Application for Cody Bennett, the Dexter series
((Note: this Cody is from the Dexter books, rather than the Dexter TV series, which I've never seen.))
A very small, solemn looking boy of around seven appears in the sorting room. He looks around and blinks once. On a table nearby is a feather and a piece of old-looking paper. It makes as much sense as anything; the room he's in looks very old, and Cody knows from cartoons and films that feathers used to get used as pens, back in olden days - he and Astor had even taken some from birds themselves, before. So he must need to use the feather-pen and answer the questions, like with homework.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
With an air of great concentration, Cody writes, I like cheese. I like the cheese on piza and in sanwitches. It is nice.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
... Cody stops to think about this one. Dexter had told them not to talk about stuff like that with anybody, not even mom. And that they had to pretend to be normal, which meant ordinary which - according to Astor, who is ten years old and who therefore knows these things - meant boring. So he writes down what his mom told them after that thing with the cat.
Killing stuff is rong bad.
3. What time is it where you are?
10.30. This is a total guess, since Cody doesn't have a watch and can't yet tell the time.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Don't know, the boy writes, having absolutely no idea what most of the words in that question said, never mind what they mean.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
What dos witty mean? Cody writes. It's a strategy he's used at school quite often, writing questions in his exercise book to avoid having to talk. He doesn't know what 'Slytherin' or 'bartend' mean either, but 'witty' was a smaller word to copy. Looking hard at the question, he decides to answer some questions that might be there, just in case: My name is Cody Bennett. I like the dark. My sister is clever.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Once again, most of the words are incomprehensible to Cody, but he understands 'married'. My mom got married to Dexter. It was in a cur church. Ther was flowrs and a big cake. My mom wore a dress. My sister wore a dress. I walked in front. That would satisfy even the meanest teacher, Cody thought.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
What's indun inundated?
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Cody frowned a little, lower lip jutting out. I can do all sorts of stuff, he writes - then wonders how much he'd be allowed to get into without breaking Dexter's new rules. Eventually he settles on, Like disgiz hiding.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
What's bribe? Or squib?
Finished, Cody puts the feather-pen back down, wondering what to do next.
A very small, solemn looking boy of around seven appears in the sorting room. He looks around and blinks once. On a table nearby is a feather and a piece of old-looking paper. It makes as much sense as anything; the room he's in looks very old, and Cody knows from cartoons and films that feathers used to get used as pens, back in olden days - he and Astor had even taken some from birds themselves, before. So he must need to use the feather-pen and answer the questions, like with homework.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
With an air of great concentration, Cody writes, I like cheese. I like the cheese on piza and in sanwitches. It is nice.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
... Cody stops to think about this one. Dexter had told them not to talk about stuff like that with anybody, not even mom. And that they had to pretend to be normal, which meant ordinary which - according to Astor, who is ten years old and who therefore knows these things - meant boring. So he writes down what his mom told them after that thing with the cat.
Killing stuff is rong bad.
3. What time is it where you are?
10.30. This is a total guess, since Cody doesn't have a watch and can't yet tell the time.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Don't know, the boy writes, having absolutely no idea what most of the words in that question said, never mind what they mean.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
What dos witty mean? Cody writes. It's a strategy he's used at school quite often, writing questions in his exercise book to avoid having to talk. He doesn't know what 'Slytherin' or 'bartend' mean either, but 'witty' was a smaller word to copy. Looking hard at the question, he decides to answer some questions that might be there, just in case: My name is Cody Bennett. I like the dark. My sister is clever.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Once again, most of the words are incomprehensible to Cody, but he understands 'married'. My mom got married to Dexter. It was in a cur church. Ther was flowrs and a big cake. My mom wore a dress. My sister wore a dress. I walked in front. That would satisfy even the meanest teacher, Cody thought.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
What's indun inundated?
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Cody frowned a little, lower lip jutting out. I can do all sorts of stuff, he writes - then wonders how much he'd be allowed to get into without breaking Dexter's new rules. Eventually he settles on, Like disgiz hiding.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
What's bribe? Or squib?
Finished, Cody puts the feather-pen back down, wondering what to do next.