My Day Off (Semi-Open RP)

[carlaespinosa]

((This is mainly for House and Wilson; however if your char might be out by the lake, feel free to stick them in! XD))There was precious little to do around the castle that didn't include a phallic symbol piece of wood or turning mice into teacups. That was the lesson Carla was quickly learning. Still, she had a bottle of suntan lotion, a stack

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[canes_can_kill]

What else did people do on nice, sunny days? Except sunbathing, of course, House could never get behind that particular activity. Except when it involved watching other people sunbathe, that was okay. And fun.

But, at present, he'd decided it was such a nice that day that he had to drag Wilson out to a picnic table beside the lake for some good old-fashioned Squid Watching. Of course, he'd forced Wilson to carry the binoculars, the cork hat, the random junk food, and anything else House could think of. And, despite wanting to Squid Watch, House had just decided it would be a great idea to sprawl out on top of the picnic table and make Wilson keep watch for him.

Until he spied Carla setting up, of course. He'd only met her once, but he could be a jerk to people he'd only met once. He was that good.

"Wilson, throw something at the latina chick," House demanded. "I'd do it myself, but I'm a cripple."

[jewboy_wonder]

Wilson, of course, had griped the entire way to the table, somewhere under his breath, and something about skepticism towards giant squids existing in something so small as a lake in the outskirts of Scotland. A lot because he'd been a little forced to carry binoculars and some ridiculously hideous hat and so many bags of Doritos and gummi bears and all that jazz that he was fairly sure he'd dropped something on the way. But... that was something he was used to, by now. Being House's bitch, that was.

Okay, never using that title again, God, not even in his head.

He, of course, was picking at a one of the said bags of gummi bears and only half looking through the binoculars - squids? Really? He didn't see any, and House was a liar, dammit - when the guy spoke up and... God. Seriously. "I'm not throwing anything at her," Wilson automatically prompted, as though he were talking to the eight-year-old in the store who kept asking for a toy. "You do it if you want to so bad." Beat. "Not that I'm condoning you... throwing things at people

[canes_can_kill]

"People pleaser," House rolled his eyes, the words coming out in the same kind of tone he'd use for 'crying babies' or 'moronic patients'. "One day, Jimmy, I'll teach you the sacred and moral art of pissing people off. It's fun, once you stop starching your shirts."

Huffing an impatient sigh, House reached over Wilson and grabbed a few of the gummi bears. He had to twist his head to actually see Carla - lying down and throwing were two different activities, but House was going to combine them.

"Keep watching for the squid while I work," House reminded Wilson, as if the squid was ever going to show up. Squinting an eye, House promptly threw three gummi bears in Carla's direction, aiming for her back.

[carlaespinosa]

Completely absorbed in the mysteries of Tyra Banks' hair (was it a wig? a weave? some horrific combination of both?), Carla was jerked back to reality by three successive plunks on her back. Reaching around, she found the gummi bears.

"Oh, hell, no," she muttered, sitting up and pushing her sunglasses on top of her head as she scanned the area. Some hijo de tu puta madre was throwing things at her. It didn't take Carla long to spot House and Wilson; and as they were the only ones in gummi-catapult range, she stood up and stalked over to them, the offending candies still held in her hand.

"Hi," she said, smile so bright you could cut glass. Then she dropped the bears over House's head, eyebrows raised in a clear challenge. Sort of a non-verbal 'go ahead, make my day'.

Oh, this poonta was messing with the wrong woman.

[jewboy_wonder]

Oh, dear sweet Lord, he hadn't meant for House to actually start to throw things at her.

He glanced to Carla, watching as the woman grabbed at the gummi bears and automatically glared in their direction. Oh, shit. Just what they needed. An irritated Latina woman. This couldn't end well. The woman was starting over, gummi bears in hand, and Wilson reverted to his standby position of pinching his nose and glancing quite firmly downward.

Squids were forgotten. It was a traumatic event.

Of course, the gummi bears dropping onto House, that was fairly amusing. Wilson peeked out from under his hand, cocking an eyebrow at the newcomer and. Ha. His eyes, of course automatically leaped to House, trying to figure out his next move.

[canes_can_kill]

Scowling, House swiped the gummi bears off his face and popped them into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. After a moment, he rolled his eyes at Carla. "Banana Boat? Could you use less of a girly brand? Good lord."

The fact that she was wearing a rather warning smile was in no way going to stop House. He sniffed in disdain, and grabbed the binoculars from Wilson.

"Say hello to the angry lady, Jimmy," he commented, twisting his head to look out at the lake. Hey, he'd had his amusement with throwing things at people. Wilson was the one that liked to talk to them if they insisted on being present.

[carlaespinosa]

Exhaling a short laugh, Carla's eyebrows shot up. "Is he for real?" she asked Wilson. There was a warning in her tone that implied that House better not be. Carla was one formidable woman when she wanted to be - hell, even Cox was wary of her on her bad days. And this jackass had just interrupted her alone time.

...Hey, wait. She knew this jackass. "You're the idiot with the camera." Oh, this was rich. Reaching out, she jerked away the binoculars. "Jimmy, are you aware that your friend here is a peeping tom? He likes to lurk around the hospital wing and film patients, get in the way of doctors, generally be a pain in my ass."

She grinned. It was not a nice smile. "You have about ten seconds, dickless wonder, to tell me why I shouldn't use these," she gestured at him with the binoculars, "to give you an impromptu colonoscopy."

[jewboy_wonder]

Wilson only raised his eyebrows to Carla, a wry, extremely grim smile tugging up his mouth into a flat line. "Oh, yeah. Very real." With the kind of tone that griped a bit about just how real House could get, at most times.

She hadn't just called him Jimmy, right? Please say she didn't call him Jimmy. Wilson couldn't help the slight wince as he let his hand fall from his face, resisting the urge to frown at the Latina woman - she didn't know what she was doing, God, even House didn't know the weight of that nickname - but... stopped himself. "It... Wilson. Only he gets to call me Jimmy," he replied shortly, and scratched at his head. "That's the general consensus, yes, I was well aware, though."

And, oh dear, those weren't going to be very happy going up that orifice. Wilson's eyes widened considerably at the binoculars in Carla's hand.

[canes_can_kill]

House was only half-listening to Wilson and Carla, even though he scowled heavily when his binoculars were snatched away. The threat of the impromptu colonoscopy did make him snicker, even though he just continued looking at the lake and trying to ignore them.

Wilson's protest at the name 'Jimmy', though, finally made him turn his head and look like he was paying attention. "He is so possessive," he complained mockingly to Carla, hushing his voice as if it were a secret and she was his conspirator.

Still, he should probably do something about that whole colonoscopy threat. House didn't really want some woman trying to shove things inside him. So he blew out a sigh, and pushed himself up until he was sitting on the table. He then gestured at his cane, lying on the grass, and looked expectantly at Carla. "Hey, get me my cane, will you? I'm trying to walk away from this mind-numbing conversation, but I won't get very far without it."

[carlaespinosa]

Okay, her lips definitely twitched at that. It was hard to stay mad when this guy was so...something. "You should work on that, Jimmy," she informed Wilson, one eyebrow tipped upwards. Yeah, right. Like she was going to stop calling him that.

Turning back to House, she sighed and then said, "I'm Carla. Carla Espinosa. I lurk around hospitals because I'm a nurse and that's my job." She paused expectantly. "And you are...? Someone who gets turned on by bedpans?"

[jewboy_wonder]

And she just... Oh, God, really trying to stop himself from quite literally facepalming.

Resisting the urge to correct her again - James? Wilson. Anything - Wilson just rubbed at the back of his head. "Decade or so in the making and... no progress," he commented lightly, and glanced back to House and, no, he was not possessive, House, shut up, Wilson was so going to smack a bitchkill him.

This was just... so amusing. Snarkfest of 2007? Wilson let his eyes jump easily from Carla to House and back, eyebrows lifted like he was trying to plot out House's next move. ...Scratch that, a million years of friendship and he still couldn't figure out what the hell House was going to do next. It was like trying to pinpoint what next caper Courtney Love was going to get up to.

[canes_can_kill]

He was still trying to ignore the conversation, but House had to admit that Carla calling Wilson 'Jimmy' was hilarious. And Wilson's reaction equally so. Later, he'd have to find out exactly why Wilson was getting so strange about being called Jimmy by anybody else.

Simply arching an eyebrow at Carla's introduction, House put on a bored expression and looked over to where Carla had previously been. He couldn't be bothered with useless introductions - besides, if she knew his name and that he was a doctor, she might try and make him do work.

"If you're not going to get me my cane, can you at least bring me that magazine?" House asked, not trying to be obnoxious but sounding it anyway. "I'll leave you two to get all Chatty Kathy, gossip about the hot nurses."

[carlaespinosa]

Ah. A knowing smile crossed Carla's lips. Budging House over with her hip, she took a seat, grabbing the bag of Doritos and popping one into her mouth. "So," she said with a smirk. "What kind of doctors are you?"

Work long enough in a hospital, and you can smell them from a mile away.

"Oh, and 'Chatty Kathy'?" She gave House a disappointed look, shaking her head. "My grandmother called - she'd like her slang back." Ha! Damn it, she was funny!

[jewboy_wonder]

Maybe it was that same sort of knowing, from years of working in hospitals, especially in Princeton-Plainsboro. Or... maybe it was the fact that he had... admittedly, flirted with half of the ones at said hospitals. But the ease that Carla automatically switched into knowing they were doctors... Oh, she had to be a nurse.

"Oncologist," he offered back helpfully, eying the Doritos bag with a big of a vengeance. Those were his Doritos, dammit, how dare she steal them, oh his freaking word.

Anyway.

He smirked a bit at her return comment, cheesy as it might have been, quirking a bit of a knowing eyebrow to House and leaning forward onto his knees. "Yeah, Chatty Kathy, it's a bit... turn of the century for you - you're slipping."

[canes_can_kill]

Grunting in displeasure as Carla shoved him over to make room, House pursed his lips in annoyance. He was pretending to ignore her, and she was still here and asking questions? Maybe he just had to try harder, clearly his 'I'm a bastard, go away' wasn't working well enough.

And now they were complaining about his lingo? Idiots. They knew nothing about fine-tuned insults that had lasted decades.

Glaring at Wilson for daring to be so helpful and actually answering Carla's question, House frowned and grabbed a handful of Doritos. Instead of eating them, he simply ground them up and casually dropped the dust into Wilson's hair. "Told you before, I'm not a doctor, I'm a janitor," he smirked. "Do you never listen to things other people say? And you," he rounded on Wilson, "Stop being you and attracting people. I don't want hordes of woman screaming for your not-so-manly charms."

[carlaespinosa]

Yeah. Right. She worked with and kind of had a thing for Perry Cox. Bastard of the year. House was a cuddly kitten next to that. Laughing as Wilson teased House, Carla rolled her eyes at the mess House made. Instinctively helping Wilson brush out the crumbs - honestly, it was like being with JD and Turk all over again - she offered him the bag of chips. "Nice to meet you, Jimmy the Oncologist. Haven't seen you in the Ward, though. You guys have your own Hospital, or are you just enjoying the vacation?"

Then she turned to House, lips quirking up in a sultry smile. "Oh, come on big boy, let's not play. You know why I came over here. I'm attracted to you, you big stud." She ran one finger playfully up House's arm. "The combination of jackass and arrogance is like an aphrodisiac."