Application for the Master, Doctor Who
((Okay'd by Ten'n'Jack-mun. Needless to say, this is gonna have spoilers a-plenty.))
The Master was having a very lovely day, another day closer to conquering worlds, solar systems, galaxies, and eventually the universe. Another day to spend tormenting his beloved pet (that is, the Doctor--poor thing, all old and frail, surprised he hadn't had a heartsattack yet). Another day ruling over Humanity as he saw fit.
"Citizens rejoice," came the usual morning transmission. "Your lord and Master stands on high." He grinned as he rode the lift up to the observation deck. Breakfast served by Francine, who would shoot him a death glare the likes of which he'd only seen from his own kind, followed by a little torture of the freak chained down below. And then maybe a long, hot bath. With the little oil scents. A happy version of “Down With the Sickness” blared through the speakers. Richard Cheese. He liked Richard Cheese. The people he liked got spared from the decimation. His shoulders shimmied a little as the lift doors open, and out he came--
--right into a strange, cavernous castle-like room he didn't remember building into the Valiant. How odd.
The Master was thrown for a moment--just a moment, mind--before a playful little smile appeared on his lips. "Well!" He laughed and clapped his hands. "This, oh, now, this is a surprise!" No doubt some surprisingly cunning plan by the feeble Doctor and crew--his servants. Something of the sort, at least.
There was a parchment directly in front of him. With questions. Someone was to be questioning him? He'd gotten used to the barrage of questions from reporters when he was campaigning, but now? There was a quill at the ready. "I hope you don't expect me to actually do any writing." The quill jumped at his words and wrote them down. "Now that is service, when I can command everyday objects to do my bidding. Let's see, what could we possibly have here...?"
Completely inexplicably, Richard Cheese kept singing in the background.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Cheese?" He had to admit, that was a new one. "I've grown to like Swiss. Ooooh, and that stuff in the squeeze cans. Easy Cheese or whatever it is. Love that stuff. This planet creates the most amazing things, have you noticed that? Processed cheese in an aerosol can. What will they think of next. Or what would they have, if they weren't so busy building my war machine."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"I assume they're already dead, so no worries about those two."
3. What time is it where you are?
That elicited a small laugh. "Time? You're asking me about the time? Oh, if only my pet were here, he'd get a real kick out of this one, too! Or not. He's a quiet one, unfortunately." Insert fake pout here.
"But as for the time on the Earth clock, it was just passing 0730."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
A hand went to his chest in a dramatic fashion. "What an awful thing to ask!" Followed quickly by a smirk. "Why be limited to just one? Whatever would the others think? They would get positively jealous, that's right, absolutely jealous that I was forced to pick out of all of them. Maybe I should have Lucy pick for me, whoever she likes best. Then we can all have a little fun tonight."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"My dear...whoever you are, I can assure you that the names I create are neither clever, nor are they witty, except to the uninformed mind, which is more likely than not all of you. In fact, anyone who knows me for me would obviously figure out any of said names and realize just how not clever and not witty they really are." But then, there was only one person alive that actually knew him for him, truly. "Having said that, I believe the bar should be named Anxious Masonry. Haha! See if you can figure that one out! And if you ask me to explain why I chose that particular name? Tough!" Oh, this was fun! He was proud to have come up with that one on the spot. A bit rough, but it worked well enough.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Well, that all depends on who's left alive, doesn't it? And if they're trying to help the population of Humanity somehow, then engaging in rigorous buttsex isn't going to help much, will it? They're all such...visceral creatures. I like it. Ah, but the question, back to it. Marriage. Isn't it wonderful? To be together, 'til death do you part. Plenty of that to go around! He should pick whichever one is most likely to be the mpreg type." What? He's had a year of free time, why not spend some of it trying to figure out the internet? "Which isn't very likely. At all. So how about the one who can get him off better, because it's not much use otherwise, is it?"
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Is it because you're Prime Minister?" Look at his eyes shine! "Because I understand, believe me, I do. All of the folders, all of the paperwork, and it became such a mess. And it never went away! People would always keep putting things on my desk that I wasn't going to get to anyway!" He tisked. "Such a waste."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
He re-read the question several times over, his face contorting more with every time until he finally burst out laughing. Hardcore laughing, clutching at his sides, trying not to fall to the floor laughing.
"Go on!" he eventually said, trying to catch his breath. "Go on, ask me another one! This is too much fun...!"
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
His eyes twinkled deviously. He'd grown to like Humanity more and more--not as much as the Doctor, of course. But they were so petty and violent and immoral most of the time. One day, perhaps, he would have to ask for a very specific reason from the Doctor just why he ever put up with them, for all of the things they do that he was always against. "I'm supposed to bribe you? Talk to me in a few weeks. By then, I’ll have plenty of planets under my belt, and maybe I could hand you a few. Or a couple dozen people from my labour force? Could I interest you in my autobiography, Kiss Me, Kill Me by Harold Saxon? Well, it's more like a work of fiction now, and it's not really a bestseller, but it would have been, trust me. Would you, I don't know, like to be Prime Minister of Great Britain? It's not like I use the title anymore."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. HS
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. HS
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. HS
One day, marmalade will rule the world. HS"
The Master was having a very lovely day, another day closer to conquering worlds, solar systems, galaxies, and eventually the universe. Another day to spend tormenting his beloved pet (that is, the Doctor--poor thing, all old and frail, surprised he hadn't had a heartsattack yet). Another day ruling over Humanity as he saw fit.
"Citizens rejoice," came the usual morning transmission. "Your lord and Master stands on high." He grinned as he rode the lift up to the observation deck. Breakfast served by Francine, who would shoot him a death glare the likes of which he'd only seen from his own kind, followed by a little torture of the freak chained down below. And then maybe a long, hot bath. With the little oil scents. A happy version of “Down With the Sickness” blared through the speakers. Richard Cheese. He liked Richard Cheese. The people he liked got spared from the decimation. His shoulders shimmied a little as the lift doors open, and out he came--
--right into a strange, cavernous castle-like room he didn't remember building into the Valiant. How odd.
The Master was thrown for a moment--just a moment, mind--before a playful little smile appeared on his lips. "Well!" He laughed and clapped his hands. "This, oh, now, this is a surprise!" No doubt some surprisingly cunning plan by the feeble Doctor and crew--his servants. Something of the sort, at least.
There was a parchment directly in front of him. With questions. Someone was to be questioning him? He'd gotten used to the barrage of questions from reporters when he was campaigning, but now? There was a quill at the ready. "I hope you don't expect me to actually do any writing." The quill jumped at his words and wrote them down. "Now that is service, when I can command everyday objects to do my bidding. Let's see, what could we possibly have here...?"
Completely inexplicably, Richard Cheese kept singing in the background.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
"Cheese?" He had to admit, that was a new one. "I've grown to like Swiss. Ooooh, and that stuff in the squeeze cans. Easy Cheese or whatever it is. Love that stuff. This planet creates the most amazing things, have you noticed that? Processed cheese in an aerosol can. What will they think of next. Or what would they have, if they weren't so busy building my war machine."
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
"I assume they're already dead, so no worries about those two."
3. What time is it where you are?
That elicited a small laugh. "Time? You're asking me about the time? Oh, if only my pet were here, he'd get a real kick out of this one, too! Or not. He's a quiet one, unfortunately." Insert fake pout here.
"But as for the time on the Earth clock, it was just passing 0730."
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
A hand went to his chest in a dramatic fashion. "What an awful thing to ask!" Followed quickly by a smirk. "Why be limited to just one? Whatever would the others think? They would get positively jealous, that's right, absolutely jealous that I was forced to pick out of all of them. Maybe I should have Lucy pick for me, whoever she likes best. Then we can all have a little fun tonight."
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"My dear...whoever you are, I can assure you that the names I create are neither clever, nor are they witty, except to the uninformed mind, which is more likely than not all of you. In fact, anyone who knows me for me would obviously figure out any of said names and realize just how not clever and not witty they really are." But then, there was only one person alive that actually knew him for him, truly. "Having said that, I believe the bar should be named Anxious Masonry. Haha! See if you can figure that one out! And if you ask me to explain why I chose that particular name? Tough!" Oh, this was fun! He was proud to have come up with that one on the spot. A bit rough, but it worked well enough.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
"Well, that all depends on who's left alive, doesn't it? And if they're trying to help the population of Humanity somehow, then engaging in rigorous buttsex isn't going to help much, will it? They're all such...visceral creatures. I like it. Ah, but the question, back to it. Marriage. Isn't it wonderful? To be together, 'til death do you part. Plenty of that to go around! He should pick whichever one is most likely to be the mpreg type." What? He's had a year of free time, why not spend some of it trying to figure out the internet? "Which isn't very likely. At all. So how about the one who can get him off better, because it's not much use otherwise, is it?"
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
"Is it because you're Prime Minister?" Look at his eyes shine! "Because I understand, believe me, I do. All of the folders, all of the paperwork, and it became such a mess. And it never went away! People would always keep putting things on my desk that I wasn't going to get to anyway!" He tisked. "Such a waste."
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
He re-read the question several times over, his face contorting more with every time until he finally burst out laughing. Hardcore laughing, clutching at his sides, trying not to fall to the floor laughing.
"Go on!" he eventually said, trying to catch his breath. "Go on, ask me another one! This is too much fun...!"
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
His eyes twinkled deviously. He'd grown to like Humanity more and more--not as much as the Doctor, of course. But they were so petty and violent and immoral most of the time. One day, perhaps, he would have to ask for a very specific reason from the Doctor just why he ever put up with them, for all of the things they do that he was always against. "I'm supposed to bribe you? Talk to me in a few weeks. By then, I’ll have plenty of planets under my belt, and maybe I could hand you a few. Or a couple dozen people from my labour force? Could I interest you in my autobiography, Kiss Me, Kill Me by Harold Saxon? Well, it's more like a work of fiction now, and it's not really a bestseller, but it would have been, trust me. Would you, I don't know, like to be Prime Minister of Great Britain? It's not like I use the title anymore."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. HS
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. HS
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. HS
One day, marmalade will rule the world. HS"