Application: Violet Grimm, "Dogwitch" Comics
((OOC Note: Ralph and Dolores, the stuffed dog and doll, are animated toys. They are animated and given 'life' by Violet's own soul and magic; so they're little more than puppets that can move and talk because of a spell, and not separate characters.))
With a snap and a crackle (and a pop of smoke that smelled like a strange mixture of nicotine and candy), Violet Grimm had appeared in the Sorting Room, sprawled languidly across the floor and already laughing.
"Wow," she smirked slowly, craning her neck backwards so that she could see across the room. "I think I broke something. ...A few laws, maybe. A couple of magic codes." Stretching slowly, Violet climbed to her feet, perching on the edge of the table and crossing her legs neatly. Her attire had to be seen to be believed; a chaotic combination of leather, stripes, buckles, mesh and lace. Letting a tattered bag fall to the floor, Violet tilted her head and cracked her neck, stretching her arms above her head with a loopy smile. "Don't know where I am, but hell, I ended up here. Big spooky castle? Sounds like my kind of place."
As if prompted by an afterthought, Violet bent down and reached into her bag, pulling out two toys. One was a plush brown dog stuffed toy, clad in a checkered coat. The other was an antique doll, immaculate except for the hideous tear in its mouth revealing portions of skull and teeth.
"Hey! Where did you bring us now?" The dog toy rolled its eyes in clear exasperation, sniffing deeply.
Violet made a grand gesture out at the room, swaying slightly and grinning. Her eyes - so pale gold they were almost white - crinkled at the edges, cracking the combination of heavy mascara and blood that she smeared around them. "We are... here, Ralph."
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Of all the freaking questions, goddamn cheese," the dog toy, Ralph, muttered, padding over to the application on the desk. "Vile, get your ass off the paper, I want to read."
"Oops." With a smile that was not at all apologetic, Violet shifted slightly, and looked out towards the room again. She spoke like she was addressing a crowd - a crowd that she knew watched her avidly for all the wrong reasons. "You'll have to forgive Ralph and Dolores, my hungry little flesh-sacks. They can get a bit protective at times."
The antique doll, Dolores, creaked to life, her mouth shifting. "You've brought us to Hogwarts, Violet." Her voice was nothing short of repulsive - cracking, almost static, too high pitched. The doll and the toy were animated from Violet's own soul, powered by her magic - though they appeared to have different personalities, it was nothing more than a really good (twisted, forbidden and black) spell.
"I like blue cheese," Violet finally answered, swinging her legs and clacking her heels together. Though she was sitting, she was still swaying, grinning manically like she was high. "It's soft, smooth, looks interesting. And when you bite in, it bites back."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Wait, Hogwarts?" The answer seemed to dawn on Violet. "Oh. Oh, this place is so cute, with their wands and their textbooks," she crooned. "Just like the school Daddy tried to send us to, remember that, Ralphy?"
"Just answer the question."
With a pout on black-painted lips, Violet looked at the ceiling as she thought. "Carrottop. I imagine that it would be satisfying to kill Barney, to put an end to the fervent children following the every word of a poorly-constructed puppet." She patted Ralph on the head to forestall any complaints. "But Carrottop is real, live flesh and human blood. He would be more fun."
3. What time is it where you are?
Violet didn't have a watch, so she didn't even bother checking. "It was around noon when I stirred up the potion. But you can never tell in the Banewoods." She giggled to herself. Maybe she shouldn't have mixed that bit of cactus in there, it hadn't meant to transport her anywhere.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"A question I can finally get my teeth into." Violet licked her lips, pleased.
"Violet, restrain yourself," Dolores, the doll, creaked. Her teeth ground together with a sound like nails on chalkboards. "Just because the word 'sexual' was mentioned, no need to get excited."
"Don't spoil my fun." Violet frowned. "Anyway. It's so hard to choose, some of them have such fantastic power. That Tonks chick, how I envy her. What an unbelievable indulgence, to change your appearance at whim, so easily." The time she'd tried to change her appearance, it had just resulted in making a whole other her. It had been a little odd, cutting the head off someone that looked like her twin - a vapid, more beautiful twin, though. Ralph had even found a brain in there, wonder of wonders.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Banewoods Bar. Violet's Vault. The Molotov Magic Cocktail. So many choices, how is a witch to choose?"
The stuffed dog sniffed loudly, shuffling the paper he held in his paws. "You could choose the one that doesn't make you look like a camera whore."
Violet held a finger to her lips and shushed him, smirking wickedly. "Ssssh, Ralphy. We don't know if the good people here know about my video tapes. If they did, they'd already be trying to kill me."
"You and your snuff videos, I-" Whatever the rest of Ralph's sentence was, it was rendered to nothing more than muffled growls as Violet's hand slapped over his mouth.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"I think- oh, wait. Hold up." Violet fell silent. Seconds later, thin black smoke trickled out of her nostrils, mouth, ears and tear-ducts. When it cleared, she took a deep breath, looking more sober than before. "Knew I shouldn't have put that cactus in there. Right, question. Fred, George and Harry?"
Oooh, a threesome. Violet restrained the urge to ask if any of them were human, and decided to go with what was obviously the logical answer. "I say slip an aphrodisiac into their coffee one morning. They'd have a raunchy orgy, and that would be the tie-breaker. Harry could decide which he likes more from that. And obviously, if I have to tie in mythology, the aphrodisiac should be lettuce. The ancient Egyptians loved their big bull penises and lettuce. Penii? Who knows or cares. The more important thing is the orgy."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
With an overexaggerated sigh, Violet braced her hands on the desk and leaned back, looking over at Dolores. "Would you call me smart?" Her tone was plaintive.
"I'd say that depends on what kind of smart you're looking for, Violet. Paper work smarts is not your kind of smart."
Violet slapped a hand on her knee. "To your ears from the dolls mouth, ladies, gentleman, demons and witches. The only paper I deal in is the paper I use for typing up my diary in my typewriter, and the 'E' keys is permanently stuck in capitals, and 'A' and 'G' is getting a little sticky. Your desk is inundated with paperwork because you don't have the right kind of paperwork. Get something fun, you won't mind the mess."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Before Violet could answer, Ralph barked out a laugh - and was promptly silenced by a glare.
"Useless," Violet's lips twisted. "So many ways to answer that. I am Violet Grimm, the ecto-maxi-neo-pagan. I'm the spellbinder, the voodoo junkie, the demon tamer and toy. I'm the spawn of spooky, the maker of malevolance, the birth-mother of benevolance. I'm the goddamn Dogwitch!"
To say that Violet's magic practices were chaotic would be a vast understatement. Her own term, Dogwitch, was a word for 'mutt witch', essentially. A mixture of practices and religions, throwing rituals from across the ages together, breaking laws and codes to suit her own molotov magic.
"That's not really an answer, dear." The doll glided over to sit next to Violet, a porcelain hand coming to rest on her ragged skirt. "Why don't you say something about your business? About who you really are, inside?"
"Pfft. Screw that. Nobody wants to hear that," Violet chuckled.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
"Now bribes I can give." Violet looked pleased, and hopped off the table to search through her bag. A handy spell had ensured that it had more room than meets the eye, and she could fit anything in there that would make it past the opening. The first item to come out was a bloody chainsaw, dumped on the table. "That's free for anybody, I can always get another one."
Several more items came out - sprigs of plants held together by string, vials of strangely colored liquids, books with dog-eared pages. Amulets, rings, powders. "Everything here has some kind of magic effect, or is used as an ingredient. Can't guarantee it'll give you the desired effect," Violet smirked. "There's always a few hiccups when you cross the boundaries and leap into the melting pot."
"Maybe you could tell them why everybody calls you 'Shrieking' Violet Grimm, Vile," Ralph piped up.
"Hush, Ralphy." Violet closed the bag again, and surveyed the pile on the table proudly. "That should do it."
With a snap and a crackle (and a pop of smoke that smelled like a strange mixture of nicotine and candy), Violet Grimm had appeared in the Sorting Room, sprawled languidly across the floor and already laughing.
"Wow," she smirked slowly, craning her neck backwards so that she could see across the room. "I think I broke something. ...A few laws, maybe. A couple of magic codes." Stretching slowly, Violet climbed to her feet, perching on the edge of the table and crossing her legs neatly. Her attire had to be seen to be believed; a chaotic combination of leather, stripes, buckles, mesh and lace. Letting a tattered bag fall to the floor, Violet tilted her head and cracked her neck, stretching her arms above her head with a loopy smile. "Don't know where I am, but hell, I ended up here. Big spooky castle? Sounds like my kind of place."
As if prompted by an afterthought, Violet bent down and reached into her bag, pulling out two toys. One was a plush brown dog stuffed toy, clad in a checkered coat. The other was an antique doll, immaculate except for the hideous tear in its mouth revealing portions of skull and teeth.
"Hey! Where did you bring us now?" The dog toy rolled its eyes in clear exasperation, sniffing deeply.
Violet made a grand gesture out at the room, swaying slightly and grinning. Her eyes - so pale gold they were almost white - crinkled at the edges, cracking the combination of heavy mascara and blood that she smeared around them. "We are... here, Ralph."
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Of all the freaking questions, goddamn cheese," the dog toy, Ralph, muttered, padding over to the application on the desk. "Vile, get your ass off the paper, I want to read."
"Oops." With a smile that was not at all apologetic, Violet shifted slightly, and looked out towards the room again. She spoke like she was addressing a crowd - a crowd that she knew watched her avidly for all the wrong reasons. "You'll have to forgive Ralph and Dolores, my hungry little flesh-sacks. They can get a bit protective at times."
The antique doll, Dolores, creaked to life, her mouth shifting. "You've brought us to Hogwarts, Violet." Her voice was nothing short of repulsive - cracking, almost static, too high pitched. The doll and the toy were animated from Violet's own soul, powered by her magic - though they appeared to have different personalities, it was nothing more than a really good (twisted, forbidden and black) spell.
"I like blue cheese," Violet finally answered, swinging her legs and clacking her heels together. Though she was sitting, she was still swaying, grinning manically like she was high. "It's soft, smooth, looks interesting. And when you bite in, it bites back."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"Wait, Hogwarts?" The answer seemed to dawn on Violet. "Oh. Oh, this place is so cute, with their wands and their textbooks," she crooned. "Just like the school Daddy tried to send us to, remember that, Ralphy?"
"Just answer the question."
With a pout on black-painted lips, Violet looked at the ceiling as she thought. "Carrottop. I imagine that it would be satisfying to kill Barney, to put an end to the fervent children following the every word of a poorly-constructed puppet." She patted Ralph on the head to forestall any complaints. "But Carrottop is real, live flesh and human blood. He would be more fun."
3. What time is it where you are?
Violet didn't have a watch, so she didn't even bother checking. "It was around noon when I stirred up the potion. But you can never tell in the Banewoods." She giggled to herself. Maybe she shouldn't have mixed that bit of cactus in there, it hadn't meant to transport her anywhere.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
"A question I can finally get my teeth into." Violet licked her lips, pleased.
"Violet, restrain yourself," Dolores, the doll, creaked. Her teeth ground together with a sound like nails on chalkboards. "Just because the word 'sexual' was mentioned, no need to get excited."
"Don't spoil my fun." Violet frowned. "Anyway. It's so hard to choose, some of them have such fantastic power. That Tonks chick, how I envy her. What an unbelievable indulgence, to change your appearance at whim, so easily." The time she'd tried to change her appearance, it had just resulted in making a whole other her. It had been a little odd, cutting the head off someone that looked like her twin - a vapid, more beautiful twin, though. Ralph had even found a brain in there, wonder of wonders.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"Banewoods Bar. Violet's Vault. The Molotov Magic Cocktail. So many choices, how is a witch to choose?"
The stuffed dog sniffed loudly, shuffling the paper he held in his paws. "You could choose the one that doesn't make you look like a camera whore."
Violet held a finger to her lips and shushed him, smirking wickedly. "Ssssh, Ralphy. We don't know if the good people here know about my video tapes. If they did, they'd already be trying to kill me."
"You and your snuff videos, I-" Whatever the rest of Ralph's sentence was, it was rendered to nothing more than muffled growls as Violet's hand slapped over his mouth.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"I think- oh, wait. Hold up." Violet fell silent. Seconds later, thin black smoke trickled out of her nostrils, mouth, ears and tear-ducts. When it cleared, she took a deep breath, looking more sober than before. "Knew I shouldn't have put that cactus in there. Right, question. Fred, George and Harry?"
Oooh, a threesome. Violet restrained the urge to ask if any of them were human, and decided to go with what was obviously the logical answer. "I say slip an aphrodisiac into their coffee one morning. They'd have a raunchy orgy, and that would be the tie-breaker. Harry could decide which he likes more from that. And obviously, if I have to tie in mythology, the aphrodisiac should be lettuce. The ancient Egyptians loved their big bull penises and lettuce. Penii? Who knows or cares. The more important thing is the orgy."
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
With an overexaggerated sigh, Violet braced her hands on the desk and leaned back, looking over at Dolores. "Would you call me smart?" Her tone was plaintive.
"I'd say that depends on what kind of smart you're looking for, Violet. Paper work smarts is not your kind of smart."
Violet slapped a hand on her knee. "To your ears from the dolls mouth, ladies, gentleman, demons and witches. The only paper I deal in is the paper I use for typing up my diary in my typewriter, and the 'E' keys is permanently stuck in capitals, and 'A' and 'G' is getting a little sticky. Your desk is inundated with paperwork because you don't have the right kind of paperwork. Get something fun, you won't mind the mess."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Before Violet could answer, Ralph barked out a laugh - and was promptly silenced by a glare.
"Useless," Violet's lips twisted. "So many ways to answer that. I am Violet Grimm, the ecto-maxi-neo-pagan. I'm the spellbinder, the voodoo junkie, the demon tamer and toy. I'm the spawn of spooky, the maker of malevolance, the birth-mother of benevolance. I'm the goddamn Dogwitch!"
To say that Violet's magic practices were chaotic would be a vast understatement. Her own term, Dogwitch, was a word for 'mutt witch', essentially. A mixture of practices and religions, throwing rituals from across the ages together, breaking laws and codes to suit her own molotov magic.
"That's not really an answer, dear." The doll glided over to sit next to Violet, a porcelain hand coming to rest on her ragged skirt. "Why don't you say something about your business? About who you really are, inside?"
"Pfft. Screw that. Nobody wants to hear that," Violet chuckled.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe.
"Now bribes I can give." Violet looked pleased, and hopped off the table to search through her bag. A handy spell had ensured that it had more room than meets the eye, and she could fit anything in there that would make it past the opening. The first item to come out was a bloody chainsaw, dumped on the table. "That's free for anybody, I can always get another one."
Several more items came out - sprigs of plants held together by string, vials of strangely colored liquids, books with dog-eared pages. Amulets, rings, powders. "Everything here has some kind of magic effect, or is used as an ingredient. Can't guarantee it'll give you the desired effect," Violet smirked. "There's always a few hiccups when you cross the boundaries and leap into the melting pot."
"Maybe you could tell them why everybody calls you 'Shrieking' Violet Grimm, Vile," Ralph piped up.
"Hush, Ralphy." Violet closed the bag again, and surveyed the pile on the table proudly. "That should do it."