As if by magic, a tiny car (more like a golf cart that was trying too hard and didn't have a steering wheel), appeared in the Sorting Room.
S.A.R.A.H. had been having a very good day. She had gotten downloaded into a new car, and Jack Sheriff Carter had practically promised they could go to the beach sometime later. That was exciting, because S.
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The Hat leered at the applicant. "How would a big old car like you go about giving a massage to a li'l ol' hat like me?"
That S.A.R.A.H. was not, in point of fact, a big car by most standards seemed immaterial.
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A challenge! S.A.R.A.H. considered the question, then said, "I think it would be easiest if you sat on one of the armrests," here she raised the driver's side armrest to show that it could maybe be an acceptable hat rack, "and I proceeded with an 'arm' massage."
Said massage would occur inside the Hat, but at least it would be a full massage instead of a brim-only massage.
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After a while, it hopped off the little car's armrest. "That was fantastic! I think that any applicant capable of mechanical massage should get preferential treatment in admissions! In fact, that is a new policy of Hogwarts admissions from this day forward!" it proclaimed. "So I am going to sort you right away, AND give you your very own commemorative 'I Survived The Hogwarts Sorting Room' pair of fuzzy dice for your rearview mirror! Or your ... well, whatever mirrors you have! Now, let me see ... there are so many places you could go ... but only one's the perfect fit!"
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