application for Lord Eddard ("Ned") Stark, A Song of Ice and Fire
(( Huge spoilers for A Game of Thrones, book one of A Song of Ice and Fire, lurk herein. Permission was granted by the ASOIAF muns. ))
A man appeared in the Sorting Room, as men were sometimes wont to do. This man was worn, and thin, and tall. He would have been taller had his head still been seated firmly on his shoulders, which it was not. He carried his head under his arm.
He'd drawn a hooded cloak up over the stump of his neck, as decorous as possible, and at least it had been a clean cut, no ragged mess beneath his chin to compound the offense. He owed that much to Ser Ilyn Payne.
There was a gash on his forehead where a flung stone had hit him, a bruise spreading around it. That was less clean. Dark circles beneath his eyes made him look older than his thirty-five years. He was tired, gods, so tired. Had he not earned his rest, if he had earned nothing else?
It seemed not. Questions were posed. Long-suffering as ever, Ned Stark answered.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The revenant gave a bitter laugh, a wheezing sound somehow forced through the ruined larynx though no lungs could give it voice. Some fearful sorcery must animate him. Even in death he would not be allowed rest, it seemed. Impossibly, he sounded just as he had sounded in life.
"Do I look as though I could swallow cheese, or stomach it? It's a cruel jape, this talk of cheese. Whatever they eat on the Wall, that's what I'd have, and even the Wall has been denied me. So I'll have no cheese at all."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"I would kill only the man who has gainsaid the King's justice -- the justice of the true King, not of the Lannisters' get, for they do not know the meaning of justice -- and I would mete out that justice with my own hand, as the Starks have always done, from the time of the First Men. If you cannot look a man in the eye and hear his last words, then perhaps he does not deserve to die."
Bold words, from a corpse; but delivered with an uncompromising gravity.
3. What time is it where you are?
"My glass has already run. It is any time and no time," said the head grimly.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Incredibly, the head spat a bloody froth onto the floor, with something very like contempt. "The foulnesses of King's Landing never cease to amaze me. Gods, but that I had never left Winterfell. I would 'harass' no one. I would strike down the one who dared harass a woman, be she lady or baseborn." Of fidelity he would not speak (ah, Lyanna, the secrets he must keep); but at least he could say this much, that he had never taken a woman unwilling, nor had he taken many a willing wench.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"When last I drank wine I was in the dungeon of a queen, and the wine was brought me by a whisperer, a vile eunuch, the queen's creature, who had the gall to reproach me for my mercy. I suppose I would name this figurative tavern of yours for that memorable draught, since no drink has such savor as a man's last. Yes, call it after the Spider, and any man who drinks there can be considered to have had fair warning."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Ned sighed. The air soughed through his throat like wind through a ragged reed, a haunted sound. "I never had a choice. I doubt this Harry has one either. Why ask? It is as cruel a question as any other you have posed. Yet Harry may find happiness with either of her suitors, as I have -- no, as I had -- with my lady. And if the gods are kind, there may even be children."
The thought of his children silenced Ned for a long moment. He hoped beyond hope that Arya and Sansa had managed to escape King's Landing -- that they'd won their way clear back to Winterfell and their brothers, who'd keep them safe. Robb was his chiefest hope now.
Most of all, he felt he'd failed them. The realm, yes; Robert, yes; Cat, yes; but his children most of all.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Someone is trying to pass something off in the midst of all that paper. He thinks it will go unnoticed. Disregard it at your peril," said Ned simply.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"I am dead. I am useless." The words were flat and final.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I know not what this word 'squib' betokens. The Starks of Winterfell do not offer bribes." It was what it was.
(( "I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ES
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ES.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ES.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ES" ))
A man appeared in the Sorting Room, as men were sometimes wont to do. This man was worn, and thin, and tall. He would have been taller had his head still been seated firmly on his shoulders, which it was not. He carried his head under his arm.
He'd drawn a hooded cloak up over the stump of his neck, as decorous as possible, and at least it had been a clean cut, no ragged mess beneath his chin to compound the offense. He owed that much to Ser Ilyn Payne.
There was a gash on his forehead where a flung stone had hit him, a bruise spreading around it. That was less clean. Dark circles beneath his eyes made him look older than his thirty-five years. He was tired, gods, so tired. Had he not earned his rest, if he had earned nothing else?
It seemed not. Questions were posed. Long-suffering as ever, Ned Stark answered.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
The revenant gave a bitter laugh, a wheezing sound somehow forced through the ruined larynx though no lungs could give it voice. Some fearful sorcery must animate him. Even in death he would not be allowed rest, it seemed. Impossibly, he sounded just as he had sounded in life.
"Do I look as though I could swallow cheese, or stomach it? It's a cruel jape, this talk of cheese. Whatever they eat on the Wall, that's what I'd have, and even the Wall has been denied me. So I'll have no cheese at all."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"I would kill only the man who has gainsaid the King's justice -- the justice of the true King, not of the Lannisters' get, for they do not know the meaning of justice -- and I would mete out that justice with my own hand, as the Starks have always done, from the time of the First Men. If you cannot look a man in the eye and hear his last words, then perhaps he does not deserve to die."
Bold words, from a corpse; but delivered with an uncompromising gravity.
3. What time is it where you are?
"My glass has already run. It is any time and no time," said the head grimly.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Incredibly, the head spat a bloody froth onto the floor, with something very like contempt. "The foulnesses of King's Landing never cease to amaze me. Gods, but that I had never left Winterfell. I would 'harass' no one. I would strike down the one who dared harass a woman, be she lady or baseborn." Of fidelity he would not speak (ah, Lyanna, the secrets he must keep); but at least he could say this much, that he had never taken a woman unwilling, nor had he taken many a willing wench.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"When last I drank wine I was in the dungeon of a queen, and the wine was brought me by a whisperer, a vile eunuch, the queen's creature, who had the gall to reproach me for my mercy. I suppose I would name this figurative tavern of yours for that memorable draught, since no drink has such savor as a man's last. Yes, call it after the Spider, and any man who drinks there can be considered to have had fair warning."
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Ned sighed. The air soughed through his throat like wind through a ragged reed, a haunted sound. "I never had a choice. I doubt this Harry has one either. Why ask? It is as cruel a question as any other you have posed. Yet Harry may find happiness with either of her suitors, as I have -- no, as I had -- with my lady. And if the gods are kind, there may even be children."
The thought of his children silenced Ned for a long moment. He hoped beyond hope that Arya and Sansa had managed to escape King's Landing -- that they'd won their way clear back to Winterfell and their brothers, who'd keep them safe. Robb was his chiefest hope now.
Most of all, he felt he'd failed them. The realm, yes; Robert, yes; Cat, yes; but his children most of all.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Someone is trying to pass something off in the midst of all that paper. He thinks it will go unnoticed. Disregard it at your peril," said Ned simply.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
"I am dead. I am useless." The words were flat and final.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I know not what this word 'squib' betokens. The Starks of Winterfell do not offer bribes." It was what it was.
(( "I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. ES
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ES.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. ES.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ES" ))