Application: Petyr Baelish (A.K.A. Littlefinger), A Song of Ice and Fire

[petyr_baelish]

((Littlefinger's motives for coming to Hogwarts stolen from Camilla. Thanks!))

A short man with grey-green eyes and a goatee strolled leisurely through the Great Hall to the head table. His elegant silk blue cloak with its silver mockingbird clasp was caked with mud, but he was smiling. "I should really have a talk with that Thoros," he drawled. "

Comments

[wolfram_jyari]

Wolfram blushed, embarrassed by his error. And, keeping with habit, Wolfram covered his humiliation with anger. He also used anger to cover sadness, affection, and all other forms of rage. It made things simpler and more complicated at the same time.

"Well, if you're in a foreign land, you should be clearer. And you cannot blame me for taking your comment out of context. You said that this Arbor Gold was fruity, and yet you were drinking it along with the obviously sweet dishes of honey, cantaloupe, and Lyseni fondue. From my generous experience, the only wine acceptable would be a sour White. Therefore, it made no sense to me that your Arbor was wine, and thus had to be, in fact, gold pieces." Wolfram did not explain how gold would ever taste fruity rather than unpleasantly metallic, and would probably prefer it if Petyr did not bring it up.

Wolfram then accepted the gold, but just stared at it with an unhappy expression on his face. This was not what he asked for. "Oh? But how can it breathe fire? Or fly?" He sighed and rubbed a temple. "Oh, I see. Another issue of miscommunication. I cannot understand your kingdom which calls wine gold and gold dragons. You may take this 'dragon' back." He held out the hand.

"I require no monetary bribes. I am Sir Wolfram von Bielefeld, Betrothed to the Maou and Hufflepuff, as well as the son of the previous Maou. I would go on, but I'm afraid of yet another misunderstanding. I suggest you save such things for those who survive on the charity of bribes."

[petyr_baelish]

Although Petyr was usually a master at reading people (if he did say so himself), he didn't know Wolfram well enough to realize that Wolfram was covering his humiliation with anger. He just saw the anger. But Littlefinger's smile only grew wider. If he could keep his court manners up around Joffrey, he could do it for anyone.

"No one's introduced you to the concept of accountability, I see," he said. Then he realized that Wolfram didn't seem like the kind to appreciate jokes at his own expense. "Forgive me. I didn't mean the coin as a bribe, only a gift." Petyr's brain processed the facts: this Wolfram was a knight, and Hufflepuff was supposed to be the House of loyalty. Perhaps he should try a different tack. "Who is this Maou you're betrothed to?"

[wolfram_jyari]

Wolfram's chest puffed up at the perceived insult. Unfortunately, the blond indeed did not have much of a sense of humor about himself, and was offended by the implication that he was irresponsible. His eldest brother might describe him to be a lazy loafer, but the right to do so was his, and only his. Besides, Wolfram was only lazy some of the time, when he didn't want to work.

When Petyr did not take the gold back, Wolfram let it drop to the floor. "A coin is meaningless as a gift; no thought goes into it." Wolfram was about to launch into a rant about how the blond was no beggar, and how he would not stand there and be insulted, when Petyr wisely discovered one of Wolfram's weaknesses. He loved to discuss (consider/annoy/fight) Yuuri.

Wolfram tried to appear apathetic, his voice filled with irritation, but his stance somehow became even prouder. "The Maou refers to the Demon King, Shibuya Yuuri. He attends Hogwarts here as well, in the Hufflepuff House, of course. He has recently replaced my mother, the previous Maou, and will undoubtedly be the greatest ruler in Shin Makoku's history. If he continues his studies and works hard, instead of running off to play baseball and make friends with strange women." 'And I get to marry him. Ha!' is left unspoken.

[petyr_baelish]

First Question 5.B., now this. Was it common for men to marry other men in this strange land? Petyr hoped the Knight of Flowers never found out about this place, or else that arrogant pretty boy would be drawn here like a fly to honey.

"Quite impressive, Ser Wolfram. I imagine it must be a great honour to be chosen as the wife...husband...man-person of the future greatest ruler in Shin Whatever-You-Just-Called-It's history."

Even someone who wasn't a prodigiously cunning and perceptive manipulator (there was no need for false modesty) would have noticed the way Wolfram's mannerisms changed at the very mention of the Maou. Petyr sensed an opening. "So, for how long have you known Shiba...Shuba..your betrothed?"

[wolfram_jyari]

The blond sniffed. "It didn't seem to be at the time, but I grew to accept the idea. The wimp no doubt would implode our country if he didn't have a decent fiancee looking out for him." This completely contradicted what Wolfram said only moments before, but the blond seemed to like keeping people on their toes. Or to be a very contradictory individual. He looked a bit irritated. "And the correct term is 'Husband,' of course. What else would it be? I'm still a boy! If I wear a wedding dress at the ceremony, then it's only to please our mothers. Women get very excited over planning weddings, after all.

Wolfram tilted his head. "That's a complicated question. It's perhaps been a year for Yuuri, but longer for me. Demons gage times a bit differently than humans. Why do you ask?"

[petyr_baelish]

"In that case, it's a good thing you're there to make sure your betrothed doesn't implode anything. I know first impressions oft deceive us, but you strike me as the kind of honourable man who can be trusted to run a country." His warm smile was so convincing that someone listening might have believed Petyr actually thought "honourable" was a compliment. "Should your government ever need a Master of the Coin, I'd be honoured to serve you and your betrothed. My political and financial experience might be of use to you." (Littlefinger was already Master of the Coin of Westeros and Strong Badia, after all; why not go for the trifecta?)

Petyr contemplated his answer to Wolfram's last question for a moment. Somehow, "Because I'm trying to keep you talking and win your trust so I can get you to vote me into whatever house Catelyn's in and use you as a pawn in my nefarious schemes to win her back" was kind of lacking as an explanation.

"Because I'm curious," said Littlefinger. "My own brush with love was rather tragic, so--forgive me, ser!--I can't help but envy those like you who are more fortunate. Have you met Catelyn Tully-Stark here? We were lovers, but then the poor girl was forced into an arranged marriage with a frigid bore. My heart broke that day." He quickly added, "Oh, but I shouldn't burden you with my problems. I hope you and Shiwhatsisface have a wonderful future together."

[wolfram_jyari]

Yes, Wolfram thought himself to be an honourable man. His eldest brother taught him it was paramount to be at least perceived as honourable, and as Wolfram's temperament made him lacking in guile, it was best if he just had the quality, itself. Besides, the blond was too arrogant not to be truthful, too possessive not to be loyal, and too reckless not to be heroic. So over all, being honourable suited him. The blond, however, dismissed Petyr's offer. "The treasury is already well managed by my brother and by Lord von Kleist. Do you think Shin Makoku would have lasted a millennium if we could not manage our own finances? Not only are you not a citizen, you're not even demon. No, you will have to look for employment elsewhere."

Wolfram had asked Petyr's motivations because he was always somewhat paranoid when anyone declared interest in Yuuri; often his fears were not unfounded. He then listened to Littlefinger's tragedy without showing overt sympathy. It was not in Wolfram's self-interest for people to have a choice in whom they were going to marry. Of course he would declare until he was blue in the face that Yuuri proposed to him, but he knew that it was accidental, and that the other boy might manage to slip out of it, somehow. This was another reason why Wolfram was so adamant about his claim.

The blond didn't mind being burdened with the problems of others, but most found his harsh advice unacceptable. "I haven't met Lady Tully-Stark, but I've been away with my king for several months. If she is married, it would be best if you wouldn't interfere in her new life. Unless, of course, she's being mistreated." The blond nodded. "The blessed union of marriage should only be broken by death!" Wolfram should know, his mother's unions have been broken three times.