Application: Lestat de Lioncourt, from Interview With the Vampire
A very pale man entered the room, bright blue eyes taking in everything while a huge grin swept over his features. He seemed utterly entranced with the entire place, though so far he had only seen the stone walls and a desk with a chair just waiting to have the pleasure of his ass sitting on it. His clothes were a bit... dated, though quite high society, and he straightened the lace sticking out from under a jacket sleeve as his other hand ran down one of the walls.
"Just lovely!" he gasped. "Such workmanship I haven't seen in a long time."
He knew he was in a castle. He could tell. Hell, the place positively reeked of castle-ness. He moved to the chair and stroked its back, almost like a lover, before swiveling around to sit in it.
"All I have to do to stay is fill out an application?" He raised an eyebrow. "This is too easy."
Usually he had to turn on a little charm, or at least dispose of the current residents, before being able to do as he pleased in castles.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Hmm... I don't eat cheese, you know. You could call me lactose intolerant. Or just.. food intolerant. I prefer much tastier things. If you ask very nicely, I might let you in on what they might be.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Neither would taste very good, in my opinion, and since I don't have to put up with them myself, I would rather let someone else have the pleasure.
3. What time is it where you are?
Night time, of course.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexual harassment, you say? I can tell you that I have never been turned away when I seek sexual company, and so it really doesn't count as harassment, now does it? Deadly, maybe, but not harassing.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Oh come now, isn't every dreary little bar named the same thing nowadays? Honestly, you might as well call it what it is, Dreary Little Bar.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Marriage? Why on earth would the boy want to settle down with either? You're only limiting your options then.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
I guess someone forgot to leave a sign on the door stating that the next piece of paperwork received will lead to the inexplicable demise of the person leaving it.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? Really now, if there is anything I'm not, it's useless. I have a multitude of talents, not to mention the added perks that come with being a vampire such as myself.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I offer the greatest gift of all. Eternal life, to anyone brave enough to take it! Of course, if that isn't what you're into, maybe we can see about making... other... arrangements."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____Lestat_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Lestat________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Lestat_________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____Lestat_________"
"Just lovely!" he gasped. "Such workmanship I haven't seen in a long time."
He knew he was in a castle. He could tell. Hell, the place positively reeked of castle-ness. He moved to the chair and stroked its back, almost like a lover, before swiveling around to sit in it.
"All I have to do to stay is fill out an application?" He raised an eyebrow. "This is too easy."
Usually he had to turn on a little charm, or at least dispose of the current residents, before being able to do as he pleased in castles.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Hmm... I don't eat cheese, you know. You could call me lactose intolerant. Or just.. food intolerant. I prefer much tastier things. If you ask very nicely, I might let you in on what they might be.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
Neither would taste very good, in my opinion, and since I don't have to put up with them myself, I would rather let someone else have the pleasure.
3. What time is it where you are?
Night time, of course.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them? If you are Albus Dumbledore, please answer as if you were Sirius Black.
Sexual harassment, you say? I can tell you that I have never been turned away when I seek sexual company, and so it really doesn't count as harassment, now does it? Deadly, maybe, but not harassing.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
Oh come now, isn't every dreary little bar named the same thing nowadays? Honestly, you might as well call it what it is, Dreary Little Bar.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Marriage? Why on earth would the boy want to settle down with either? You're only limiting your options then.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I’m constantly disposing of it.
I guess someone forgot to leave a sign on the door stating that the next piece of paperwork received will lead to the inexplicable demise of the person leaving it.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? Really now, if there is anything I'm not, it's useless. I have a multitude of talents, not to mention the added perks that come with being a vampire such as myself.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you. Items used in bribery do not necessarily have to belong to the person offering the bribe. Do not threaten us rather than offering a bribe. A threat indicates you either don't really want to be here, or don't have enough sense to answer the question properly. The hat will automatically squib you, regardless of other votes, if you do.
"I offer the greatest gift of all. Eternal life, to anyone brave enough to take it! Of course, if that isn't what you're into, maybe we can see about making... other... arrangements."
"I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. _____Lestat_______
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. ___Lestat________.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. __Lestat_________.
One day, marmalade will rule the world. ____Lestat_________"