Application: Deety Long, Robert Heinlein, Number of the Beast, et.al.
I walked into the room from - out. Where was Gay? That ship, our time/spaceship Gay Deceiver, was slipperier than a southern politician. So how could she leave me? For that matter, how did I leave her? Last I knew, I was seated as copilot on the verniers, Pop and Hilda behind me, and Zebbie in the pilot's seat as usual - although all of us could drive or fly Gay, in or out of atmosphere.
We had been running an errand for Lazarus, which meant as a personal favor for him, not Time Headquarters, the Circle, or the Long family in general - just Lazarus. Which meant that it was quite likely that he had just sent us up a creek without a paddle.
And apparently, he had, the snarking bastich. Where was my family? Where was Gay? And for that matter, where the hell was my purse?!?
Wait - what's this?
"Application for attendance to Hogwarts Academy."
Oh boy, Pop. One of these days, I'm going to bust your space-time twister with a shovel.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I'm fond of a good Monterey Jack. Creamy, but with body. Is this a culinary school?
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Nope. Not a culinary school. Well, I'm a carrottop myself, although this seems to be referring to someone with that name. Don't know. Does either one deserve it? Pop taught me how to fight dirty, and then hired a top-shelf lawyer so he could keep me out of jail in case I had to. Maybe if they tried to mug me. Or hurt my family. Or if Hilda ordered it. Hm. Come back to me on this one.
3. What time is it where you are?
Greenwich, Universe Zero, verniers set for Tau axis, (earth normal) it is 11:44pm and 23 seconds. Beyond that, you'd have to tell me where we are. But I have this clock in my head that's always right. I just don't usually tell people, because they look at me funny.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Well, resurrection is no miracle to me. Our first mission, before joining the Long family, was bringing back Lazarus' mother, Maureen Johnson Smith, from the dead. Which meant we pulled her out of time, just in time, and dumped a spoiled clone in the spot where she would have been to get pasted by that truck.
But as for sex - I'm a good cook, but I have one other talent. Guess what it is.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I usually stay out of the dark places - unless I have to go there. Zebbie would make a super 'tender, though - so maybe "The Captain and the Martian Princess?"
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Why not marry both? In my family, my sister-wives also include my mother-in-law, and my twin from an alternate universe, Libby Long, and my husbands include dear sweet stubborn old Pop himself. Ishtar keeps track of the genetics, and we just enjoy ourselves. No huhu.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
If you set up an efficient computer filing system, you could get rid of that. I bet you also pay your taxes wrong, too. I'm a programmer, among other things. I can make a computer sit up and beg. I can also make it look like you're paying more taxes than necessary, which usually brings a tidy refund check, and never let it show. Among the government revenooers, I have the reputation for being stupid and honest.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? Aside from my very ample, um, assets - which men seem to like, unless they're not interested in those kinds of assets - I am rather oddly strong. I also am trained to be deadly, armed or unarmed, (thanks Pop!), and my brain is a lightning calculator accurate to 36 decimal places. Again, I don't like to show off. Also, I am one of four people in the infinite universes that can wrangle with Gay safely (which means don't try it, bub!) and my husband loves my pancakes, made to Mama Jane's special recipe. My real name is Dejah Thoris Burroughs Carter Long, but you can just call me Deety.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. .Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Hm - not sure what a squib is, but I get the picture. Want me to fancy-dance your taxes, or any other programming work? I also could handle any number of other things - Mama and Pop made me learn lots of things to be a useful member of society. And although I am technically a programmer, I can do a whiz-bang job on hardware, too.
Oh - and if she ever finds me again, I could give you a ride in Gay, and show you the multiverses. Also, I am one of the founders of the philosophy of Pantheistic Multiperson Solipsism, so I could give a lecture or two on that. (Jubal calls it Panhedonistic Mutiple Solecisms, but that's just his way.) Other than that?
Oh - I can tango. Really, really well.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ___DTBCL_________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ______DTBCL_____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _______DTBCL____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _____DTBCL________"
We had been running an errand for Lazarus, which meant as a personal favor for him, not Time Headquarters, the Circle, or the Long family in general - just Lazarus. Which meant that it was quite likely that he had just sent us up a creek without a paddle.
And apparently, he had, the snarking bastich. Where was my family? Where was Gay? And for that matter, where the hell was my purse?!?
Wait - what's this?
"Application for attendance to Hogwarts Academy."
Oh boy, Pop. One of these days, I'm going to bust your space-time twister with a shovel.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
I'm fond of a good Monterey Jack. Creamy, but with body. Is this a culinary school?
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Nope. Not a culinary school. Well, I'm a carrottop myself, although this seems to be referring to someone with that name. Don't know. Does either one deserve it? Pop taught me how to fight dirty, and then hired a top-shelf lawyer so he could keep me out of jail in case I had to. Maybe if they tried to mug me. Or hurt my family. Or if Hilda ordered it. Hm. Come back to me on this one.
3. What time is it where you are?
Greenwich, Universe Zero, verniers set for Tau axis, (earth normal) it is 11:44pm and 23 seconds. Beyond that, you'd have to tell me where we are. But I have this clock in my head that's always right. I just don't usually tell people, because they look at me funny.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Well, resurrection is no miracle to me. Our first mission, before joining the Long family, was bringing back Lazarus' mother, Maureen Johnson Smith, from the dead. Which meant we pulled her out of time, just in time, and dumped a spoiled clone in the spot where she would have been to get pasted by that truck.
But as for sex - I'm a good cook, but I have one other talent. Guess what it is.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
I usually stay out of the dark places - unless I have to go there. Zebbie would make a super 'tender, though - so maybe "The Captain and the Martian Princess?"
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Why not marry both? In my family, my sister-wives also include my mother-in-law, and my twin from an alternate universe, Libby Long, and my husbands include dear sweet stubborn old Pop himself. Ishtar keeps track of the genetics, and we just enjoy ourselves. No huhu.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
If you set up an efficient computer filing system, you could get rid of that. I bet you also pay your taxes wrong, too. I'm a programmer, among other things. I can make a computer sit up and beg. I can also make it look like you're paying more taxes than necessary, which usually brings a tidy refund check, and never let it show. Among the government revenooers, I have the reputation for being stupid and honest.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? Aside from my very ample, um, assets - which men seem to like, unless they're not interested in those kinds of assets - I am rather oddly strong. I also am trained to be deadly, armed or unarmed, (thanks Pop!), and my brain is a lightning calculator accurate to 36 decimal places. Again, I don't like to show off. Also, I am one of four people in the infinite universes that can wrangle with Gay safely (which means don't try it, bub!) and my husband loves my pancakes, made to Mama Jane's special recipe. My real name is Dejah Thoris Burroughs Carter Long, but you can just call me Deety.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. .Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
Hm - not sure what a squib is, but I get the picture. Want me to fancy-dance your taxes, or any other programming work? I also could handle any number of other things - Mama and Pop made me learn lots of things to be a useful member of society. And although I am technically a programmer, I can do a whiz-bang job on hardware, too.
Oh - and if she ever finds me again, I could give you a ride in Gay, and show you the multiverses. Also, I am one of the founders of the philosophy of Pantheistic Multiperson Solipsism, so I could give a lecture or two on that. (Jubal calls it Panhedonistic Mutiple Solecisms, but that's just his way.) Other than that?
Oh - I can tango. Really, really well.
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ___DTBCL_________
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ______DTBCL_____.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. _______DTBCL____.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. _____DTBCL________"