He knew that smell. It tickled the hairs in his nostril and did a happy dance down the back of his throat. It was Tubby Popcorn. He knew it.
Running up to the plaque, the demon slid his finger down the list of names, eyes avidly searching until he found...
YES.
For a moment he simply stood there, staring in a deep kind of joy that defied mere words. Then, with a loud shout, he turned around, grinning widely. "He's gone! He is gone! Thank the flames below, he has returned to the depths and I am FREEOne might think the demon found poor Tinky Winky's current popcorn predicament a joyous occasion
( ... )
The shouting and the dancing did nothing to rouse Michael from his depression. Tinky Winky was gone. Popcorn. Who would Michael wear chaps and chew chaw with? Who would operate the Tubby Tustard machine so that Guano could get his daily feed?
Most importantly, who would gently deflower Michael's anus?
Michael was wallowing so deeply in his misery that he didn't stir, didn't move a muscle, not even when the YED planted one right on his lips.
"Don't worry, gay is okay," he said half-heartedly, followed by a dejected and terribly emo, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...." Guano complemented his sigh with a loud grunt. "What am I going to do? He's gone, and my life is OVer! It's not worth living anymore! I wish I could just pop and be with him in that great popcorn maker in the sky! I'm all alone, with no one to drink Crystal Light with, no one to watch Bwokeback with, aGAIN and aGAIN, no one to break in my anus, and
( ... )
More popcorn ventures! This case was starting to look like a real dead-end. I couldn't get much of many information out of the popcorned citizens of Townsville. I mean, Hogwarts, and nothing relative to the Powerpuff Girls. Anyway, not besides the fact that the popcorning was totally random, and people's memories tended to be swiss cheese-ified once they were turned into such.
Hey, look, it was Steve Carell.
I mean, what? Okay, focus, Veronica. Earth to Mars! Hello! Steve Carell is not inside of your little castle. Well, not little. But definitely castle-like.
God, brain, work.
"Hey, G-dog, what's the haps?" I asked with a cock of my head, offering the Westside sign to the poor guy. Apparently, I am now a ghetto-ass bitch, y'allz. Yes, imagine that said in a totally deadpan, white girl voice. I grabbed at my bag strap and frowned slightly. Seriously, he looked totally bummed. "Someone you know get popped?"
Michael's eyes fluttered open enough so he could see the girl standing above him. G-dog? Oh, right. "Guano, someone's talking to you. Say hi." He nudged the lumpy little dog, who did nothing but begin to snore loudly, his tongue poking further out of his mouth and dripping a few drops of G-dog drool onto the floor.
He sighed loudly, closing his eyes once again. "Yes, someone I know got popped." His tone was both despondent and impatient. "Tinky Winky is GOOOOOOOONNNNNNNEEEEE, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" One hand moved to cover his eyes as Michael continued to moan.
...Not that I had been talking to the dog. The dog was cute, sure, albeit it buggy-eyed, but I made a point not to talk to animals. Backup excluded from said ban on animal-talking, naturally. ...Hey, a girl needed somebody who would listen to all of her problems. And Backup was QUITE good at not judging.
Oh, wow. He was more worse off than I thought. I grimaced slightly in wake of the moment, glancing from the guy to the dog and back and furrowing my eyebrows. "I'm... sorry," I replied in a slow voice, rubbing at the back of my neck. "Tinky... Winky, was it?" That sounded like something from PBS. "Was," he? She? It? "Were... THEY... some... friend? Significant other?" Sorry, mourner, but I needed info, pronto.
"Tinky Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinky!" Michael sobbed. "He was my fiancé and my lover even though he hadn't deflowered me yet because we were going to wait until after the wedding, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Now I have to run the chaw bar alone and raise Guano by myself and he'll probably die because there is no Tubby Tustard and every time I look at Crystal Light powder I think of hiiiiiiiiiiim!"
Okay, despite numerousattempts to track him down, Kelly had yet to meet Tinky Winky.
That meant she'd have to go to Michael. It wasn't an ideal option, but she couldn't compromise her chance at maid of honor glory. She found him lying outside of the popcorn room, the lazy jerk! Taking a nap with his deformed dog while she was lugging around a binder full of wedding plans. The nerve.
"Michael! We need to talk about drink options. I know you want Crystal Light, but what else? It's important to give your guests options!"
Kelly's annoying, squealy voice was enough to make Michael want to cry, but her reminder of a wedding that would now never come to be sent him over the edge. "KELLY! HE'S GONE!" Michael sobbed, reaching the arm that wasn't now cradling Guano up towards her, obviously jonesing for a hug. "THERE WILL BE NO WEDDING, OHHHHHHHHHHHHH, HE'S GONE, HE'S GONE! THERE WILL BE NO GUESTS AND NO CRYSTAL LIGHT! HE'S GONE, AND THE GUY WHO DOES ALL THE COCAINE IS GONE, AND - "
Michael's babbling degenerated into unintelligible sobbing.
"What?" That bitch! That whore! That bitchy whore! After Kelly had gone to such great lengths to plan herthe perfect wedding. That rude tramp of a bitchy whore!
Okay, this was not a time to panic. This was a time to take charge.
She grabbed Michael's shoulders, and sat him up. "Michael. Michael. Listen to me. Where did Tinky Winky go? He can't back out now. We've already paid the caterer." Her grip became vice-like. "Do you understand? We've already paid the caterer."
Michael was as limp as a rag doll, flopping over even as Kelly pulled him up. He simply didn't have the strength to hold himself up, let alone go on living. "I don't KNOOOOOOWWWWW where he went!" he wailed. "He's POPcorn, Kelly, and nothing can bring him back and Guano and I are all alone and there will be no wedding!"
Overreacting? Possibly. But Ofdensen hated Tinky Winky. More on principle, since he thought all the Teletubbies were degrading. But to find out that someone liked Tinky Winky......oh, the horror.
"I LOVED HIM!" Michael wailed. "HE WAS SWEET AND GENTLE AND PURPLE AND GAY AND I LOVED HIM AND NOW HE IS GONE AND - "
Wait a moment, there was only one reason someone could hate Tinky Winky.
"HomoPHObia is NOT tolerable under ANy circumstances!" Michael snapped. Even through the pain of his loss, he had not forgotten the importance of diversity and tolerance! Guano puncutated the sentiment by letting out a loud, wet fart.
Newly sorted into Sparklypoo, Hedwig strode through the corridors in search of home. Her path took her past the popcorn room, where a strange man and his very strange little dog were sprawled ungracefully in the midst of the path. She stopped and eyed them.
Michael let out a quavering moan, and Guano let out a raunchy fart. "Noooooo, I'm not drunk! I'm alone! He said he couldn't quit me, but he did, nooooooooooooooooooooo!" He didn't even bother opening his eyes; the pain was too great.
Oh, Hedwig knew that pain so very well. She was also used to awful smells, so the infliction of Code Brown Mist only got a wrinkled nose from her, and a reproachful look cast in Guano's direction.
"Loneliness is cruel, so cruel," Hedwig pronounced, a sad moue puckering her painted lips. "So you have been abandoned by your lover?" Unceremoniously she squatted down next to the forlorn man. "Tell me about it."
Through his misery, of perhaps because of it, Michael felt a kinship with Hedwig. A tear slipped down his cheek, and he sniffled hard before saying in a quiet, shaky voice, "He's gone. We were going to get married. He was going to break in my anus with his soothing gentle ways...again and again. Just like on Bwokeback."
Comments 60
He knew that smell. It tickled the hairs in his nostril and did a happy dance down the back of his throat. It was Tubby Popcorn. He knew it.
Running up to the plaque, the demon slid his finger down the list of names, eyes avidly searching until he found...
YES.
For a moment he simply stood there, staring in a deep kind of joy that defied mere words. Then, with a loud shout, he turned around, grinning widely. "He's gone! He is gone! Thank the flames below, he has returned to the depths and I am FREEOne might think the demon found poor Tinky Winky's current popcorn predicament a joyous occasion ( ... )
Reply
Most importantly, who would gently deflower Michael's anus?
Michael was wallowing so deeply in his misery that he didn't stir, didn't move a muscle, not even when the YED planted one right on his lips.
"Don't worry, gay is okay," he said half-heartedly, followed by a dejected and terribly emo, "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...." Guano complemented his sigh with a loud grunt. "What am I going to do? He's gone, and my life is OVer! It's not worth living anymore! I wish I could just pop and be with him in that great popcorn maker in the sky! I'm all alone, with no one to drink Crystal Light with, no one to watch Bwokeback with, aGAIN and aGAIN, no one to break in my anus, and ( ... )
Reply
Hey, look, it was Steve Carell.
I mean, what? Okay, focus, Veronica. Earth to Mars! Hello! Steve Carell is not inside of your little castle. Well, not little. But definitely castle-like.
God, brain, work.
"Hey, G-dog, what's the haps?" I asked with a cock of my head, offering the Westside sign to the poor guy. Apparently, I am now a ghetto-ass bitch, y'allz. Yes, imagine that said in a totally deadpan, white girl voice. I grabbed at my bag strap and frowned slightly. Seriously, he looked totally bummed. "Someone you know get popped?"
Reply
He sighed loudly, closing his eyes once again. "Yes, someone I know got popped." His tone was both despondent and impatient. "Tinky Winky is GOOOOOOOONNNNNNNEEEEE, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" One hand moved to cover his eyes as Michael continued to moan.
Reply
Oh, wow. He was more worse off than I thought. I grimaced slightly in wake of the moment, glancing from the guy to the dog and back and furrowing my eyebrows. "I'm... sorry," I replied in a slow voice, rubbing at the back of my neck. "Tinky... Winky, was it?" That sounded like something from PBS. "Was," he? She? It? "Were... THEY... some... friend? Significant other?" Sorry, mourner, but I needed info, pronto.
Reply
Reply
That meant she'd have to go to Michael. It wasn't an ideal option, but she couldn't compromise her chance at maid of honor glory. She found him lying outside of the popcorn room, the lazy jerk! Taking a nap with his deformed dog while she was lugging around a binder full of wedding plans. The nerve.
"Michael! We need to talk about drink options. I know you want Crystal Light, but what else? It's important to give your guests options!"
Reply
Michael's babbling degenerated into unintelligible sobbing.
Reply
Okay, this was not a time to panic. This was a time to take charge.
She grabbed Michael's shoulders, and sat him up. "Michael. Michael. Listen to me. Where did Tinky Winky go? He can't back out now. We've already paid the caterer." Her grip became vice-like. "Do you understand? We've already paid the caterer."
Reply
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"Were....you just unpopcorned?"
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Overreacting? Possibly. But Ofdensen hated Tinky Winky. More on principle, since he thought all the Teletubbies were degrading. But to find out that someone liked Tinky Winky......oh, the horror.
Reply
Wait a moment, there was only one reason someone could hate Tinky Winky.
"HomoPHObia is NOT tolerable under ANy circumstances!" Michael snapped. Even through the pain of his loss, he had not forgotten the importance of diversity and tolerance! Guano puncutated the sentiment by letting out a loud, wet fart.
Reply
"Are you drunk or what?"
Reply
Reply
"Loneliness is cruel, so cruel," Hedwig pronounced, a sad moue puckering her painted lips. "So you have been abandoned by your lover?" Unceremoniously she squatted down next to the forlorn man. "Tell me about it."
Reply
Reply
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