It has come to my attention that you are the head of the Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmede branch. I represent the band Dethklok, and I would like to talk to you about a potential business deal.
Dear Charlie Brown Dear Charles Off-dem-men Dear Charles Ondensen
Greetings!
Sounds like a plan, Stan! I'd suggest meeting at Chili's, which is the best place for business deals, but I don't think there's one here. Know of anywhere we can get a decent Awesome Blossom? They are truly awesome, you know.
Michael Scott Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmeade Prefect, Slytherin House
Dear Charlie Charlie Bo Barley Dear Charlie Chaplin Dear Charlie Choochoo
Dinkin flicka!
Yeah, and the waitresses there are pretty hot. And that statement is not at all sexually harassing, because it is true, and the truth is not harassment.
When is a good time for you?
Michael Scott Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmeade Prefect, Slytherin House
Dear Charlie and the Choc Dear Charlie Chicken Dear Charlesmagne
Works for me!
Michael Scott Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmeade Prefect, Slytherin House
-------
And at 2:15, Michael found a table at The Three Broomsticks and waited for Ofdensen, who, if he was listening as he approached, would find Michael attempting to explain to the member of the waitstaff that it really shouldn't be that difficult to cut an onion so that all of its little parts stuck out - he inserted a healthy "That's what SHE said" right after that, of course - and then deep fry it and serve it with a sauce that imbued it with just the right amount of awesomeness.
Personally? Ofdensen was questioning the sanity of making a deal with a madman.
Point completely taken when he found Mr. Scott trying to explain a Blooming Onion to the wait staff. Ofdensen sat down across from him, waiting for him to finish before introducing himself.
"...and don't forget - " Michael, still talking to the waiter, now launched into song, "I want my...babybackbabybackbabybackbabyback!" With a loud laugh, he now turned to Ofdensen, his smile suddenly faltering somewhat as he realized who this guy was.
After a second, though, he recovered. Tinky Winky was back now and life was good. Aside from the onion angst, he was too happy to get too upset right now. "All RIGHT!" he exclaimed loudly. "Do you want your babybackbabybackbabybackbabyback...?" That part, of course, was once again in song.
"I think I'll pass," Ofdensen said, ordering a butterbeer and some fish and chips.
"Very well. Mr. Scott, I trust you are doing well today? I've come here with an exclusive proposition for Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmeade that may interest you."
"I~~~ am doing AWEsome," Michael said with a huge grin. "Just like my BLOSsom." Which hopefully they were actually making in the kitchen.
The word "exclusive" definitely caught his attention, but there was something even more pressing than exclusive propositions. "D'you wanna hear a joke?" Comedy. It was how these things had to open. It didn't matter whether they were going well from the get-go. There had to be comedy.
Oh, Michael must! And he knew just which joke he was going to tell. It was one he had an excellent track record with, judging from his last experience at Chili's with a client.
"Okay, so there are these three guys," he started with a huge grin, traces of laughter already creeping into his voice. "And they start comparing their cars. And the first guy says, 'Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn.' And the second guy says, "Well, I'm a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort.'" He paused, grinning hugely now. Ah, the punchline! "And then the third guy says, 'I got you both beat, I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe.'"
Ofdensen looked at him with a mild smirk, more to please Michael than any humor in the joke. "Yes. Well. Mr. Scott, I have with me DethParchment, black parchment with the Dethklok logo embossed. Every tenth piece of parchment with cause the writer to have invisible skin for two hours."
Michael had been expecting a better reaction than that and had been on the verge of trying to think of an even more extreme joke when Ofdensen told him about the parchment. So...he was a supplier?
"All RIGHT, death parchment!" Michael exclaimed. Yeah, he had no idea what that was, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that the client had fun!
Oh yeah. Fun. "And since it's endorsed by Dethklok, you're guarenteed a profit, since their fans will buy anything they promote. Hell, they'd buy a bottle of piss if the bassist promoted it."
Note to self, talk to William about that if he gets here.
Profit was good. Profit was very good. It was not the most important thing - which, of course, was split between comedy and the love shared between the members of the Dunder-Mifflin family - but it was important. It seemed that Staples hadn't quite made the move into the parchment business yet, but Michael figured it was only a matter of time, and the Dunder-Mifflin family needed sales to stay afloat. Michael did not want to lose his leader-ship.
"Well, tha~aaaat sounds like a win-win situation to me!" The piss thing was...bizarre, but, well, you never knew when you needed an extra bottle of piss. Dwight's had certainly come in handy at one time. "So...what sort of music does Dethklok play? Is it like Alicia Keys?" Michael had no idea, and it was always good to know who one's customers were.
"They're a death metal band." Ofdensen toyed with a chip for a second. "I must say I'm impressed, Mr. Scott. Not many companies that hadn't heard of Dethklok would produce something like this. Course, I could have gone with the flesh eating bacteria."
Dear Charles Off-dem-men
Dear Charles Ondensen
Greetings!
Sounds like a plan, Stan! I'd suggest meeting at Chili's, which is the best place for business deals, but I don't think there's one here. Know of anywhere we can get a decent Awesome Blossom? They are truly awesome, you know.
Michael Scott
Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmeade
Prefect, Slytherin House
Reply
You are a very strange man
While I don't know where to get an Awesome Blossom, The Three Broomsticks should serve as a good place to have lunch and a business meeting.
Charles Ofdensen
Reply
Dear Charlie Chaplin
Dear Charlie Choochoo
Dinkin flicka!
Yeah, and the waitresses there are pretty hot. And that statement is not at all sexually harassing, because it is true, and the truth is not harassment.
When is a good time for you?
Michael Scott
Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmeade
Prefect, Slytherin House
Reply
...........
2:30 today fine?
Charles Ofdensen
Reply
Dear Charlie Chicken
Dear Charlesmagne
Works for me!
Michael Scott
Regional Manager, Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmeade
Prefect, Slytherin House
-------
And at 2:15, Michael found a table at The Three Broomsticks and waited for Ofdensen, who, if he was listening as he approached, would find Michael attempting to explain to the member of the waitstaff that it really shouldn't be that difficult to cut an onion so that all of its little parts stuck out - he inserted a healthy "That's what SHE said" right after that, of course - and then deep fry it and serve it with a sauce that imbued it with just the right amount of awesomeness.
Reply
Point completely taken when he found Mr. Scott trying to explain a Blooming Onion to the wait staff. Ofdensen sat down across from him, waiting for him to finish before introducing himself.
Reply
After a second, though, he recovered. Tinky Winky was back now and life was good. Aside from the onion angst, he was too happy to get too upset right now. "All RIGHT!" he exclaimed loudly. "Do you want your babybackbabybackbabybackbabyback...?" That part, of course, was once again in song.
Reply
"Very well. Mr. Scott, I trust you are doing well today? I've come here with an exclusive proposition for Dunder-Mifflin Hogsmeade that may interest you."
Reply
The word "exclusive" definitely caught his attention, but there was something even more pressing than exclusive propositions. "D'you wanna hear a joke?" Comedy. It was how these things had to open. It didn't matter whether they were going well from the get-go. There had to be comedy.
Reply
Reply
"Okay, so there are these three guys," he started with a huge grin, traces of laughter already creeping into his voice. "And they start comparing their cars. And the first guy says, 'Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn.' And the second guy says, "Well, I'm a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort.'" He paused, grinning hugely now. Ah, the punchline! "And then the third guy says, 'I got you both beat, I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe.'"
And with that, Michael burst into loud laughter.
Reply
Reply
"All RIGHT, death parchment!" Michael exclaimed. Yeah, he had no idea what that was, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that the client had fun!
Reply
Note to self, talk to William about that if he gets here.
Reply
"Well, tha~aaaat sounds like a win-win situation to me!" The piss thing was...bizarre, but, well, you never knew when you needed an extra bottle of piss. Dwight's had certainly come in handy at one time. "So...what sort of music does Dethklok play? Is it like Alicia Keys?" Michael had no idea, and it was always good to know who one's customers were.
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