guy with the accent," Ray explained, calmly. "The guy with the accent's the sidekick. That's just how it goes." It was not up to Ray to change the rules!

"And you never know who's listening in, Fr- Sidekick. Better safe than spyed on."

[themountie]

This didn't make a whole lot of sense to Fraser. "But, Ray," he pointed out, "you do have an accent. A rather unusual one, in fact." It wasn't even a Chicago accent, as far as he knew. He'd met rather a lot of people in Chicago, and not a one of them spoke like Ray did.

[beingironical]

"Fraser, you're demented. I am accent free," Ray said, sounding more than a little snippy.

Hey - Ray'd worked hard to get his voice sounding 100% American. It wasn't easy, raised hearing few things but his Mom and all her friends' accents. Second gen, baby. Growing up, he had to be more American than all the other Americans. Ray didn't really start piecing that one together until sixth grade, when he'd graduated from a neighborhood elementary school, crawling with Polish kids, to a district wide middle school. Suddenly there was a certain way to talk, the same way that the rich kids talked, and you had to hop on board or face a wedgie full of Social Darwinism.

Ray's accent (or lack thereof!) used to be forced, something he practiced at home in the mirror, but now it was just how he talked.

"You're the one with the a'talls and aboots and thank you kindlys."

[themountie]

Fraser was not entirely aware of all the social pressures that had led to the development of Ray's idiosyncratic accent, and besides, Ray had made an incorrect assumption and he was, as always, eager to niggle the point.

"Ray," he sighed, sounding slightly belabored, "you cannot be accent-free. There is no such thing as accent-free. Everyone has an accent and that most certainly includes you. Now, if you really do insist upon using code names, could we pick something else?"

[beingironical]

"Well Americans have the least accenty-accents," Ray said, not willing to drop the point. "'S the same as not having one, almost. Except New Yorkers, but they don't count." Pause. "And at least I can say lieutenant. Lou tenant. I'm surprised Welsh knows you're even talking to him."

Ray was just a little touchy about his accent.

"Like what? I thought it was a pretty cool handle. Nothing wrong with being a sidekick!"

Ray was also just a little touchy about proper nickname selection.

[themountie]

"Ray, everyone has an accent, and there is nothing wrong with two people saying words differently. While the Canadian and American accents frequently sound very similar, there are certain differences between the two that are, on occasion, more distinguishable. You say lieutenant, and I say leftenant. You say aluminum, and I say aluminium. There's nothing wrong with that."

Fraser was starting to get a little annoyed, as he often did when Ray was being stubborn and ridiculous. He realized that Ray preferred to operate away from logic, but when it got to the point where he was just outright denying facts, well, that was going too far.

Plus, he didn't want to be the sidekick. "If you think that, Ray, then why aren't you the sidekick?" he shot back. "Here -- I have a better idea. I'll be... uh... RCMP, and you can be Jump Bogart." Fraser did not have the best imagination.

[beingironical]

Hah! Tell that to middle-school kids. "I'm not saying it's wrong Fraser, I'm just saying you're more accenty than me. Or something. I like the way you talk just fine." People could just understand what Ray was saying a little better, was all.

Honestly, Fraser was taking all this way too personally. Ray was just laying down some facts. It was not his fault Canadians talked funny and made good sidekicks.

He pressed the call button on the microphone, just to sigh into it. "I already explained why I can't be the sidekick, Fraser. Plus you own funny underpants. It's a rule that sidekicks wear funny underpants."

Although Jump Bogart wasn't...the worst nickname Ray had ever heard. "I still like action hero better. Or Captain Ray." Okay, that one was just because if it was Ray's nickname, Fraser would have to say it. "Jump Bogart doesn't suck, but RCMP is the worst nickname I've ever heard, Fraser. Ever. You can't have an abbreviation for a nickname."

[themountie]

"And I appreciate that, Ray," Fraser sighed. "But the fact remains that we both have accents. And regardless, I'm not sure why having an accent relegates one to sidekick status."

He really didn't want to be a sidekick. It wasn't particularly in his nature. That didn't mean he felt that Ray was a sidekick, either (no matter what some members of the 27th district may or may not have said) -- they were partners, equals. The entire sidekick idiom didn't really seem to suit them.

He sighed again and smiled wryly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm wearing boxers, Ray," he deadpanned into the walkie talkie. "Anyway, I think perhaps we should move away from the hero-sidekick paradigm. Whatever happened to duets?"

And as for the nickname, he personally didn't see what was wrong with RCMP, but fine. "Very well, what about... I don't know. Serge?" He really was not the creative type.

[beingironical]

Ray was about to go more into the accent thing, by providing examples from Satuday morning cartoons (completely valid authority!) to support his accent/sidekick theory...

But then Fraser mentioned he was wearing boxers, so those thoughts kind of went right out Ray's head, replaced by an image of-

Yeah. So, Ray was still weird. Good to know.

He cleared his throat before pressing the call button. "What a coincidence, Fraser. I'm sitting here naked." Ray was actually in sweat pants and a hawks jersey, but how else did you top boxers?

Laughing a little through the speaker, Ray finally consented. Only because they were a duet and all. "Okay, partner. Serge is fine." Pause. "But I still get to be action hero."

Compromise!

[themountie]

Any further sidekick-related bantering was thrown off by Ray's confession. Fraser blinked owlishly down at the walkie talkie, then raised it back to his mouth. "Are you? Why?"

How strange. Maybe he had interrupted Ray in the bath?

He shook his head and smiled ruefully, although of course Ray couldn't actually see him do either of these things. "All right, Ray. We'll both be action heroes. But I rather like Jump Bogart as a nickname."

[beingironical]

Heh. See, even though Fraser wasn't mentally mixed-up the way his partner was, Ray kind of wanted a little payback. Even if he was the only person in the world who would think of it like that. 'Cause no way did the idea of a naked Ray affect Benton Fraser the way the idea of a boxer-wearing Fraser affected Ray Kowalski.

"I was working out," Ray said, trying to sound so confident that it reverberated through Fraser's speaker. "Sometimes a guy just has to work out naked, Fraser. Completely natural."

Ray shook his head, groaning into the walkie talkie. But the image of boxer-Fraser was still swimming around in his brain, so Ray wound up saying, "Fine, Fraser." Damn it! Stupid...Fraser. "But if we ever get a comic book named after us, Jump Bogart comes first in the title. Alphabetical order and all that."

[themountie]

It was almost too bad Ray wasn't in the room with him, because the sight of Fraser (fully clothed and) gaping at the walkie talkie probably would have tickled him pink. "You were... working out," Fraser echoed slowly, nonplussed. "In the nude."

Well.

There were an entire host of feelings associated with that that he wasn't sure he entirely wanted to explore.

He settled for the easiest one: "Do you mind if I ask why?"