The Hat marries people, yo. (Open to those who signed up)

[ugly_old_hat]

One bright Hogwarts morning, fliers with small, numbered Hat-shaped plastic tokens are sent out to a select group of students via house elf. “Your presence is required at an Awards Ceremony in the Great Hall tonight,” the flier states. “Attendance is mandatory. Formal dress is required. Prizes will be given

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[wright_phoenix]

Before Phoenix could yell "OBJECTION!", the elves nudged him toward the village. He didn't even know WHO he married. Not the best thing in the world.

[brenda_johnson]

Brenda was already in the tent when he arrived. Not Fritz?! Her lips pursed in displeasure, a look any of her squad back home would have correctly interpreted as 'do not approach.'

Dammit, her boyfriend had only just joined her here!

[wright_phoenix]

Phoenix got to his tent with no problems. He was mildly glad to see that at least his spouse was a woman. He heard that someone ended up marrying the antichrist or something.

"Um...Hi! I'm sorry about this, I don't even know you."

[brenda_johnson]

Heavy exhale. Another bad sign. She forced a tight smile and offered her hand.

"Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson, LAPD. Currently in Gryffindor." She looked around the tent. "Or I was."

[wright_phoenix]

"Phoenix Wright, defense attorney. I'm a Ravenclaw, myself." He took Brenda's hand and shook it merrily.

[brenda_johnson]

A lawyer. In Brenda's world the arrival of a lawyer, for whatever reason, meant Game Over. End of interrogation, no chance for a confession.

To say nothing of the joy of having a divorce behind her, or her boss' hiring a lawyer she loathed to represent her when the Chief's ex-wife-to-be accused her of alienation of affection. That was a dark, dark day, and as far as she was concerned it was all the lawyers' fault!

"Oh. How nice. D'you represent murderers much?"

[wright_phoenix]

"No, they were all innocent. Except one, but Edgeworth and I tricked him into confessing. It was the best way to save Maya." Not that she knew what he was talking about.

[brenda_johnson]

"What a coincidence," she said. "I get murderers to confess too. Mine are always guilty, however. Whatever their defense attorneys may say."

[wright_phoenix]

"Yeah, but some are innocent. I certainly was. Both times."

[brenda_johnson]

Brenda's eyebrows rose, and the lip-pursing deepened into a frown.

"You. Managed to get yourself accused of murder. Twice?"

Great. She was 'married' to a Dennis Dutton clone....

[wright_phoenix]

"Yeah. And one of them, the person who framed me was my girlfriend!"

[brenda_johnson]

"Uh-huh. Well. You are takin' the couch tonight, Mr. Wright." She stood. "An' I am goin' out to look for the guy I should be married to -"

She stopped. Put a hand over her mouth in shock. She wanted to marry Fritz? Did she really just say that? Her, Brenda Fear-of-Commitment Johnson?

"Oh my..."

[wright_phoenix]

"Fine, fine. I didn't really ask for this anyway. Good luck finding your guy, then, Brenda!"

Phoenix lied back on the couch, thinking about how amusing this day turned into.