Sock and Open RP: Yoga FTW

[schizowarrior]

A notice appears around the school:

Feel stressed? Overworked? A little nuts?
Try YOGA!
Free class with resident therapist Molly Michon
Four o'clock, next to Greenhouse Three

Comments

[spinmybuzzer]

Homestar was just walking by, once again searching for Andy Griffith's house. There were mats. And people stretching. He came to the logical conclusion.

"Hey, what's going on here?" he asked brightly. "You guys playing baseball? Or bagmittens? Or like, competitive swimming?"

[schizowarrior]

Molly looked up, blinked, and smiled, a little uncertainly. "Yoga, actually," she said. "It's a kind of exercise and meditation all at once. You wanna join in?" Part of her realized she might regret asking, but hey, it was a free, open class. As long as she didn't get kicked in the face again, any new additions were fine by her.

[spinmybuzzer]

"You're teaching a class about yougurt?" Homestar was delighted. Yougurt was a delicious snack, and he hoped she'd let them eat their final projects. As long as it wasn't vanilla because vanilla was nasty. "Count me in!" He rushed to a free place on the mat and stood there looking stupidwaiting for directions.

[schizowarrior]

Yougurt? What? Oh, wait...

"Not yogurt," she said. "Yoga. I know they sound the same, but they're not related at all. Here, go ahead and sit down, and I'll show you the beginning stretches."

Off to one side, Susan and Shaun exchanged glances. Susan had met Homsar, and so was not quite as 'bzuh?' as Shaun and Molly, but she still eyed him a little askance. If this new guy was anything like Homsar, class was about to get...very, very interesting. Though it seemed he could, unlike Homsar, speak in logical, coherent English, and thus needed no translator.

[spinmybuzzer]

"Ooooohhh, yooogaaa..." Homestar bobbed his approximation of an understanding nod and tried to sit like everyone else was. Somehow, he got confused and wound up on his head with one leg in the air and one wrapped, against all logic, around his stomach.

[schizowarrior]

Molly blinked. And blinked again. That...shouldn't be geometrically possible.

"Um...well, it's a good start," she said, as encouragingly as she could. Shaun gaped, while Susan choked back a snort. "Only...try sitting up, not on your head, okay?" Scarily, Molly found herself talking to Homestar as she talked to Theo when he fell off the wagon and smoked enough pot to put a Rastafarian choir into a coma.

[spinmybuzzer]

"Right," Homestar agreed with an upsidedown grin. He managed to reach his feet again. "Not on my head this time." This time, he tried sitting before he crossed his legs, which worked surprisingly well. Fancy that. Finally, after a few too many tries and staring intently at Molly's legs (which might have been lewd on anyone less clueless), he managed to get his legs crossed and looked up with a victorious grin. "Now what, coach?"

[schizowarrior]

Well, that was...almost encouraging.

"Now we do something called square breathing," she said, and she just knew this was going to go all wrong. "You inhale for four seconds, hold it for four, exhale for four, etc. You do it until your heartrate slows and you're completely relaxed."

Molly had her doubts about this, particularly in Homestar's case. Neither Susan nor Shaun had yet managed it, though Rogue and Mayday seemed to have made good progress. Hey, at least she was trying.

[spinmybuzzer]

Breathing? That was easy. Homestar did that all the time. He inhaled and counted slowly 1...2...um, 2...um...9? No wait, 2... Eventually, he turned blue and fell over.

[schizowarrior]

All three of them stared.

"Hey, are you all right?" Molly asked. "Just breathe normal, okay?" Instinct, which with her was right more often than she'd like, told her he'd very likely had difficulty with the whole 'counting' thing. "Maybe we need to forget that technique and move on."

Susan looked at Shaun. Neither of them said anything. At this point, there was nothing they could possibly say.

[spinmybuzzer]

"Ooh, pretty colors..." Homestar said vaguely. After a moment, he sat up again and shook his head, then looked curiously at Molly. "Hey, do you know where Andy Griffith's house is?" He seemed to have forgotten what he was even doing there.

[schizowarrior]

...Okay, this guy--whatever he was--was even more batshit than Molly had ever been, and that was saying something. "Um. I think you're on the wrong continent, honey," Molly said, glancing at Susan and Shaun, both of whom shrugged. "This is Hogwarts. We might have Andys, and we might have Griffiths, but I don't think we have both combined in one person."

[spinmybuzzer]

"What?" Homestar jumped to his feet, devasted. "Really? You're not just yanking my chain? But I'm supposed to be living in his house! That's what the weird hat guy said!"

[schizowarrior]

Molly was beginning to be very, very glad she had such a good anti-crazy potion. Even with it, Homestar was beginning to make her brain hurt.

"Um..." she said, and stopped. What the hell could you say to that?

Shaun, sensing distress on the part of his newfound lady-love, broke in. Unlike Susan, he at least knew who Andy Griffith was, and so could be of help to Molly. Help. Oh yes. "You are," he said, dragging out a vocabulary word Liz had made him learn, "metaphorically."

Susan snorted. Molly snorted. Shaun beamed.

[spinmybuzzer]

The word "metaphorically" was about ten syllables too long for Homestar to process. He blinked. He blinked again. He would continue to do so until his brain kicked back in, probably around the 27th of March, 2040.